F61
Make your own template I admit I'm a bitch & hate country walks
April 06 2017
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
I am a 40 stardust infused humanoid, cavorting about with breasts and a pussyI admit I probably won't fuck you; unless you are mixed race, stand 192 cm tall, have heterochromia and a 7.43" cock(I should also quietly admit, I'd probably feel up your wife, and make out with your girlfriend)People have described me as [something biased, because they don't tell me to my face]I love grey rainy days, with low UV and high chance of thunderstorms. I'll probably try to make you drink something lurid, or at least with gin or cognac in it, before attempting to convince you to let me bitch slap you, while I have my hand around your. Other than that I can be a fucking darling* *Not a written guarantee.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I also am lousy at proof-reading and my auto-correct has long given up on me. So try to work out the bits I missed. Good luck (or should I say oops)
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RHP User
8 years ago
I'm 40 years old. I just have dick pics as I let myself go after High school. Go out to the pub with me though and I'll bore you shitless telling you all about how I was a high school sporting hero though. I paid good money to be on this site, so I don't give a shit that I match nothing you want, in the profile I didn't read, you have to put out. I'll tell you I've got an 8 inch dick, which is really 2 inches shorter and twice as long as I'll last when I'm three quarters pissed and put a leg over you. Foreplay? Isn't that something golfers call out? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Haha I love the exact penis size and height 😂😂😂 Thank you lmao 😀
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boobsandbusted
8 years ago
That was gold it2,lmao loved it Pepperose ,I so feel your pain ,I suck and have itchy trigger fingers on hitting post ,and to moists peoples horror,I gave up caring when we joined here - Posted from rhpmobile
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lovman8
8 years ago
Fit ,healthy, young acting 50+ year old, with tantric experience looking for intelligent stimulating woman ( must have chemistry ) for long satisfying love making sessions where your pleasure is my focus and hence I will suck pussy for hours and then pleasure you with my . Translation - dirty old man probably over 65 , sleazy and a perve, who is so desparate he will fuck anyone or thing with something resembling a vagina, and will give your pussy a passing lick before fucking you for 30 seconds or so if he can get an erection.Oops, that's no template , it's my actual profile?????
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RHP User
8 years ago
I'm a man, 39 years old, yeah right, that was almost a fucking decade ago! I admit that I'm always horny. That should be no surprise to you, I'm a man for gods sake! I have no idea how people describe me. Being a middle aged married man with no interest in a committed relationship means the conversation doesn't normally get that far. I love the outdoors but you wouldn't guess that from the amount of time I spend here on the computer enjoying myself perving at all your wonderful pictures.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Last time I looked I was a 39 year old man, but that was some time ago now. I'll admit I'm a sexual animal (a slug if zoological precision is important to you). People say I look tired and probably need a holiday, but you can be the judge of that. I enjoy reality programs about the outdoors, whether it be Survivor or Jersey Shore. Please fuck me, I'll really enjoy it.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I was hoping this was going to be for template replies to messages and was wondering WHY it was in off topic. On topic: I'm a 53 year old woman seeking sweet fuckall. Seriously, not even you. Messaging, pretending to be a friend won't change that. I have a loving husband who tells me I'm HOT every day! I admit I'm a sexual animal he can't get enough of. We like to spend time at home together but do still talk about making more of RHP than me posting in the forum... it's going to take a very special, open person to take us out of our comfort zone.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Yeah, off topic, damn 👎 it'll disappear by tomorrow 😉 where's that work experience kid when I need him? Tried to post in hot topics, failed sigh 😀 Hmm so your template was interesting 😉 I hope you find that special person to venture back 😀
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thanks to boobs_or_bust, Fit_Geek, lovman, satisfyus45, Rick_Blaine, loved all your comments, great laugh, thank you 😀 Few of us are 39, go figure 😎 not nearly as obvious as 44 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
I'll have to write a guy's one and include the line "I like a woman who knows what she wants". Pretty sure I covered that, no? ,) Actually, I think I had better not write a male nor couples profile - someone may point at my droll and call it cynicism. Poor ole droll *resists* Boobs... my trigger finger makes people moist, too ;) *runs for cover at mention of the 'm' word*
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RHP User
8 years ago
mmm all this talk about your trigger finger, how's your inbox 😜 Don't resist, go for it, just blame me if it all goes wrong 😎
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RHP User
8 years ago
"Hi, I'm a man, 42 years, and I'm a top bloke. Really, I mean that. I don't give a fuck about getting laid, but you can be the judge of that. I like going out for coffee...honest, I love coffee...but I'm not much for shopping with my mates. Naah, that sounds boring..besides, shopping's so much easier online.But I like beer, and I like food. Good, honest food...not 3 pureed mung beans under a sliver of barely cooked poultry.My friends say I'm attractive, but they're just being wankers, don't take their word for anything."
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Obi1kenietzsche
8 years ago
Hi. I am a 16 year old private schoolboy pretending to be a 30 year old stud so I can attract women then share all their pics and messages with my mates at lunch time. Your looks are really not important to me, but I do get bonus points if my mates think you are hot (sorry but they will be the judge of that). It's important that I do this to justify all the tax payers funds spent on me to attend this school, and besides I need to fit in with all my privileged friends. So please indulge me and send me a pic of your pussy (I have not yet seen one in real life yet, but am looking forward to doing so when I grow up in 20 years or so).
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RHP User
8 years ago
I'm a woman (Subtext: I've calculated the amount of effort required to get messages at the current men:women ratio) I'm still resisting! I basically deserve a good Samaritan award. Touch: My box is sedate. Guess my womanliness isn't 'liness enough. Love the topic, btw! Nice rhythmic fingering of the buttons to create an amusing outcome
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' Yeah, off topic, damn 👎 it'll disappear by tomorrow 😉 where's that work experience kid when I need him? Tried to post in hot topics, failed sigh 😀 Hmm so your template was interesting 😉 I hope you find that special person to venture back 😀 You're still here?!? You got to the work experience kid didn't you. Haha, I bet you were distracting that poor kid in the first place and that's how this excellent topic got here. I think the last bit of my post should probably be under the Red Hot Fantasy section, but yeah, thank you.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hi I'm a 46 year old male. Some say I'm attractive and my mum says I'm the best she has ever had. Still live at home with mum, dad and grandma. Haven't had a job in over 10 years. I love eating pringles for breakfast. Shower twice a month. I don't care if you fart or snore in bed because I'm a legend at it. Haven't seen my dick in years due to the rolls of fat and pubic hair that's from a set from a 70's porn video. Hate oral and prefer to lay there like a star fish and let you do all the work. I don't care if you cum because it's all about me. Prefer if you pay for drinks and dinner when we go out and pick me up as I don't have a car. My pic's are stolen and never went past primary school. Mr grammer is shyat. Oops grammar is shit. Am desperate and dateless and prefer someone other then my siblings. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
😀 the work experience kid is blushing 😊
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hi. I'm a worn out old cougar, 39 yrs old 😉 I admit that I'm desperate, why do think I fuck/suck like it'll be my last People have described me as nice, that's a load of bull, read my first post I'm unlucky to reply unless you're a male stripper, makes little difference whether you like the beach or the country 😘 hit me up
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RHP User
8 years ago
'unlikely' to reply 😊
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RHP User
8 years ago
Omg you're terrible Muriel 😂😂😂lmao
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' Haha I love the exact penis size and height 😂😂😂 Thank you lmao 😀 She's not joking...
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RHP User
8 years ago
I'm a woman, 44yo, with endless time on her hands to spend playing 20 questions because you're too lazy to fill out your profile. I'm sure you give it 100% in bed though, just 'Ask Me' Despite displaying signs of being somewhat evolved and having a mind of my own, send me a message which clearly indicates that you either didn't read my profile, or that you know better, so can ignore my desires. Preferably call me 'Hun' or 'Babe' and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE include a very poorly written erotic story, detailing exactly what I will be wearing, how I will move and how my pubic hair should be groomed - total turn on I will reply to each and every message, meaning I will never have time to actually meet you (or anyone else) in person. Top priority goes to the one liners, bonus points for single word messages with a winky face
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RHP User
8 years ago
So much gold right there! Please, please, please can I copy that and use it as my actual profile for a few days?? Please??
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RHP User
8 years ago
Please do - would leg a report on the results 😂😂
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RHP User
8 years ago
Should have said love ❤️
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RHP User
8 years ago
😂😂😂 I'd like to borrow that too. Thank you. That had me in stitches 😀 I'm sure I could strike a few home runs with that 👍 I'd just have to take the age down to um 39 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
I wonder if it will get past the mods?! Will keep you updated 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
...two write may own temperplate butt eye am so illiterate' that eye don't thought I cuold spiel anythings write. And if you believe that, please contact me immediately about purchasing a bridge in Sydney that looks quite amazingly like a rather large coat hanger! Best..... CM
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RHP User
8 years ago
I actually have been known to send one word messages, hi with a winky face 😀👍 Quick expression of interest, then throw the ball into their court 😛
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On_Safari
8 years ago
Indy
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RHP User
8 years ago
haha do you get messages like that? Am I right in assuming men have scammers contact them like this?
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Sherlock_H
8 years ago
The true profile of a wannabe Byronic hero who is actually just a half crippled misanthrope. ————— I am a strapping young 33 year old man, but I have the thoracic spinal performance of a seventy year old. Would that it were the other way around. I'll admit that I'm a judgemental bastard. But the truth is that we all are, I'm just more honest with myself about it, and self restrained enough to keep the lions share of those judgements to myself. People say I look "dark" and "brooding", but once you get to know me you'll realise that I'm just "tired" and "pissed off most of the time". I enjoy philosophy and other academic conversations because it's one of the only things I'm both very good at and can still do without the aid of pain killers and a good hospital bed. Please fucking end me or, better yet, fuck me until you end me. That would be a reasonable way to go, I think. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Sorted 👍😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
How can you lose with that? With you being a judge mental bastard 😀 and me a bitch, we might actually get along 😉 We could pull it apart, discuss the philosophy behind it. Why am I a bitch and why are you a judgemental bastard? We'd have to have a few drinks for that conversation 😂😂😂
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RHP User
8 years ago
Judge mental ? Is that Judge Judy? 😁
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RHP User
8 years ago
I wonder if Judge Judy would go off in bed
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Sherlock_H
8 years ago
You, me, an endless flow of drinks, a RHP meetup, and a corner table or mezzanine balcony table to sit at and make snarky comments from. You can be the Waldorf to my Statler anytime. Ohhhh ho ho ho ho ho! - Posted from rhpmobile
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