F55
Love me, love my way (fetish)
August 04 2013
Comments
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sweetgem
11 years ago
It is not realistic to expect one person to satisfy all my sexual needs, because no two people would have the same sexual desires and fantasies. I certainly do not want to be forced to do anything that I don't like doing in bed, e.g. anal sex, I had been there done that and hated it! Hence I won't have double standards in this sense. When I'm in love with a man, I will let him know what I do and don't like and vice versa; give him my best as well as trying to help him fulfilling his fantasies within reasons. I won't ask my partner to give up anything to be with me, because I do not want to be put in the same position. So, I always try to find the common point, and if I can't, then I know not to waste any more of his and my times. This is why open or poly relationship doesn't suit me.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is a sacrifice in one way or another everyday whether its a sexual, personal, time related or even space it's how much your willing to accept. I would ask how they felt about it but never pressure an response or an action. If I wasn't happy I would talk about it first and hopefully come to an agreement without hurting anyone or a relationship.
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RHP User
11 years ago
can change over time, I don't think too many people would change partners because their particular fantasy changed. I am talking about an actual relationship not just a FWB situation. In an FWB situation for sure, just move on to the next person that suits your current Kink, isn't that what it's all about?
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RHP User
11 years ago
True slm. I have communicated with a few men now who have decided that they would like to experiment with other men but they won't tell their partners, whether it is a wife or girlfriend. So slm and Sweetgem, what if you were not aware of a fetish or need, or the sexuality of your partner until well after you got to know them and became a couple, maybe you have even been together for a number of years. As slm states, people's tastes change as they get older, or maybe as they get to understand themselves better. What do you do?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why if it is a fetish or kink you find disgusting or just a complete turn off. Should your partner forgo this sexual activity or should you try to accommodate your partner?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have only three sexual boundaries that I simply cannot accept people crossing - any kind of non-consensual sex or sexual violence between adults, paedophilia and bestiality. I would not tolerate these in any form, for even a moment. Other than that, your kink is your kink and nothing to be ashamed of. But that doesn't mean I want it in my life, or that I want a partner who is a slave to their kink and can't express themselves in a range of loving, sexual ways. I also believe that part of the glue that keeps a relationship together is an intense sexual chemistry, so if we didn't have that, and if the kink was more important to my partner that we were, I'd walk away in a heart beat. For the record, I've had one partner who satisfied all of my sexual needs and more, so yes, I believe it's possible.
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RHP User
11 years ago
that if I ever fell in love with someone again, it would be on the premise that we shared and celebrated each other's kinks whatever they may be. I know I certainly have my collection and would expect that I'd attract someone similar. I won't be holding my breath though .... oh hang on .... maybe I will! And in my hippie commune, we will all share the love, and kinks. The more the merrier.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Relationships are also about compromise to achieve positive outcomes for those that invest into it. In my opinion, what it comes down to, is knowing within yourself what you NEED to be happy, and what it is that you WANT to be happy.- Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
11 years ago
Which means I do not like arguing or fighting in any forms! Hence, if I was with a man who had a specific fetish/kink, but I didn't find out until after we became a couple, I would talk to him and ask him to tell me honestly if: 1) he had already fulfilled that fetish/kink? 2) that fetish/kink of his was something he just wanted to experiment once or to do on ongoing basis. If his fetish/kink was something he only wanted to experiment once to kill his curiosity and that he had already done it, I would stay because I believe everyone deserves a second chance. However, if his fetish/kink was something he wanted to adopt on continuing basis, I would endure the heartache and set both of us free. There would be no point to stay in this case as I could not accept that my partner in fact liked to sleep with men too! As for why I would find some fetishes/kinks are disgusting (awful word to use I'm sorry), because they are something that are way beyond my limit, acceptance and tolerance. Just like some people who cannot bear the smell of Durian (the exotic fruit you get in Thailand that has very strong smell). So I guess as human beings, we sometimes react unfriendly to things that we cannot tolerate. But having said that, I will never make any bad comment about others' desires and fantasies, unless they try to enforce their thinking on me, otherwise I will always give my respect to people who deserve it.- Posted from rhpmobile
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Curious1965
11 years ago
That is a very good question, as others have said a relationship is a compromise or more a set of balancing scales on one side you have sexual satisfaction and on the other side is all the other relationship benefits. Does that sexual difference tip the scales? We should also be mindfull that many relationships have little or no sex so out of all the sexual fantasies if one does not happen is it really the deal breaker when all other sex is good, I would think not. Sometimes it is what we do for others that they never know about that makes the difference.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Could really liking anal sex be considered a Kink? Just wondering, as I consider it a deal breaker for some ladys.
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RHP User
11 years ago
In life one can have anything one desires. It's only in the function of "Not being able to have" that doubts like the ones Meeka has voiced become rationalized into a mediocre life view point..The experience of full self expression in any arena, esp your sensual development, is not to be hindered by any other. And neither should accept sacrifice as an acceptable outcome. Or it will become the easy excuse over the exciting chance of the new and daring.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think when 2 people fall inlove everything's new and fun an exciting you both have a lot of fun getting to no each others fantasies and boundaries and then you get into routines and life changes a bit, and later on I think people get a little board with the regular and decide to negotiate and deviate to accommodate each others fantasies and changing desires. THATS MY OPPINION NOT THAT I'VE BEEN IN THAT SITUATION B4- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
"I know I certainly have my collection and would expect that I'd attract someone similar" is that I'd expect him to have his collection of kinks also. They would not have to match mine but I sure hope he'd let me watch when playing out his kinks with others. If he was bi? Then my dreams would have come true!!BUT, no scat. I have limits you know ...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I like your post, your last statement in particular :) It reminds me of something I find quite attractive in men - self-restraint. The ability to rise above urges, or at least to put them into perspective. To restrain yourself from pushing for sex straight up with a woman, and thereby have the chance to get to know her and who knows, maybe find someone special and have amazing sex for years to come. To restrain yourself from just having that one "super important I'll die if I don't get it" kink fulfilled so that maybe you can hang on to all the other blessings in a relationship. I've always found that a man's genuine willingness to go without builds trust and makes it clear I'm much more to him than a collection of holes he wants to fuck. That kind of trust inevitably leads to me being pretty willing to help him indulge most kinks. I'm sure it goes both ways between men and women. Build trust first and many more things are possible :) Nothing worse than a guy who acts like dog on heat all the time; if he can't contain his urges when it's appropriate to do so, he's not mature enough for me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was at a club in Melbourne and a Chinese man in his 50's was there dressed as a woman. Dressed like a glamorous 50's house wife. He set himself up on a little stage, and stood there perfectly still, like a mannequin in a shop window. He also had a sign next to him which said, " I am a living doll, please touch me wherever you choose to, you may speak to me if you wish. If you press my left palm I come to life and I will answer you, touch my palm again and I will become frozen" I often wondered if his wife and family knew. Sometimes, you learn something about a person which completely changes the way you see them.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Interesting point, what if your partner looses all interest in sex. That could be a deal breaker for me.
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Lifes_great
11 years ago
Quoting 'lolygoblblisbom'I have only three sexual boundaries that I simply cannot accept people crossing - any kind of non-consensual sex or sexual violence between adults, paedophilia and bestiality. I would not tolerate these in any form, for even a moment. Other than that, your kink is your kink and nothing to be ashamed of. But that doesn't mean I want it in my life, or that I want a partner who is a slave to their kink and can't express themselves in a range of loving, sexual ways. I also believe that part of the glue that keeps a relationship together is an intense sexual chemistry, so if we didn't have that, and if the kink was more important to my partner that we were, I'd walk away in a heart beat. For the record, I've had one partner who satisfied all of my sexual needs and more, so yes, I believe it's possible. I do so hope you are right
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RHP User
11 years ago
Meeks....I get the impression you're saying you would leave and not address the issue of libido decline?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have girlfriends who think twice a year is sufficient. Once on his birthday and once at Christmas. They have no interest in sex at all or trying to spice their life up or see if they can improve their libido... I wouldn't want to live that way. It's like you are just room mates. Not husband and wife.
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RHP User
11 years ago
we have to give up a lot to love. Sex , desire, love all change in time.so does a fetish some things you want more and more and more and can never get enough, other times you go nahh not my thing but you may try it a few times with your partner.but in the end we all have the right to say, no thanks thats not for me and can you help me with the dishes tonight dear?sex is a lot of hard work at times, especially when your exhausted from work, kids, money troubles and lifeso sometimes you have to give somethings up for a while.no one person can fill all our needs, neither can a lot of people, only we can do that, and even then all things in moderation.i know people who have been married but not had sex for ten years now. they are still together and neither one goes elsewhere at all. thats what love is...in the long run when you are ill, have no sex drive, get fat old and ugly the people that count will still be around.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't think it is particularly realistic to expect anyone to either accept and/ or do all their fetish/kinky wants. If one feels they would like to try the others kink/ fetish to please their partner, then so be it, but, if they do not enjoy it or it makes them feel debased then hopefully it can be put away as something tried but not enjoyed, never to be done again. I have been in this situation, fortunately my partner understood it was not a thing I wished to repeat and we never did. As for having a partner who cannot satisfy me, that is totally another aspect. Then, eventually I would have to look elsewhere. Probably sooner than later.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree with that absolutely. I would expect that, if my libido or hers was noticeably differing, then some effort be made. What do their partners think of that?? Are they able to accept that or does it drive them mad, but not do anything about it?? I've had a mate of mine that was unhappy with his partner, but when asked why he didn't just leave, his reply was "I don't want to start over again with someone new." While that may have worked for him, I wonder how many actually just bite the bullet and stay, despite the overwhelming unhappiness??- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Interesting point, what if your partner looses all interest in sex. That could be a deal breaker for me. Going without sex with the person I love is a deal breaker for me. It happened recently. it was like sleeping with a best friend with no touching. Tried everything, even medical advice, she just lost all intrest. We broke up and stayed friends, even tho I miss her like crazy, Ive had to move on.
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subgal_gc
11 years ago
of mine is married to a woman who went into the marriage saying that sex once or twice a month was more than enough, and even then it was never in anything other than missionary position at her insistence. Having spoken to others who knew her I knew he wasn't lying to me just to get me into bed (or where ever else we would end up). He however had a an amazing libido, with some great kinks that thankfully we both enjoyed. We were together for 9 months til circumstances occurred that meant we had to separate. When I asked one day why he married her in the first place and why did he stay with her his answer surprised me as there was no mention of love. He simply said well who else would live out here (bout 450km SW of Bris) and that when it came to leaving he didn't want to lose access to his little girl.This was five years ago and I know he is still with her now they also have a second (band-aid) baby that was conceived as another anchor for her to keep him. They don't have much of a marriage barely speaking to each other and he is out working 12-16 hrs/day to avoid her (even thou he has about 6-7 others working for him now). I also know he has never become involved with anyone else since me, but I know he will eventually leave her when his kids are older. Hopefully he wont regret the decision to wait. For me sex is a big part of any relationship and if I was being denied then I would have to make some serious decisions on if I could stay. As for kinks I would hope that we would both have our own that we would be able to share even if they didn't match up perfectly.
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madotara69
11 years ago
We have had a really good time trying some new sexy experiences that takes more than two to achieve, unless we were superhuman or something. It has only come to happen because we have shared our thoughts with adding to the relationship we have, not needing what we don't have to try and find it.We are a team, and sometimes you have got to be the ball.Mado, Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well after being like this for 7-8 years, I don't know what her partner thinks of it. He doesn't look like a sexually frustrated man... maybe he is getting somewhere else? I wouldn't blame him to be honest. He may be waiting for the kids to get older before leaving, or maybe he is happy with it. I don't know and it isn't something I would ever ask him.It's one thing for your libido to disappear... I mean mine has done a walkabout at the moment and that happens from time to time.... but to never want to try, or to talk about it... or to even please your partner at all. That is no sexual contact at all apart from a few times a year is pretty selfish in my mind. It just isn't fair to the other person at all.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was that person, in a completely sexless marriage. We talked and talked about it and in the end e would have accepted pretty much anything I wanted to do to be sexually fulfilled. I respected that in him, very much.
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RHP User
11 years ago
We aren't just taking about straight sex here though are we? Aren't we talking about kinks? I'd hope that no one would have to sacrifice anything if both partners have been open and honest right from the start. If fetishes have developed after the relationship is established then that's a different story. I still believe that as a couple, you would be supportive of each other exploring their sexual interests. Having said that, it's like anything ... establish your limits early on. No one can know what your limits will be but you. Dealbreakers are dealbreakrs. Respect them or make the hard decision.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Agreed :) I would imagine it would be very frustrating. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think kinks change over time, even if just the order of them. I love to be sexually active and to be open about trying various things. Communicating with your partner is the key, even if they aren't into it, you can still share thoughts on it. For me having a partner share their deep desires is such a thrill. Knowing they are getting off on it is usually enough to get me to give it a go and likely enjoy as much as her.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'paintme' that if I ever fell in love with someone again, it would be on the premise that we shared and celebrated each other's kinks whatever they may be. I know I certainly have my collection and would expect that I'd attract someone similar. I won't be holding my breath though .... oh hang on .... maybe I will! And in my hippie commune, we will all share the love, and kinks. The more the merrier. you bring Bruno next visit to Syd Need any specific skills in your hippie commune... may be able to help
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RHP User
11 years ago
Do you think it is realistic to expect one person to satisfy all your sexual needs? The realist in me says No... otherwise you are setting yourself up for a big let down 99.99999% of the time.Is it even possible? Absolutely... with the right partner... which is very hard to find.Is it fair to want someone to give up an essential part of their sexuality, or a particular fetish to be with you? Tis probably not fair to want someone to "give up an essential part" of their sexuality, that is then expecting them to give up being who they are.If you fell in love with someone and they with you, would you ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves for you? Never. Ever!Or do you feel that you couldn't fall in love with someone unless they have similar type of sexual needs or fetishes as yourself? Don't know... am too easy and flexible to make that call.Or vice versa would you give up a fetish or part of your sexual needs if someone you loved asked you too? Depends on what was asked to give up. Small things are not a sacrifice, big things may be a deal breaker.
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RHP User
11 years ago
A man whose kinks and fetishes were too much for me... Kinks and fetishes don't bother me, however, too many is just not my cup of tea.
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