F55
Mum, I am in an FWB relationship or three
July 09 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Not everyone can get the idea that sex and love can be two entirely different things when it comes to different people. I have had FWB's last up to a year before either one of us gets attached to someone else but it never got more than just friends who happen to fuck as well. I know of girls that fall in love when they sleep with someone because that is how they think. It isnt a bad thing to fall in love with those you are sleeping with and its pretty easy to do so if you are sleeping with them enough. I guess at the end of the day, some of us are just wired differently.
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RHP User
12 years ago
When divorce was so rare and "kids from broken homes" were not so socially acceptable, and heaven help you of you were gay, or worse bi (hehe me too) ... Well fwb is the new 'whatever all that was' regards social stigmas and boundaries yet to be stretched in society, can wait til they all find oht theres a whole other use for glad wrap... Give me another 10-20 years I think... Then all of us will be the 'fool's folk... Oh that's right, we already are...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cool folk.... But I will accept that society probably would currently take the first spelling as gospel right now... 10-20 years from now the spelling will be "cool" folk.. now to beat my phone into submission...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I give up trying to explain anything to anyone! After my first "date" with a potential FWB I made the mistake of sharing certain details with my sister. Never again will that happen!Leah
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RHP User
12 years ago
I really wouldn't have thought this would have been such an issue for anyone anymore. The concept has been around for a long time, it's been the subject matter of countless movies. Maybe they're just caught up in romanticising it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe its best described as "all the best bits of a great friendship or Marriage (i.e. theirs) plus all of the best bits of a sexual relationship or sex life (theirs) without all crappy bits that get in the way or l of the great bits of annoy you..."and its still stoppable when either of you wants to...ideally over some time or repetition - at least.On the other stuff = thats a whole other conversation....in short though - I'd say - you aint that different (and not because of catholicism). Look at the number of divorces. Sure a lot of people seek a ring option - but clearly a lot wish they hadn't, in hindsight.Maybe you just got to the same place as them sooner...or you didn't need to, too know what you wanted.Dunno the answer - but i reckon a lot of men and women regret the rings they sought.Enjoy - I say.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I never understood the whole FWB thing until I tried it and had my own little light bulb moment. Maybe it's just one of those things that can't be explained. Good luck with trying though. KK xx
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Lifes_great
12 years ago
I'm hearin' you, DML, on the iPhone issue......got myself in a few sticky situations, bloody thing remembers the 'naughty' words and slots them in at the most inopportune times. I now check each message. Meeka is right though, it has to be conditioning.......there does seem to be some expectation of things leading to a permanent monogomous relationship. Having come out of a 15yr marriage I am in no way wanting a full on relationship, but prefer the FWB situation. It suits me as I have commitments to my children with regard to extra curricular activities and I have them most weekends. I don't think I have the time or inclination to invest in a full on relationship and I'm sure I'm not alone in the way I feel. Yet it certainly is difficult to find ladies that have the same agenda....whether it's that I'm meeting the wrong people or that I'm the minority or just that society hasn't accepted that relationships have evolved. Oh and by the way....really hard to concentrate while looking at Meeka's awesome profile pic
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RHP User
12 years ago
I find the best way to describe it is ticking boxes. Each of us have a set of individual needs (boxes) that are in an order of priority. Career may be box 1, sex may be box 2 or 3 and a relationship may be box 10. We work hard on ticking the first 3 or 4 boxes and the rest are generally ticked opportunistically. There are also boxes within boxes. Sexually you may have half a dozen sexual things that are important, most of us here probably have more. Someone may tick boxes 2,3 & 6 so you need a couple of others to tick 1, 4 & 5... You've got to take care of your box!
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RHP User
12 years ago
why do you have to say or do anything to justify anything ,,, friends are friends and lovers are lovers ,, what business is it of anyones if you combine both in one person and if you do feel the ned to tell thm just say you make each other happy and smile let it be in their monds to deside where the meaning goes A xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you are clear about what you want and so are your fwbs then what other people think ,just does not matter. Times are changing,women are no longer economically dependent on men,and as 2balloons said,many regret those rings that were put on our fingers. I think your friends are assuming as many people,still think that we all want to go through our life as part of a pair.For some it is an option and they get it right,but increasingly pairdom soon leads to singledom and often serial monogamy.When children are involved they are often left to flounder in the wake of our disaster. My family and friends know about my fwbs,however I am very discrete and keep my sex life quite seperate. This kind of arrangement suits me.I have my independence,emotional and sexual freedom,and spend time with people I connect with but who I have no desire to live with . As DML said,I think these sorts of arrangements will become more and more the norm in the future. Just my thoughts and experience . I hope it all works out well for you and as I said don't worry about what your friends think, just tell 'em you are pursuing a bohemian lifestyle and you are at the forefront of social change....that will keep 'em quiet!!! .X Hugs Hesione Bohemian
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is Love over rated ?? at times Is sex over rated ??? Dont know it can be but Sex is much easier and less complicated that is a certainty But to explain that to family and friend fark that talk sport much more interesting
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am not a huge chick flick watcher but don't most of those movies that are apparently all about FWB scenarios end up with the two of them falling in love and living happily ever after?? The concept of having a few FWB's as well seems to be something most of my friends think is a bit wild.
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RHP User
12 years ago
AndrewEagle I couldn't tell them that!!! Fuck me they would be picking out their bridesmaid dresses before I even finished the sentence. And as ever, with women they will ask... Is he your BF, is it serious, etc etc. The fact that you can have fun with someone, go out with them, be initimate with them, have sex with them, and in fact you can even love them, know them for years but you don't want more then friendship. Nope some people don't get that. Something I struggled with too when I first joined. I thought blokes just wanted a girlfriend but without any committment. Now that is what I want too. :))
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' I am not a huge chick flick watcher but don't most of those movies that are apparently all about FWB scenarios end up with the two of them falling in love and living happily ever after?? Pretty much. But that may be why the expectation is there for a lot of people - conditioning?Mind you - It didn't end so well in Vanilla Sky...
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RHP User
12 years ago
2balloons.... That is right. I can have the best bits of my lovers without having to deal with the day to day crap or their moods, etc etc. Hell, let the wife deal with that. Lol. So, is it a selfish arrangement then? I want the fun parts but not the bad?
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RHP User
12 years ago
Lifes_great... Number one, has anyone told you look like Charlie Sheen in that pic?? But yes, we are taught that this is the ultimate aim. Marriage, kids and forever. I have never been married nor have I ever had a serious LT relationship either. It's not something I have ever wanted. Maybe I haven't met the one?? Hesione, I really like all the different ideas around different living arrangement, open realtionships, etc. I am not worried about what my friends think, just puzzled sometimes. But then again I had my light bulb moment the year I turned 40 an suddenly realised I was waiting around for something I didn't actually want. I love my freedom.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'2balloons.... That is right. I can have the best bits of my lovers without having to deal with the day to day crap or their moods, etc etc. Hell, let the wife deal with that. Lol. So, is it a selfish arrangement then? I want the fun parts but not the bad? Selfish? Smart!! Absolutely nothing wrong with being a hedonist, it works in the animal kingdom and worked for man until people and the church wanted greater control of the population.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It starts early. We are conditioned to think that all women get married and have kids and its not until we grow up that we discover anything different. Sometimes we are lucky and discover early on that sex can be a physical exercise and not something romantic. Until you meet a person that you miss the minute they leave and have you counting the minutes until you see them again make the most of your freedom.
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Frankiesgame
12 years ago
does this mean we aint getting hitched Meeka???
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'andreweagle' why do you have to say or do anything to justify anything ,,, friends are friends and lovers are lovers ,, what business is it of anyones if you combine both in one person and if you do feel the ned to tell thm just say you make each other happy and smile let it be in their monds to deside where the meaning goes A xxxI have had FWB's since I was a teen...back in the seventies....I didnt care what people thought then and I sure as hell dont care what they think now. My life, my choices and if they can not handle that well it is thier issue and I am not about to make it mine. My mother knows, my adult children know and most of my friends know. They accept me for who and what I am.
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RHP User
12 years ago
If they get it, there's no need to explain it to them. If they don't get it, there's no amount of explaining that will make them. Time to talk about something else.
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RHP User
12 years ago
lol Meeka - not sure that one ever only gets the good and not the bad in ANY type of relationship (FWB or otherwise) - but you do get the bits you want without the bits you don't want....and for that you shouldn't feel its selfish or the need to justify.
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Lifes_great
12 years ago
meeka....Charlie Sheen.....my ex wife might even agree with you there, although probably relates more to my behaviour
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