M43
Libido Mismatch
July 08 2015
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
Work keeps us apart at times so when it's on .... It's on.. We both have a very healthy sexual appetite, and love to tease each other like crazy, stories, filthy pics, flirting up a storm on here... Current record is 5 very hot times in a 12 hour period.. Treeman needed a rest day from his R n R ... 😍
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RHP User
9 years ago
Mr & Mrs Denials It's fairly well known around here that this is the way it is...
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Mr_MrsAraps
9 years ago
I personally believe that for closed monagomus couples a close match for libido is almost as important as a match for other traits such as personality etc. I think this applies across the board to low, average and high libido couples. I think it's when one person has a significant libido difference to the other eg one person wants once a fortnight and the other is once a day then the resentment from constant rejection (me in my previous marriage) just builds and festers till one day it snaps. - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
9 years ago
Sometimes we only have sex a few times a week and other times we have sex every day even more than once a day, usually one of those are a quickie though. We just cruise together, it's fun. Mado Mado Tara xx
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Hottie1
9 years ago
And I have become hubby's Hotwife and can take as many lovers as I like :) as long as I share ( tell him) my adventures with him :) . We have incredible sex together as a married couple but I am insatiable and enjoy sex, and can go for hours or repeatedly in an average day! We are impacted as a couple because he works shift work from 6 pm to 6 am, five days a week including weekends 😕 the solution, I have couples I play with and am working towards finding regular FWBs. I love sex any time of the day, but LOVE morning sex. Though hubby isn't the sex in the morning type, woken in the right way gets him in the mood quite quickly 😉 Mary xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
Always just makes me feel sad xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Sex sex and more sex. Sex is very important in my life and I could never enter a relationship if there was an imbalance in the needs for lust and sex. How do couples successfully manage differences in libidos? Do not enter a relationship where that will happen. What are you doing going out with someone not suited to you?? Obviously open relationships and similar arrangements work for some, but how have other people that don't do these things manage?Move on! Why waste life with someone you do not match. If one person is "not in the mood" when the other person is, are you accepting of that knowing there will be a better time for the both of you?You can never be on the same page all the time, not always hungry together, not always sleepy together, not always in the mood for the same night out. You compromise, this is natural. Do you try to get them in the mood?Not if there is no hope of it happening. But I am going to have a wank or find a random. Do you use toys for times when the partner is otherwise not willing & able?Toys??? use them all the time unless they are not willing or able then I will have a wank or find a random. Used products to help with a low sex drive?Products??? Aspirin for headache, Viagra for limp dick, Alcohol for relaxing, Amphetamines for lust, Barbiturates for psychosis, no never use any products, dont you know drugs are bad for you? Do you mean porn? what products are you talking about? I want some as I feel my sex drive needs a little pick me up.
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nattyocean
9 years ago
Yup this was one of the primary reasons I left my husband. I recall thinking and telling myself early in our relationship that "sex isn't everything so I just need to learn to adapt to his lower libido to me and it will all be fine 😁" oh how wrong was I 😔 Ironically though he's the one who cheated on me 3 times during the marriage, but never wanted sex. But I realise now it was more a confidence issue with him in that I think he never thought he was good enough or handsome enough or fit enough for me, so he sought validation from other people. In many ways I find it insulting that he thought this of me as I'm a very dte person who always takes people at face value based on their actions, personality and deeds not looks (not that he is unattractive at all as well) and would never belittle him. But he also could never be happy for my successes professionally and would only ever see it as how he wasn't succeeding rather than being able to be happy for me and how he had married such a great catch lol So now after nearly 10 months after leaving him, I've had more sex and orgasms than in the last 4 years of my marriage to him and feel all the more sane for it. As when it's not happening in the relationship it assumes a much higher significance or proportion of thought than if it's part of the relationship. I remember going to bed every night hoping that we would make love and hence my title of 7 months which was the longest time without, which believe me becomes obsessive almost by that stage 😁 I know I never want to be in that situation again if it can be helped (obviously illness/accidents happen along the course of life and is a very different situation to the one I've described) Xx Natty - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
There is only so much sexual energy between two people, so it's important that it's shared and not just absorbed by one leaving nothing for the other. Life is about being realistic, we aren't teenages anymore who have the freedom to be self adsorbed in one another. We all know shit happens, and responsibilities take priority, hence sex becomes only a small part of what makes a relationship. Sometimes a simple quickly is all it takes to know the spark is still there. When all is well in our own little world it's about knowing the fact that when it's on, it's on like donkey kong" Mr C - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
In my case the libido was all one sided and it's not a pleasant experience to have to deal with.... Eventually it all came to a head and this is why I'm now looking elsewhere for what I need. I feel liberated and excited for what the future may hold. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67' Sex sex and more sex. Sex is very important in my life and I could never enter a relationship if there was an imbalance in the needs for lust and sex. How do couples successfully manage differences in libidos? Do not enter a relationship where that will happen. What are you doing going out with someone not suited to you?? Obviously open relationships and similar arrangements work for some, but how have other people that don't do these things manage?Move on! Why waste life with someone you do not match. ***** Your responses to the first two questions strike me as very simplistic and totally lacking in empathy. In my experience when you first enter into a relationship, you’re so into each other that you’re having sex at every and any opportunity – can’t keep your hands off each other. So a mis-matched libido is not always immediately obvious. And things can (and do) change as a relationship progresses, which can lead to mis-matched libidos. The mis-match may be temporary, or more longer term. So should we just throw it away because one element may not be working?? Wouldn’t you at least try to resolve the issue before discarding your partner like a used tissue? Is that really what you’re advocating someone like Jack_Denials position should do? Very harsh in my opinion, and Mr. Denials has my respect for the way he deals with his situation.
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RHP User
9 years ago
In my response to Blindman, I'm not advocating that everyone should stay in a relationship where libido's are mis-matched. Or that isn't a problem when it does occur. Every situation is different and will have a different solution or outcome. Agree with Freya, this topic always makes me feel sad too :/
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RHP User
9 years ago
Just about sex.Its about the lack of intimacy,it's about constant soul destroying rejection ,it's not just about...Not tonight dear I have a headache...After years and years of this ,it's a very strong ,secure person who wouldn't feel a bit battered .xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Astrild, All to their own, and I will ignore your insult. So should we just throw it away because one element may not be working??We should be happy and we owe it to our selves to be happy. Should you stay frustrated and unhappy for what? You don't get a martyrdom prize when it is all done. If you have no contractual agreement then your have equality and leaving gives both opportunity find better. There is no such thing as the one and only. Wouldn’t you at least try to resolve the issue before discarding your partner like a used tissue?No. The moment she or he says, "Not tonight honey bunny." you should instigate you're escape plan A, it similar to escape plan C to be used when he/she forgets to put two point one five teaspoons of sugar in the coffee. Personally I keep the motor running. Its an issue, it must be something ongoing, its not a one off. Life is a bounty of happiness and joy so why set yourself up for a life time of regret. Is that really what you’re advocating someone like Jack_Denials position should do?He can do what ever he likes. The option is his, if there is some contractual obligation then he is bound by that, if not he should seek happiness. From what i have seen, most people that break up usually end up much happier with someone much more suited to their life styles. Too many stay because of fear. This is selfish and not only hurts one's self but also the other. It is a fear of change and that fear is a major cause of many people's unhappy lives. We change as we age, and what is perfect at 25 can be caustic at 50. Why stick with something that slowly destroys. The best option is always to open up opportunity, not close down opportunity. Being open to opportunity is not always comfortable, and some will stay comfortable till opportunity comes to them. This is what I would call unempathetic, using someone for your own comfort, it involves lies and deception. It is what a person lacking empathy would inadvertently do, compromising for personal comfort until a better thing comes along. Having empathy does not mean not hurting people, it means understanding how people feel. A good person will know that many times some short term pain will save much suffering in the future.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Physical/health issues notwithstanding........sex must be rewarding to all involved. Otherwise.... there is no mutual incentive to bother.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thank you for your response. All I can say is that I am truly grateful that your world and mine will never collide outside of the forums.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hmmm so tell me the one in the know. If you are impotent.... do you still have a libido and sexual desires??
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Hmmm so tell me the one in the know. If you are impotent.... do you still have a libido and sexual desires?? depending on the reason for impotence, for sure. Through a combination of dehydration, super elevated body temperature or perfectly legal stimulants which also happen to be vasoconstrictors - sometimes after sport you can be in the mood but your body just says no way. (Though that doesn't prevent your mouth n hands from working...)
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RHP User
9 years ago
Hard subject for those with a mismatched libido. My partner and best friend of 25+yrs has suffered healthwise and has had zero/ no interest in sex for several yrs. Pressuring her added tension to our otherwise great relationship and her personally so I finally gave up. That's why I'm here (and no she doesn't know)..........I miss intimacy with a woman, Having an open relationship is something she would never discuss. I'm sure some will judge me.........it's not always black and white.........
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Hmmm so tell me the one in the know. If you are impotent.... do you still have a libido and sexual desires?? I guess you can always just bend over and take it like a man. lol
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67' Astrild, All to their own, and I will ignore your insult. So should we just throw it away because one element may not be working??We should be happy and we owe it to our selves to be happy. Should you stay frustrated and unhappy for what? You don't get a martyrdom prize when it is all done. If you have no contractual agreement then your have equality and leaving gives both opportunity find better. There is no such thing as the one and only. Wouldn’t you at least try to resolve the issue before discarding your partner like a used tissue?No. The moment she or he says, "Not tonight honey bunny." you should instigate you're escape plan A, it similar to escape plan C to be used when he/she forgets to put two point one five teaspoons of sugar in the coffee. Personally I keep the motor running. Its an issue, it must be something ongoing, its not a one off. Life is a bounty of happiness and joy so why set yourself up for a life time of regret. Is that really what you’re advocating someone like Jack_Denials position should do?He can do what ever he likes. The option is his, if there is some contractual obligation then he is bound by that, if not he should seek happiness. From what i have seen, most people that break up usually end up much happier with someone much more suited to their life styles. Too many stay because of fear. This is selfish and not only hurts one's self but also the other. It is a fear of change and that fear is a major cause of many people's unhappy lives. We change as we age, and what is perfect at 25 can be caustic at 50. Why stick with something that slowly destroys. The best option is always to open up opportunity, not close down opportunity. Being open to opportunity is not always comfortable, and some will stay comfortable till opportunity comes to them. This is what I would call unempathetic, using someone for your own comfort, it involves lies and deception. It is what a person lacking empathy would inadvertently do, compromising for personal comfort until a better thing comes along. Having empathy does not mean not hurting people, it means understanding how people feel. A good person will know that many times some short term pain will save much suffering in the future. 100% agree and applaud your honesty and direct post, well said
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks.
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RHP User
9 years ago
How do you handle a partner who declines and says menopause is the cause
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