M42
My girl in the batcave
December 15 2014
Comments
-
RHP User
10 years ago
If she's not into it , she's not into it ! I don't think you'll be able to change her mind . You say she "begrudgingly" allows you to play outside the Relationship , well it ain't going to work . Perhaps you should be out sowing your Wild Seed . You've got a choice to make but you won't be able to have your cake and eat it too ... GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Inevitably , when one posts on the Forums , many will then check the OP's profile . Your Relationship status says "Ask Me" which tells me that you might deny the fact that you have a Girlfriend , in certain scenarios . Once again , I think you need to make a choice ... GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
your on shakey ground mate we go through different stages . Be very careful you now are highly sexual , your girl atm is not she has other things that may be more important atm . Your girl does not like it ? That is a problem for you now if you keep going on with it . Your relationship could unravel ?? Yes it has allready started mate . You want to fuck others she does not . All well and good just asking the swinging community what percentage of relationships do you think did NOT stay together to call themselves swingers ?? I would suggest lots and lots , that found themselves single !!! Remember that word ummm what was it ? Ah sacrifices are made from both man and women at different stages for different reasons , this does not mean sacrifice your relationship !! Sure there are couples that can swing openly with not to many issues . But honestly there are many many more that do , with one partner will always have issues of jealousy and trust. Its a fact of life just gotta have a look a listen and a blindman can see that. I wish you luck Saint and seriously don't let your cock deal with this . Your answers are in your heart and soul brother love ??? You just gotta understand the question . Dont fuck it up . Sincerely from a Deep BigOcean - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
One word sums it up... and you said it. begrudgingly If she said she was into something that didnt float your boat, but, you "begrudgingly" agreed.... .....how enthusiastic do you think you'd be about it, or stay about it?!! So, the views of others are totally irrelevant as youve asked HER, and received your answer. But, if you seek opinions on how to manipulate her to gain your way, well...... that tells its own story. DG
-
RHP User
10 years ago
You may be happy,feeling liberated..but she is not...begrudgingly is a word that speaks volumes...ponder on that...good advice here from the fellas...listen,decide on what is more important to you..follow your heart ,choose wisely ..with no regrets..xx Freya
-
RHP User
10 years ago
She does not want to see you with other women.......... I'm not going to say how my husband and I got into it, what I am going to say is !!!!! What you are planning will make her feel unsatisfactory, it doesn't matter what way you put it, thus will be the outcome............. Sorry, if she us wonderful, gorgeous and perfect in every way, it won't matter, eventually she will question herself and you would be the one making this beautiful girl feel inadequate.......... I think it's time for a rethink................ Can you get your satisfaction through watching porn and self gratification, can you just want her to run her fingers over your body while you masturbate........ Think of your options.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry but I agree with Bigmamma ... she may "agree" to it because she wants to keep you happy and perhaps feels she will lose you if she doesn't... but all it will do (in time) is make her feel less of a woman, less confident and inadequate. People agree to things when backed into a corner or badgered enough but that doesn't mean they are ok with it and can cope with the ramifications. Being married means nothing, a relationship should be based on trust and that includes trusting your partner will NEVER hurt you emotionally or physically and I would hazard a very educated guess that she is hurting big time.... Never cajole, never force and never guilt.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
You don't deserve her if you are here asking how to get her involved in a swinging lifestyle. You say that ". I'm not pushy and wouldn't be comfortable making her do something she's not into or doing it just to please me. " Yes, you are and that is exactly what you appear to be doing. If she's that great but you are dedicated to pleasing your own sexual needs, perhaps you need to do what is best for her on this one and let her go. There is nothing wrong with pursuing your needs but never at the expense of someone else. Oh, and just so you are clear- she begrudgingly agreed? That means the second you do sleep with someone all hell is going to break loose. She is not going to feel good about herself on this one. Good luck.
-
chevtrek
10 years ago
There is not much I can add as previous has said it all.However how will you feel if you lose this girl so,decide now what your heart and sexual needs arebefore it is to late.
-
Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
If she doesn't want to see you with other women, then bringing her into something like a swinging life style will have a detrimental effect on her. Because to her she doesn't want to share the man she loves....💋 I hope whatever you decided to do, it works for the both of you....💋 Mr Green this is not the first time The Saint has referred to having a partner in the forums, so I don't really think he'd lie about his situation, also if someone has "ask me" in the relationship status it's pretty much a given that they have an attachment somewhere.... 💋
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'MisterGreen' If she's not into it , she's not into it ! I don't think you'll be able to change her mind . You say she "begrudgingly" allows you to play outside the Relationship , well it ain't going to work . I agree with this and many others. You and her only have a chance at taking over Gotham together if that is what you both want. According to your posts she has made pretty clear that idea of seeing you with someone else turns her right of, so I'm actually not quite sure why you would think she could ever be your sidekick. I'd suggest making the Batcave itself a more exciting place for both of you, rather than going on covert missions alone. Good luck.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
As a male in an open marriage, it can only truly work if you are both fully accepting of the lifestyle and the choices you make together. If she isn't comfortable with what is happening and feels pressured into accepting your decision, she's unlikely to accept it in the long run. As for getting her into threesomes, again, if she feels pressured into doing it to 'keep' you, chances are she won't enjoy it and could be the end of you two as a couple. Personally, I wouldn't class my wife and I as swingers. We don't play together (she's not into it, which I accept) so if I want to have a threesome or moresome, I have to find a lover who's into that side of things. We only got to the open marriage stage after lots of talking and reading about the subject and laying some ground-rules. There was no particular pressure from either side, it was a mutual decision. Not knowing the full details of your life together, it sounds to me like you need to make a choice between sex with other people and keeping your current partner long term. It's not easy finding someone who is fully accepting of an open lifestyle and I appreciate that I'm a lucky man.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
With most of what's been said so far. The exception being True_Gent77's advice (for the most part). I think it's unfair for everyone to assume this girl would not being willing, under any circumstance to stick her toes in the lifestyle on offer. I for one, did not enter my adult years knowing my mind would ever be open enough to allow a loving partner to have sex with another person, in any form, with or without me! To the OP - I get what your girlfriend is saying, it can be really confronting to think that the one who 'loves you' would be ok with you having sex with another man! Or woman even. It will likely be a thought process of 'well how much could you love me then? I love you and I'm not ok with it!' Personally, my very vanilla/regular mind started to shift when someone really challenged my thought process. He educated me, had me read a whole bunch of stuff, talk to people who are already living it and most importantly, was very patient and held my hand till I was ready to give it a shot. My advice is to firstly be patient! Don't go ahead on your own without her if you really want her to be a part of it one day! It's likely she'll appreciate, and feel relieved having you say that you won't be playing without her at this time, and she'll likely start paying closer attention to you if her position doesn't feel threatened. Stay strong and clear with her on what you feel you need but take the time to ensure she knows how much you do actually love her, and don't want to lose her! Tell her, I want to do this but I don't want to do it without you, I want you with me every step of the way. Maybe give her a book to read (like The Ethical Slut for example), make a couple's profile here on RHP but just state that you're not looking to actively play at the moment and don't put photos up. Let her explore and read of other people's ideas and adventures etc etc and take her time with it all, it's a big thing to a newby! If after all of that, she still says there's no possible way she could ever attempt such a thing, then yes perhaps you should be looking for the way out to protect her from yourself, but give the girl a chance first :) she might find the idea of a threesome quite attractive in time, or same partner same room sex might be an ok point with her as a start. Minds don't just shift overnight and all by themselves. It takes time and education to shift ones thinking, and you have to want to put in that effort for her. I note someone made comment about "how many swinging couples stay together" - hhmm, how many vanilla couples stay together these days? I find open couples are much happier and less stressed in their relationships. Whether they last or not, at least they had a good time :P Good luck OP xo - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Are you sure you're reading the same topic as the rest of us? I didnt take a single comment as outlined by the OP to reflect her willingness to engage in his swinging interests...... quite the opposite actually
-
On_Safari
10 years ago
ShySub has a point, she's simply offered another perspective and a possible solution; one that couples have actually discussed often over the years as another way forward. Whether or not it works in this case is not the question, it's simply offering the OP and his Love an option to try and allay her feelings and give BOTH the chance to move forward together or part as friends who understand each other better with no hang ups just honesty.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I can only speak for myself, but how do you think I may have reacted the first time the idea was put to me?... He did say she's had bi experiences in the past and even begrudgingly, she's allowing him to stray for now so she obviously wants to at least try and make it work. She's a few steps ahead of where I was at ;) As On_Safari (thank you) said, just another perspective x - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I'm incredibly touched and humbled by the responses. Not sure where to begin. What I thought would be a simple inquiry has opened a worm farm. Everything everyone has said has resonated, the love, the compassion, the support, the ideas, the criticisms and sharing your experiences. So thank you all, with all the love of my alter ego. I'm not interested in forcing or manipulating her into doing anything she doesn't want to. But based on our experience together and an intuitive hunch, I think developing our sexual experience together will let our relationship find a deeper well. I say this because I know she's no prude, she's had threesomes before and also what she was uncomfortable trying with me when we first got together has been conquered and taken to some wonderful places. And the better we are sexually the better the relationship seems to grow. So I was after any couples' advice based on their experience of it. I'm not interested in becoming a hard boiled swingin' couple. Just the odd extra now and again. I've only ever played as the extra single guy with couples and took it for granted how a couple could get to that stage. When we first hooked up, I was out with my ex who I was occasionally seeing and another woman who I was fixing chemistry for/with. She knew this and understands that I'm not exactly Mr. Relationship, but even so I think it's the cause of some insecurity. I asked about it because I feel she's capable of it and I think she'd enjoy herself, she can be an exhibitionist and is not scared (after seeing my intentions are innocent[ish]) to follow me down the sexual mine. Also, I'm not that rigid and mean that the ultimate choice is cock or heart. Maybe it's possible to have cake, and share it . Thanks again for the time and thought put into the postings. Thank you all kindly.
-
Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
All for an alternative POV. I just didn't see any reference that indicated that SHE was interested.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I forgot to mention this too. Some sites have "open relationship" status. RHP doesn't. Because I'm not married, not de-facto, no kids and things can be pretty tumultuous I thought "ask me" was more apt. Because, well, ask me and I'll explain the situation. It's not as if I chose a "not telling" or "mind your bees" status. Which if that's as far as a person would prefer to admit, then that's fine in my book.
-
On_Safari
10 years ago
Same couple, same room sex can be totally great as a first step, and horny too!! If it were me and my love interest it would definitely be something we'd start with, I'm just lucky I have friends here who'd also help clear a few "lifestyle" hurdles with my chosen one and I. Options are good and none have been taken away from theSaint and his lady. It's all about the care for each other's feelings and emotional wellbeing. I wish you both luck and happiness moving forward Saint.
-
RHP User
10 years ago
You didn't see an indication, but it seems I did :) it's easy to get stuck on the negatives, sometimes you have to look a little closer for the positives. I read this very closely to what the OP has now fully stated. I never said what everyone else said was wrong, only that I disagreed and felt the assumptions were unfair. I have a tendency to think outside the square (which I'm very greatful for) and don't make a habit of commenting on these things unless I feel I may be able to bring something different to the table. I don't mind be challenged, shows strength in a persons character ;) respect
-
Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
It'd be good to read HER point of view. But in these topics.... sadly.... it never happens. DG
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I absolutely agree with x
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I am quite the promiscuous being on this site but I am single. I am also not a prude but If I was with a loving partner I would not want to share, full stop. Maybe that is the defining point for your partner too. I would never want to see a loving partner with another woman if I was there or not. I am jealous and possessive and I don't want to share what is mine. I would be insulted if I was asked by a loving partner if they could see other people, if they wanted to share me with someone else, I just can't do it with someone I have feelings for. I am not even sure I could stay with someone if they even asked because I would probably assume it would lead to an affair anyway if I am not good enough and that is exactly how I would see it. I couldn't conceive that someone would want someone else. I would create self doubt in myself that I am not good enough and it would aslo create doubt in my partner that they didn't feel the same way about me as I do them. I know that is ultimately my problem but that is how I would feel about it if it was brought up with me.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 14361 Comments: 120840
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1355 Comments: 14709
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2425 Comments: 17234
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2405 Comments: 12737
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 794 Comments: 5154
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1148 Comments: 6957
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 622 Comments: 2145
-
LGBT
Topics: 156 Comments: 1150
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share