F55
Looking for more - please explain
September 09 2014
Comments
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TheLuckyOne
10 years ago
I am the same as you Burning_Love. I'm not here to shag as many men as I can. Casual sex doesn't do that much for me. But I'm not looking to settle down either. I have a feeling I may have passed some men by as their profile sounds like they are just notching up numbers. But their profile is what I have to go on initially and I'm not here to play detective. Am looking forward to reading some responses by the men here.
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Some time ago when I first got onto this site there was a separate "dating" side to it. (Don't know if it still exists ?). So the 'general' presumption, on this side of the fence, would be for people who where seeking that lil bit extra, in whatever form that may take. This reasoning is perhaps strengthened by the availability of other 'plain' dating sites, whereas this one promotes itself more as an adult site. I know there have been plenty of discussions previously about what is what about this site, but let's say the guys would safely assume it's for more than just plain dating. As such, the availability of more 'commitment' is not what most guys would be looking for here - although, as many have previously pointed out, if someone came along that ticked all their boxes, many would certainly consider such. I think in general, the ladies and men on site appear to be here mainly for differing purposes, and it is not helped by the differing views both sides have of what this site should be about. Moreso, the old train of thought that women tend to be more 'clingy' in relationship terms (whether that be true or not), and the man perhaps is currently looking for more freedom of choice in his current circumstances / state of mind. Hope that helps a little for you. Not speaking for all of course, but just my take on it. Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
not sure what can be said for guys to understand this, to me it makes perfect sense.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I can't help feeling that us gals are our own worst enemies some times. I imagine some men have been burned by obsessive, clingy, bunny boiler types. I'm guessing some men also just want sex, pure and simple. I'm genuinely hoping to get some insights. PS women of the forums - 3.30pm to 4.30 pm is tradie time at the supermarket ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Missb4u
10 years ago
That some of us females flee from the men that declare they want a relationship. All of my past relationships have been about control as in he wanted to control me. Makes me very jumpy these days when men start talking about commitment as I equate it with control. My issue absolutely and something I really should work on. I want someone to date regularly and have amazing sex with and chat to and all the good stuff. But I don't want to be told what to do ... outside of the bedroom that is 😇 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
That on the few occasions where there's no shortage of casual sex available, it does tend to become a bit empty at times...... Depends what path you're on and how far down it you are, I guess. As I wrote on another thread recently, a year ago I would have baulked at anything that wasn't NSA. Now I'd be open to something approaching a relationship - also given I've become quite used to not sharing my time. I'm not craving it, but would be open to something more - but only if it was the right person. I wouldn't settle for a 'whatever's there' or 'second best' option. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Foxy
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
Some profiles on other sites that say they want pretty much immediate marriage, followed by many kids. I've been on that ride already, and been stalked as well by people on 'dating' sites. Having a relationship means more than sex, but I believe the sexual compatibility must be there - that's PART of the reason I'm here! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
sorry but i do think that you should go on a dating site an not be on a sex site if you want a b/f
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
You say you are looking for more of a relationship. You then whisper "3.30pm to 4.30 pm is tradie time at the supermarket ;)". Does that mean you want a relationship with a tradie ?, or its a good time to perv on tradies as they have hot bodies (sounds sexual to me), or are you not interested yourself, just passing on the info to other members for their enjoyment only ? Anyway, as the site is an adult site I suspect a lot of men are only looking for sex (not all). Some (like myself, being single) would be open to a relationship if all goes well. Unfortunately for me, this is most likely not going to happen where I live as it appears there are only around 4 ladies in the area and none of them have replied to a message (could just be me though, or my profile) :(. I would look at longer distance and FWB could probably work long distance (meet when you are able to or in town) However in my age range I believe it would be difficult for a long distance relationship as I am settled in a good job, and most ladies also have their own lives, work, friends close to where they live and I would not expect them to move to where I am, no problem, just reduces the options. Perhaps also men are just not very good at creating profiles, as it is hard to create a profile to accommodate all possible options (and most women think differently to men). Maybe women (and men) need to ask the question if there is some interest but the profile is unclear.
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
This is the standard profile for women I see on here (obviously not all, but over 80%) ? And they are all "Guest" About Me Hi I'm a woman , 25 years old, seeking other fun people. I'm not afraid to ask for what I want in bed so watch out! People often comment that I am attractive but you need to judge for yourself. I love going out shopping and having coffee with friends. I am Looking For I am looking for a 'friend with benefits' and nothing more. My Redhot Fantasy I would love to be in a private bedroom with silk sheets on the bed, with a lustful, imaginative lover indulging in hours of hot, unbridled sex.
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
except the age and photo (or not) changes
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Missb4u
10 years ago
That's a template profile. Half probably aren't even real. There are thousands of men's ones very similar.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I've never got the argument that people should only be on this site if they're looking for sex and should go to vanilla sites if they want something more. Many people are on both types of sites at the same time. Derr. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
I understand it is just a "Template", but what are they wanting ? (going back to OP's question). Their profile state they only want "I am looking for a 'friend with benefits' and nothing more", which suggest they are not looking for a relationship, and appears to be same for a huge amount of members (have not looked at male profiles so can't comment & could be same for both male & female). I have not done a count but appears most people just want the FWB (sorry, had to check your profile and it is great. My sister's nickname is Missb, you are definitely not her). Appears then that only a small percentage of men & women want anything to do with a relationship. Not sure I can talk too much about good profiles though as I suspect my profile is not great but I tried :) (not able to put face pic on main profile due to work, but have in private, and happy to share as long as I don't know someone work related)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree with redhot666.... Maybe try a different site.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Men are men Women are women Also Both are individuals in there own right to class all men as one bunch that think alike and bunch all women together that think alike would be very sad indeed . We are all very different . Regards Bigocean open to what ever the day brings . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't necessarily shy away from profiles that suggest they're looking for something more, but it does give me pause. My reasons aren't what you're thinking though. It's not out of fear that you'll turn out to be a bunny boiler (I don't hink most bunny boilers state their intentions so clearly anyway...) As I've said in a previous thread, I'm open to a relationship happening, in fact ultimately that's what I want, but I'm not actively looking for one. I have specific (possibly superstitious) reasons for that which I won't go into again. BUT in the meantime I want to continue having fun, easy-going sex with women I'm into. Sex that can still be fun and intimate and rewarding even if we both know it's not going to lead to anything more. So when I get involved with someone it's on the expectation that that's what we're doing. It MIGHT lead to something else of course, but that's not what we're aiming for. If I get the feeling from a profile that a woman is over that sort of thing and really only wants to engage in something if it could lead to a relationship, then I'll probably not contact her because I feel I'd be doing so under false pretences.
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Paradisepair
10 years ago
RSVP and eHarmony for that kind of thing? You're in the wrong playground, you're not going to find MrRight here unless you're looking for someone to swing or have an open relationship with. The odds are stacked against you. Sure enjoy the forums but a square peg won't insert (painlesslessly) into a round hole.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think most blokes join RHP for some casual nookie. They are after UNCOMPLICATED fun and often the kinkier the better, so anything that looks like it may come with potential complications or problems is just too hard, so you know the saying............ NEXT!
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RHP User
10 years ago
He seemed to take it for granted that I wanted him so much I was prepared to move into his home literally straight away and be his housekeeper, lover, companion and anything else he desired. This was all in about 20 minutes after meeting. He was really pissed off when I said no thanks, he didn't even pay for the coffee!
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RHP User
10 years ago
A couple of things. What most people do is largely irrelevant to me. I am looking for something exceptional and probably am more likely to find at parties, my yoga class or even the supermarket, however it could happen on here, but it is only a handful of profiles that interest me. I would hope my profile does answer Burning_Love's concerns. I always enjoy the gift of feedback, hard to be objective about your own profile :-) To Meeka's - Next. Probably right about most blokes, however, anyone discerning is not concerned about most - they focus on the 2% or 3% that are not like the rest. I think it is a natural progression. One starts shagging, lots of FB or FWBs, then once you move from a starvation mentality to an abundant mentality, lots of sex can end up being a little hollow. At this point there is only MORE. Without special there is no point. This does not mean marriage and the whole none yards - it just means a real connection. For some it will be committed but casual, for some poly works (maybe a committed circle of two or three) and for some monogamy is essential for that connection. Just a little aside to those who suggested this is not a "dating" site, if you are sexually adventurous with a free and open mindset, this might be the best place to find a b/f or g/f. Like minded, sexy, and open to more . . .
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think you can meet the perfect person for you on here just as much as you could on any other site. Anything is possible. Besides a lot of singles on here also have profiles on the vanilla sites. They even use the same profile pics :) Looking back at past relationships "where" I met the person has not been an indicator of how the relationship progressed.
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Smilingwithfun
10 years ago
Thought that this would be the best place to meet someone sexually likeminded. I believe that it depends on what stage of the journey through life we are at re a relationship. Just because we are ready doesn't mean people we meet are. Like most things in life it takes time & patience. Each dating site has its pro's & con's. perhaps join a few & see how it goes?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Paradisepair' RSVP and eHarmony for that kind of thing? You're in the wrong playground, you're not going to find MrRight here unless you're looking for someone to swing or have an open relationship with. The odds are stacked against you. Sure enjoy the forums but a square peg won't insert (painlesslessly) into a round hole. that many people on here (men and women), have profiles on one or more of the 'traditional' dating sites as well?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Not true at all. There are enough examples of people meeting on here and ending up in committed relationships to show that your thinking is simplistic. People are people. They meet wherever they meet, they click, they get together - whether it's for a fuck or a lot more. The question is not 'which is the right site to find love' (a ridiculous question anyway, I think - love is everywhere). The question is simply about how men react to certain profiles. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Paradisepair
10 years ago
Plus singles have tinder too, but RHP is not somewhere to look for a 'normal' relationship. There might be a few guys here who will trade NSA experiences with one on one forever, but the majority won't. So look on those other sites for a guy who wants just one girl forever and keep your eyes and mind open here...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Your profile is clear, and a refreshing read. I'm not a fan of the way it says 'intrigue me' etc - sounds like the woman has to pass a test :) Just a personal opinion, other than that, all good. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Women like to perve too yanno ;) While I might not be interested in NSA sex, I'm quite interested in NSA appreciation of the male form. And Tradie Time at the supermarket is a great chance to indulge :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Many males join this site because they are simply looking for casual sex. They are not looking for endless chats and coffee meets. This includes men from 18-60+. We also know guys say one thing on the forum but actually act differently when private. That is the reality of the situation. I think it's safe to say – (that generally) whatever dating site a guy is on, he probably would like to have sex. But RHP has the stigma of casual sex. So if you are not really after that, I think you will have much better experiences on more conservative dating websites where men are looking for more of a commitment. On this site you are no doubt getting inundated with messages where the guys really just want one thing – casual sex with no commitment. Best of luck.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think some of the other dating sites some people suggested above might be more suitable for you, burning_love. People who say "this isn't JUST a sex site..." I understand this notion, but seriously? Have a look around the place. RHP amatuer pics, naughty chat rooms, profiles full of nudity, couples, swingers, sex parties, forums discussing all things sex... How on earth can somebody confuse all of this with ' a nice dating site to form strong bonds and relationships and potential life-partners'?!?!?! And then wonder why they can't find 'love' on here?
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RHP User
10 years ago
What the hell is wrong with looking for a relationship with a sexually open person, last time I looked Oasis didn't have anal, couples, bi or watersports on their boxes to tick. Just be honest and open about it, further don't date someone with the view that you'll turn their head because you like them.I haven't checked out guys (much) but I would reckon dating stud muffins having a wild time whilst you are looking for a deeper connection is only going to end in disappointment.Be more discerning, there out there.Quality not quantity. Men shy away from "someone special" because that's not what they want. Simple, like us.
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Paradisepair
10 years ago
About Why hot single guys like Sir_Pumpulous aren't up for an MFM... Oh the humanity! such a 1st world problem for poor souls like me...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Red Hot Pie promotes this site asAustralia’s hottest adult dating and social networking site.I just cant find anywhere that says it is just a casual sex site.........(sorry about the bold large type. It was just a direct copy/paste from the home page)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hmmm...perhaps you could tempt me? You do look rather delicious :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
great post :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Sir_pumpulous' I think some of the other dating sites some people suggested above might be more suitable for you, burning_love. People who say "this isn't JUST a sex site..." I understand this notion, but seriously? Have a look around the place. RHP amatuer pics, naughty chat rooms, profiles full of nudity, couples, swingers, sex parties, forums discussing all things sex... How on earth can somebody confuse all of this with ' a nice dating site to form strong bonds and relationships and potential life-partners'?!?!?! And then wonder why they can't find 'love' on here? What is a woman is very sexual, likes to know about her prospective partner's sexual proclivities and likes to be open and liberated about sex? All of which is available on this site. But ... she just doesn't want to sleep around with various men or have casual sex. Surely a woman can like both things? It doesn't have to be either or.
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RHP User
10 years ago
When you say normal relationship you mean a traditional monogamous relationship. Possibly. So do we all think that most people on RHP are sluts. I would say most men are sluts. So the question is do I want a slutty boyfriend? But.... If I go to a traditional dating site how do I know those guys aren't sluts as well, particularly as a lot of them have profiles on RHP. It's a conundrum all right. :p
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I can't help feeling that us gals are our own worst enemies some times. I imagine some men have been burned by obsessive, clingy, bunny boiler types. I'm guessing some men also just want sex, pure and simple. I'm genuinely hoping to get some insights. PS women of the forums - 3.30pm to 4.30 pm is tradie time at the supermarket ;) - Posted from rhpmobile ^^ This... in my dating life if i had to apportion a percentage i'd have to say i've had about 95% personality disordered liars and users, in some cases clinically diagnosed as such, with a few half good ones in between that to be blunt i've been so burnt by others i found myself unable to trust or believe anything they said. Frankly I still don't and don't believe i will ever enter into a relationship again. The oak tree broke the camels spine in 8 places and cannot be repaired. many have been from the online dating community, with a few exceptions met in 'real life' as it were.. I've also had the long belief that if you want dating and 'traditional' relationships etc, use a dating site. This isn't one. As someone pointed out above, it once upon a time had a dating section, but no longer does. Maybe i'm too literal in these things, who knows. I see this is a sex/hookup/play site, as advertised. If you want relationships go see the pirates over at RSVP or POF and see whats on offer. I've found many of the same people use 3-4 different sites to 'maximise' their exposure... Frankly i think (personally) the internet has ruined human communications and expectations, along with the traditional structure of relationships...but i am just an old cynic now :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
There's a general expectation here that if you meet up it's for sex. If you're not after that you need to be super clear and be prepared to be overlooked or 'shied away from'. I'm not after meets at all at this stage but I can tell you that when I was sex was expected. It may not be clearly stated by RHP's marketing that this is a sex site rather than a dating site but the whole site is geared that way. It's also really clear by speaking to other RHP members. Of course I'm speaking generally and there are always exceptions. ;) Burning_Love I think the suggestions that another site might be better for you, (to find someone who's 'right' for you) is about positioning yourself in a more suitable target market. Having said that there's nothing wrong with sticking with RHP where you can have a perve and enjoy the sites more sexual vibe. Who knows you may stumble across Mr Right. :) I hope you find what you are looking for. Good luck.
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
Fair enough. I might have to become a tradie ;) What is the best time that single nice women go shopping ? I have no job type preference. Sorry, off topic again.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' What is a woman is very sexual, likes to know about her prospective partner's sexual proclivities and likes to be open and liberated about sex? All of which is available on this site. But ... she just doesn't want to sleep around with various men or have casual sex. Surely a woman can like both things? It doesn't have to be either or. But I'm failing to see the point of your original post. You're suggesting that if men are open to something more then they should put this in their profiles, but what makes you think they don't? Surely there are men out there who have that in their profiles already? So are you assuming that there are more men looking for that than are claiming to be? If so, that strikes me as a major assumption. And then you ask why men shy away from women who do put that in their profiles, but the answer is obviously because that's not what they're looking for and they don't want to lead anyone up the garden path. When I read a profile I take it at face value and decide whether someone interests me or not based on that. I don't reckon reading more into it or assuming people are leaving stuff out gets anyone anywhere good. The upshot is, your particular kink (a relationship) is one of the rarer ones on here, so you're fishing from a much smaller pool.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You said "I'm not into casual sex, NSA, FWB etc." But then later you say that every relationship starts casual??? Ask yourself that same question that you posed in your OP....... Why indeed?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
I'm also looking for something more than just casual sex, I won't just meet with anyone, I'm looking for something more, a lover, a friend, a partner in crime, someone to grow with, learn from, experience things with and if it leads to a relationship, then fantastic. I need connection, attraction, compatibility, these are the things I need and want. Now in saying that, if someone is offering something that I want or mutually beneficial then why not, there still has to be attraction and connection though......after all I'm here to experience things and learn more about myself.......💋
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
You meet people, you either click or you don't. Who knows what it will lead to, if you don't meet people, than how will you ever know. You might not be looking for a relationship, then you meet someone and it just falls into place. I think it's being open to the possibility of it just happening, no pressure, no expectations, then there can be no disappointments.....💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
Two things: 1) There are few men, relatively speaking, who say on their profile that they're open to a relationship. Many men who message me confess that while their profile doesn't say it, they are (in their own words) definitely open to a relationship. Either they're telling the truth or their not, I have no way of knowing. But man after man after man says it to me in a private message. I generally respond by saying if they are open to that, they might want to say so on their profile, otherwise few women are going to believe them. THEY then generally respond by saying a woman should want to get to know that about them through messages. To which I generally say, pffft, your profile is your advertising. Put what you want people to know on there or accept they'll take what IS on there at face value. Then I say, thanks but no thanks :) So there, you know my life story :P But to answer your question more simply, as per above, I'm not making an assumption, I'm speaking from direct and consistent experience over six years on this site. 2) Maybe men shy away from profiles where women are seeking more than sex for the reason you gave. Maybe not. Who knows? Each individual man knows and no-one can really speak for all men. Hence why I asked the question. To get insights. You know? Duh ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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Paradisepair
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' When you say normal relationship you mean a traditional monogamous relationship. Possibly. So do we all think that most people on RHP are sluts. I would say most men are sluts. So the question is do I want a slutty boyfriend? But.... If I go to a traditional dating site how do I know those guys aren't sluts as well, particularly as a lot of them have profiles on RHP. It's a conundrum all right. :p Nothing wrong with a bit of safe and conscious sexual promiscuity, what's important though is clear and honest communication, no cheating. You're probably more likely to find a partner who can handle an open relationship maturely here, but that doesn't sound like what the OP's after. Fortunately I'm just here to mercilessly use men (and women) for their bodies and if I'm lucky charm... I'm not against being used for frivolous pleasure back. I think there's a consensus, NSA, or simple fun friendships are what RHP offers up best. One or two individuals voicing they want more doesn't change the nature of where we are and meanwhile the remaining 95 to 98% scratch their heads. Of course there's (probably less than) 0.01% of users who actually found the one here, but I wonder how many of them actually closed their relationship? That I think is my boner of contention, any expectation of developing a closed relationship here. But love is love, and it could happen, and MrRightNow might have planned a life of debauchery but instead he falls deep in love and dedicates himself solely to MissRight forever and ever. Or she could meet a nice bi guy here, be his only girl and have an open mind towards his outlet for his sexuality. And their love would be true, and deep and lasting. That I can believe....
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RHP User
10 years ago
With twisted mister's . Ive found myself meeting people just for company. That always gets tiring. I'm probably looking for sex with conversation, wine & dinners with just someone open to the possibility of something more- not specifically forever - but for however long it works. Where's the website for thatthat? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'sir_stir' You said "I'm not into casual sex, NSA, FWB etc." But then later you say that every relationship starts casual??? Ask yourself that same question that you posed in your OP....... Why indeed?? - Posted from rhpmobile It's really not that complicated. I said I'm not looking for casual SEX. I said every relationship starts as CASUAL e.g. not serious / committed, but I didn't say every relationship starts with casual SEX. It could be (and in my preference is) casual dating, hanging out, getting to know each other well before getting naked.
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