Mens' attitudes towards friendships with women

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  Mr_MrsAraps

  10 years ago

  So if I am someone who already has a happy number of friends currently and I decide to prioritise sexual relationship instead of friendship I am tarnished as some sort of bad person..... If I want to get into a relationship with someone ... sexual relationship, fwb relationship, fb relationship or friendship (yes I see friendship as just another type of a relationship) that is totally my choice no matter what my reasons are. You can't force someone to be with you. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  It seems to me that girls have always used this ploy in an, admittedly sympathetic effort, to lessen the impact of a rejection of romantic/sexual advances. Now personally, there are several ladies I consider to be my friends and I'm happy to have more. Gender is not a decider in whom I'm willing to be friends. Still, if I were seeking a more intimate relationship with a woman, I would hate to hear these words and I know, from experience, that women are not immune from ill feelings of rejection when hoping for more than friendship.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  There's a couple of issues here. Firstly, I think men and women experience friendship differently. Most women are in more regular contact with their friends, calling each other just for the hell of it, often more than weekly. Most men don't do this. We might have a regular catchup with a bunch of friends, a friday night at the pub type thing, and whoever can turn up each week does, or we'll organise to go to an event with friends who share that interest or whatever, but I can go for a year or more without seeing or talking to a good friend and not feel that things have waned at all when we do catch up. My two oldest and best friends are both women but I don't see them often anymore because they both live in different states. They and a couple of ex girlfriends I'm still close to are really the only ones I'll ring and chat to just for the hell of it, but even then it's probably less than one a year. That distance doesn't change the depth of my feeling for them, or the warmth I get from knowing they're there for me and I'm here for them. So maybe you feel these men you've lost contact with aren't interested, but if you were to talk to them or see them you'd find they feel as warmly about you as ever. Secondly, there's the frustration. If a man feels something for you, and wants to get involved but you don't feel the same way, but would still like to be friends, chance are he won't be interested because it's really frustrating. All his interactions with you will be half of what he wants them to be. And depending on his level of interest in you, he might need some distance to move on.

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  SpikeDownunder

  10 years ago

  Reflecting Araps point. I have lots of female friends who are always going to be just that, and that is fine. I would not want them to come onto me, it's solid friendship. I am now divorced and I am not ready to go into another long term relationship yet. That said, I am not looking for my life to be filled by one night stands either. I am on RHP in the hope that the ladies I meet understand this, as I expect that they are here for a similar reason. All of the vanilla dating options I have tried are full of ladies who are looking for that last chance to settle down with a guy before their body clock expires. That is fine, but not what I am looking for. I quickly am relegated to the friendship zone with the ladies I meet there. Having only been putting serious effort into meeting people on this site for the past two weeks, I can say it has been really difficult as a single middle-aged guy to even have a chat with any single lady of more than a couple of exchanges. There are a couple of ladies that I am chatting to (thanks ladies, you know who you are ;) ), but I have yet to meet anyone from this site; maybe I am being a bit impatient with that. I think what I am trying to say is, although it is the prerogative of either person to keep it as friends only, I think men expect that the ladies here are less likely to put them in the friend zone due to the nature of the site. So when a lady suggests friends only, it is likely to be rejected as it is not what is expected.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Men want to meet women for sex only........ when they regulated to a friendship status they are disappointed because they see that as second best or they think they must not be good enough for you. I also think lots of blokes have their mates and friends and they have no interested in making more friends particularly of the female variety. Yes, if it happens it happens but it isn't something they seek.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I have quite a few guys who are happy to chat and be my friend but just like my friendships outside of here, my friends always chase me and I am lousy at keeping in touch with them. I am more surprised how many guys want to remain friends, some drop off but that is probably more to do with me rather than them. I don't hold anything against anyone as many people are time poor too, work odd hours, have kids here and there... or all the time and I am one of those people. I don't take it personally, it was nice at the time and hopefully they have moved on to someone more substantial to them.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  I can see how the statement arises. As it has been mentioned, some guys will chase a sexual relationship from a girl they get along with. If the sexual relationship does not blossom they have not achieved their 'goal'. At least they are honest about their intention!Don't worry the game is played the opposite way also. Girls are just more PC when it comes to their words or actions.

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  precious142

  10 years ago

  Quoting 'Araps' So if I am someone who already has a happy number of friends currently and I decide to prioritise sexual relationship instead of friendship I am tarnished as some sort of bad person..... If I want to get into a relationship with someone ... sexual relationship, fwb relationship, fb relationship or friendship (yes I see friendship as just another type of a relationship) that is totally my choice no matter what my reasons are. You can't force someone to be with you. - Posted from rhpmobile Spot on!!!! I'm with you on this one.....I have more than enough friends -and keeping up with their birthdays alone is a bastard!!!!

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  thing is, some guys just don't handle rejection to well, so rather than have a date blowup in her face the softly softly let down is " your a nice guy but can we just be friends" I am sure sometimes it's genuine, but I think more often it's just an escape clause.

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  Plain

  10 years ago

  As a person who has been put to the side in the friendzone, not offended at all as in most cases the friendship became tangible and the spin offs far out weighed the negatives. It depends on what you make of it one of my best friends is a lady who I have the utmost respect for, we are not in each others pockets never have been, but we can talk about anything and everything nothing is taboo, we have even discussed what it would be like to take the plunge so to speak and we both decided with 35 years of friendship at risk naah too much pressure and had a giggle about it. And some of the spinoffs ladies who take a genuine interest in you in pursuing carnal matters and still you learn about your self every time!!.

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