Master or servant.... What makes a true Master of BDSM

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I am happily and lustfully submissive in our sexual relationship. I like the control being taken away from me (and trying to get it back some times...) I like restraint, I like pain and I like filth. BUT, the only person I have explored this with is my husband, which has a different spin entirely to somebody that you don't know very well... He pushes me just beyond my boundries and past my tolerance, but he knows my body intimately and knows when to stop before he goes too far... It's not in his nature outside the bedroom to be an arsehole though, so I love to see him getting off on being mean and hurting me. We have a safe word, almost as a joke, but also 'just in case' but I can't imagine that I would ever need to use it. Looking forward to seeing where this thread goes...

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  BDSM has too many rules for me and I usually just get myself into so much trouble someone takes a strap to my arse whether I'm a master or a slave for the night ... I end up copping it. Hell this one time at band camp I was busy rooting and someone in the background decided I needed arse slapping. I guess people fall into the roles easy enough. Perhaps not so obviously, I think it's important to appreciate that sub means submit... that's got a whole different meaning to yield. So a master is someone who isn't necessarily controlling the other... one has submitted control to the other... the other hasn't actually taken control... if that makes sense? Hence the safe word... which should never be "harder".HugsStalky

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  1. You have confused Masochism with Sadism... methinks you have no idea what you are on about sonny jim, and maybe you should read a few more books. 2. The only place you will find a true 'Master' is in a Buddhist Temple. Everyone else is just out to fuck with you. In conclusion, Kittens give morbo gas.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Wyterabbit, you are right, your husband should be able to push the boundaries and know when to stop. He knows you so well. As funny as it may seem, you are right to have a safe word even though you will probably never need to use it. I am happy you have such a dynamic understanding of each other and satisfy these needs rather than hide them from one another. Hold on to it and thanks for your input. Stalky.... Dude, your responses make me laugh so much sometimes, I love it.... After reading a lot of your posts on other forums, I don't think you have Dom in you do you? If you are recieving a lashing even in Master mode, I think you better stay sub...LOL.... Making sense, I think so... but give me a few more reads to make sure. I agree, the safe word should not have ANYTHING to do with the situation you are in. Unlike Wyterabbit, where her husband knows how to read her intimately, most individuals going into the lifestyle are not able to be read (or can easily be mis-read) until that intimacy and understanding is there. The aim of the game is to dominate, not necessarily losing the total control for any individual. Amongst your post somewhere, I think what I read is "it is all about the sub, not the Master?" Am I right? I agree whole heartedly if this is the case. The sub relinquishes control of most of his/her physical and emotional wellbeing, so the challenge for the Dom is to push their own boundaries by pushing the boundaries of the sub... see, I can do it too... ;) Casper74

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Hi Nick and yes, you are right, I did get them mixed up.... Sadonic Control Freak is what was meant :) getting ahead of myself. They will only fuck you if you let em! But I believe the Master in Buddhism is a term used for the enlightened ones, but not normally their title or role. But that is getting off track.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Hi Nick and yes, you are right, I did get them mixed up.... Sadonic Control Freak is what was meant :) getting ahead of myself. They will only fuck you if you let em! But I believe the Master in Buddhism is a term used for the enlightened ones, but not normally their title or role. But that is getting off track.

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  joosedup

  13 years ago

  OK I do have a question... What is the difference between a Master and a Dom *the noun not the verb*? Now to create some more conversation I feel that a sexual submissive does not ‘submit’ to her Master/Dom, rather she gifts herself and her attention to him thus trusting that she will be looked after, nurtured and venerated within the terms of the relationship.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  As a professional bondage Mistress I have to be able to get into a submissive's head so that I can dominate successfully. I am amazed at the number of people who assume that domination is mostly physical when it isn't. I also have to be able to assess how a submissive is reacting and proceed accordingly. If I get it wrong and the subbie calls a safe word then I have to stop the session, calm things down and debrief. If that happens then the subbie isn't getting value for money and probably wont come back again. Guys come to me expecting a professional service and I make sure that is what they get. When I play with my partner it is very different. Like Whyterabbit I know my partner and what he can take, his likes and dislikes and just where his boundaries are to push. The play also takes on a more sexual nature ( I don't have sex with clients) and because I am not looking at the clock I can take my time and be more creative. No matter whether the play is professional or not, the subbmissive's welfare comes first. A safe word or gesture should always be used and respected. The play should always be safe sane and consensual but above all it should be fun.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  As always when this topic comes up young lady, you have my sincere respect...too often the lines are blurred and I agree with the point that Nick has raised as well. It is all about understanding what is really involved...and the mind is perhaps the most delicate in the chi of balance. | Quoting 'MistressT' I am amazed at the number of people who assume that domination is mostly physical when it isn't. | There are too varying degrees and I for one wish that we could begin to separate them out albeit the mind of both the master and the submissive remains constant when we share in this path with another. The bondage and dominance can be a stand alone and very sensual art without ever crossing over completely to sado-masochism and the line can be very fine. | What would separate a "master of the art" would be first the willingness to listen and learn from others, take time to understand what you are doing, how and certainly only someone very foolish would go beyond those limits. Even something as seemingly harmless as silk ropes or warm was on the skin can go amiss...a master of anything would not make those mistakes. Personally too, I would never be under the influence of alcohol or any other substance as it would not only be dangerous but rob my mind of the chance to experience the intimacy of this with another. | ...and never judge until you go there.

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  joosedup

  13 years ago

  I feel a safe-word is something we should have in any sexual activity not just BDSM. I prefer a traffic light inspired system... Green light:- yes guys sometimes are reluctant to ‘start’ something and in this age of mixed signals I do think it’s a necessity at times to be direct. Amber light:- this is a help in role play- meaning ‘I am not comfortable with that but please stay in the game’ sometimes just a change of direction is needed rather than ending the fun. Red light:- STOP. Respect is a personal value not just the first word in the Aretha Franklin spelling Bee.

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  joosedup

  13 years ago

  I feel a safe-word is something we should have in any sexual activity not just BDSM. I prefer a traffic light inspired system... Green light:- yes guys sometimes are reluctant to ‘start’ something and in this age of mixed signals I do think it’s a necessity at times to be direct. Amber light:- this is a help in role play- meaning ‘I am not comfortable with that but please stay in the game’ sometimes just a change of direction is needed rather than ending the fun. Red light:- STOP. Respect is a personal value not just the first word in the Aretha Franklin spelling Bee.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  MistressT- I am glad My thinking is on the same page as a professional Mistress, thankyou for the great post. sorry for making the posting gender specific. You have my upmost respect and would love to hear more. Chasing- Welcome and thanks, your points are very valid, the line can get blurred easily. Any type of drug will add to a recipe for disaster.. not to be done... Joosed- I agree with CM on this, Dominant is what you do, Master is a position you earn in the eyes of others, earning the respect of your peers and subordinates to the point of infallability. But even a Master makes mistakes, but generally not the ones that the everyday person would make! Hence the safe word. The perception of a Master is from the one percieving it, so it is up to individual to ascertain, but as a sub, they look at and respect their Dom as a Master, so the term can be seen as being used loosely at times. Respect cannot be taken, only given and is SO important in this and any relationship. You are right about the safe word, whether it be gestures, out of context verbal or any other type of system, it is important to have that line in case it is crossed. In My vanilla relationships, with only just a bit of slap and tickle rather than full on Domination, I have a safe word that my partner has given me, always. It is also used so that nothing else can get in the way of serving their Dom, they will not be thinking about their word, hence why it must be something THEY can recall under duress. It lets the sub completely give themself without worry and anguish over whether the person will cross that line. In the hard world of BDSM, this is necessary because of the physical and mental trauma caused by going too far. In vanilla realtionships, the physical and mental trauma sits within a area of social acceptance and not taught to be necessary. But if you do not know the past experiences of your partner in intimate detail, a simple boundary push that seems normal to most can cause further issues and destroys the trust. I have had it when a safe word is not used and this destroys the relationship, so I will constantly ask for it so it is easy to recall. So, we have established that there is a consensus on the Safe word.... What makes a True Mistress/Master then? I think we need guidelines for those interested and looking so as not to put themselves in harms way? Doms and subs...

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  MistressT- I am glad My thinking is on the same page as a professional Mistress, thankyou for the great post. sorry for making the posting gender specific. You have my upmost respect and would love to hear more. Chasing- Welcome and thanks, your points are very valid, the line can get blurred easily. Any type of drug will add to a recipe for disaster.. not to be done... Joosed- I agree with CM on this, Dominant is what you do, Master is a position you earn in the eyes of others, earning the respect of your peers and subordinates to the point of infallability. But even a Master makes mistakes, but generally not the ones that the everyday person would make! Hence the safe word. The perception of a Master is from the one percieving it, so it is up to individual to ascertain, but as a sub, they look at and respect their Dom as a Master, so the term can be seen as being used loosely at times. Respect cannot be taken, only given and is SO important in this and any relationship. You are right about the safe word, whether it be gestures, out of context verbal or any other type of system, it is important to have that line in case it is crossed. In My vanilla relationships, with only just a bit of slap and tickle rather than full on Domination, I have a safe word that my partner has given me, always. It is also used so that nothing else can get in the way of serving their Dom, they will not be thinking about their word, hence why it must be something THEY can recall under duress. It lets the sub completely give themself without worry and anguish over whether the person will cross that line. In the hard world of BDSM, this is necessary because of the physical and mental trauma caused by going too far. In vanilla realtionships, the physical and mental trauma sits within a area of social acceptance and not taught to be necessary. But if you do not know the past experiences of your partner in intimate detail, a simple boundary push that seems normal to most can cause further issues and destroys the trust. I have had it when a safe word is not used and this destroys the relationship, so I will constantly ask for it so it is easy to recall. So, we have established that there is a consensus on the Safe word.... What makes a True Mistress/Master then? I think we need guidelines for those interested and looking so as not to put themselves in harms way? Doms and subs...

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'ChasingMidnight' | There are too varying degrees and I for one wish that we could begin to separate them out albeit the mind of both the master and the submissive remains constant when we share in this path with another. The bondage and dominance can be a stand alone and very sensual art without ever crossing over completely to sado-masochism and the line can be very fine. |.............Nicely put CM ....

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  You say the nicest things. One topic that has been touched on once or twice is that Masters do make mistakes. I have seen a professional Mistress of many years experience pick up a spiky wartenburg wheel from a table and run it over someones chest. She had no idea who had used the wheel before, who it belonged to or what it had been used for. I have also seen people using floggers over the lower back/kidney area of a restrained submissive which can be a rather dangerous thing to do. And I have seen a Mistress put down her bottle of beer and in the same movement pick up a flogger.Be careful who you play with.

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  On_Safari

  12 years ago

  Would you be so kind as to give me some more info on how to use this tool more for pleasure than pain? I love the feel of it being run over my back, pins and needles!! Learning what I can so as not to ruin a moment of fun. OS- Posted from rhpmobile

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