M53 F53
My dilemma ...
October 23 2014
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
For the sake of your Husband's health and happiness, I would laugh and smile at any situation that's thrown at you . Don't React . Try and pair up members of both families to do tasks , such as cooking the BBQ , etc . And if people want to hit on each other , that ain't your problem . Bugger all the peripheral crap , this is about celebrating your Son's special day . It's about Family and about laying aside your differences, for Him . If all else fails , make both sides of the Family play Twister together ;) GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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Circe
10 years ago
So much emotional bullshit. My approach in dealing with tricky family members is to pretend they are strangers and behave with the aloof but polite detachment that I would with strangers. If they are rude at any stage I behave like I would with a rude stranger... It works, you cut out the emotional/personal aspect and focus on the behaviour... I wish you luck and patience as you wade through this minefield... Just focus on giving your boy the best birthday ever... Xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Make it a alcohol free gathering :) Then cross your fingers and hope that rational behaviour prevails :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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6exxy
10 years ago
You have been doing this already by keeping separate the parties that cause problems. Choose your seating for the event this will help minimise issues. Make this about your sons night and don't drink at all so you have a clear head to make crisis decisions in need. Make sure everyone else knows it's about him having a great night not about anything else and all need to behave. I wish you luck 🙏
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RHP User
10 years ago
Nothing to add but Agreed 110 % with MissBlissBomb.....Good luck with the party.
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
We've had the same type of problems with families as well (when I was married). Without going into detail, having them all together was just not a good idea. Although you've left you're cry for help a little late, unfortunately, we did the only thing that was reasonably workable, and had various parts of the family over at different days, which it appears you can't do now. Otherwise, as MissBB has put forward, it sounds like a reasonable idea to treat them as she has described, and trust that neither side will want to spoil the party too much for the sake of your son. Perhaps, if both you and your husband can get to your respective sides of the families as they arrive, to gently remind them that the party is about your son, and not to try and make it something else . Best of luck, Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
Grace, and poise and its about your son, not you. Just put out good will to everyone, they never know what to do when that's whats thrown at them and forgive you can only control your thoughts and actions, so really that is all you need to worry about. do not drink that brings out the worst in people if they carry resentment, it will flair up like throwing petrol on a fire. You want you son to say, that was the best 18th Birthday, thanks mum You can do it kiddo, take a deep breath and gird your loins Nelly
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RHP User
10 years ago
and just tell them to not bother coming if they can't keep their shit to themselves. Tell them the night is about your son not them and you expect them to keep the peace. I have a cousin I invited to my 40th and she was seeing a guy who was into drugs at the time and she text me to ask if she could bring him. I said, I have kids at my place and I can't have drug fucked idiots at my house so she didn't come. BTW, do you have any single brothers? All the Greek men I have met are great lovers!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Can I ask a question? You say your in-laws are racist towards you and your kids. How does your son feel about them coming at all? Also, is he happy with you trying to get everyone together?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am a 'wog' myself and if these people are racist towards you and the children just tell them to go and get fucked beforehand and just have a great night for your son - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
10 years ago
Meander, my son is a beautiful soul, he wants me to try to bring us all together because he loves the idea of family and is accepting of them. I think both our families are lucky because both my kids are too polite at times :) and love their grandparents, despite the bad behavior. If it was up to me alone, I wouldn't invite them, I'm with you there. Ralf, if I had a single brother, I WOULD WANT YOU IN MY FAMILY, the havoc we would cause. I always stayed away from Greek men because I found them too arrogant, but since being on RHP, my beautiful FWB is mof Greek heritage, go figure. Yes I concur, awesome lovers ;) Thank you miss blissbomb, the fact that we get to celebrate being the parents of this gorgeous young man is what keeps me focused. Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Mary, in this instance I would think the best way to be is call anyone who might still have ill will- your brothers wife, your sister in law and let them know 'I'm just ringing to let you know as a courtesy_________ will be coming. This is because ________ (your son) feels its important to have everybody together for one night you celebrate him. I completely appreciate if you feel this will be too hard for you and would respect your choice not to come if it will upset you.' That way you have politely given them the idea no nonsense will be tolerated, but at the same time shown them that you acknowledge it might be raw for them without blaming anybody. Harder to put in to practice though. Best of luck Mary x
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RHP User
10 years ago
Family dynamics can be difficult, at the end of the day the only persons actions you can control are your own. Be polite and pleasant and move on. Ignore any unpleasantness, remember people who have to bring others down are doing it from their own issues and is not a reflection of you, you are not responsible for the behaviours of others and as adults it's past time for them to move on from an incident 14 yrs past. You will be busy with the party to mingle for too long, so spend it with those you really want to be with and enjoy your son's celebrations. Grab a couple of girlfriends and let them know of your anxieties so they can keep an eye on things and run interference and distraction if needed. Congratulations on surviving 18yrs of parenting and Happy Birthday to your son I hope it goes well for you all
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Forus1234
10 years ago
We suggest you hand out the boxing gloves & sell tickets, we would love to pay for a ticket to come & see this! It's never family, unless there's a drama, that's why we just love Xmas!! You can choose your friends, but not your family!
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RHP User
10 years ago
The only additional suggestion I would make is to have a diplomatic discussion with the in laws that emphasises your husband's health, that this is going to be a big effort for him and that they need to help him by being social and getting along. I would suggest a seperate talk with the sister along the same lines but asking her to steer clear of your brother to avoid creating a scene which would aggravate your husband's health. By placing the emphasis on a person they like and framing it positively as helping him get through the evening, it may be more palatable to the in laws. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
10 years ago
Simple needs, my in-laws called asking if I need help, I politely declined and thanked them. I took your advice and said that I want everyone to have a good time and it's important that after the year we have had ( given hubbies health) this is a real celebration of overcoming odds whilst celebrating a huge milestone for us as parents ( thanks Rockminx 😘) . i also said that our son wants all of us to put aside differences and be a 'real' family. I felt heard and am keeping an open mind for tomorrow. My sister in law is staying over tonight and I will chat with her as well, just to see where she is at. I'm definitely not drinking alcohol tomorrow even though I'm a very happy drunk. I'm both a mentor and role model for a number of kids attending, I'm going to be the consummate lady that they know me as and not get messy ( only you guys get to see the real me 😜 ) Tall, I get you, been doing the split thing for 14 years, our son wanted everyone together as a family, so I bit the bullet and will focus on all of us having a wonderful day. I have planned, prepared and cooked up a fabulous feast, our son is so excited and for that it's worth it. Kiss, curious, for us and kalifornia, mwah, for the vote of confidence and support. I'm waiting for the white chocolate mud cake to bake 😘 Mary xx
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
Will be keepin' everything crossed for ya for a very successful party - and hope you get to enjoy it at least as much as the rest of the family. Best wishes to the new man ! Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
And also congratulations to you two for raising your son to manhood. Enjoy the evening and take a moment to be proud of your achievement. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
every one will get over the past and use it as a perfect opportunity to get back on side with each other. All the best with the celebrations Mary, I am sure you will make it a beautiful night for everyone involved.
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Hey Mary your post evidences how very thoughtful and caring you are. Awesome thing about above advices is that if you put them all together you would have the perfect plan. Combine that with your "will" & i bet you celebrate and honour yours and your sons milestone perfectly! Good luck - but you will not need it! SAx
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have the same dilemma. My Mum is Italian, Dad is Greek, divorced for sometime now. Step mother hates me with a passion, it had gotten so bad that I actually had to have my wedding day, my daughters 1st birthday and her naming day all at the same time because it's too painful to have everyone together for 3 separate occasions. My husband is anglo too and it's quite embarrassing trying to explain my wog family and their behavior all the time. It's very hard to be diplomatic, argh Good luck Mary x I hope the day can go smoothly for you all and your son is able to have an awesome party xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Mary, I am sure everyone will behave beautifully ...hugs
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MissBlissBomb' So much emotional bullshit. My approach in dealing with tricky family members is to pretend they are strangers and behave with the aloof but polite detachment that I would with strangers. If they are rude at any stage I behave like I would with a rude stranger... It works, you cut out the emotional/personal aspect and focus on the behaviour... I wish you luck and patience as you wade through this minefield... Just focus on giving your boy the best birthday ever... Xx I am with Bliss.........have a glass of wine.........BUT BE RESILIENT AND STRONG.........do not respond to anything.be kind and caring.....the calm one....Be a duck.......water off your back......love Kx
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Hottie1
10 years ago
By the sight of my gorgeous young man in his first ever suit. I'll be thinking of your well wishes tonight when I need them most. Wish you could be there. Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Good luck tonight! Hope all goes well x
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RHP User
10 years ago
I hope everything goes well for you and your family tonight. It's such a momentous occasion. My son turned 18 earlier this year, and I can't believe how quickly the years have gone by. He's a truly delightful human being and the best thing I've ever done lol. Your pride and love for your boy shines through, and I'm equally sure that he's proud of you for doing this. I can only imagine how difficult it's been for you all, but what an awesome example you've set for your son and his friends :) Will be thinking of you tonight, with lots of love, Elle xx
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6exxy
10 years ago
😘😘😘😘😘😘
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Hottie1
10 years ago
Thank you to each and everyone of you for taking the time to post and offering advice, which worked! Mister Green, I did give jobs to mum mother in particular, this stopped her from getting bored and finding ways to find an argument, thank you. Chuckle-shells, thank you, Andy is recovering well though he is quite tired at the moment. Elle, you are very special. Young equals fun - geez Greek and Italian, now that's quite the mix. My young man looked awesome and I got a huge cuddle and kiss as he thanked his dad and me for giving him a special night. Your thoughts and well wishes were on replay in my head tonight - they helped me deal with what could have been a difficult night. Mwas, Mary xxoo
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RHP User
10 years ago
X
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Tall74nHard9
10 years ago
that it appears everything has worked out well for the night. I hope that the 'morning after' will not be too big a task, but most importantly, that the various relatives have managed to work in a bit of peace with one another. Hopefully this event may have been the catalyst that was needed to move things along in the right direction for all concerned, and you can enjoy future gatherings with a bit more certainty. Cheers, Tall
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RHP User
10 years ago
so glad it went off without a hitch. Nice to know grown ups can be grown up sometimes :) Have fun cleaning up xo
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have been watching this thread since it was first posted with no replies.I didn't know what to say that didn't seem obvious or trite...all's well that ends well.
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