M42 F36
Marriage, De Factor or Single Forever?
January 15 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
It is our fifth anniversary on Sunday and we met here on RHP. I am quite content to live in a de facto relationship and never get married. In my eyes we are married but just without the piece of paper. Even when I was young, marriage was something I never wanted to do. Pusscat xxx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Been there, done that, not in a hurry to do it again! I'm not opposed to getting married again if I happened to meet the right person, but I would also be quite content to forego the ceremony and be in a defacto relationship. Luckily it's not a decision I'll have to make any time soon!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I would absolutely get married again. When I was young I wasn't so fussed but ended up married because it was the 'next step', as you say. And it suited me. Something about it just softened me and got me focussed on my values and goals. It definitely united us in a positive way and deepened our commitment. I'm a hopeless romantic though, so I guess the fairy tale appeals to me :) I don't think marriage is at all necessary but I do think it can be a lovely thing. I also think society needs to be careful not to demonise marriage. Just because it's not essential (though legally still beneficial) and not everyone's cup of tea, it still means a lot to some people.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Speaking from personal experience, it's just a piece of paper at the end of the day. You do what feels right for you and your partner. It's normal to question the "to get hitched, or to not" scenario. Don't rush it and enjoy what you have, time is your best friend, let it be what it will be. If it's not broken don't try and fix it. X
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RHP User
11 years ago
Forever. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Missb4u
11 years ago
Having been married once before, I cant say that I am keen to ever do that again. At the end of the day what does it matter if you have the "official" piece of paper. At the time I guess I saw it as a natural progression. For me I don't rule out a long term relationship for the future but I cant see myself living with anyone or having what I would consider a vanilla relationship now. I would expect anyone that anyone I was with in the future would have a similar outlook to sex that I now do. I certainly wouldn't compromise on that ever again. I'm not sure what I would label it though. To me De-facto would indicate living together as man and wife and single would indicate I wasn't in a committed relationship. ?? Tough one ??
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RHP User
11 years ago
Never been married and never cared. I'm happy to do the defacto thing again though. Eventually. Say in ten years or so.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Never been married and I am not fussed either way. If I met someone and they really wanted to get married I suppose I would.... But no big dress or big wedding day thing. Not my thing at all.
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
Yes I was married once, I wasn't very good at it apparently, he must have be even worst at it than I or he's just plain stupid, because he's on his forth hehe.... Would I do it again? Nah don't think so, and there are much better things to spend money on......💋
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inspirit
11 years ago
and staying that way till I get carted out in the coffin.
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inspirit
11 years ago
..when I was your age...I did expect too be married. I did it and found out it was overrated for me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Because I was widowed. I have been a widow now for nearly 14 years. No way did I expect to be on my own for this length of time. I just assumed I would meet someone and get married within 4-5 years. Now I cannot see myself cohabitating with a man anytime soon. It is too good being single. By the same token, I miss not being part of a couple and often yearn for a permanent partner. For the past 6 months I have had a regular FWB. It has been lovely having the same partner and the continuity and affection it has brought. That is changing from this week on as he is going FIFO. I can't see myself waiting for him to return every 3 weeks for 1 night only. Yes I will still see him I expect, but it's time to look for another. Any takers?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Tried defacto, didn't like it, marriage must be worse.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've always thought I'd only marry a man when I decide I want to have children with him. Still haven't met one that inspires procreation in me, much to my poor rapidly-spoiling ovaries' despair. (I'm pretty happy about it though!) I treat my future with respect, I have no expectations and no precognitions, and have reconciled the idea of all of these possible outcomes. Will I be single forever? Perhaps. Will I continue my pattern of "serial monogamy"? Possibly. Will I make a family? Maybe. Maybe not. I refuse to emotionally manipulate myself into making a massive life decision based on someone else's idea of ideal. Fuck that, I'm the writer of this story. I've always been an unusual girl. To answer the OP question properly though, if I was with someone in a long term committed relationship and I couldn't see my life without them, I wouldn't automatically expect to get married as the next step, but I would expect to talk about it. I feel like I'd want something symbolic to represent the promise to each other, but that doesn't have to be a wedding.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'd be happy not to but if my partner really wanted to then I would. Chasing rainbows is right, it does change your relationship in positive ways although I think that could be achieved without all the hullabaloo that goes with marriage.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm afraid that if I get down one knee, the wind will change and I'll get stuck like that forever :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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Paradisepair
11 years ago
Well that was my experience the first time around when I was a teenage bride. There's no piece of paper tying Mr Paradise and myself together but our love is deeper and our lives are more intertwined than most couples and we've been together for half of our lives. We may stay de facto forever or one day we might tie the knot or jump the broom. In the words of Justin Beiber 'Never Say Never'... If we do get married though that song will not be on the playlist...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I was married in April 08, separated within a year, despite having been together for almost 10 years. I'm definitely not in any hurry to do it again, having said that, if the right person comes into my life, I'd be open to it, although she'd have to be quite extraordinary to be honest. I was of the opinion that it was just a piece of paper when I got married and probably wasn't ready at the time. Although I should point out that I wasn't given a choice as to whether it ended or not.
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RHP User
11 years ago
happily until the death do you part. Enjoy my single life now, but wouldn't, couldn't say what I would do or want in a relationship.We all love fairy tales that's why women like love stories.....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Paradisepair' Well that was my experience the first time around when I was a teenage bride. There's no piece of paper tying Mr Paradise and myself together but our love is deeper and our lives are more intertwined than most couples and we've been together for half of our lives. We may stay de facto forever or one day we might tie the knot or jump the broom. In the words of Justin Beiber 'Never Say Never'... If we do get married though that song will not be on the playlist... I can't believe you just quoted Justin Beiber. Never say Never is a tautology that has been in use for centuries ... Justin B certainly didn't coin the phrase.
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RHP User
11 years ago
have been in 2 defacto relationships, and have also been married. If the right man comes along again, im open to both, BUT it would be a very low key affair and hopefully better than the first!( wedding that is) Enjoying single life at the moment, but it is nice having someone special in your life....
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RHP User
11 years ago
..and so do people. That piece of paper they hand you comes loaded with lots of expectations which most of us struggle with. One persons idea of married bliss can become another's nightmare and that's where the struggle begins.. If I had my time over it would be a live out relationship first and de facto second.. definitely de facto if kids come along.. And let's face it, some ppl never want to grow up..
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chevtrek
11 years ago
I never got married when younger as I was to busy playing the field and otherfactors--trust--real love--happy ever after. I married at 45 and thought I found thehappy ever after----Yeah right--GRRRRso for me its no bloody way...
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RHP User
11 years ago
To be completely honest I loved being married (well not so much the end part) the family the wife the devotion the fights the make ups the well simply the meaning of being worthy n holding someone worthwhile... So yeh I loved it :)) it's easier to hate an x then to get over it n be normal? After all most couples had great times n children so they must have been happy at soem point hey...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Personally I won't marry again. One day down the track, de facto will be more than enough. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Ive been in a de facto relationship for 10 years next month. We got engaged in May of 2008. We want to get married but m oney is and issue. One day!I hate though that I can't say "my husband" and always have to say "my partner".
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RHP User
11 years ago
I liked being able to say "my husband". Now I really enjoy saying "my ex".
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RHP User
11 years ago
and I'd do either/or again. Just gonna be a whole lot more picky this time 'round. Why should I let my bad experiences in the past ruin my future? CheersJAB
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm feeling a bit cynical about marriage right now, so maybe de facto one day. If you've never been married and want to have children, then sure marriage is probably part of life, for most people. (And no, I'm not saying you have to be married to have children) It would be great to have someone in my life who enjoys the same things I do, makes me laugh, holds me when I'm sleeping and wants all of me. I don't think I need a piece of paper to have that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
We have been married for 26 years, have raised 3 beautiful children and have enjoyed being together immensely. Have had our ups and downs but would not change a thing. Marriage, like life, is what you make of it and it is the commitment you make that matters, not the piece of paper. Would we do it again.....depends on the situation. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have never lived with a man and I don't intend to live with one without marriage. If I'm good enough to commit to with all the benefits of marriage, then I'm good enough to marry. If I cook and clean for you, you better make me your wife, otherwise we both go back to our houses in the morning and you do your washing and I'll do mine. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I did believe that you grew up, found the one and got married. I did and got lucky, we've been together 22yrs and married 17 next month. Like I said though, we were lucky, the stars aligned or something. Now however, I'm all grown up (40 next week) I believe that people should do what feels right for them. Some want the big wedding, some don't want to get married at all, it's a personal preferance based on experiences, beliefs and customs.
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Splicey
11 years ago
MrSplicey and I celebrate 13 years together this year. For us, marriage was always on the cards, but even though we knew this from early on it took us several years before we got married. We wouldn't have gotten married any earlier than we did. Neither of us were ready, even though we knew we'd be together forever. We were happy being de facto for many years, but marriage was the end result. When you know, you know. We fast tracked our wedding due to health issues within our relationship. If anything bad was to happen, we wanted to be husband and wife. Waiting seemed pointless. Life is too short :)
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