M44
NO touching, looking or tasting :(
January 21 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
That age-old advice, the most difficult of all things to do, is applicable here, surely... you gotta talk to her because something is broken, somewhere (physically or mentally). Do it, today.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Are you sure she is a chick? I dunno, it sounds weird to me.- Posted from rhpmobile
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ruby_blossum
12 years ago
Did you meet the woman on rhp?Have you asked her straight out why?she may have some hang up about her vagina...too small, too big, too flappy, emotional hangup etc.I was going to suggest taking her away for a weekend to the Mona Gallery in Hobart but that is a bit of a hike from WA.Its a private art gallery open to the public...the owner David Walsh has quite different tastes in his art to state owned art gallery.The art is changed around every few months ...usually includes some type of vagina gallery showing all the different art forms that vaginas have to offer.Or maybe a book, or online display of the many types of vagina.I am sure there are other here who can provide web address for you.If you have tried all these and more ideas...then yes, run >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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RHP User
12 years ago
Have you told her how dissatisfied you are with your sex life? Are you in love with her? If no, I say make a run for it, you are totally incompatible sexually and it will not get any better. She either has a very low libido or she has some sort of metal block about sex or both. Be there for her as a friend, that's all. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
That is a long time, you are a patient guy. I was wondering if she had a hang up about her vulva or vagina but it may just be sex entirely.I guess you have to ask for some answers from her and make the decision.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Have you told her how dissatisfied you are with your sex life? Are you in love with her? If no, I say make a run for it, you are totally incompatible sexually and it will not get any better. She either has a very low libido or she has some sort of metal block about sex or both. Be there for her as a friend, that's all. I told her once that I'd had a threesome (MMF) and she was absolutely horrified and disgusted with me. If she even knew about my past life on this site, all the dirty, filthy, kinky shit I used to get up to with single girls, couples and groups on here, I'm pretty sure she'd run from me. Oh and that's the big one, I've been trying to feel something lately, but no, I'm not in love. I could never love someone so...un-sexual- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I told her once that I'd had a threesome (MMF) and she was absolutely horrified and disgusted with me. If she even knew about my past life on this site, all the dirty, filthy, kinky shit I used to get up to with single girls, couples and groups on here, I'm pretty sure she'd run from me.Oh and that's the big one, I've been trying to feel something lately, but no, I'm not in love. I could never love someone so...un-sexual
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think you know it's far from normal (and I use that word as short hand, because in truth there are all kinds of normal). Sex is one of the most important glues that keeps a relationship together. If it's important to you, talk to her about it. If she won't talk and/or address the issue, you then need to decide if you can live with it. I was in sexless marriafge for over 10 years. I talked about it ALL the time - lots of promises and few explanations from him - and it took me all that time to walk. I don't regret it but I learnt a lot about what I'd do differently. Don't wait ... deal with it :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
something obviously is wrong.You say you have tried everything so I assume you have reassured her that her body is beautiful but maybe somebody a parent or a previous lover has told her the opposite.Sometimes women are told that oral sex is dirty and perverted. Some women are so hung up about their bodies that the only way they can have sex is with the lights off.She has probably never touched her vagina let alone masturbated.If you care about her then have another conversation, ask her WHY she feels the way that she does.Encourage her to seek counselling,this will not be an easy journey,it will take time and patience,the decision you have to make is are you prepared to support her when there is no guarantee that she will change. However it could also be as Meeka said,you might be sexually incompatible,she may have a much lower libido than you or the chemistry is just not right.
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RHP User
12 years ago
So you are even hiding who you truly are. That's not good mate and will only lead to further unhappiness for you. I say go. :) Good luck!- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
So you're back on here for???????????????????????????? Yep you've defiantly done a runner already....run back to RHP!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' So you are even hiding who you truly are. That's not good mate That is - in life - such bloody good advice. Took me a long, loooooong, time to realise that I can't claim "buyer beware" without making a decent effort at full disclosure...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Best of luck x
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RHP User
12 years ago
I can commiserate and understand where you're coming from mate. I think the key thing here is that you can't even tell her what you got up to in the past. Take it from me if you can't communicate with her then it is going to end either now or later. Someone said sex is a major part of the glue that holds a relationship together, I disagree, communication is the glue and sex is but a piece of the relationship. I was with my last partner for 10 years, had 2 wonderful children together but in the end we hardly knew each other. Sex was nearly non-existent, sometimes we would go a month or two without it, then we would have it 3 or 4 times in a day (usually when she was stoned). For the last 2 or 3 years we hardly talked (I mean really talked - not mundane things or about the kids). Both of us were at fault, I used to come home after work having used up all my energy talking to clients all day, she would be exhausted running around after the kids all day. She would flop on the couch and start watching tv while I got the kids fed and bathed and Down to bed. Frustrated that I wasn't getting any help I would then hop on the computer and play games, write music or play the guitar. In the end She was asking me whether I was ever going to ask her to get married and I said no. Well lets just say it didn't end well. I loved her but my love for her wasn't for a partner or wife but for a friend. what I'm getting at is this, there is something that is amiss with this story, I can understand your frustration but there has to be more to her story. You've been together for a year and it sounds like there is something she is not telling you, could be past abuse, hangups, any number of things. It's something that can be worked on but you both need to be able to discuss it openly. To be honest though, the fact you are hiding things from her tells me that in all likelihood the relationship is doomed unless you can start communicating. Sorry but this is only my opinion people may disagree.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'ellabella10'Are you sure she is a chick? I dunno, it sounds weird to me.- Posted from rhpmobile My thoughts exactly! Er.. did you marry her.. that would explain everything. Sorry. making light of your predicament. Hope you find an answer (or a way out) that leaves everyone with a happy ending. Good luck.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad'To the OP...... That sounds like my marriage so I feel, and know your pain. We were best friends and shared a lot of love...... but every day, I hoped the next would be better, that things would improve, that her former sexuality would resurface and grow again. It badly affected myself esteem. Each day felt like a very personal rejection, and her comments about being extremely attracted to me were of little comfort when she was incapable of expressing those intimately.... and break down crying in confusion of what was wrong with her. Her reasons were long and complex....relating to former abuse, insecurities, pain, stress, body issues...... and sure... I played a part too. I have learned a lot since my marriage and have have addressed similar (but lesser) issues with women Ive known where many women have had negative sexual histories that affect their inherent sexual expression and security. I have no idea what kind of lover you are, I dont know your past, her past.... or the experiences youve shared with this lady - only you can know these things, so my comments are based purely on the small amount of info YOU have shared about an issue relating to you... without hearing her views. But the short answer is...... I dont think either of you are living the life you want to with eachother. So if you cant see that changing for all of the effort you've put in...... I guess you need to ask yourself that obvious but tough question. DG Nice answer and I can certainly relate to 90% of your post. Sigh..
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RHP User
12 years ago
As my fellow posters have already advised, the key to this situation is open and honest communicatoin but Im assuming that you have already made this approach and it has failed.... Sadly - even though this scenario is affecting you - this is her issue and you cannot own it...its not natural but if talking has failed, then there is always a time in any failing relationship when you have to walk away and let it go, you cannot continually support one who wont help themselves. You say your not Ïn love"with her - thats fine..then its time to set yourselves both free. Unless a acknwledgment is openly mad, e that there is a problem (no matter what it is) and a resolution to seek professional help to help confirm and resolve the issue, then no one will win here You already know what to do - youve taken the first steps already by re opening your profile on here... Its sad and its tough...but if you had a splinter in yrou finger, which was swollen, pusy, infected, red and angry would you leave it there to fester further or would you by now remove it (even though it would cause you a great deal of apin) in order to treat it effectivley so hat it may heal Exactly the same scenario here... Yes its time to walk or run, you know that...sometimes you have to save yourself first before you can save others - and then one has to remember - some people just simply dont want to be saved Your young - there is much sex ahead of you - and all the joys it brings - sadly it is not with this woman.. You know what to do...do it ..but be gentle with all concerned.. I wish you nothing but luck and happiness.
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Lifes_great
12 years ago
Sounds so much like my marriage. Hindsight is 20/20 but I wished we had parted ways sooner. neither of us were happy and it sure as hell would have saved a lot of hurt in the long run. You need to talk to her....be brave for 30 seconds and get it all out there. Either you both want to work to fix what is broken or should both move on and be happy. Maybe you can be better friends than lovers? Good luck.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
There is something more to it.... Maybe you both need to see a psychologist separately or together.... 12mths is a long time for this to have continued, but there is a reason why! It also depends on whether you wish to stay in the relationship, but being back on rhp sort of answers the question...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think I just got comfortable and before I knew it, it had been a year. I had been single for years prior to this relationship and I think I just did'nt want to be alone anymore. But the harder I look at the scenario (and myself), I realise that I was being selfish. All the warning signs were there at the start. No intimacy, prudish opinions and lack of interest in anything but the act of sex itself (penetration). Oh, and no passionate kissing. No tongue or even an open mouth. I've come to the conclusion that for the past 12 months, we've been awesome friends, with occasional benefits, and that's about it. She came home last night and did'nt even hug or kiss me. I stayed up to watch the tennis because I literally did not want to go to bed.I've come to realise that I am a swinger with out a partner haha, and having great friends who are sexually open-minded and into the swinging way of life is what I am really looking for. Life's too short to be unhappy and I will learn from this relationship. What I really need is a partner who likes swinging too. Then I'll be happy
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RHP User
12 years ago
Perhaps your partner is screwing someone else ....- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I know that myself, I could never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love sex as much as I do. You might click with this girl in other areas, but you are worlds apart when it comes to sex and considering you are obviously a highly sexual person things will inevitably come to a head sooner rather than later (I think you've done pretty well to last a year). As other posters have said she obviously has some deep seeded issues around sex and sexuality (her revulsion at the fact that you had a threesome suggests something more than just a low libido to me). We can only guess what those issues might be and in the end it's up to her if she wants to address them. She may not even think that she has a problem....who knows.I think you've already made your decision anyway, and are probably itching to make up for lost time ;-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Maybe she just wants you as a friend, nothing personal but she may find it hard to be intimate with you and just wants to be friends. Maybe her upbringing has given her a distorted view on sex, some parents maybe prudish and treat sex as something vile or a necessary evil when you get married so you can have kids, or maybe something has happened in her life which has put her off so it is not you but her. I you are a physical guy, and you both wish to stay together it will only be a matter of time before you stray so you need to be absolutely honest with yourself and her and let her know this isn't working for either of you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My husband hasn't initiated sex with me for 2 years. My current lover says how can he lie next to you at night and not want to ravish you?? I unfortunately have learnt to live with it. I have desires and I need sex. It's not just women that are not dishing out the goods Rod Knee (cute name btw)!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
...and if that doesn't work, the relationship isn't even worth discussing.
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RHP User
12 years ago
From Dr Phil... When you leave a relationship always away take time to re-evaluate your last relationship....that means 90days to get to know yourself...no sex, no one nighters, nothing for 90 days...no contact with ex during this time.. After the 90 days then if you are in love you will now...if not walk away... To me if you are here asking...you haven't asked yourself first... Sorry but not getting a BJ since April 2012 would be an issue for me.. if I were a man and temptation there....Hummmm choices need to be made... All the best :-)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Have you told her how dissatisfied you are with your sex life? Are you in love with her? If no, I say make a run for it, you are totally incompatible sexually and it will not get any better. She either has a very low libido or she has some sort of metal block about sex or both. Be there for her as a friend, that's all. - Posted from rhpmobile lol Meeka, couldn't have said it better myself!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
That the sexual side of things have not changed when you started this relationship then what has changed? Did you think that in time she would open up and things would improve? Mate something is broken in the mind of this woman and it will take a huge amount of care, understanding, patience and communication to fix it. Not all on your part either. She may need a counsellor who specialises in sexual issues. I hate to tell you all this but many many women do suffer from a low libido and sex once every three weeks is common for them. That is not the real issue here. The real issue is the fact that she is so against any sight or touching of her vagina. Whether you leave or not is entirely up to you. It depends on what your feelings are for this woman as to if you want to stick around and help her. Knowing that if you do decide that her issues are way too much for you to handle and you cut and run...you may just be contributing to her disgust in her own sexuality. To me, this woman has sex because she knows that no relationship is going to develop without SOME, albeit limited amounts of sex. I can not imagine that she has had an orgasm if you are not alowed to touch or taste. Maybe that is part of the problem, the fear of the unknown. One of the other posters has said that sex is not the glue of a relationship...communication is. Let me tell you that getting her to open up about what has happened in the past to make her like this is going to take all your communication skills and then some. If this stems back to her childhood it may even be buried so very deep that she is not even consciously aware of what did hapen.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'd have to agree with the fiery dragon lady there... its much deeper than she herself thinks and definitely avoiding the question. If you cannot talk about it to address, then not worth it in any relationship.I did think at first she might be just holding you up for a date or something. My friend when he got engaged said until their marriage night, they would not sleep with each other, or have acts or oral and BJs. Only kissing and apparently lots of spoons. It was a hard task, but they made it and enjoyed their honeymoon.Quoting 'Luckdragon23' I know that myself, I could never be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love sex as much as I do. You might click with this girl in other areas, but you are worlds apart when it comes to sex and considering you are obviously a highly sexual person things will inevitably come to a head sooner rather than later (I think you've done pretty well to last a year). As other posters have said she obviously has some deep seeded issues around sex and sexuality (her revulsion at the fact that you had a threesome suggests something more than just a low libido to me). We can only guess what those issues might be and in the end it's up to her if she wants to address them. She may not even think that she has a problem....who knows.I think you've already made your decision anyway, and are probably itching to make up for lost time ;-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Handmaiden' That the sexual side of things have not changed when you started this relationship then what has changed? Did you think that in time she would open up and things would improve? Mate something is broken in the mind of this woman and it will take a huge amount of care, understanding, patience and communication to fix it. Not all on your part either. She may need a counsellor who specialises in sexual issues. I hate to tell you all this but many many women do suffer from a low libido and sex once every three weeks is common for them. That is not the real issue here. The real issue is the fact that she is so against any sight or touching of her vagina. Whether you leave or not is entirely up to you. It depends on what your feelings are for this woman as to if you want to stick around and help her. Knowing that if you do decide that her issues are way too much for you to handle and you cut and run...you may just be contributing to her disgust in her own sexuality. To me, this woman has sex because she knows that no relationship is going to develop without SOME, albeit limited amounts of sex. I can not imagine that she has had an orgasm if you are not alowed to touch or taste. Maybe that is part of the problem, the fear of the unknown. One of the other posters has said that sex is not the glue of a relationship...communication is. Let me tell you that getting her to open up about what has happened in the past to make her like this is going to take all your communication skills and then some. If this stems back to her childhood it may even be buried so very deep that she is not even consciously aware of what did hapen. I've dated a woman who had some bad experience when she was young. Even until now, she has hangups about kissing. The closest you get to a kiss was a peck. For her, sex was something you did and then move on. There was really no passion in it, However, at the end of the day, it really depends on how much you care about her and want to help as it is most probably psychological. It can be anything from bad experience to indoctrination, i.e. sex is for making babies and should not be enjoyed, It will take some time for her to open up. In some cases, nothing will help but hopefully if you make her feel safe and give her respect and dignity, it might help her to open up to you. This requires patience on your part and it will not be easy for her whichever way you decide. At the end of the day, both of you have to be happy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Handmaiden' That the sexual side of things have not changed when you started this relationship then what has changed? Did you think that in time she would open up and things would improve? Mate something is broken in the mind of this woman and it will take a huge amount of care, understanding, patience and communication to fix it. Not all on your part either. She may need a counsellor who specialises in sexual issues. I hate to tell you all this but many many women do suffer from a low libido and sex once every three weeks is common for them. That is not the real issue here. The real issue is the fact that she is so against any sight or touching of her vagina. Whether you leave or not is entirely up to you. It depends on what your feelings are for this woman as to if you want to stick around and help her. Knowing that if you do decide that her issues are way too much for you to handle and you cut and run...you may just be contributing to her disgust in her own sexuality. To me, this woman has sex because she knows that no relationship is going to develop without SOME, albeit limited amounts of sex. I can not imagine that she has had an orgasm if you are not alowed to touch or taste. Maybe that is part of the problem, the fear of the unknown. One of the other posters has said that sex is not the glue of a relationship...communication is. Let me tell you that getting her to open up about what has happened in the past to make her like this is going to take all your communication skills and then some. If this stems back to her childhood it may even be buried so very deep that she is not even consciously aware of what did hapen. I've dated a woman who had some bad experience when she was young. Even until now, she has hangups about kissing. The closest you get to a kiss was a peck. For her, sex was something you did and then move on. There was really no passion in it, However, at the end of the day, it really depends on how much you care about her and want to help as it is most probably psychological. It can be anything from bad experience to indoctrination, i.e. sex is for making babies and should not be enjoyed, It will take some time for her to open up. In some cases, nothing will help but hopefully if you make her feel safe and give her respect and dignity, it might help her to open up to you. This requires patience on your part and it will not be easy for her whichever way you decide. At the end of the day, both of you have to be happy.
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Lifes_great
12 years ago
Quoting 'SuperFox'From Dr Phil... When you leave a relationship always away take time to re-evaluate your last relationship....that means 90days to get to know yourself...no sex, no one nighters, nothing for 90 days...no contact with ex during this time.. After the 90 days then if you are in love you will now...if not walk away... Always did like Dr Phil
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RHP User
12 years ago
no better way to get over someone than to get under someone else as they say
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