F56
Maintaining Emotional Distance
December 11 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Here's a few questions for you, if one of your non-sexual friends had a problem and needed a shoulder to cry on, would you be there for them? If you were having a hard time would you ask your friend for help? To me a fwb is just that, a friend with sexual benefits. I would never consciously emotionally distance myself from my mates so why do so with a fwb. To me no emotional connection is NSA. Now when that friendship starts becoming more, that's the hard one.. Hopefully, being good friends means you can always be honest with each other.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Clear and open communication is the key here.....If things are put on the table on regular basis, they can be open up and contemplated by both parties...... Expectations are a killer, and this build up when things are not talk about.I don't think avoiding anything is necessary, what is the point in living otherwise.....But being clear about your feelings and concerns as well as ideas and plans are a key issue with any intimacy.You can't avoid emotions, you can try to suppress them, but in my opinion it does not work.Better to open them up and see if they are reciprocated ..... Otherwise options can be explore by both parties until a suitable solution can be found..... Or distance if there is clear differences in feelings :( :(
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RHP User
12 years ago
1. Warning signs i've noticed are, lots of questions about what you've done, who you've seen whilst you have been apart.Questions about my children.Gifts for my children !Pressure to spend more time together, as in way more time and a want for an explanation as to why you can't.An increasing need to discuss the emotional side particularly fishing questions about "how you feel"2.Don't see them too often or at every opportunity, say "no" occasionally just to keep some space.3. I don't think so, some emotions like fondness, desire, trust and understanding are what makes it fwb rather than fb4.For an fwb isn't neither wanting a relationship the ideal ? One getting more involved than the other is the persistent enemy of the ideal fwb. Finding the balance in fwb is as difficult as it is with a full on relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I dont think u can have a FWB situation without a connection and feelings of some sort. I think if u both agree up front about what ur needs are then u might be better off. Also agree to be honest if the feelings change and do something about it before it goes any further. Congrats on finding a FWB previously as difficult to find and keep one.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have had a few liaisons of fwb situations, but I think you always end up with some kind of emotional attachment. That is what makes sex that much better. I messed around with the wrong woman, and we fell in love. Badly. And it ended badly. She was hurt, I was hurt. But on the other hand, I have been in situations where I could call and arrange an fwb time, but the woman on the other end of the line wanted more, but would settle with what she could get, and I didn't like stringing them along. A fine line that can easily be crossed.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Emotions are not something to be scared of, I think they can bring more depth and intensity to sex.Physical attractive in a must but the more I am attracted to his mind and personality the most I am turned on and so the more intense my orgasm will be. I like wildly passionate deep intense lovemaking and intense juicy orgasms with noheadachesatall please.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think that it would be very difficult if not impossible not to have feelings or emotional attachments to someone you are seeing regularly and are actually friends, sharing intimacy and emotions are part of that too. Great sex isn't really a 'mechanical act' although I suppose it could be but a bit too much like interactive masturbation for my liking.Make sure you understand each others needs and wants, have fun and talk about those special feelings. I've had a few friends that I truly did love and wished each of them a very sincere congratulations on their weddings days, I knew how lucky the man was that was marrying each one of these special women.Feelings are never right or wrong, they're just your feelings.
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De0cypher
12 years ago
As already, mentioned in this thread, its so difficult to find a FWB that you feel in 'like' with... so it is difficult to limit yourself from certain aspects of a naturally developing relationship. Is communication really key? I think it depends on the people involved - especially when it's about an arrangement that was very clearly about sex only from the beginning - it could mean one or both people running in opposite directions. It could mean clearer boundaries and some hurt feelings or it could mean more than just the FWB... I think for myself, it would be about knowing what I want. And how far I would go for it....am I prepared to give up the mind-blowing sex along with the great enhancements of humour and conversation or do I put into motion certain 'survival' instincts...(as 50zcool said "Don't see them too often or at every opportunity, say "no" occasionally just to keep some space) find others to distract yourself with etc... it really does depend on knowing what you would like to see happen with your FWB.
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RHP User
12 years ago
When you look into their eyes and feel incredibly happy that they're in your arms, and that you don't want them to go, that is when you know its no longer detached. Everything else after that is simply the way you deal with your feelings.RA
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RHP User
12 years ago
I had one fwb tell me she loved me. I didn't handle it very delicately, I was a dot on the horizon. With another girl, I recognised that I was becoming too involved when I realised that I was getting jealous at the attention she was getting from another friend. I did the same thing, couldn't see me for dust. That's when I stopped playing around.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Deepdarkwoods77'Here's a few questions for you, if one of your non-sexual friends had a problem and needed a shoulder to cry on, would you be there for them? If you were having a hard time would you ask your friend for help? To me a fwb is just that, a friend with sexual benefits. I would never consciously emotionally distance myself from my mates so why do so with a fwb. To me no emotional connection is NSA. Now when that friendship starts becoming more, that's the hard one.. Hopefully, being good friends means you can always be honest with each other. Yes, i offer that level of support to ALL my friends. And yes, good communication and total honesty is key.
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RHP User
12 years ago
a significant difference to being in like,to being in love.Lust is a part of both states but being in love is emotional attachment. Sometimes it happens with friends,we go from liking them to being inlove with them.Can we control our emotions?I believe that sometimes what we are feeling is just projecting onto the object of our love what we want,our emotional need for more than friendship.A little like being in a fog. Is how you are seeing the other person who they are or who you want them to be for you?
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
Deepdarkwoods77 I like you! I like what you have said, you nailed it! Your someone I could have a good chat with - hmmmmm
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting '50zcool' One wanting more is often why the perfect FWB arrangement comes to an end. Why is it that expectations and emotions change?? 1. Warning signs i've noticed are, lots of questions about what you've done, who you've seen whilst you have been apart. Questions about my children. Gifts for my children ! Pressure to spend more time together, as in way more time and a want for an explanation as to why you can't. An increasing need to discuss the emotional side particularly fishing questions about "how you feel" 2.Don't see them too often or at every opportunity, say "no" occasionally just to keep some space. 3. I don't think so, some emotions like fondness, desire, trust and understanding are what makes it fwb rather than fb 4.For an fwb isn't neither wanting a relationship the ideal ? One getting more involved than the other is the persistent enemy of the ideal fwb. Finding the balance in fwb is as difficult as it is with a full on relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yes, that's the question i really ponder on...."Can we control our emotions?" Quoting 'Freya13' a significant difference to being in like,to being in love.Lust is a part of both states but being in love is emotional attachment. Sometimes it happens with friends,we go from liking them to being inlove with them.Can we control our emotions?I believe that sometimes what we are feeling is just projecting onto the object of our love what we want,our emotional need for more than friendship.A little like being in a fog. Is how you are seeing the other person who they are or who you want them to be for you?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Did you feel that that balance required for a FWB was unattainable? Quoting 'jensman1903'I had one fwb tell me she loved me. I didn't handle it very delicately, I was a dot on the horizon. With another girl, I recognised that I was becoming too involved when I realised that I was getting jealous at the attention she was getting from another friend. I did the same thing, couldn't see me for dust. That's when I stopped playing around.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree with your "management ideas" and these are the same that i've practiced....it is ofcourse difficult when something feels good to not go back for more! Quoting '50zcool'1. Warning signs i've noticed are, lots of questions about what you've done, who you've seen whilst you have been apart. Questions about my children. Gifts for my children ! Pressure to spend more time together, as in way more time and a want for an explanation as to why you can't. An increasing need to discuss the emotional side particularly fishing questions about "how you feel" 2.Don't see them too often or at every opportunity, say "no" occasionally just to keep some space. 3. I don't think so, some emotions like fondness, desire, trust and understanding are what makes it fwb rather than fb 4.For an fwb isn't neither wanting a relationship the ideal ? One getting more involved than the other is the persistent enemy of the ideal fwb. Finding the balance in fwb is as difficult as it is with a full on relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'karynb' Did you feel that that balance required for a FWB was unattainable? Two of my playmates remain close friends to this day. They are both in committed relationships now so sex is off the menu. C'est la vie.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Now why would you let someone lick and stick the holy of holies and try to have emotional distance from that person?I would think if you enjoy some ones company and share times and sleep with that person you have an connection with that person.No offence but i for one don't agree with using people for intimacy.Guess i am old fashioned.If both parties agree to just sleep together for mutual sexual enjoyment and pretend they will not form a bond ,i think you are setting yourself up for downfall.Not saying i am perfect i have done this ,but regretted it in the end.Live and learn.Emotions are good,they are what makes us who we are.I think,if you keep suppressing your emotions,you will end up being a cold and bitter person in the long run.Rant off/
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank Kizza for your insight.....and i think you have a valid point. BUT.....if it's outside the terms of the original agreement then emotions do need to be managed. Don't get me wrong......it would be a lovely thing to fall helplessly hopelessly in lovely - that's not the goal of most FWB arrangements. Quoting 'kizza1973' Now why would you let someone lick and stick the holy of holies and try to have emotional distance from that person? I would think if you enjoy some ones company and share times and sleep with that person you have an connection with that person.No offence but i for one don't agree with using people for intimacy.Guess i am old fashioned. If both parties agree to just sleep together for mutual sexual enjoyment and pretend they will not form a bond ,i think you are setting yourself up for downfall.Not saying i am perfect i have done this ,but regretted it in the end.Live and learn. Emotions are good,they are what makes us who we are.I think,if you keep suppressing your emotions,you will end up being a cold and bitter person in the long run. Rant off/
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RHP User
12 years ago
I see life as testing us all.Now say you where having a FWB relationship with someone ,this means your time is occupied with you FWB ,and not in having a chance meeting with the love of your life.Life is funny like that,it makes the mind boggle.Cheers
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RHP User
12 years ago
Deepdarkwoods77 I like you! I like what you have said, you nailed it! Your someone I could have a good chat with - hmmmmm Sorry can't quote on my iphone but your welcome to chat with me any time :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya13' a significant difference to being in like,to being in love.Lust is a part of both states but being in love is emotional attachment. Sometimes it happens with friends,we go from liking them to being inlove with them.Can we control our emotions?II don't think I have ever been in love. How do you know when you are in love? what does this mean? I know I am am very emotionally attached to a few people...on a more than friendship basis. I love them... but how do you know if you are in love?I wonder about that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya13' a significant difference to being in like,to being in love.Lust is a part of both states but being in love is emotional attachment. Sometimes it happens with friends,we go from liking them to being inlove with them.Can we control our emotions?II don't think I have ever been in love. How do you know when you are in love? what does this mean? I know I am am very emotionally attached to a few people...on a more than friendship basis. I love them... but how do you know if you are in love?I wonder about that.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Considering my post above I am most likely not the best person to answer your questions. LOL No you can not control your emotions and I don't think there is anything wrong with having strong emotions or feelings for people you have a steady ongoing FWB situation with. You should care about them. It is all about expectations you are right, so I would think that it's best that you see other people and don't have it as an exclusive arrangement. Unfortunately there is always that risk that one person and some point will fall for the other. Be open about it and if you think that is happening to you well that is time to stop seeing the person. Unless they want the same thing of course The signs.... you just don't want anybody else but them. Nobody else compares. It is definitely possible to find the right balance but it's difficult.
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RHP User
12 years ago
in love if I remember rightly, was that amazing dizzy,giddy at the thought of each other,wanting to be together all the time,cant stop kissing touching each other roller coaster of emotions...just like a drug...it is ...lots of em...a chemical cocktail...highs and more highs.......but then it either disapears ,one day you wake up and it is gone.... or it changes to love, a deeper bond. I have experienced the first but never the second.A few months ago I met a couple who have deeply loved each other since they were 17 and 19 respectively.When I met them they were 92 and 94.So I know it does exists
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RHP User
12 years ago
Don't see them too often. Less than once a week, maybe twice a month and never ever stay the night. Works for me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The easiest way to avoid emotional attachment is to have more than one Fb. Don't see any one too often and never ever stay the night. Worked for me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think that's a topic for a whole new thread! and you are right.....how do we define the difference between being attached and feeling for a FWB or being "In love" ?? Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'Freya13' a significant difference to being in like,to being in love.Lust is a part of both states but being in love is emotional attachment. Sometimes it happens with friends,we go from liking them to being inlove with them.Can we control our emotions?I I don't think I have ever been in love. How do you know when you are in love? what does this mean? I know I am am very emotionally attached to a few people...on a more than friendship basis. I love them... but how do you know if you are in love?I wonder about that.
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