F56
Lying
August 18 2015
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
Past relationships of a woman i am seeing i dont need to know really , but will always listen if she needs to talk about it, and if asked of my own i dont see the point in lying about it . So obviously if someone does lie they are hiding something just another test for us to work out is all, or another nail in the coffin of deciet for the other !! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Who do you believe? I am a little puzzled ..that's an awful lot of detail to ask someone you haven't even had a coffee with...you might ask them those things after you have met.How did you meet his former partner before you met him?...I don't think it's anyone else's business as to how thy broke up,and there is always two sides to any story xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
I would be too exhausted playing private investigater to end up meeting him!!! I think some things really dont need to be brought up initially. And ex's will always have different stories. You already dont trust him ( have you not met yet? ) so do him a favour and search for someone who you wont have insecurity issues with from the word go. Meeting new people is supposed to be fun and exciting adventures. But sounds like you have made your mind up about not trusting him anyway.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Serious stalker shit!
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think both Freya and Willow have said all there is to it truth comes from how one sees a situation and besides how does one know if someone is telling them the complete truth. Some find it easy to be honest and others not so easy, especially on sites like these where truth and dishonesty tend to get a little mixed in together. How easy life would be if it were all out there and complete honesty ruled. No confusing anyone for anyone
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RHP User
9 years ago
and I'll only speak for me.... But I care not about the details of their past relationship....who did what or who broke up with who; yes it's a conversation you can have and it makes for an interesting one to gauge how your potential meet responds; however the minute details aren't really that important if you're simply gauging if you're a rebound.... The only question I'll ask to gauge the rebound nature is "how long have you been separated from your previous partner??" If you're asking for details then you're also inviting them to bag their ex.....not to mention you're inviting their dramas into your interactions with them..... And you don't look like the kind to like drama......but I could be wrong - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
that those above have already covered it pretty well. Freya put it down first - there's always two sides to a story - even though the ex may have written him up well, how much was she not telling you as well ? The very purpose of meeting up with someone new is to find out their information from them first off, and then if you want to make further inquiries you have a base to start from. Starting to make a judgement about someone before you have even met them with any information you may have garnered beforehand, regardless of where that may come from, is doing a dis-service to the both of you, and probably highly prejudicial to any later possible outcome. In answer to your basic inquiry, I'm a believer of the old adage that honesty is the best policy. Something that you are trying to hide will pretty much always out itself later on, and probably at the most inconvenient time. Not saying that you don't need to 'bend' the truth in certain situations, as long as you believe that you can 'straighten' it out at a better moment in time. Tall
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
plus a little more. Were I him.... i'd be just a little concerned about your propensity to dig into other peoples history based on other peoples version of it.. Just sayin.
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RHP User
9 years ago
The way I see it, just be open because you are going to be found out eventually or you are going to find out. I tell people I meet to ask anything they like because I haven't nothing to hide. I don't have the time or energy to be fucked around (please excuse the language) so I don't. I believe in honesty and integrity. ovetoloveyou, I would love to meet you :)
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't talk about past relationships unless it's pertinent and necessary to explain something or point out something. By talking about past relationships, I fee that you're just demonstrating that you'll do the same to the intended when and if it's finished. Not something I would want to be the subject of... Nor would I do it. Basic info and simple honesty about,maybe, the reason why things finished... No names or other info and certainly no way to contact or locate them. In order to be a good liar, you need a good memory and mine is useless... I can't remember simple things like names (so everyone, male and female, is 'Mate')... LOL. There's no room in any relationship for lying, even about past ones. If you've done nothing wrong, there's no need to lie. If you have done wrong, then 'fess up'... You'll be surprised at the respect you'll get for taking responsibility and show that you've learnt to 'own' you mistakes and not try to excuse them, in case people see you under a bad light.
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OPNmarriagecpl
9 years ago
Do you even care so much about his previous relationship statistics to go to such degrees as discussing him with his ex? Would not have thought that any of that was necessary for you to play with this man, and you hadn't even made it to coffee yet. Maybe next time, to take a positive out of this, you've learnt that sometimes too much information can be as bad as too little.... find a happy medium of disclosure so your comfortable. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
been up front with people in here. Not so much in my day to day life because of ........well, what i am. But really anyway, first meet or 3 you should be taking the person at face value until alarm bells start ringing. I mean if things start developing into some sort of relationship, fwb or whatever then start asking the hard questions. To me OP, you have the makings of a woman that wants to marry......soon. Or boil up his pet rabbit.
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QLDtwo4fun
9 years ago
Without misreprenting anything, or lying about your past, I think the level of disclosure needs to be proportionate to the intensity and length of the relationship. As should your need or interest in knowing about a prospective partner's past. In disclosing your own past, to a new friend, you are also disclosing another persons past without their consent. People can change, sometime for the better sometimes for the worst. I wouldn't rely solely on references, be cautious, don't allow any relationship to progress at a rate that leaves you exposed, financially or emotionally.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think you need to calm down and actually there are three sides to every story! His, hers and the truth. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Smilingwithfun
9 years ago
Imagine doing all that detective work on a potential meet & he's a no show.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Once, my long-term de-facto ex's new partner sent me a long heartfelt message asking for advice about whether she should break up with him or not. She needed to know if it was just her, or if he had some serious jealousy/insecurity issues. The truth was yes, he did, she had just stumbled on his major flaw, and it was the reason I left him in the end. Her mistake however, was thinking that just because we both had vaginas that I would somehow be more loyal to her, a complete stranger, than a man I once loved. I sent her a bubbly cheerful response about how relationships are like coconuts, sometimes you have to go through something rough to get to the sweet bit. I then emailed my ex and dobbed her straight in.
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RHP User
9 years ago
not quite on topic there. Sorry OP! To answer your questions: 1 - Completely2 - Completely3 - Paramount4 - Be honest and I will trust you completely. Only when people have been dishonest, do my instincts have me looking for evidence and only when I become SERIOUSLY suss, will I breach your privacy to find out for sure.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' Who do you believe? I am a little puzzled ..that's an awful lot of detail to ask someone you haven't even had a coffee with...you might ask them those things after you have met.How did you meet his former partner before you met him?...I don't think it's anyone else's business as to how thy broke up,and there is always two sides to any story xxFreya "His ex was there". Where, exactly? I must say I think you went way too far and if I found out someone did that to me I'd run a mile. I find behaviour like you describe rather obsessive, and a bit worrisome to be honest. To answer your questions: - how honest do you think people should be about past relationships and breakups I think their past relationships are none of my business, and I don't ask. I couldn't care less really, unless someone shows they're not over their ex or badmouth them. Then it's goodbye immediately. - how honest are you / or have people been with you (that you know of) I will mention my past relationships in ten sentences or less if asked. As far as others: since it's not something that really comes up, I don't know. - how important is honesty in these things If you insist on telling me about your past, don't lie. I detest being lied to. Instead just don't say anything. - where do you draw the line on privacy and straight out dishonesty See above. It would be hard to prove dishonesty though, as I'm not about to contact their ex to verify any stories I've been told. Good luck.
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inspirit
9 years ago
RELAX! I'm with all the others on here BUT if you want too come and have some fun. A group of us are meeting at the Balmoral in Vic Park this Friday night for shenanigans. I'' put up a Red Balloon so you can find us. You too CT. Be a great night of madness. In answer too your question tho...............If I am asked I will be honest, however I never give too much away. My private life is just that - PRIVATE. My past is also my past and clearly no ones business except mine.
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RHP User
9 years ago
wanna rewt?? ๐๐๐๐๐ - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
9 years ago
You're so square
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RHP User
9 years ago
Stirry the square rewt
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RHP User
9 years ago
get our fucks back on....the poor OP is out of them atm :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I dont really have any comment on the situation apart from it sounds odd. The main thing i got from opening poster is insecurity, especially wrt to comparing herself to a former partner. You should never do that because: 1. You will never see what he sees in either you or Ms X. It's not objective, it is about attraction and how he feels about you. Therefore, comparison of looks, body, etc is completely pointless. 2. It makes you look and feel insecure, a reinforcing circle of self doubt or worse. 3. You realise he's not actually with her right? Therefore irrelevant. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
The OP didn't say she was "stalking" the man. By the way I read she was somewhere and the EX girlfriend shot her mouth off. As per OP quote "felt it went way too far". By the sounds of it the OP does not want to place herself in situations that make her uncomfortable with any man nor be rebound person. And she wants a choice..That's fair?? I don't think the OP deserves some if the posts in this forum. A bit harsh. :/ Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
The OP didn't say she was "stalking" the man. By the way I read she was somewhere and the EX girlfriend shot her mouth off. As per OP quote "felt it went way too far". By the sounds of it the OP does not want to place herself in situations that make her uncomfortable with any man nor be rebound person. And she wants a choice..That's fair?? I don't think the OP deserves some if the posts in this forum. A bit harsh. :/ Foxy
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think the answer is to stop dating and work on your own insecurities. Worrying about exes and your ability to compete with previous relationships isn't very attractive. You are only ever going to be able to count on your own merits to attract the right mate and if you can't be someone you can be confident will attract and keep a man then you're never going to be able to relax and enjoy the relationship.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' wanna rewt?? ๐๐๐๐๐ - Posted from rhpmobile ... nah ... Vict Park /Carlisle ... ... not Wanna roo t
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Read the post again. OP said she was checking him out BEFORE the meet and ran into ex during the investigation. Ex did not track her down. Just saying......
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RHP User
9 years ago
It's all too confusing for me to follow... Maybe my brain is 'drained' from studying at my age...???
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Baileygirl
9 years ago
I can understand a little delving but I would take the direct route and go straight to the source if I wanted to know anything. I've been investigated by a guy who had sent me one message to which I hadn't replied. I found out because he investigated through another RHP member who had written me a validation. He told me all the questions this guy asked, including but not limited to; am I moody. lol TBH, I felt a little violated....nit in a rapey way, but in a mind your own business way. I hadn't even agreed to meet this guy and he was already probing into subjects I considered none of his business.It so happened that the guy he was getting the info from, said good things but probably more than I would've liked. I think it should be up to me to tell what someone else knows about me and if that means lying for whatever reason, then so be it.I agree with whoever said, it depends on the intensity and duration of the relationship you intend to have. If I was heading into relationship zone then yeah, I'd be honest because what's the point in lying anyway?....but just for a sex hook-up...nah.
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
OP didn't say she had, she said she tried. I didn't say the ex "tracked" her down- you did. Just sayin Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
9 years ago
Sounds all too messy for me. Privacy or not..No one wins. Foxy
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Im confused now......
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Mr_Invisible
9 years ago
Its certainly nice to know some details so you don't get caught up in someone elses baggageI am not a fan of oversharing but always willing to listen is the lady wishes to talk about the pastI'm candid and honest with anyone I choose to play with so everyone knows where they stand
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' The OP didn't say she was "stalking" the man. By the way I read she was somewhere and the EX girlfriend shot her mouth off. Stalking is a big word, however the OP herself said "Found out about the lies as I was trying to check him out before meeting and his ex was there." Was where? Were you going through his Facebook account or something, lovetoloveyou? Sadly you still haven't answered any questions yet, but I'm having trouble believing you stumbled across her by sheer accident or you just happened to be somewhere where the ex "shot her mouth of" as Foxy calls it, without her being approached by you first. Hoping to get a response.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Gentlemanpervert got his profile pic approved ?Ive tried a few cartoons, penelope pitstop and wheres wally, but they have been rejected. How did you manage that?
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
Tried to get a shot of my undies and shoes approved but no go. What gives Ms Moderator? Sorry back on topic.......
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RHP User
9 years ago
The other side of the coin. Search for: She Finds Abusive Ex-Husbandโs New GF on Facebook And Writes Her A Letter Moving stuff, I hope it's real.
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RHP User
9 years ago
The mods used to approve pics of flowers, animals, artwork, you name it. I'm guessing members who still have pics like that were around before the rules got changed.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Unless you comment it's going to go feral, if it hasn't already.
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joanne1991
9 years ago
That is some serious stalking and detective work just for a meet, he hadn't asked you to marry him lol, if I was in his shoes I'd run a mile.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Being a zebra ๐ด..xxFreya
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RHP User
9 years ago
Will play you like a deck of cards in order to satisfy their needs!!!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Goes something like, this "He said, She said....... and then what really went down." Draw a line in the middle of both versions and take it from there. You are only ever going to hear about the trauma from his point of view. Because that's the only view he will ever talk about, his view. To be really blunt, it's none of your business what happened in any of his past relationships or why they disintergrated. Be polite, nice and wait to be given information. You are with him now in 2015 not part of his past life. Pestering, and digging for information will get you nowhere. You want to dig like a blood hound, perhaps consider taking up debt collection for a living, then you'll get to dig and track people like a sniffer dog to your hearts content. Personally, I only tell someone something these days when I actually feel a degree of trust and connection with an individual. A rather traumatic experience has taught me that holding back in the game of information exchange (even when asked) is best policy in the early stages when forming any new acquaintance. I don't lie, but I don't believe it's necessary to give the complete story of my life up until the hour that I met you for us to start dating. When you ask personal questions that make an individual uneasy you're setting the stage to be told fibs. Take a deep breath, be patient and wait him to offer you the information of his own free will. If you are uncomfortable with that situation, move on!
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thicklonghard
9 years ago
Congrats u won the worst ever topic on RHP...... :/ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
As the new partner I never questioned Mr Twosomeplus on intimate details of his last ex except for how long since they broke up. The need to know more is not needed or even relevant to our (possible) relationship. I trust my own judgement and observation skills as in the end actions always speak louder than words. My advice to you is step away from dating and the need to be with someone and work on your own insecurities and trust issues. I can guarantee, any guy you date finds out you went detective/psycho stalker on him before you met him, he is going to run like lightening. Be a shame you meet Mr Lovetooloveyou and then he ditches you because of that......no one likes a psycho stalker in their life......
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0h0y0nicba
9 years ago
Above all else should be truth. Without that there is really nothing with integrity. Treat others as you wish to be treated...all pretty simply really. In regards to the past...it is gone (exes are exes for good reason), the future hasn't yet happened. All we ever have is the present moment, so why spoil it by asking about the past or future?
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RHP User
9 years ago
No need to put someone down for asking a question dude. Just dont contribute if you dont find the topic appealing. Simples.
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Lovinit28andKC72
9 years ago
I'm with the others too, I don't think it's any of your business about the ex, they are exs for a reason, as simple as that and as very one else has already said, there are many sides to a story. If people believed everything they had heard about me, I'd be on Australia's most wanted list, I think it's always best to take people at face value, with an open mind, then on meeting if your gut is telling you something different, listen to it, very rarely is it wrong.....๐ The way you've written your post, does sound a bit stalkerish, so he gave you his last name, I'm guessing he couldn't have to much to hide, if he did...๐
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Lovinit28andKC72
9 years ago
Everyone.....not very one, it's been a long night sorry...
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RHP User
9 years ago
This type of gossip mongering is quite shocking! What's next ... polygraph? A sexual CV with references from your 3 most recent dates / partners? Where does it all end? I dare say this topic says more about the OP than about the Stalking Victim.... and the guy has dodged a major bullet here........... thank god his ex didn't provide a glowing reference. Ex's ...............................bound to be a reliable, objective reference when needed????
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AnnieWhichway
9 years ago
No, the worst thread was the one where you talked yourself up in a glorious self promotion for a swingers night. And then....Pffffttt....Lol.
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RHP User
9 years ago
You'll never truly know if someone is lying, you just need to make it clear that a lie is a deal breaker and trust your instincts. The whole topic smells of insecurity and sorry to say but maybe a little desperation. I'm sure you're a lovely woman, but I'm with those that say you may need to take a step back and sort yourself a little before jumping in. (I've done it a couple times myself. No shame in hanging up the boots til you're truly ready)
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think it is all subjective to the person in that situation to make the right decision to disclose or hold back information. I know that I have lied or not provided 100% of the information to partners about my previous relationships. I made that decision based on the initial perceptions of my partner at the time and what there understanding would be so many times I have found that if you open up and be 100% open in the early stages of a relationship then you create an impression of yourself based on past behaviours and actions which may not always be the case as it doea not show any personal growth that you may have gone through since those times. I think in every relationship you need to base the amount of your oast that you share on a case by case basis. You cant expect to know everything about someone and there past before you even meet them that takes the mystery of discovery out of the relationship everyone has good and bad points hopefully they counter balance each other in someway. Remember its not just about the destination of having a stable relationship but the journey you go on to get there is half the enjoyment. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
To be honest their past is none of your business... The only thing in my opinion is that you honestly need to know if they have an STD or STI and how often they ate checked... I find that the only way you need to know about a persons past is if you wish to have a serious relationship with said person... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think there is lying and there is LYING. I heard a shocker lately from my FWB who just dumped a woman (on here) who neglected to mention she was becoming an 'escort'. He fpubs ouf eheh the guys at his work were scanning through back page and recognized some pics! I think he had a right to know, fully informed cobsent etc.... views?
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inspirit
9 years ago
Quoting 'girlseekingfun' I think there is lying and there is LYING. I heard a shocker lately from my FWB who just dumped a woman (on here) who neglected to mention she was becoming an 'escort'. He fpubs ouf eheh the guys at his work were scanning through back page and recognized some pics! I think he had a right to know, fully informed cobsent etc.... views? Oh hang on ........... DID he have feelings for her HAHAHAHAHAHA
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'girlseekingfun' I think there is lying and there is LYING. I heard a shocker lately from my FWB who just dumped a woman (on here) who neglected to mention she was becoming an 'escort'. He fpubs ouf eheh the guys at his work were scanning through back page and recognized some pics! I think he had a right to know, fully informed cobsent etc.... views? Should I disclose to a fwb if I was/am/could be a sperm donor (direct injection, std check), to a friend or X. As an example ? I have heard of this situation, 1 person offering the gift of life in a good situation, you have no right to know would be my view. And if you were to be checking it would look the same.Back to topic1 rule to follow when checking someone out online, when u find out that u don't like them (or what you read) either talk to them or stop contact. Don't stalk or hate, just move on. My thoughts, have a great day Andrew
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RHP User
9 years ago
Lying not lieing, have a great day.
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RHP User
9 years ago
2 sisters (twins) on work visa in Australia, 1 sister can stay in Australia (partner, study) the other will need to go home. But they want to be together. Friend X agrees to marry the other one so they can both stay. To be divorced in 1 year and not consummate the marriage. Friend X may be a fool, but should he present himself as married on rhp, or inform anyone.Easy to check if someone is married! (and no I`m not) At the end of the day if someone decides to be dishonest that is there choice, not yours. See them for who they are, your choice if you want them in your life.A final point, to source info online should be view similar to asking a drunk leaning against a pole out front of the pub. General info with little fact and plenty of dribble.
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RHP User
9 years ago
An early recommendation from the royal commission into child abuse, available in WA now.A single mother can go in person to a police station and have a police check done, id must be provided.Police can give general info on a prospective partner with the guys name and details provided, only general info like he has had AVO`s against him, or he is on the sex offenders register, or alternatively that police have no record to show any concern and they wish you the best. This was on ABC radio a few months ago as available now on request, while a full policy is being developed. I hope this is widely used. Have a great day.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm talking about fully informed consent. Wouldn't you want to know if a guy you were with even if it was every now and then was a porn performer, escort or into things you might find unpalatable? I know I would. Especially from a sexual health perspective then I could make a call on it with all the facts. What made you so bitter?!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'girlseekingfun' I'm talking about fully informed consent. Wouldn't you want to know if a guy you were with even if it was every now and then was a porn performer, escort or into things you might find unpalatable? I know I would. Especially from a sexual health perspective then I could make a call on it with all the facts. What made you so bitter?! Personally I believe that porn performers and sex workers are more vigilant about safe sex/getting tested regularly than the average person. Seeing the OP hasn't returned though, let alone bothered to respond to anything said, I'm out. I hope it works out for her.
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inspirit
9 years ago
I am not bitter, I just don't think it is anyone's business what you do in your personal life f they are just fuck buddies. Not too much I don't find unpalatable sweetie. Only thing I do find unpalatable is stalkers and busy bodies.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'girlseekingfun' I'm talking about fully informed consent. Wouldn't you want to know if a guy you were with even if it was every now and then was a porn performer, escort or into things you might find unpalatable? I know I would. Especially from a sexual health perspective then I could make a call on it with all the facts. What made you so bitter?! G`day, from the above comment I would say that you are looking for a relationship or a committed FWB, not a F/buddy.I`ve been accused of being bitter at times, generally by people that judge me on my personal choices. Each to there own, I agree with Inspirit people need to respect others privacy. Fully informed consent will be hard, especially if you think that it is a right. Judging a person honesty I find is a better way. Have a great day (I did) Andrew
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RHP User
9 years ago
Firstly, why are you believing one and not the other? How do you truly know who to believe? I think the OP may have been hurt very badly in the past (I know......assuming is not accurate and will only make me look like a fool). i think it's very sad that some need to check up on people before meeting them instead of just relaxing and finding out things from the person in question. how honest do you think people should be about past relationships and breakups - why would I want to know about a past relationship when it's the relationship between me and the other person that would be what I'm really interested in how honest are you / or have people been with you (that you know of) - I answer questions honestly. If I not comfortable answering something, I tell them so. I don't expect anyone to answer my questions they're not comfortable answering and would expect the same courtesy how important is honesty in these things - imperative where do you draw the line on privacy and straight out dishonesty - if they choose to tell me something, great. I don't go snooping into their past as it's just that, the past. I'd be furious if someone checked up on me to see if I was telling the truth. Not because I'm hiding something but it would make me feel that there is no trust at all there before anything even started. There really isn't a completely clear picture but I sincerely hope you find someone you can truly trust and you find happiness within yourself.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I don't know why but it looked very different before I posted. ๐
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