M43
Marriage in Crisis
October 13 2014
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
that you just summed up your marriage in a few words "I have massive trust issues" I'm not going to dissect what you have written nor you actions or her actions, as in the end, we only have your side of the story and not hers and people chose to reveal what suits them but what I will say is when you have trust issues (checking her phone etc) IMHO, its over This is regardless of whether we are talking about with your partner, your sibling, your best mate or any significant relationship in your life Trust is a valuable commodity, and once broken it is very hard to regain back. It can be restored , but the voice of doubt tends to be ever present So time to sit down with your wife and renegotiate the contract that is your marriage. Discuss a open marriage, boundaries, acceptable behaviours, safe sex, your fears, her fears, compromises - indeed many issues and gauge where your both at. If your not on the same page and you cannot agree or compromise, time to rethink if this marriage really is for you (and her) Be true to your values I wish you the best of luck :-)
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him_and_me
10 years ago
I'm sorry, I can't really offer anything useful. It sounds like a difficult situation for you both, I guess if it was us I'd advocate talking and talking it through. In my opinion, you need to clearly and calmly tell her how you're feeling and what your concerns are. You need to listen to her opinions and needs too. If it's possible, maybe take a break from any extramarital play until you get to sort through things together. Sometimes it's easier see clearly with a bit of distance. I don't know, I wish you both well. x Me - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Wow, it's a hard one and the only advice I could give is talk to your wife..."communication" it's a must in any healthy relationship. All relationships are hard work, both parties have to be open and honest about all aspects of their relationship. So talk to her about your feelings, ask her about how she's feeling and go from there..... I hope everything works out for you both......💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is the most difficult thing to forgive ...no matter the nature of the relationship...It seems to me that your boundaries were blurred OP and that you ventured down a path that you were not happy with....I am not a swinger,never have been but from what people have said both here and elsewhere your primary relationship has to be the focus,anything else is an enhancement not a replacement.....Communication is key,if you BOTH want you marriage to continue and function... Relationships Australia might be a worthwhile option for counselling... Good luck Op,xxQ
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Magicmicah
10 years ago
This is not your average situation as we both joined this lifestyle to have fun be open and enjoy, but when one sneaks off to get a little extra the game changes. When you have your suspicions and you check the phone and you proved right is that wrong? Or is it better off not knowing ? I came here for advice as people that know what we know ow can relate to our rather unique situation. I love my wife and I think she loves me we have great kids but things have just changed .
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
And I'm sorry to say, that she was extra keen for a bit of outside play, and due to the nature of sites like this one it's much harder for the blokes to have the same range of choice. That she wanted to sleep with the same guy so soon after is a killer. Sorry OP but it looks like she's been looking elsewhere for a while. The brothel thing is nowhere near an equivalent..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
it is never nice to hear that a marriage is failing :( Your story is probably my worst fear getting involved with this lifestyle with a loving partner and why I could never do it. All good intentions but you have unpredictable emotions to deal with. I wish you all the very best and there is some helpful advice above.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Nailed it for me.... It's time to reassess the marriage from both sides and see if it is something that you can BOTH move together with. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Why was it that you went against your better judgement to allow your wife to go forth with a hall pass if :- A) you were doing it reluctantly B) without first discussing the potential dangers of such a decision. C) without discussing management strategies in the event that one of you may decide it wasn't for you.... I realise I've made a few assumptions but the devil is always in the details....and I feel as though there were already issues within your relationship that hadn't been dealt with before going ahead with it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Something smells a little 🐟🐠🐟 to me. I shall sit back and we watch this unfold. Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Something smells a little 🐟🐠🐟 to me. I shall sit back and we watch this unfold. Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
Trust is everything.. Without trust theres a big strain on the relationship .. When you organised a single guy for her to forfill her fantasy , I would have thought a reciprocated arrangement by visiting a brothel a fair deal... It's all about give and take isn't it ? Not one gives and the other one takes... When playing with a mans wife '. I always made sure it's a mutual thing and both are comfortable within their boundaries ...
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IamMrSilly
10 years ago
Sometimes if you just focus on what is right for the kids you will see that staying together is not 'good for them' if you are fighting. It does not matter how you got where you are now. Blunt I know, but all that matters is what you can do to fix the situation. Fixing it may mean getting space, moving out and sharing time with the kids. Or it might mean counselling. Or as others have said it may mean communication. But don't for a second think you need to stick together just for the kids. It can be far worse to have them caught in between two angry parents. Painful at the time, yes! extremely soul destroying. But a month later, there is calm and rational discussion which has replaced the emotional anger. I recently separated, and as much as I hate to say it the kids are far better off that way. They spend 50% of the time between us. I am a different person, without the anger hanging over every situation. I don't know your exact situation, so obviously we cannot say what is right for you. But you need to find a way out of the situation that does not mean that you keep repeating the same fights. My uneducated and uninformed assessment of your post, you have long ago lost the affection and love that is the reason you married. She has looked outside the marriage for affection and there is no rebuilding that. I hope others tell me I am wrong but I can only see failure if you try to repair it without first getting some space between the two of you. Dr Phil, signing out.... (I suspect I will regret this post as I am in no way qualified to give any advice on love and relationships).
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6exxy
10 years ago
I could never swing with my partner. I think it takes something that I do not have to make that work. Trust is a delicate thing and when it is lost damage follows. This place only will magnify the trust issues. Be honest with each other and express what needs to be expressed. Time has come for both to be responsible to each other. Hope it works out for you it truly is a hard place to be. Good luck I'm very sad to hear this 😓
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Magicmicah
10 years ago
I'm not here for the sympathy vote in order to catch a 🐠if that's what your implying . We had an account together here . But I'm in no need of other interests , just after some constructive advice 😉. Thought maybe someone out there was in the same position.
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RHP User
10 years ago
in your post OP, is what seems to be a great depth of feeling that you have for your wife and your marriage. As an aside, I have trouble believing that men feel and love deeply (definitely my issue, not men's), so I'm always looking for signs that they do. Your posts was another sweet sign for me. If it's true, if you do sincerely have that depth of feeling and love and desire to make things right then I can assure you, ANYTHING is possible. Everything we think, say and do creates our life, including our relationships. If you want things to be different with your wife, you could start thinking, saying and doing differently. If you're not sure how to, you could get help. The change starts with you. If you're lucky she'll meet you half way. If not at least you'll have tried and you'll know for sure you've done all you can. As others have said, communication is key. It's also a bit of an art form and the better skilled you are at it (clear, true communication, not so much fancy spin etc) the better the results usually. So if you think you need to improve your communication then that's possibly a place to start. Redirecting the freight train of a failing marriage is damned hard work. Perhaps now's a good time to ask yourself how hard you're prepared to work. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
When one partner steps over the line , the communication is out the window , its all about communication and trust ..... similar situation happened to me , and yes I had trust issues , it took along time to get the trust back for my partner , ..... we are moving forward and only plat together now ,, never alone ....hope it all works out for you
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RHP User
10 years ago
Reading what you wrote ,sounds like you made a big mistake giving in to your desires. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
If you have issues with your wife you need to talk openly with her about these issues. If the desires of one party are greater than the love they share with their partner then it is time to get out. It can only go down hill if the love you share for each other is less than the desire for outside interests.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You have limited options, You can let it be a cancer to your relationship and self esteem - and get go down the road of divorce/separation Or You can fix this by communicating to your wife and accepting she isn't going to change. Become a part of it. Stop going to brothels. And become her number 1. Going to a brothel while she performs a sex act with someone else says that you are not OK with it, but gave consent for her to go ahead. It's not how swingers behave. You really should have done your research before going ahead with this. There's still hope, but the ice is below you is thin.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hope that helps, ...you silly goose!
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Mr_MrsAraps
10 years ago
The big things that stand out for me are 1. Without knowing what was talked about it seems the boundaries for you both were not set as clearly or one party assumes one thing but the other one assumes something else. Ie one person taking that as an open invitation to play. 2. If they were clearly set then there doesn't seem too much respect to those boundaries on face value. 3. Communication to discuss how you are feeling and discuss if the boundaries have been breached. 4. Lopsided in the amount of play she gets and there may or maynot be much effort on her part to help you also get a fairer amount of play. 5. Brothels and the accusations. This is the big Danger Will Robinson for me. I am going out on a limb here based on the small amount you have said .... I think she is feeling guilty knowing she has been playing outside of the boundaries you have formed for play and that she is projecting her level of guilt on you in accusing you with the brothels. Ie If I am going outside the relationship and doing the wrong thing then he must be too so he must be going to the brothel all the time. 6. Working away. Not sure if your a FIFO, Defence or something else but huge amounts of time away for work weeks at a time in a relationship is never a good thing IMHO. What I would do would be to say I want to call a time out in swinging. Its not a we are never doing it again as if she does accept monogamy then she will just associate you with the death of her sexual freedom and will probably resent you from a thousand paper cuts. I would frame it to her as we are just going to put the swinging on hold or 3-6 months and that we need to spend some time with us again as re-assess the boundaries of our play and build that level of trust up again. If she cant put on pause one of her on-the-side guys for 3-6 months to put you two first and correct the issues at hand then I'm afraid that gives you all the information you need to know. IMHO a loving partner for the long term would put their relationship first for a period of time if needed cause the flip side to that after the 3-6 month pause is having that outside outlet as well as the person you love. Both of which would be strengthened long term. All the best of luck. Cheers, Warren.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Marriagefail' I'm not here for the sympathy vote in order to catch a 🐠if that's what your implying . We had an account together here . But I'm in no need of other interests , just after some constructive advice 😉. Thought maybe someone out there was in the same position. My first dealings with threesomes with couples were horrible. There was a lack of trust and people not ready and I can only imagine what is in store for their relationships. I could be wrong but as Kairi said when trust is gone, the evil suspicion continues to creep in and any trust left is often dissolved and even if the partner is not up to anything, the other will justify things in their own mind which are probably worst case scenarios but they convince themselves that is has happened before and it must be what is going on. To lose your trust is terrible, it makes you second guess everything. I am not sure what you are looking for in the way of advice as I thought there was plenty of good advice above about communicating but I really think both you and your wife need to get offline and discover each other again without interference and outside influence. Focus on your family as it isn't just you that is affected by this. I am not someone who says cut and run unless a relationship is toxic, I am a fighter and if you think you marriage is worth saving then do it. Sitting around on here seeing what you are missing out on or wondering who your wife has been chatting with is not going to be helping your psyche. Take control and sort your shit.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi mate, I know where you are mentally, you can't imagine life without your spouse, you love her, heck you adore her and right atm, she's having a nervana of her sexual rediscovery which doesn't include you. The fact she lied once means she will continue to lie, you are going to need to take action for anything to change. I mean serious action as in discussions... But you have to be ready for the consequences. It might not go your way she might even walk away from the relationship with her mind on her 'future' not seeing that once the gloss has rubbed off on her playing she is going to miss her safe place and wish you back at which point a sweet dude like yourself will have probably found someone else... There is value in doing nothing, it means your family unit stays together which I don't know if you have kids or not but it is a factor to consider. If you want to talk more send me a message I have a lot of experience with something very similar to what you are going through.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Marriagefail' I'm not here for the sympathy vote in order to catch a 🐠if that's what your implying . We had an account together here . But I'm in no need of other interests , just after some constructive advice 😉. Thought maybe someone out there was in the same position. I think you need to talk to her and see if she wants to stay married. if she does then perhaps get counselling. Going off to brothels sounds a bit of tit for tat and a little immature. If you want to swing as a couple, try a club, couples are already there!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Marriagefail' This is not your average situation as we both joined this lifestyle to have fun be open and enjoy, but when one sneaks off to get a little extra the game changes. When you have your suspicions and you check the phone and you proved right is that wrong? Or is it better off not knowing ? I came here for advice as people that know what we know ow can relate to our rather unique situation. I love my wife and I think she loves me we have great kids but things have just changed . When you drink from that challis. The big thing in this life style is that women will always get men, all those hot single or even married guys will be after your wife. She will get plenty of sex from all kinds of men. The man in this thing often gets left out. Its a fact of life, men have to hunt for it, women have to just wait for it. Most people say they will not play unless its as a couple, and there is very good reason for this. I have seen it happen to a really hot and sexy guy from this site. He allowed his wife to taste that forbidden fruit. And it did not end well, but they are now good friends and work on their parenting. Women get so much attention, so much honey poured into her ear. She will have the feel of sexy hot men, they will make her feel the most import woman on the planet. The ego of women on sex sites gets artificially inflated by a lot of hot air and no substance. Some women think the grass is greener. Its not its just the same old grass. So what you have to do is water your own lawn a bit more. go get the book "the ethical slut". There are other ways to have a relationship. Get your wife to read it in bed at the same time you reading. Just try and get on the same page. Nobody has the right to check another persons phone, you would not like that to be done to you.Remember its family first, when all the dust settles she will see you for what you are a guy that does the hard yards. sex is only part of your relationship. Just try to understand how addictive it is for women. Guys often have to pay for sex, women hardly ever. your working away, my husband does the same. the deal is I do not play when he is home, so there is a happy compromise. Focus on her when you are home, look after the kids, do some house work. Great sexy look is a guy hanging out the clothes. Jealousy is an ugly emotion but one we can unlearn. Its not easy but it is possible. Your not going to get what she gets, its sad but true, but then there are lots of women out there that get plenty of sex but are waiting for a good man like you to turn up and be a great husband and father. anyone can fuck, but not everyone can commit to a relationship no matter how rough it can get. good luck hon
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
IF you think this is all about sex..... go and learn how to deliver her the kind of sexual experiences which make you irreplaceable, so that her pleasure, and you masculine presence are totally linked. It can be learned However .......if you think this is about trust...... you need to be the kind of MAN she has the utmost respect for, will communicate openly with, and will be driven to make your world a happier place. And that can be learned too. But to do either, you are going to need to communicate EFFECTIVELY with her first. DG
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have no particular advice for you my friend. It sounds like a very sad frustrating and confusing situation..i have no answers to offer, but I just want to say, I'm feeling for you brother. Men like to fix things.....and sometimes things just can't be fixed....this can be a stressful thing in itself. The one thing that I can say for sure, is that life will get clearer, and better eventually, whether you stay together or not.
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MsJonesy
10 years ago
You said "As I said before it just makes it easier for me to cope with the fact she is getting busy and we are all happy." No. You weren't happy. You indulged in a tit-for-tat with her (no pun intended). Despite your claim of being you both being happy you really weren't. Your wife was not happy with you going to a brothel either. If you needed something to distract your thoughts from what your wife was up to, I would offer my opinion you were not ready for the emotional challenges this adventure brought on. The result one year later is distrust, resentment, and guilt games. Cut to the chase by getting the kids out of the house for a weekend and sit down and work it out between the two of you.
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Magicmicah
10 years ago
I can honestly say that the single guy being organised from rhp really wasn't a massive issue .As long as I was in control of the situation. But I think what it did was opened her eyes to the possibilities as after 10 years of marriage things obviously aren't as exciting as the early years. See I never chased single ladies on rhp but single guys constantly dropping phone numbers in our inbox did make me feel a bit uneasy . She would often return there messages an they would pester and pester and eventually go away. The main issue for me is when she never came home that night.After that episode I lost trust and thought about all those phone numbers in our inbox. Was she calling them ? Or wasn't she played on my mind all the time. She swears that she doesn't and and hasn't been unfaithful since then but when she's out I can't get that thought out of my head to the point that I can't sleep when I know she's out. I call her late when she's out and she says I'm trying to control her. When rhp was new our sex life was fantastic we both talked dirty about being with other people and I encouraged her to talk as dirty as possible and I loved it. Since we've closed our rhp we don't talk dirty about the same things as we used to . It's obvious to people reading that I've probably created a monster. I see that I really do . I feel that I want that intense level of fantasy but not the after affects that came with it. I feel if we went to a counsellor they wouldn't be able to relate as this topic could only be understood by people that have lived through it. I will take a lot of these responses on board thanks rhp community .
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RHP User
10 years ago
as anything "constructive" has already been said by previous RHP Members here. I can only tell you how my marriage works from a wife who has been allowed to "play" by her husband. Firstly, we have never been "swingers" and I've been faithfully married to my husband for over 30 years. I still regard myself as "faithful" because I still love my husband and it is with his consent that I "play". As a loving wife, I have also allowed my husband to have an extra-marital relationship. It is only I, that has just started to "play". Our marriage is built on openness, honesty and trust and there is no lack of communication. When I decided that I did want to "play" on my own, the only boundary that my husband set was the "frequence of play". I could do so as long as it was not too often. I set my own boundaries too; one being that I would only "play" with one RHP Member until that relationship ends. To be honest, I don't really like using the word "play" because an intimate relationship with another person is anything but "play"; as emotions do get involved. But for want of a better word, I use it. My marriage is as solid as a rock and belonging to RHP has not changed it. My husband is always aware of my movements because I tell him. In fact, he is a "conspirator" in me gaining some "me time" away from the family. He looks out for my safety and does vet any prospective RHP Members that take my interest. He is very canny like that and I respect his judgement. Most of all, he always wants to see me happy in any undertaking to do with RHP but does fear that I may get hurt. After all, this is a new experience for me. I enjoy the company of other men but it in no way diminishes the love that I have for my husband, nor he for me. In fact, it only makes greater. Our own "sex life" in the bedroom, has never been so good :).
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'kissk' You said "As I said before it just makes it easier for me to cope with the fact she is getting busy and we are all happy." No. You weren't happy. You indulged in a tit-for-tat with her (no pun intended). Despite your claim of being you both being happy you really weren't. Your wife was not happy with you going to a brothel either. If you needed something to distract your thoughts from what your wife was up to, I would offer my opinion you were not ready for the emotional challenges this adventure brought on. The result one year later is distrust, resentment, and guilt games. Cut to the chase by getting the kids out of the house for a weekend and sit down and work it out between the two of you. +1
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RHP User
10 years ago
Beautiful posts. Silly of me, but I got a bit teary-eyed. Imagine if everyone treated their committed relationship the way you've both described. Happy days, happy people. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
And a pinch in the bottom for good measure. :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
10 years ago
Maybe she feels you pushed her out the door so that you could go fuck a prostitute, as that being your only option. And in keeping you happy it has somewhat backfired. Maybe you should talk about that with her, see if there is any truth in it and try to find what you once had. The "You this" and "me that", will only drive you further apart. Just maybe. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Consider the children, why is no one thinking of the children! Coming from a 'broken home', I appreciate that I have no memory of my parents fighting. Kids don't understand. Ensure your decisions are based in the best outcome for them.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFoxxxy' Something smells a little 🐟🐠🐟 to me. I shall sit back and we watch this unfold. Foxy It's not the having.... It's the getting!
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chevtrek
10 years ago
In most forums people take my advice and most times it works.However this info lacks background. 1 are you the only guy she has fucked ever2 do you give her lots of 4 play before actual sex.3 kids and home could make her feel trapped in a rut.4 the love you had has simply died. My only suggestion is sit down and talk it out and if the marriage is on the rocksask her why and how it can be fixed even seek council.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'chevtrek' In most forums people take my advice and most times it works. How do you know? Do people message you to thank you? Also you seem to be repeating what's already been said, so perhaps that plays a role?
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RHP User
10 years ago
What happened MarraigeFail? Did you guys work it out?
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Sheeeesh.... only just read the last few comments....... good grief
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RHP User
10 years ago
"What we have here, is a failure to communicate!" Mate, IMHO, you 2 are not far off from a much deeper understanding of yourselves and one another, as well as the sexual desires which seem to be at the heart of all this. What is required however, is the guts on BOTH your parts, to sit down and lay all the cards on the table. Open, honest, RESPECTFUL communication. Your feelings are your feelings, hers are hers. Leave judgement at the door and go into it with a desire for understanding. If you truly desire to know what she is feeling and why, and she truly desires to know what you are feeling and why, then find a way to create a safe space to lay all that out. You both need information. Make it safe for her to provide it, and ask she make it safe for you to provide it. Couple quick questions you don't need to outwardly answer... just ask yourself... Does she know her escapades actually turn you on... have you told her?Does she know you don't trust her... have you told her? Accusations and the baggage that tries to surface for purposes of flinging in hopes of scoring more hits isnt the kind of communication I am talking about. If the 2 of you are capable of sitting down and SEEKING INFORMATION so as to find ANSWERS, and will agree to commit to finding those answers, they will come. If however, either of you go into it seeking to be RIGHT (which most of us humans have a tendency to do, especially in emotional situations), then you are doomed from the get-go. Commit to pouring all the information into a "neutral pool"... both of you. Then take a look at that pool of information and disseminate it. Nobody gets to hold things out in reserve for later. No emotional manipulation. This isn't a contest to 'Win". My 2c worth from a very happy couple who's been down some dark roads and faced more than a challenge or 2. Hell, we survived the teenage years of our kids! Lol! I'm happy to report we are as strong and committed and open with one another as we've ever been. And it just gets better. Wasn't always that way though. Good luck. Let us know how you go.
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Magicmicah
10 years ago
Sorry to report guys but 6 weeks ago my wife has called stumps. She wants to be single and meet other men. My options were ,open marriage or divorce . I chose the late r as open meant no me and her. So here we are, I'm still working away and she's on every dating site available meeting other men. It's heart wrenching as I know she's moved on but I'm finding it a bit harder to deal with. The opportunities for me are limited as I'm working and living in a man camp.while her being quite stunning I'm sure would absolutely killing it out there. In the end some horrible things have happens and I'm quite happy to be single but again the little ones aren't coping the best. Any way just thought I would let you guys know ,cheers. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Chalk up another shipreck from opening Pandoras Box. Micah...... You're not going to like this comment, but I call it as I see it. After reading through this topic, and reading your current profile...... I think you need to focus less on what you can get from others as a single male...... and more on what you can do for others as a single parent. You have plenty of "stuff" to work through to create a positive path for your future and the future of your children, so seeking your sexual goals out of spite, or revenge or some sense of getting your share while your Mrs is out getting hers........ is misplaced 2c DG
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RHP User
10 years ago
heads up mate. I wanted to give my wife the best of everything ... life included , and also the pick of every man she desired. we talked about it for a long time and one night at a small country pub I asked a man home with us for a couple of extra drinks at home we sipped back jim beam and coke, and after only a couple of glasses I stood and told my wife to get it on and we only had the night. he,, the man we took home knew what was going on, and nodded in anticipation she,, my wife, stood and began to undress, my heart began to race and my cock hardend. she stripped to her undies exposing her large beautiful tits kneeling down in front of him she took his half swollen cock in her hands and lowerd her head over his member opening her mouth and engulfing his whole length in a single movement she let out a soft moan, I was in the background watching and enjoying every moment. it was a long joyous night. we did and experienced everything we could. it was the greatest night we had in years, but the next night it happened again . then not long after it happened again, I was lost and enjoying her extasy, exploration , and my fantasy . seeing her fucked by another.next thing I know there on the lounge fucking and im watching from a chair she climbs of his cock cums to me and says she wants to get his cock inside her ass , fuck me even I hadn't been ther. and was caught off guard. ut if your gonna play you got to let some things slide. someone else broke the barrier and now she lets me do her ... now and again. after she told me she just wanted to have a smaller one first to see if it was ok and now it happens when she wants it . even if slowly. but I was always thinking why doesn't she do that with me or she dosnt moan like that when I do it to her ..... its a lot to get your head around but hang in there don't go to parlors for sex . do it together its more exciting,i love her enormously its getting your head AROUND IT ALL BUT SHE SHOULDNT BE DOING IT WITHOUT YOUR APPROVAL OR YOUR INVOLVMENT. IF SHE NEEDS TO BE WITH THIS SAME BLOKE TELL HER TO BRING HIM HOME SO YOU CAN MEET EACH OTHER AND YOU CAN PARTICIPATE AT THE SAME TIME TOGETHER, IF SHE DOESNT AGREE, TO HAVIN THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS AND SHARING IT WITH YOU SHE SHOULD PROBABLY BE ELSEWHERE, THAN WITH YOU. ......... YOU DESERVE BETTER MATE.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sounds like you opened the kid to the so called lollie jar and now need to decide if you will tighten it back up ? Only you and your wife can work this one out. Good luck
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RHP User
10 years ago
This kind of situation can be a defining moment in your life either with or without your wife...it's not gonna be easy but it will be worth the effort no matter what you choose to do. Your situation is not the first nor will it be the last of its kind... If ever there was one thing I would suggest, take some time to find "YOU" again...
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RHP User
10 years ago
may not be well received because it's well known I don't believe in monogamy, however, trying to be more subjective here, stand back from the situation and ask yourself what you're really afraid of. First and highest priority, over and above the two of you, would be your children, I get that, I have kids and they were always priority. But break it up to tackle different parts of the problem. The problem with you and your wife appears to be sexual, it sounds like you still love each other, love can conquer a lot of problems, but the sex part needs to be addressed and now that it's 'out there' and on a tangent, there's no bringing it back, sorry just my opinion, but someone above said to give extra marital a break for a while, really? Like that's gonna work, if you tell someone they can't do something you know they really want to do, they'll run in the other direction and do it behind your back, which is what she's done so an open relationship is the only solution if you want your marriage to last. But you play around as well, so why are you worried about her playing, can't you just talk about what you both want, whether to play together or apart, if the love is still there and the family unit is sustainable, it sounds like this could be sorted with a few technical 'tweaks'. Without breaking trust or discretion, I will say I play with lots of guys who's partners don't know, I don't apologise for that, it's up to them how they manage their personal situation, but the reality is that men and women will get their kicks, one way or the other, would you rather know about it and come to a mutual agreement on how it happens, or just hope she'll get it out of her system, not gonna happen, get a drink, sit down and get into a really deep conversation about how you both really feel before it all blows up in your face and you don't have any control over how it ends, which would be more traumatic for the kids. I don't mean to sound harsh, I'm just a realist, and have never in my life believed in monogamy, the idea that two people are never going to look sideways, happily ever after, but you can be happy, you can still have an amazing sex life, so many different ways you can set it up, and you're tastes will change along the way, so what you're comfortable with now will change, the goal posts are always being moved with sex, that's what's great about it, we all grow, but talk to her
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chevtrek
9 years ago
Get counselling you need to resolve it fast.
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social_suicide
9 years ago
Ahhh the best way to have all happy is to try MFM. As a couple we play a lot MFM style. You will be happy because you are involved she wil be happy because she gets to enjoy her husband and another man at the same time......problem solved.
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