F56
Letters to Bad Santa
November 12 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Come and trim my Christmas tree and hurry up my chimney tonightapologies Eartha
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RHP User
11 years ago
I want you to fill my stocking with lollies, a barbie, crayons, and I want an IPad too! Lisa. p.s. Why are you so fat? Dear Lisa, How about I stuff your mouth with lollies instead? Might make you a little sweeter. Or you might choke. Win-win, really. - Best wishes, Santa
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hey Santa claus you cunt!Where's me fucking bike?I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twiceYa worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!You've stuffed me bloody order upIt's enough to make you spewAnd I'm not the only one who's snakeyMe sisters dirty too!
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RHP User
11 years ago
And that's one of my faves :) Potty mouthed b**ch me!- Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
11 years ago
Quoting 'paint_me' Hey Santa claus you cunt!Where's me fucking bike?I've unwrapped all this other junk and there's nothing that I like.I wrote you a fucking letter and I come to see you twiceYa worn out geriatric fart, you forgot me fucking bike.If I wanted a pair of bloody thongs, I'd have bloody asked.And this cowboy suit and ping pong set you can shove right up your arse!You've stuffed me bloody order upIt's enough to make you spewAnd I'm not the only one who's snakeyMe sisters dirty too! and I saw mummy sucking off santa
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RHP User
11 years ago
I want it all.Hugs and kissesFOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
I will pay you good money for your list of naughty boysYour sincerelyFOXY Dear FoxyThose boys can be found on RHP!EnjoySanta xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks for nah-fink!Instead can I have a Secret Ninja Santa cum Christmas eve?I will leave cookies and cream out.Your Good Girl FOXY XX
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
I spiked those cookies you just hoovered up. So if ya wanna avoid a drug test...... that sack of presents stays here. Love... DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
11 years ago
Since you crashed your slay into the side of our house and you are now directing traffic in the driveway. I would like one of those cookies you are munching on.Then we can walk quarter of a mile up to the road.Mado
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RHP User
11 years ago
Help yourself to one of my Byron Bay cookies ... And then we can discuss the meaning of Life , The Universe & Everything . Just let me know if you're gonna throw up , I'll grab a bucket ;) GG♒️- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Kaleidoscope'What do you think Santa would really like to say? No one else actually gonna answer Kale's question?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad'I spiked those cookies you just hoovered up. So if ya wanna avoid a drug test...... that sack of presents stays here. Love... DG I'm on the Atkins diet. The only ones getting in trouble will be my reindeer. Rudolph is already on probation, so if he gets sacked and put down it will be ALL YOUR FAULT. Love, Santa
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69'Since you crashed your slay into the side of our house and you are now directing traffic in the driveway. I would like one of those cookies you are munching on.Then we can walk quarter of a mile up to the road.Mado Dear Mado, slaying is for vampires. If you are referring to my means of transportation, Sleigh: 1, House: 0. Good luck explaining that damage to your parents, who don't even believe I exist. "Santa"
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RHP User
11 years ago
Dear Santa,I saw what you and mommy were doing under the christmas tree last year. So, if you don't want me to tell daddy what you did, there had better be an Xbox One under the tree for me this year.LoveTommyDear top of the bad list Tommy,Blackmail is such a dirty word... however since you brought it up I can only suggest you stop stealing your big brothers Playboy magazines and wanking each night our you may find yourself in serious wedgeyville when I tell him.Go watch the Empire Strikes Back... the dude in the black cape and mask is me the other 364 days of the year. I cut off Lukes hand because he wouldn't stop spanking the monkey and you could be next.No Xbox for you, am leaving a KleeneXbox instead.Regards,Santa.Oh, by the way, "I am your father!"
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY'I want it all.Hugs and kissesFOXY Dear Foxxy, You want it all? The rash, the spots, the pain, the peeling, the ulcers, sores, blisters, warts, bleeding, leaking AND your bits falling off? I think I can help with that. This sack is full of surprises, after all. Hug, Santa.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Dear Santa, Can I have for Christmas this year... All my favourite nursery book stories cum to life and visit me. Alice in knot's wonderland, Goldy lock's and her three sisters, Little Miss muff, Little red riding hood (oh how I luv her)...and ny other's u can think off... Dear Knot's, No...u can not, instead u get a new set of false teeth u dyke.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' Quoting 'Kaleidoscope'What do you think Santa would really like to say? No one else actually gonna answer Kale's question? But Amicus, that was very funny. You are clever.
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RHP User
11 years ago
never thought you could write anything to make me laugh... but that Kevin Bloody Wilson did...
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RHP User
11 years ago
dear Santa, I forgot to mention snow White and her seven toy's Dear Knots..... Jesus mate ...back off...I am going to give Mary Poppins a new set of front teeth and u now get her old one's. Merry Xmas knot's Santa
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RHP User
11 years ago
Dear Santas helper (Mes), please can I have a full, clean and disease fee sack. One that is elegant and full of delicious sweet substance!! Much love Foxy Loxy..
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'MisterGreen'Help yourself to one of my Byron Bay cookies ... And then we can discuss the meaning of Life , The Universe & Everything . Just let me know if you're gonna throw up , I'll grab a bucket ;) GG♒️ GG, you little bitch. Just one? You're a selfish fella, aren't ya? Let me at 'em! S. p.s. Throwing up is for pussies.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting Mesmerised. GG, you little bitch. Just one? You're a selfish fella, aren't ya? Let me at 'em! S. p.s. Throwing up is for pussies. Well they are quite potent !!! ;) GG♒️- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Knots mate I know where little Red lives............. she had all the pressies u need.........................n more too cum
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Jay_Me' never thought you could write anything to make me laugh... but that Kevin Bloody Wilson did... I didn't write it then did I? So no harm done.Bad Santa will spank paintme for plagiarism ...
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RHP User
11 years ago
ticks me off when people use words I dont know ?
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On_Safari
11 years ago
'Twas the morning of Christmas: all hell had broke loose Little Tommy was bawling and screaming abuse The stockings were flung cross the room with great force That bastard St. Nick'las had screwed up.of course! The iPod expected was not to be found The Xbox 360? 'Twas nowhere around A present lay open, but he couldn't look For it was (Tommy dry-heaved)A DUMB FREAKIN' BOOK! With writing and binding, and an index and pages Tommy yelled, "What the F? Is this the middle ages? I can't even pawn it for favours or cash" And so, with a flourish, it went in the trash Composure returnedtwenty eight gifts to go! Tommy tore at a box like a smack-addled ho He shrieked, closed his eyes (and his pants he did wet) What a blood-curdling sight'twas a JUNIOR PAINT SET! With a mouth dry of s'liva, and a tum full of sick Tom thought hard about pistol-whipping St. Nick Or finding his sleigh and "adjusting" the brakes And to finisha dinner of fine reindeer steaks! No cellphone! No Nikes! No Eminem CD! A sweater! Some mittens! A jacket, so tweedy! Tommy climbed on the roof and he started to shout "Hey Santa Claus! Santa Claus! SORT THIS S*** OUT!" "I've done all my homework the best that I can, Only ONCE did a Fedex my sis to Japan The cat didn't need BOTH its ears, I surmised, So the crappiness of these gifts has me surprised!" "I made me a list and I checked it ten times Created a website and put it online Twenty billboards were hired; a sky-writer or three Even Leno gave me a quick plug on TV" So began Tommy's mad anti-Santa tirade "When I'm eighteen, an ant-farm won't help me get laid! I really must ask, Santawhat kind of d**k, When I ask for a skateboard, brings a Pogo Stick?" "I thought you were cleverI thought you were funky But now, I'd have more confidence in a monkey! You've got a weight problem; your dress sense is wack And the beard makes you look like a vagrant on crack" "You live in an igloo, and hang out with elves Who I'd guess (by their smiles) like to pleasure themselves I've had it with Christmas, so next year I'm gonna Change my name to Bandahook up with Madonna!" In the midst of his rant, Tommy boy heard a sound And a nicotine-stained, sweaty hand turned him round Kris Kringle stood there, and with whisky-dulled slur He bellowed "You nasty, ungrateful young CUR!" "You think I enjoy all these hours of graft? And squeezing my huge ass down some chimney shaft? I'm tired and cranky, you arrogant pup So, if you'd be so kind.JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!" He sprang to his sleigh with a leap that was so swift And took off, burying little Tom in a snowdrift And we heard him exclaim, as a big grin he flashed "Happy Kwanzaa to allnow, I'm off to get TRASHED!!" .....Unlike last Xmas when Mum was yelling at Irish and myself and telling me I wasn't too old for smack at 3am in the morning cos we'd eaten the crackle from the pork and were heaving in the front yard, Merry Xmas....Oh oh oooh- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Amicus75'Dear Santa, I saw what you and mommy were doing under the christmas tree last year. So, if you don't want me to tell daddy what you did, there had better be an Xbox One under the tree for me this year. Love Tommy Dear top of the bad list Tommy, Blackmail is such a dirty word... however since you brought it up I can only suggest you stop stealing your big brothers Playboy magazines and wanking each night our you may find yourself in serious wedgeyville when I tell him. Go watch the Empire Strikes Back... the dude in the black cape and mask is me the other 364 days of the year. I cut off Lukes hand because he wouldn't stop spanking the monkey and you could be next. No Xbox for you, am leaving a KleeneXbox instead. Regards, Santa. Oh, by the way, "I am your father!" PMSL! Any Star Wars reference is a good one Amicus Darth Vader: [breathing heavily] Luke. I know what you are getting for Christmas this year! Luke: NO! That's IMPOSIIBLE! How could you possibly know what I am getting for Christmas?! Darth Vader: [breathing heavily] Luke. I have felt your presents!
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