M45
My fantasy - Sex School - Bi-Curious
October 05 2014
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
enduran...you just need a little bit of editing xxQ
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RHP User
10 years ago
Way. Way too long to read :) I am too lazy for erotica ....IMO forum posts should be short and concise ! - Posted from rhpmobile
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enduran
10 years ago
thanks qefenta - I guess I didn't run it past an editor. I hope you get the gist of it ;-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
most attempts at erotica on here are just incredibly boring,you came up with an interesting narrative...most stories are same,same...I parted her wet ,dripping pussy lips...yadda yadda,...snore ,snore.. she was begging for my 12 incher... Now I am in a coma,not just snoring:-) xxQ
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RHP User
10 years ago
Back to English class for you - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Good story line but can I make a suggestion? I am not sure about others but for me it is too clinical. You are just describing actions but for me... Maybe for women? .... I want to know how it makes you feel. What did the woman look like and how did she make you feel? Nervous, excited, did she dominate you, did you feel helpless against her will, was your heart beating so loudly in your chest. How did you feel when you sucked a mans cock? What did it feel like in your mouth? Did he look down into your eyes? Did he gently sway his hips as he fucked your mouth. For me to get hot and bothered I want to feel exactly what the main character is feeling, I want to feel as if I was there. What did you hear? what did you smell? How did it taste on your tongue, in your mouth....
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am describing how a woman might feel.... But how does a man feel? Aren't you ever so in the moment that all around you is heat, skin, moaning and heavy breathing. When I am about to come I am so focused on my body and what it's doing... The way my legs quiver and my voice gets breathless (apparently! Lol), how I feel so wet, the way almost forget to breath. You know, that stuff!
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enduran
10 years ago
brilliant feedback - I love getting feedback. so I will go back to the drawing board and might try my luck at an improved version. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
You could also introduce yourself and start the story with how you are feeling about the event, the fact that it's new to you.... How you have always wanted to do blah blah. Get your audience in the right frame of mind before you even get to the school. Set the scene and mood so your audience already knows how it should be feeling... That is nervous, excited, the uncertainty, the thrill of the unknown.... The fact you are stepping out if your comfort zone, etc. The first sentence should grab the audience by the pink bits straight away. I would start with a shocking first sentence. Maybe something like... " I am going to Fuck a man today for the first time in my life " (not hard to tell what gets me off. Lolz) Again.... I am thinking like a woman so not sure what works for men.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Actually that is interesting given some of the forum topics. Women like to have our minds turned on first before the action starts. So your story is straight into it before you have turned on the reader. You need to seduce them and turn them on with the thought of it first. Probably men are okay with going straight into it wham bam?? I find the difference between how a man and woman would read your story interesting.
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enduran
10 years ago
Thanks meeka, i like your feedback and i think it will make the story hotter. So let me give it a go with a new version of the first chapter. What do you think? --------------- here we go ----------- Laura's Sex school for the adventurous male Chapter 1 - An exciting adventure begins Although I have had sex with a couple of girls, when I woke up this morning I had no idea that I would find myself in a position at the end of the day where the roles were reversed, me being fucked by a woman and with hard cock in my mouth... It all began with a lazy browse of a dating site on the internet. I found an ad for Laura's Sex school for the adventurous male, and while it didn’t say much more about it certainly raised my curiosity, so after a bit of hesitation I picked up the phone and dialled the number. A lovely voice answered and told me where the school is and at what time I should come by. When I finished the call, my hand was slightly shaking. A weird feeling of anticipation, a fear of the unknown and yes a good part arousal (I felt my pants being way tighter than a few minutes earlier) was responsible for it. Later in the afternoon I arrive at the address given to me and walk over to the door. I put my finger to the doorbell, but then I hesitate. Am I really going to do this? I am aroused but also scared. Am I really as adventurous as I would like to consider myself to be? In the third attempt I finally press the doorbell. I am a bit ashamed that I have a clear erection in my pants already, I hope no one will notice that I am such a horny guy that just the thought of the school gets me all hard. Laura opens the door with a smile: "Welcome to our lovely little sex school, we have been expecting you". She wears a coat and I can see the boots lurking out underneath. I introduce myself but my voice is shaking. I am clearly nervous. I hate myself for being nervous and not the tough guy I would like to be. I am walking in and she is closing the door behind me. There is no way back now. A have a feeling of running out, but then I settle and turnaround to Laura. Once I turn around, I see that she has already lost her coat and stands there just in bodystockings and boots. Oh my god, this is real and I am now completely hard. I stare at her for a moment, she notices and smiles. She feels my discomfort, my hornyness and the internal battle in me and she is enjoying this power for a moment, then she relieves the tension by saying: "Come on, this is not a course where you just look, this is a practical course." And she smiles, I smile and start to feel better. She guides me to the living room, where a man is sitting on the couch wearing tight boxers and a t-shirt. He looks very relaxed and I envy him for the being so comfortable with the situation. She asks me to sit down on a chair in front of the couch and tentatively I am sitting down, wondering what I got myself into. The man, Peter, asks: "Why have you signed up for the course?” I respond that I am very curious and want to broaden my sexual horizon. Laura laughs mischievously and says: “We will surely do that". The first ask from her already makes me uncomfortable again, she asks me to get naked. They both at least semi-dressed still and I am to stand there naked. I don’t have a six-pack or a large penis so I am very nervous, but I do as I am told, partly to prove to myself that I have the guts to do so. I have a hardon that pops out as soon pull my boxers a bit down, I smile nervously when that happens. "Well you brought your equipment, that is good" he says with a smile. I laugh as well and a lot of tensions falls off me. She asks me to stand with my hands against the wall so that she can frisk me. I am more relaxed now and do so with my legs spread apart, my hands on the wall, and my cock touching the wall. She inspects my body and initial discomfort quickly becomes enjoyment as her hands touch my body all over. I quiver a bit as her hands move from my ass to my cock. "Just making sure you have only one weapon and that it is working" she says, with her hand around my cock. I am enjoying her soft warm hands around my hard and throbbing cock and don’t want her to take them away, when she does and says: "Seems to be all okay - let us start" I am a bit disappointed.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes, that is a lot better in my opinion. Well done! :D
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enduran
10 years ago
thanks for the feedback - onto chapter 2 then ;-)
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