F49
More than friends, less than a relationshio
January 07 2017
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
for casual relationships. Dinner, drinks, movies with a bottle of wine at home nights then sex. That was great because I wasnt looking for anything more serious. Then, indirectly through RHP, I met a guy and everything changed. But you can have the intimacy, morning cuddles, adventures with a FWB. I had some great times with the guys I was seeing and they will always have a place in my heart. But sometimes, one of these guys will turn out to be more than you had bargained for. You dont know what awaits you in the crazy world of RHP xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
Wow.... are we just in sync gf or what?! I feel you. Yes sometimes but life goes on and I sometimes think of the less favourable things that comes with a relationship and then I'm ok again 😉 but hell yeah I totes agree with you - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
That I am a bit tipsy in bed, just got home from a very wild swingers party omg.... I want again soon.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
But no, have not found it. And I'm not sure how to go about it! I'm yet to meet a man that wants the same kind of relationship. Some will tell you they do, but it quickly becomes clear they're saying what they know you want to hear. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Why is a relationship expectation and obligation shouldn't it be more fun excitement having mutual support even fwb why can't you both cuddle for the night and go again in the morning as long as both are completely honest with there feelings and if they start to change one starts liking the other more and it's not mutual it should end before the other one starts dropping there guards - Posted from rhpmobile
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Missb4u
8 years ago
I would love this and have been looking for it for over three years. I'm starting to think it's impossible to find and in my experience men say one thing and do something completely different. Guys your actions will always speak so much louder then your words. Whether it's snide little comments about who else you MAY be seeing or saying they want friends when really they just want a fuck. I had it for a short time with a guy way older then me. But the age difference got to him in the end. One forumite once discribed it as the boyfriend experience without the monogamous commitment. That's what I want. I think men see that as a relationship though and believe women can't do fwb. Be interested to hear from the guys.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I'm not down playing the joys of straight up, mind blowing sex, I've been enjoying those for the past 3 years, hence my desire for freedom. In Melbourne I had two beautiful lovers and yes, it was cocktails, dinner or a hotel room and a show (followed by amazing sex or a wild swingers party). I enjoyed the companionship as much as the sex. Since moving to the Gold Coast, I've been somewhat disappointed with the level of effort or distinct lack thereof. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I really do love your style babe! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
8 years ago
when you find it..... it cannot last and has a finite lifespan in that form. Best to approach it from the point of view if simply meeting people, and discussing the parameters when it becomes relevant, and only tolerating positive attitudes and behaviours.... not disrespect for their entertainment... and enjoy it while you have it - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
If you think about it you're talkingabout a relationship, only it's one in which the time frame is exaggerated, the interactions are the same it's just that the time between these interactions is greater. Kind of a one freeze frame to the next. These relationships go on to be a success, or they fizzle just like any other only on a different time scale. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I've heard that when you are specific and truthful with what you want from a partner, it has more of a chance of happening. If you have neither of these 2 things, it's not going to happen. I enjoy my single life but that's not to say I don't feel lonely sometimes and want more when there is an amazing connection. If you're really serious, you would treat it like anything and put focus on it. I'm still learning this btw...Still have your fun in the meantime. My best friend in London couldn't figure out her feelings after dating and had a spreadsheet. That's how serious she was and she was serial dating and dropped 3 dress sizes. I will be flying to London to attend her wedding in April. She got exactly what she wanted because she knew what she wanted and what she was willing to give and sacrifice. So there is a success story and how it works. The mind is very powerful, but intuition is even more powerful ;)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Fear of commitment there dude? Yeah same 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
Dear Missb4u I don't think it's only men that find this concept difficult. What you are saying you are seeking is very much what I'm needing at this time. There may be different degrees of intimacy or commitment in each of these friendships, for me, ranging from a primary open relationship to friendship with benefits, but for me, friendship is always vital. I'd love to get to know you.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I know exactly this feeling you're having, and you've just helped me identify what causes us casual fuckers 😉 to doubt our singledom and even consider a relationship. It's when you've had those really great guys, the awesome connections, what happens is they set the bar high. That's the problem and I'm having the same problem, but is it a problem really? Hmm I do miss morning sex and like you, struggle to find anyone (my age) who is as sexual as I am, and am extremely fussy, my perfect man will have to be Italian, do the dishes, you know fuck me senseless all day/night etc etc well I ran a topic on the perfect partner. It's a funny read however not far from the truth. I won't settle. Second time around, I want all the boxes ticked 😉 don't know the answer. Is there a casual fuckers handbook we can consult? 😀
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RHP User
8 years ago
More sleepovers 👍 just a little twist on 'sleeping at yours' or 'sleeping at mine' because no sleeping whatsoever will happen 😎
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
Referring to Garry71 (I suck at quoting!) Isn't any form of intimacy a relationship of sorts? Barring a quick/random one night stand, I'd think anything else IS a type of relationship. Basic friendship is a relationship, so FWB would be too...there's the whole friendship aspect to it (that no one I've met seems to grasp) lolSome here have previously said that though the sexual nature of their relationship has passed or ended, they've still managed to stay friends. So not all just fizzle and fade to nothing.
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cat_n_the_hatter
8 years ago
I think men want intimacy as well, but sometimes they are afraid to admit it. If men were burned too many times, they see warning signs everywhere...so sadly people get scared off easily and leave the other unceremoniously, choose to go on their different paths due to miscommunication or just because the timing of their opening is different...and then you have your freedom, but silence is burning away in the emptiness that remains when that other is not there. It’s a miracle we find each other at all. (Ms)
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AnnieWhichway
8 years ago
Relationships like sexuality can be hard to define or label. One person's FWB can be anothers gf/bf setup or another's FB. My own relationship is perhaps similar to what you posted OP. We see each other each weekend for 1 or 2 days and nights. Sometimes more sometimes less depending on work. friends and family. We don't have the daily crap to interfere with our interactions so our time together is just for each other and keeps it fresh. We do the occasional 3some or party. We can play with same sex by ourselves but always with the other with opposite sex. It works for us. But communication and honesty is vital in making it work. And it's not maybe something that you can slip straight into. The perfect relationship evolves and of course that right person is required
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RHP User
8 years ago
I don't fear commitment just haven't met the right person hopefully one day But think males and females can play games and be dishonest Just been broken few times now as most of us have think you loose a bit of yourself every time the joys of life - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I guess if I am absolutely truthful, all of lovers, wvery single one of them has a piece of my heart. As far as 'casual relationships' none of them have bewn purely casual. The have been delightful, educational, salcioua, fun, intense, debauched, edgy, fulfilling. They were connected. Each has been wildly different from the next. I have been an ethical slut during these years, lovers openly aware of each other...to the extent of one calling the other to see if I was free to book a surprise up coming weekend. I live in radical honesty (not always a popular notion) this gives me the ability to be relaxed, to openly confess my needs, wants, desires and schedules! 😉 There was one ocassion where I enjoyed both their company for a weekend on a houseboat. There have been sublime encounters but they have been anything but casual. I guess I am just missing my Melbourne Men. xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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Katkat
8 years ago
Is the best you know what you both want sleep over here & there, movies, dinner, fuck same thing pretty much NSA whatever happens happens life is too short enjoy life to the fullest. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Forgive the typos... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Had numerous fwb that stay over and we wake up spooning, next morning, breaky in bed then spend more time together. If they aren't bothered staying over I would class them as more of a fuck buddy only. Speaking with lots of guys on here over the years, I have learnt that most guys would rather fuck married women, due to no chance of having to face a possible commitment. So maybe being married is the way to go then you get your devoted partner and freedom to fuck others hmmmm. And before I get blasted for my observations please note : this view of most guys wanting married women has been expressed to me for the last 5 years of chatting on rhp and has been the view of within 40-55% of males I personally have chatted to. Perhaps it has just been their way to not have to meet me as I am single....but it has been my personal experience.
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RHP User
8 years ago
...since ending my marriage I've had a dozen or so longer-term FWBs...despite the stereotype of men not wanting or being capable of intimacy, I think that's untrue. What I loved about these 'relationships' was knowing in advance we were going to see each other and looking forward to it (usually for between 2 and 4 days), then spending our time together indulgently...restaurants, movies, leaping out of bed at the crack of noon to champagne and strawberries...then heading back to our own lives. In a sense, because there's no 'relationship', one gives one';s partner one's best and vice versa...there's none of the mundane crap that erodes 24/7 relationships premised on expectations of eventual betrothal or monogamy. I have found a couple of hundred kilometres separation works quite well...but I've also had two in the same street, simultaneously. The downside is life takes its course and so the longest of these arrangements for me was 4 years...some ended because of career changes, some because of changes in wants (too much commitment became expected)...death played a part too. My take, as I age, is that these are wonderful periods of life to be thankful for in the knowledge that they have a limited life-span. I'd happily engage again, although my last ended because she was violent and I would have retaliated eventually and it really is a bit sad to be engaged in that sort of shit in one's mid-50s....and like some of the female posters to this thread, I am probably a lot less tolerant than I once was and this seems inevitable as one ages and puts up with less shit in general. Kisses to all
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RHP User
8 years ago
Often the person you are seeing is not available for anything more, be it: Location (not local, can't see them very often); Emotional (not seeking committment, at least not right now); Compatability (the chemistry is only there to a certain degree allowing fwb, but with no further interest or ideal attraction, or other unmatched interests such as children, smoking, career etc); Availability (fwb can occur with someone who is in a committed relationship with someone else, even a male/female with a couple, and two couples I assume can also be fwb). Note: some people (especially those in couples) do call their (extra) fwb a girl/boyfriend, although the meaning in this case is typically more casual. I don't think it has anything to do with the amount of time you see each other or communicate. I was in a committed loving relationship where we only managed to see each other once a fortnight on average. Yet I have spent time with fwbs (both individual female, and a couple) on a similar regularity, and as it happens with a similar mix of intimacy and social occasions (eg sleepovers, dinners, coffees, seeing live entertainment etc). Same interactions on a similar time/frequency, different levels of committment and emotional involvement. As it happens the fwbs have also lasted longer and with no end in sight. What most people seek, or seek to retain, as the OP states, is freedom. This might mean because they simply do not want to deal with the requirements of committment, living together, career/job and location questions, opening up emotionally and completely, deciding on/working around children, or whatever issues they think a dedicated relationship will raise. Anecdotally, some women entertain fwbs deliberately with partners that don't tick all their boxes, eg someone quite older/younger etc. But yes, men just as much as women do not want to get hurt, or to hurt someone else. And speaking for myself, yes it would be hard for me to continue as a fwb with a single female who does tick all the boxes and vice versa, as deep down I still want a partner who is willing to become an actual girlfriend - which means being public about it, meeting family, and eventually building a life together etc. But I think if you do meet the right person, your fears of your loss of freedom are unfounded - such a person will still keep a certain degree of flexibility in both of your lives, and can discuss things like the level of exclusivity. From NSA, to fb, to fwb, to gf/bf, to committment, to marriage or equivalent... there is no exact line in the sand that seperates the terms. It is a sliding scale, and the scale also slides differently around different factors. If the partners discuss things openly, they can slide the scale however much that suits them, or only parts of it. Such an arrangement works while each partner's interests are in the same ballpark or level they are happy to accept, and continually communicate with each other about it. Over time, a long term fwb can become a committed partner when the time is right for both of you. That is the point, there is simply less pressure to move in that direction at all or in any particular time frame. For the time being, both are simply living their lives, and enjoying the company and intimate companionship. Your time together should be a release from the stress and worry about other parts of life, not an addition to it.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I was looking for exactly what everyone has suggested above. I did want intimacy, connection, cuddles, sleepovers etc, I did want a FWB. A FWB meant that I could safely explore with someone else that my hubby knew and trusted as well. I did do the sleepovers with very trusted people and that was probably the beginning of my desire to develop with someone to a greater level. I did have the beginning of FWBs but they didn't go further till I met my BF (then FWB) The weekend we met, we spent the entire weekend together, went to the beach, did lunch, did each other, chatting, holding hands etc ... Our relationship evolved to where we have become BF and GF and we have established boundaries/understandings etc that enable us all to live our lives both independently/when apart and when we are together :) If I wanted a FB (someone to fuck only) I would go to swingers parties because they were much safer and I had greater choice. I realised quickly that wasn't for me, I needed a much greater connection :) Mary xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
Friends, and friends with benefits, have the best interests of the other person at heart (which of course should be the case anyway). This should be so, despite the fact you are getting "benefits" that are intrinsically selfish i.e. things you personally want or need, but while you are also giving such things in return. I know that I hope for my single friends past and present (on whatever level) that they find what and who they are looking for, even if that person in the long run isn't (only) me. They also wish the same for me. The same sentiment is expressed to me by couples, but obviously they have found their special person.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I would think Op that most people have the same longings and feelings. Having the connection with someone far outweighs a fuck buddy or a one night stand. Certainly believe as you get older you certainly become more selective with what your looking for. Definitely miss the spoonin, cooking meals together and watching a sunset at the beach. 3am sex mmmm yes please. But apart from the sex it's having the personal connection and they fact that someome wants to be with you and wake up next to you. That's the difference between a boy and a man. A man will want to be with you not just for your body.
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RHP User
8 years ago
We're all human beings and as such we have unmet needs and wants. Some are so basic, but alas so necessary for all of us to survive our society. However, there are the emotional and physical needs at a higher level that transcend everything we call basic. Those needs are complex and they can shift enormously in time. What is good and necessary today may not be tomorrow. Feelings of freedom, power, fun, adventure, desire... have all one thing in common: the endorphins that they help release. Feelings of safety, love (in a total unromantic way), romance, attraction, calmness... all have other levels of commonality. The point is the dichotomy between freedom and belonging is natural and will always place us at odds with what we want and ultimately achieve. The secret lies in understanding each one and learning how to balance them. If one achieves that,finding the right person to share them with becomes the easy part. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
So I'm not going to say much - I just wanted to express my appreciation. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Grouse33
8 years ago
I have what I'd probably describe as a FB arrangement. It's been going for months and I don't think we even know each other's surnames. But it's incredibly intimate. We always do something like dinner or a movie when we meet up. And we talk for hours into the early morning. So it's kind of emotionally intense when we're together. And then we go weeks without seeing each other, partly because of timing conflicts and partly, I suspect, because we both don't want to appear too needy to each other and jeopardise what's working for us. We only contact each other to organise meeting up, and I couldn't imagine ever getting a 'hi, how was your day?' text for example. I think these rules that we've applied to the relationship actually strengthen the connection. By being really clear that we don't want a traditional relationship, we're able to give each other the physical and emotional intimacy we need when were together. The point is that if you can find somebody who wants similar things, even the most casual of arrangements can be emotionally fulfilling. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I guess that's the way I look at a FWB. Any romantic feelings turn it into something else and that can lead to restrictions, hurt feelings and complications. I'm married but a FWB situation is ideal for me. Developing at great friendship with someone while having the intimacy there, but none of the drama. Freedom is extremely important to me. But I married under traditional circumstances so I have to navigate the boundaries with hubby still. Being able to just enjoy the company and intimacy of someone I value and not someone who adds stress to my life is the perfect situation. OP I think a lot of people are looking for it. It's finding those people, the ones that truly know what they want - and independent life complimented by a great person that's the hard part.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Is the key, but it's a hard ask when people aren't honest with themselves or are just blindsided by their own pre conceptions. The stereotype is women who say they are happy with fwb but are in fact looking for a relationship and men who say they are looking for fwb but just want a fuck, I'm sure it happens in reverse and I know a good many men want a relationship as you describe but are just to gun shy to give it a chance. For a long time this is what I sought and when I started seeing people I gave it everything as if I was the boyfriend because the sex is better, the whole dynamic is better when you give it your all, for me the wheels fell off when my "commitment" was seen as wanting a relationship. In hindsight it was my failure to communicate my desires that led to misunderstanding. Add in maybe seeing others and the result was terminal. It has worked for me though, with a married woman and meeting one of her other lovers was my first bi encounter, very hot ! It can be found, I think your approach of brutal honesty is key, and I wish you luck.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Nothing is eternal - the moment O tossed he idea that I was in control of anything out, was the moment I became free. Same applies with FWB, lovers or relationships. Nothing lasts forever, so enjoy it why it does without holding on tightly in the hope for more. Just be damn it, how hard is that? Sounds like an oxymoron, connection and letting go but they are twins for me. Can't do one without the other. - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
8 years ago
I think someone nailed it back there. Open relationship with out all the full committment and an understanding it may not last for the ever after, so enjoy it while you can. - Posted from rhpmobile
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clarky1976
8 years ago
Ive been single for about seven years now after being in a very long relationship and the freedom I have compared to nearly all my friends is something I never wont to lose. To do what I like when I like not having to think about the needs of a wife and kids. Then I totally agree yes id like to wake up next to someone special hold there hand for a walk enjoy a romantic evening and stare deep into there eyes over a candle lit dinner or just let out my thoughts and feelings to someone. I know the life I have now would be very hard to let go of if I was ever tempted by a special lady looking for a commitment.
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