M43
Loneliness and health
March 14 2019
Comments
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RHP User
6 years ago
Ballarat is a the problem
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RHP User
6 years ago
In my opinion loneliness can have an effect on you mentally which can lead to physical symptoms for sure. After my ex hubby left me, the feelings of abandonment and loneliness were consuming, so much so I developed a situation which needed surgery.... after lots of “giving my head a wobble” and looking at alternatives rather than traditional medicine I used lots of healing, meditation, mindful thinking, hypnotherapy etc.... believe what you will, whether it was a placebo?? It got me out of a dark place where I began to love myself and know my worth.... all my physical symptoms just went away.... even my surgeon was dumbfounded 🥰
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RHP User
6 years ago
Loneliness is an epidemic .It can indeed affect a person's health...particularly mental health.There used to be extended families ,not so much now.People are much more mobile.I have lived in two different countries and two Australian states but I have a small group of wonderful friends and a daughter I am extremely close to It's not just older people that suffer from loneliness ,many young people are estranged from their families and don't have more than superficial friendships.Facebook friends also don't count. Making friends requires effort but many people are so socially isolated that they lack the opportunity. Humans are pack animals so it's in our DNA to want to belong . We have also been socialised to think that we should be part of a couple ,but the truth is for some ,this is not going to happen People can also experience loneliness while being part of a couple? We need to change our view of how to live with and enjoy our own company,Many people hate the thought of spending time alone but the reality is unless we can appreciate our own company how can we expect that others will want to spend time with us? Great topic CT, Hugs Q
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
That has the impact.I enjoy my own company, and i do pretty well at occupying my own time. Sure i enjoy other peoples company also, but its not as though i need to be in someones pocket, or vice versa.
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RHP User
6 years ago
On SBS,8.30. Loneliness is a topic on Dateline.
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
The latest article was a reference for such reasons to create better town/city planning, social and entertainment areas, common commuting, functional spaces, and housing structures that create a bigger sense community and belonging even if you happen to live alone. For the benefit of at least one person above, country towns often have a great sense of community while some people living in the heart of the inner city can still feel isolated. The amount of physical space and/or population around you is not necessarily relevant. For example, Google the "Coffin Homes" of Hong Kong.
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FeistyFatty
6 years ago
Great Topic CT...... Googling as we speak.
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RHP User
6 years ago
The evidence has been coming out for awhile now, about the significant effect that loneliness can have on people's health - both mental and physical (also taking into account that mental and physical health are strongly linked with each affecting the other). Social isolation and loneliness are not limited to the elderly and can be due to a number of reasons. I know this from experience.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Social isolation and loneliness are now known to be one of the risk factors for dementia. Some people may find this surprising, but when you start to think about all the flow-on effects of the lack of a support network in a person's life (on their diet, amount of physical activity, level of cognitive stimulation, stress and depression, cortisol levels, sleep patterns, ability to access health and social services, lack of help with practical and financial matters, etc etc), it's actually not very surprising at all.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Yes great topic CT. I also agree that country towns do have a greater sense of community. I live on the Surfcoast (Vic) and find it welcoming and inclusive. I worked in Ballarat for a while and found it even moreso. My time in Melbourne was somewhat isolated. Lots of people but not too willing to engage in conversation.I do think that lonliness can be detrimental to both mental and physical health. As can being in the wrong relationship.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Im shocked! I can only imagine the loneliness and despair you would feel living there. It was very sad to read and see. Its a disgrace that people and families are housed in these buildings.
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
Coffin homes are simply the result of continuing increase in housing costs in very populated but supposedly prosperous cities like Hong Kong. In short, it becomes the only private space those on a F/T minimum wage or less can afford. New designs are making new versions of communal living like modernised uni dorms. Cleaners and other domestic servants working F/T may not even afford these, living in a floor space within the property owner's own apartment. Look also for the recent ABC doco "World's Busiest Cities" on HK.
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OkeyDoke45
6 years ago
Quoting 'Gr8distraction' That has the impact.I enjoy my own company, and i do pretty well at occupying my own time. Sure i enjoy other peoples company also, but its not as though i need to be in someones pocket, or vice versa. I am exactly the same. I live alone and have no problems with loneliness - but I do the things I love to do and really enjoy myself. I do what I want until I don't feel like doing that anymore, then I do something else. I go out socially once every couple of months thereabouts, and I enjoy catching up with people but simply could not do it all the time. There are many that simply cannot stand being alone though, I have a friend who is exactly this and he knows it. He is very confident when around others, his confidence totally leaves him when he is alone (we have talked about this curiosity). I can no more understand those that need the company of others than they can me.
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OkeyDoke45
6 years ago
Absolutely, I think loneliness is linked to general health. I also think we are just seeing the tip of the iceberg. As Q has mentioned, we are much more mobile these days and tend to move about and away from our family and friends. Couple that with the isolating factor of social media, the fact that many people can see others having an awesome time on their ''feeds'' while they are at home eating corn chips on the couch. Add into all that the fact that people are so much more complicated now than they once were. Take work for example - I know that from my perspective, I find the modern workplace to be way more of a headfuck than it was a couple of decades ago. Come the end of my day I am usually so over the human race, home is a welcome respite. But then again, are people more complicated now? Or have I just grown less tolerant of people as I grow older? Both?Are people becoming more isolated because they just can't deal with confrontation - which is part and parcel of everyday human interaction? So many questions. I think I need to go and have a lie down.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I think, that there is a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. If you're choosing to be alone and prefer it that way for some or even most of the time, that's fine and that's usually the case for introverts (of which I am one). However, even introverts almost always need at least some social interaction and close human connection at times. It's when people have limited or no options for that social and human connection when they want / need it, that they can start to feel loneliness and it can start to affect their health.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I love the irony in this lonliness trend of modern society. We are more socially connected via internet and phones and guff yet more people feel alone than ever. It's so easy to fix. Stop walking around with your heads buried in your phone. Look up and see people eye to eye, then smile ya miserable bastards. People smile back and generally are friendly. Go have a real experience in life instead of living a pseudo one on-line. Facebook is mostly used for self validation.. Instagram is for followers.. Twiddle is for tweeting twats.. They all just end up being a distraction from real life. I truely believe it trains people to have ADD. It warms my heart seeing mothers and fathers ignore their partners and children to gaze endlessly into their phones whilst at the resturant table. What psychological message are sending to your kid when you arnt acknowledging their existence in preference to staring at your phone. The call function is where its at peeps.. Better than that real time.. 🎶 life.. be in it...live more of your life🎶
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'Snap_Dragon' I think, that there is a big difference between being alone, and being lonely. If you're choosing to be alone and prefer it that way for some or even most of the time, that's fine and that's usually the case for introverts (of which I am one). However, even introverts almost always need at least some social interaction and close human connection at times. It's when people have limited or no options for that social and human connection when they want / need it, that they can start to feel loneliness and it can start to affect their health. Its a feeling. Not a fact.Whilst it could be confusing and/or painful, recognise and accept it. Then choose to make a change or not.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'Gr8distraction' Then choose to make a change or not. It's not that simple for many people. e.g If you are sick, live with chronic illness (mental and / or physical), have limited mobility, are a single working parent with limited finances and time, and many other life situations which make meeting and socialising with people very challenging. Regarding social media - although it's certainly a factor in the problem, it's not solely to blame by any means. Also, for some people (such as the groups I mentioned above), social media can be one of their few sources of social interaction so it's not accurate to say that it's always a negative influence.
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egr2please69
6 years ago
There is now definite proven evidence and issues with loneliness if you are isolated or feel that way, even in a big metropolis. Like other people in here I choose to live alone and have my own space to do as I please, I classify myself as an extroverted introvert. I love my own company but I also make time for my friends and partners which gives me ample mental and emotional stimulus when I feel I need it and hide away when I'm not feeling the want for company. Each to their own no matter their circumstances but for those who do feel lonely, I hope you can find the courage to talk to someone, anyone, and break the cycle to feel your self worth again.
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MsSuperFoxy
6 years ago
The ones who live alone, no family who visit, with just the radio as company. No internet, FB or anything like that. No wonder their health declines rapidly. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
6 years ago
Social Capital When I first was first introduced to and studied social capital and it's affect on health status, in 2005, it made sense. It made so much sense that, at 34yrs of age, I judiciously set about thinking and planning how I would counteract loneliness and isolation as my life progressed. I have been flying solo since 2003 and I imagine that trajectory will continue. I have a very active and meaningful profession which keeps me stimulated. I prioritse my family connections and always make time to catch up with friends. I travel, line-dance, study and even play bingo with my mum. All of these activities enable me to feel content and fulfilled. Being introverted I adore and require my alone time too. My plan for old age (should I be so lucky) is to become a volunteer at the hospital, join a walking group, continue to help my family, travel, always stimulate and challenge my brain, and enjoy time with friends and hobbies.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I have a friend who has an aunt in her early nineties.Auntie was still living in her own home but only got out once a week when my friend would visit her.She was very isolated ,only my friend and her brother to visit apart from carers each day.Her health was really deteriorating and it was recommended that she move into a nursing home. My friend was very reluctant to countenance this but in the end agreed.Well Auntie is thriving in the home. She shares a room with three other women and enjoys the activities on offer. She says it reminds her of when as a young woman she was in the Navy during WW11. My friend is amazed t the change in her aunt because she fered the worst. Hugs Q
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Mask_007
6 years ago
Fantastic topic. In that subject. Is a English doctor that is organising a study in that area. I was listening to him on the radio sone weeks back and he had exactly the same point lifted by someone on these. Humans are social animals and need the place in society to live a health life. He is doing some work involved with community gardening in England and people. And is showing some amazing result.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Never lonely in the company of a good book. My favourite Groucho joke..Outside of a dog man's best friend is a book.Inside of a dog it's too hard to read. :) Hugs Q
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MsSuperFoxy
6 years ago
I often wonder about people who are non-verbal (without the use of communication devices), if they ever do get lonely. Especially those non-verbal and with multiple disabilities. Besides being frustrated by not being able to get their point across, it must be very lonely for them, be difficult at times, and have those feelings of being alone. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
6 years ago
I have been single for many years...Prefer to be alone at home, and really NEVER invite anyone to visit.Often go months without any visitorsWhen I am not at work, I can go weeks without a single phone call.. OR make one myselfAt work, I eat alone, prefer jobs where I do not have to have others helping or be helping others.Never even eat in the dining room at camp - EVER.Never visit the wet-mess (Dinking area)Never visit or take visitors at my roomTravel to and from work alone. I dunno if THAT is what you are talking about..But.. Fuck me.. I do this by CHOICE.. and it makes me happy.. Just saying
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RHP User
6 years ago
Solitude is a choice,loneliness is not. Hugs Q
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
Q exactly. Same as you can feel lonely in a massive crowd of people. Being lonely is different or often irrelevant from being "alone" or not. There are plenty of things that I prefer to be alone for or to simply do on my own (plus dog perhaps) as well. Often this includes things like self-directed work, I'm better alone and less likely to be distracted.
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countrytouch82
6 years ago
Something that may relate to it is the "broken heart syndrome" especially regarding the elderly and stories where such couples will pass away days apart. This may or may not be loneliness because that takes time I guess to establish, but certainly the stresses from a solely mental anguish at the time do have direct physical consequences.
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
I think its a crock o'shit.I agree that some might not know how to deal with things...Thats a totally different, and underlying problem for which they need help with.1.You either choose to get assistance, or you don't.2.Maybe you don't know how to get help.3. Maybe you just don't want help. But don't play this hard done by card with me. I have no time for you. Its as though you are seeking and asking for government handouts. Blaming everyone else for your misfortune, and not realising that you , and you alone are the master of your own destiny. People talk about isolation. Well i've seen, and passed through people in isolation . Whether thats because of floods and cut off for weeks at a time. Maybe its because they live on stations and their closest neighbour is 200kms away.Do you honestly believe that they are spastics, or choose to be there. They do just fine and don't need you thinking for them. Maybe you cant get your heads around that, and think its all BS. Well lets look at something closer to home. Cast your minds back 25 + yrs ago, where a group of individuales came together and started a march along Oxford st .Do you think for a second that these people didn't experience isolation?Bashed, arrested, ran the risk of estrangement from family if they came out. Loss of employment, had next to no one to talk to unless it was underground, and a whole lot more which i'm certain you can appreciate. They chose to make a difference, They made it happen to the point where the same police force that arrested and bashed them, the same people that chastised and persecuted them are now fucking walking beside them in the march. No. Fuck you with your excuses, your stories of hard done by crap whilst living no more than 2 kms from assistance in a major city. I see and hear the problem........Stop talking about it and offer a solution
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RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'Gr8distraction' I think its a crock o'shit.I agree that some might not know how to deal with things...Thats a totally different, and underlying problem for which they need help with.1.You either choose to get assistance, or you don't.2.Maybe you don't know how to get help.3. Maybe you just don't want help. But don't play this hard done by card with me. I have no time for you. Its as though you are seeking and asking for government handouts. Blaming everyone else for your misfortune, and not realising that you , and you alone are the master of your own destiny. People talk about isolation. Well i've seen, and passed through people in isolation . Whether thats because of floods and cut off for weeks at a time. Maybe its because they live on stations and their closest neighbour is 200kms away.Do you honestly believe that they are spastics, or choose to be there. They do just fine and don't need you thinking for them. Maybe you cant get your heads around that, and think its all BS. Well lets look at something closer to home. Cast your minds back 25 + yrs ago, where a group of individuales came together and started a march along Oxford st .Do you think for a second that these people didn't experience isolation?Bashed, arrested, ran the risk of estrangement from family if they came out. Loss of employment, had next to no one to talk to unless it was underground, and a whole lot more which i'm certain you can appreciate. They chose to make a difference, They made it happen to the point where the same police force that arrested and bashed them, the same people that chastised and persecuted them are now fucking walking beside them in the march. No. Fuck you with your excuses, your stories of hard done by crap whilst living no more than 2 kms from assistance in a major city. I see and hear the problem........Stop talking about it and offer a solution Fuck you with your ignorant, ableist bullshit. So easy for you up there on your high horse, bringing up the experience of one very select group of people like they should represent everyone's life experience, and everyone should be able to be part of a close-knit community and do what they did. Plus you think that there's no LGBTQI people experiencing isolation and loneliness anymore? Mardi Gras solved all of that did it? They get to march down a Sydney street once a year and that's it, everyone is fucking fine now. You have no fucking clue what some people go through in their lives. Living less than 2 kms from assistance in a major city means fuck all for people who don't have even the most basic fucking privileges and advantages that you take for granted every single day. You think there aren't people trying to offer solutions and help? You think There are plenty, but they run into apathy and opposition everywhere from our fucking governments and from people like you who can't see beyond your own little bubble and who constantly whinge about government handouts to others whilst screaming if the government tries to take away your own middle class welfare. I am one of those people who experiences isolation and loneliness. Yes it affects my health, it makes a bad situation even worse. There are a lot of reasons for my situation, none of which you could even remotely begin to understand. Although, people like you don't want to understand. You think that anyone not like you, anyone who doesn't have the same physical, mental, cognitive, financial, practical, family, social, communication, transport, education, and infrastructure resources, is just a piece of shit on your shoe. Suck it up, harden up, just deal with it, stop whinging, just fuck off into the corner and die. That's how it goes yeah. Let me just go out and organise an annual street parade for all the other useless people like me. Take your ignorant judgements and shove them up your arse.
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usrightnow_Again
6 years ago
Quoting 'Snap_Dragon' Quoting 'Gr8distraction' Then choose to make a change or not. It's not that simple for many people. e.g If you are sick, live with chronic illness (mental and / or physical), have limited mobility, are a single working parent with limited finances and time, and many other life situations which make meeting and socialising with people very challenging. Regarding social media - although it's certainly a factor in the problem, it's not solely to blame by any means. Also, for some people (such as the groups I mentioned above), social media can be one of their few sources of social interaction so it's not accurate to say that it's always a negative influence. Now you're my hero. I actually cried when I read that on the weekend. Well said. It staggers me people need be reminded or have it brought to their attention. Agree with what you wrote above too. And yes, there's a world of difference between the choice of comfortably being alone and loneliness. .. As S_D and Ms Foxy have pointed out, many have significant obstacles when attempting to engage with others in seeking some respite from that isolation. And those paid to help facilitate bridging that gap, are Not a substitute for regular social engagement. .. It seems some, perhaps read someone, doesn't realise just how difficult it can be for some. Gr8., you might want to reread what you wrote, with a calm eye and think about it a little more. .. There is one person here on rhp that knows a bit of my situation, a few more who know a bit less again. And yes, I'm lucky to have my delightful wife to share my journey, however, I'll say it this way, every single day I have health care professionals and others from time to time, say that they couldn't deal with what I have to. And, they're right, they couldn't. If that sounds arrogant, understand, yes it is. But it's a sad arrogance. I kind of wish everyone had to cope with my Very Unique shit just briefly, in the hope they gain a little understanding and tolerance. If you knew what I know, you'd realise what a cruel thought that is, yet, I think it might help. Thinking everything can, oh so easily be fixed, as you wrote Gr8., says a lot. .. Is my health impacted? Undoubtedly to an extent, the rest is the result of other causes, that create the situation in which loneliness is a Very difficult circumstance to hurdle. .. Mr. urn. .
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cat_n_the_hatter
6 years ago
Two different concepts. We try to organise and categorise people, events and the world around us, so life is more manageable and we appear to be in control ... but life is chaotic. So often people meet, they are curious about each other and then they let fear of attachment influence their decisions ... and they fade away. So, it’s not about being surrounded by people but about finding the one. The thin line of being free and being needed. We search for that other so that emptiness is not eating this place like it does when they are not around. Hoping to find the one who listens. Sometimes they are found. (Ms)
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
Agree Cat N The Hatter Finding your people or person can make such a huge difference to your life. Last year I made a new best friend who happens to be a man. It’s changed my life. I do have a lot of good friends but my relationship with him has seemed to calm down the restlessness that’s been eating at me for the last few years. We just click at a level I’ve never experienced. I feel relieved that I’ve moved out of that mental health space of feeling alone , while being amongst other people. It wasn’t a nice place to be and I empathise with others who are going through it. All I can say is keep looking for opportunities to expand your network and don’t be afraid to take a risk if you sense a connection with someone. My friend is 18 years younger than me but at the time we met I just had this urge that it was important that we should know each other better, so I started messaging him ....and here we are.
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usrightnow_Again
6 years ago
I see what you are both saying, regarding a relationship with another person and the positive difference that Can make in reference to, what I would see as, Some loneliness, however, many, myself included, wish for social interaction and relationships beyond that one partner. Difficulty accessing that broader social network, is what I was referencing in my comment and S_D. and Ms Foxy mentioned in theirs. I have known people who are comfortable, outside of work, and remembering that some social interactions happen in most workplaces, keeping in mind not all work or work in such an environment, with the company of just their partner. Others, frequently those isolated by geographical or health circumstances, would wish for greater social interaction and inclusivity. Lacking that can give a feeling of loneliness, the term being a negative, as opposed to solitude, which is generally a positive. .. Mr. urn. .
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'Snap_Dragon' Quoting 'Gr8distraction' I think its a crock o'shit.I agree that some might not know how to deal with things...Thats a totally different, and underlying problem for which they need help with.1.You either choose to get assistance, or you don't.2.Maybe you don't know how to get help.3. Maybe you just don't want help. But don't play this hard done by card with me. I have no time for you. Its as though you are seeking and asking for government handouts. Blaming everyone else for your misfortune, and not realising that you , and you alone are the master of your own destiny. People talk about isolation. Well i've seen, and passed through people in isolation . Whether thats because of floods and cut off for weeks at a time. Maybe its because they live on stations and their closest neighbour is 200kms away.Do you honestly believe that they are spastics, or choose to be there. They do just fine and don't need you thinking for them. Maybe you cant get your heads around that, and think its all BS. Well lets look at something closer to home. Cast your minds back 25 + yrs ago, where a group of individuales came together and started a march along Oxford st .Do you think for a second that these people didn't experience isolation?Bashed, arrested, ran the risk of estrangement from family if they came out. Loss of employment, had next to no one to talk to unless it was underground, and a whole lot more which i'm certain you can appreciate. They chose to make a difference, They made it happen to the point where the same police force that arrested and bashed them, the same people that chastised and persecuted them are now fucking walking beside them in the march. No. Fuck you with your excuses, your stories of hard done by crap whilst living no more than 2 kms from assistance in a major city. I see and hear the problem........Stop talking about it and offer a solution Fuck you with your ignorant, ableist bullshit. So easy for you up there on your high horse, bringing up the experience of one very select group of people like they should represent everyone's life experience, and everyone should be able to be part of a close-knit community and do what they did. Plus you think that there's no LGBTQI people experiencing isolation and loneliness anymore? Mardi Gras solved all of that did it? They get to march down a Sydney street once a year and that's it, everyone is fucking fine now. You have no fucking clue what some people go through in their lives. Living less than 2 kms from assistance in a major city means fuck all for people who don't have even the most basic fucking privileges and advantages that you take for granted every single day. You think there aren't people trying to offer solutions and help? You think There are plenty, but they run into apathy and opposition everywhere from our fucking governments and from people like you who can't see beyond your own little bubble and who constantly whinge about government handouts to others whilst screaming if the government tries to take away your own middle class welfare. I am one of those people who experiences isolation and loneliness. Yes it affects my health, it makes a bad situation even worse. There are a lot of reasons for my situation, none of which you could even remotely begin to understand. Although, people like you don't want to understand. You think that anyone not like you, anyone who doesn't have the same physical, mental, cognitive, financial, practical, family, social, communication, transport, education, and infrastructure resources, is just a piece of shit on your shoe. Suck it up, harden up, just deal with it, stop whinging, just fuck off into the corner and die. That's how it goes yeah. Let me just go out and organise an annual street parade for all the other useless people like me. Take your ignorant judgements and shove them up your arse. Im saying you haven't walked a mile in their shoes,.Do you think for a second, you have expeinced d what they have?You sit in your four walls being "alone" Because you choose to. Cunt.Not because you are scared of walking the street.Wake the fuck up, get real about the world you live in, or seek mental assistance and grow the fuck up. That means stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself.......( insert word)
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Id like to get you handle on this. You've made some salient comments.
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House_of_Fun
6 years ago
How very very disappointing.
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usrightnow_Again
6 years ago
Ah, I agree with Solitary, you have made some comments that are well out of line, yet it seems they were important for You to make. As to my thoughts and observations on the OPs topic, I've stated those above. For the record, I've walked a Very long way in those shoes, now I can't. Take opportunities you are able to, while they exist, one day they won't, or will fall agonisingly out of reach. I'll add only, my belief is, that passing judgement on those we know comparatively little about, lacks good judgement. It has happened to me on rhp, I don't like seeing it happen to others. Generalizations are frequently better employed than narrow specifics. Mr. urn. .
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RHP User
6 years ago
Gr8 You've just called a woman a dickhead and a cunt (of which there is no greater insult) and then left open ended brackets to call her another name, in front of all of us. I'm calling you out. All because you don't like what's being discussed and you disagree with what is being said. Also why would the URN's allow you any access into their private world after your outburst and obvious ignorance?
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RHP User
6 years ago
I agree with Solitary and GetMe..disappointing at the very least.A total lack of empathy and nastiness. Q
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RHP User
6 years ago
Mr urn - thankyou. The admiration goes both ways. I should probably feel bad for losing my cool, but I don't. At all. I am so tired of the ignorant, damaging judgments made by people who have no clue. I don't care what names I get called, it's no surprise in this case given my comment and who I was responding to (have been abused by that person before, even when I have been polite). It's no wonder the suicide rate is so high in this country, when issues like this are ridiculed and not taken at all seriously by so many (and make no mistake, this is a problem that contributes to many suicides). Government and community campaigns tell people to ask for help, if they do then they are often met with massively underfunded and disorganised mental health services which in many instances make things worse. If they turn to friends or the community, they are often met with complete silence, dismissive 'just get over it' comments, or even outright vitriol. Eventually people stop asking for help, but we still get to feel good about ourselves because on one or two days a year we pay lip service to reducing the suicide rate and asking if people R OK. This cunt says, fuck that.
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House_of_Fun
6 years ago
❤️❤️❤️❤️
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RHP User
6 years ago
If the road toll was as high as the suicide rate we would have had a significantly reduced suicide rate by now.
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RHP User
6 years ago
SnapDragon remember this 'we are never stronger than when we arm ourselves with our weaknesses'. Stay going.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Thanks. It's been a pretty shitty week. I'm trying.
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
Gr8 When your mental health is low sometimes lifting your head off the pillow is too hard and you won’t understand till you’ve been there. Harsh
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deepestpurple
6 years ago
I'm sensing a lot of anger but I'm perplexed by where it could be coming from in the context of this thread. Maybe if you talked about whatever is bothering you rather than bottling it up, it might help? It's ok to be sad, lonely, frustrated, helpless, whatever without processing it into anger, that does not make you weak. Likewise, anger does not make you strong. There are other ways to handle things, people here can be very understanding, I'll listen. Now Gr8, call me a hypocrite (it would be fair) but what is not ok is to verbally assault someone like you just did to Snap_Dragon. That went so far beyond robust disagreement, tough love, forceful rhetoric or whatever you meant it to be that it is currently in a different solar system. You just kicked someone to the head when they are down. It screamed weakness and hurt and desperation on your behalf. Please reconsider your approach to whatever it is you are dealing with, people here to do not deserve to have your pain inflicted on them. Snappy, I hope you are ok. I'd like to offer you a virtual hug. Nice comeback xo.
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'Snap_Dragon' Mr urn - thankyou. The admiration goes both ways. I should probably feel bad for losing my cool, but I don't. At all. I am so tired of the ignorant, damaging judgments made by people who have no clue. I don't care what names I get called, it's no surprise in this case given my comment and who I was responding to (have been abused by that person before, even when I have been polite). It's no wonder the suicide rate is so high in this country, when issues like this are ridiculed and not taken at all seriously by so many (and make no mistake, this is a problem that contributes to many suicides). Government and community campaigns tell people to ask for help, if they do then they are often met with massively underfunded and disorganised mental health services which in many instances make things worse. If they turn to friends or the community, they are often met with complete silence, dismissive 'just get over it' comments, or even outright vitriol. Eventually people stop asking for help, but we still get to feel good about ourselves because on one or two days a year we pay lip service to reducing the suicide rate and asking if people R OK. This cunt says, fuck that. What a fantastic way to dismiss, deflect and take it off topic. Do you think that you have it in you to get back to the topic?Maybe a sad sack like you might be able to provide assistance to someone who sees this thread at a later date.It will require you to provide a solution and not harp- on the problem. Can you do that? Have you heard of the saying, if your'e not part of the solution you're part of the problem..
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RHP User
6 years ago
Shouldn't swear at a lady
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
I told you, I warned you when I said " i may disappoint"But it has brought out the sycophants, hasn't it . I have nothing against SD. To me it just a profile. It does upset me when i've read i may have attacked her in the past. I don't know where or when. I hope she makes that public. My issue is with people who just give up. Blame everyone else , look for excuses.I have a little more self worth. I will never give up or accept anything less. I will also never look for excuses.To some that might read as being on a high horse. The other crap throw away line reads something like. You haven't experienced what i have, you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you are lucky.Trust me. I make my own luck by engaging with people, learning from them, being a part of a community. Maybe just being in the right place at the right time. But i would never be there if i locked myself away would i. This topic shits me. Its important to have the conversation, but it shits me because none of you clowns have bothered to offer a solution.You want to talk about the problem, and navel gaze, with nothing else but self pity.What upsets me, is someone at some time will come along, read this thread and disappear with nothing. In fact they may leave feeling even more disheartened. I said it in the title. I didn't hold anything back. I told you , I warned you. " This may disappoint"What did i get?Just a load of fucks.You, and you alone are the master of your destiny. Don't for a second make the mistake of miss-understanding this as an attack on SD personally. I wont play that game. I value her input, as i do Q's, Sols , Earthqueen and Getme. You people have a voice and have a place in this discussion. But for the love of god, offer a solution so that others may learn . If you cant. Apply for a government grant. Come up with 3 or 4 letters, lets make it an anagram, lets make this disease official. And to think, i haven't even gotten to the BS about this coffin shit yet.
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'usrightnow_Again' Ah, I agree with Solitary, you have made some comments that are well out of line, yet it seems they were important for You to make. As to my thoughts and observations on the OPs topic, I've stated those above. For the record, I've walked a Very long way in those shoes, now I can't. Take opportunities you are able to, while they exist, one day they won't, or will fall agonisingly out of reach. I'll add only, my belief is, that passing judgement on those we know comparatively little about, lacks good judgement. It has happened to me on rhp, I don't like seeing it happen to others. Generalizations are frequently better employed than narrow specifics. Mr. urn. . 1.Its a feeling, not a fact.2.You choose to make a change.3.You choose not to4.You don't know how Can you point me to the generalizations, where youv'e walked in their shoes. The comments that are well out of line.Are you talking about the LGBTQIXYZ comments?I do have other examples. I don't know who's passing judgement.
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'GetMePlease' Gr8 You've just called a woman a dickhead and a cunt Yes, true(of which there is no greater insult) and then left open ended brackets to call her another name, in front of all of us. Stick around , thats nothing. But maybe you could cover that other eye up with a patch as well. I'm calling you out. OK, where do we go from here? All because you don't like what's being discussed and you disagree with what is being said. Really? Also why would the URN's allow you any access into their private world after your outburst and obvious ignorance? You've lost me. Im not interested in knowing anything private about anyone
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta4' I agree with Solitary and GetMe..disappointing at the very least.A total lack of empathy and nastiness. Q Empathy is not a strong point granted. Nasty?.....Can we call it robust. Thats another feel good, new age term brought to us by the do gooders.Ive helped people in the past and its only bitten me in the arse.The common denominator was that the people i helped didn't want to help themselves. I will never do that again. Ever.Ive even given it my own term:"If you cuddle a cripple, you to will end up with a limp"Hows that for nasty?
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RHP User
6 years ago
Charming Gr8 You claim to have self-worth? I would call it something different. Where to from here? I have a solution. How about you pull your pants up and walk your arse out of this topic.
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RHP User
6 years ago
This topic seems to have upset you greatly..no pun intended..I hope you are OK. Hugs Q
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RHP User
6 years ago
Gr8 - truth comes out. Here's a good quote to help you along... Never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter.
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RHP User
6 years ago
Quoting 'Gr8distraction' Quoting 'Qefenta4' I agree with Solitary and GetMe..disappointing at the very least.A total lack of empathy and nastiness. Q Empathy is not a strong point granted. Nasty?.....Can we call it robust. Thats another feel good, new age term brought to us by the do gooders.Ive helped people in the past and its only bitten me in the arse.The common denominator was that the people i helped didn't want to help themselves. I will never do that again. Ever.Ive even given it my own term:"If you cuddle a cripple, you to will end up with a limp"Hows that for nasty? That's happened to AALLLL of us, Gr8, probably multiple times for most of us.Nothing new there.
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RHP User
6 years ago
It is indeed true that sometimes people don't want to be helped,they may just want to hold on to their problem or our "help"could be misplaced .If we our genuine in our desire to help then that in itself is it's own reward. Hugs Q
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RHP User
6 years ago
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Q
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cat_n_the_hatter
6 years ago
I am happy for you EarthQueen.:)One does need to conquer fears and insecurities to attract the kind of people they wish to meet. Single people have the freedom to meet the right person and being single can be the most amazing life adventure but to combat loneliness depends on skills.Even the strongest can be lonely. One learns how to speak from the heart, understand what one wants out of life... or how to communicate honestly with yourself and others. Yes, that can be abused but it's a risk one is willing to take. Too many people are not willing to be honest with themselves. They hide who they really are inside which makes them frustrated and angry. Finally: it can't be forced. It is really about finding/having that one person: friend/lover. When you find them stay close to them. In life all is about similarity, proximity and openness. (Ms)
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RHP User
6 years ago
Not all single people are lonely, or want or need a partner to combat loneliness. Yes, it can be part of the problem for some but again, this is an issue that is much more complex than just 'single people need to do this so they can find a partner'... which I find a little patronising. There are also plenty of people in relationships who are are lonely / experience social isolation.
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OkeyDoke45
6 years ago
Wow. Some serious shots being fired across bows and at rigging in this thread. A right kerfuffle. It did make me think though. My post earlier described how I don't have any problem with being alone. I am sometimes lonely, yes, and I did have a period many years ago where I perhaps got a little too comfortable with my own company. People had stopped contacting me for social events due to my consistent lack of attendance. One day I decided enough was enough, picked up the phone and started re-acquainting. So for me, despite a certain posters rather incorrect abuse of others here, I do agree to a degree with some of what he is saying. I have a very dear friend, whom I just visited interstate, he was the absolute centre of our social scene many years ago. He was confident, had that laddish humor thing that I have never come close to mastering, but was also a warm and genuine person (with some serious flaws as you will see). I followed him everywhere and bathed in his glow. A few wrong turns over the past decade or so, a few poor choices (mostly related to what he chose to insert his unsheathed penis into), a couple of wayward children later and one stillborn, a deceased wife, and he is basically a broken man. He never goes out except to his work, he chooses to toil in his shed and consume way too much alcohol and weed whilst he does so. He says that he is now scared of the world, his only sanctuary is at his home and more specifically in his shed. He has been circling the drain now for years. I have mixed feelings about his situation. I love him and miss his old self, I visit him regularly and try to get him out and about - but it is like pulling teeth. I can see the rut he's in - he's a (barely) functioning alcoholic, can't relax without grog and weed. I have to content myself for the week that I see him every year with sitting in his backyard watching him drink 12 stubbies in a sitting (before starting in on the pipe) and moan about the hand that he has been dealt. Which is about when I start cracking the shits with him. If he just owned his problems - instead of blaming ''fate'' and the like, which is an excuse only in regard to his deceased wife - if he just said ''you know what, I fucked up repeatedly. I screwed around on women I supposedly cared about, I managed to get two women pregnant whilst I was doing so, and all of my financial woes and bad relationships have stemmed from my inability to keep my dick in my pants''. If he just did that. I have called him on this repeatedly, and I managed to get him once to admit that he only has himself to blame for most of his problems. He was so drunk and stoned at the time though that he did not remember it the next time we spoke. It is my view that if he was just honest with himself (and everyone else), he might just start to climb out from the very deep hole that he has settled into. Go to his ex-wife and apologize for screwing around on her. Try to salvage his relationships with his kids (rather than just repeating your mantra of ''I try but it's just too hard''). Apologize to his son for embarrassing him out the front of his school by arguing with another woman he was screwing over returning his sex toys. Maybe he might just be able to stop seeing the world as a Big Bad Evil that is forever trying to screw him over, when it was mostly him all along. Maybe he'll be able to start his life and start being happy again. I doubt it though, it's just way too easy to isolate himself in his shed. I was visiting him just a few days ago - a death of one of our friends from the days of yore brought us all together again for his funeral. He was scared of going, he didn't want people asking questions about his life as his is more disastrous than most. He managed to come along though, and at the wake I saw him laugh and crack wise with everyone just like he once did so easily. Next day though? He wanted to go home, he wanted to go straight home, do not pass go, do not collect $200. All those old friends of ours that he could have reconnected with, he wanted none of it. Now he is back to having exactly one friend, and that friend wonders increasingly why he bothers. I am in no way suggesting that my friends situation is anyone else's here, or even a common denominator in why some people shut themselves away. Just an example to show that sometimes people jump down into a hole because they choose to.
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cat_n_the_hatter
6 years ago
not all single people want a partner and that is why I referred to someone like a partner but it can be a friend. We are social beings. Of course I was not talking about individual differences nor about brain chemistry that often leads us to behave in ways not even characteristic of us. I do understand your point and again, it is a complex issue. We cannot here even begin to disentangle the mess we are sometimes in. I was only referring to social awkwardness that often comes from short-lived connections which may prevent many from finding those who could truly understand them. No patronising here. (Ms)
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'GetMePlease' Charming Gr8 You claim to have self-worth? I would call it something different. Where to from here? I have a solution. How about you pull your pants up and walk your arse out of this topic. It just makes you feel better
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Gr8distraction
6 years ago
Quoting 'GetMePlease' Gr8 - truth comes out. Here's a good quote to help you along... Never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter. Are you talking aboutBut please stick around. At least you have voice
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RHP User
6 years ago
Yes Gr8 after your tirade, I'm the one making no sense.
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EarthQueen
6 years ago
You might like the youtube video How To Deal With Loneliness- Especially While Self Actualising If you don't you'll probably hate it. I can relate to the self distraction part. I do that a lot. I'm doing it now. It's one of the reasons I joined here in the first place.
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nightingale8
6 years ago
The solution is knowledge and compassion for yourself and others. You don't know what you don't know, and it takes some humility to see the multiple realities for what they are whether it is acknowledging structural barriers like poor town planning or admitting you suck and need to do better (and that being ok). Compassion is not the same as pity, it's an unconditional love and concern. If you cant generate it, find someone who can and learn. You guys might smell but you're ok just as you are.
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RHP User
6 years ago
I've been lonely for a while Now and I know it's only going to get worse!
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