M41

Naughty or Nice?

January 31 2014

Tonight I got thinking about different perspectives to the swinging lifestyle, and some of the language people use to describe themselves and their activities. It got me theorising a bit about those differences, and how they might be categorised. Like any terrible and oversimplified binary concept, there seems to be two general camps: those who enjoy the 'naughty' aspect of it, and the 'nicers'. For the naughty ones, play is primarily viewed as kinky, deviant, filthy, wicked, sinful etc. - all in a wonderfully sexy way! This is not a bad, negative thing, but speaks to some deep, primal, bestial lust in us that society usually tries to conceal. From this perspective, play is transgressive: it's a break from 'normal life', a deviation. This is the realm of dress-ups, dirty talk, bondage etc. Towards the extremities, this tends towards fetishes, power play and s&m. The taboo adds to it. Sexuality, the human condition, is dark and animalistic by nature. This doesn't mean you're necessarily dark in any other aspect of your life - civilisation is about taming the beast, which is a good thing, but the bedroom gives you a chance to unleash that beast within and go wild. For the nicers, swinging is perhaps more like the 'natural' state of things - it's the constructs of monogamy and the conventional relationship game that is viewed as the deviation. For them, swinging is a beautiful expression of sexuality - not so much kinky as it is healthy. Towards the extremes of this position you might find support for polyamory. The fact that swinging is taboo is probably more frustrating than arousing. Nicers focus on the sensuousness of their experiences, the delicate touches, the lingering embraces. They can do animalistic, but probably tend towards a more sensation-based expression of their passion between the sheets. So, do you recognise yourself in any of this? I don't think they're necessarily opposites (both, for instance, view swinging as a more 'natural' state of sexuality, which society restricts), and I doubt there are many people that don't identify with at least some aspects of both in different contexts - I'm sure, if anything, it would be a continuum, and we'd all fall somewhere along along the length of it. Nonetheless, I think people might have a general inclination towards one or the other. Though I'm often team Sith (pansy Jedi), I think in the lifestyle I identify more of myself in the 'nicer'. How 'boutchoo?

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RHP User

11 years ago

My Hands Are Full .. I'm Nice ... Perhaps too much so . Flirty x

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RHP User

11 years ago

Looking back over it, that didn't really come out well. Morning after regrets, I guess. Basically, I was looking at some profiles, usernames and parties that had descriptions like "naughty fun" and "sinful encounters", and it got me thinking about how I don't identify with that sort of description at all. I started joining some dots, and voila - a steaming turd of pop-psychology and psuedo-revelation ensued. Have a nice day I guess?

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RHP User

11 years ago

I still respect you in the morning. . I like both the sensuous (with lingering touches) and the debaucherous (the primal lust thing) and I think my profile is clear about that. If I were ever asked to pick a side, I would say "Have a nice day" too. . . (Having said that, steaming turds are not one of my fetishes).

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'Meander' . I like both the sensuous (with lingering touches) and the debaucherous (the primal lust thing) and I think my profile is clear about that. I think I went off kilter there with the primal vs sensual thing. I think at a simpler level, it's a question of whether you view sexual mores as deviance or indulgence (a bit of a 'Catholic guilt' thing, and hence a guilty pleasure), or not?

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RHP User

11 years ago

You mean like eating a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's on the couch while watching "Weeds"? I might consider that an indulgence, but wouldn't waste those kinds of thoughts on my sex life. . Getting (and giving!) pleasure is a normal part of my life these days. Whether sensuos or kinky, I want it all and make no excuses. No need for Ms Devious anymore.

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RHP User

11 years ago

I like to be naughty. You can tell those sorts of people by the look in their eye. :p

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RHP User

11 years ago

Except in some specific arenas :) In the arena of sex and relating a black and white distinction will typically miss important nuances. For example, I'm all for naughty, kinky, deviate sex. I think as long as no-one get hurt (without their explicit agreement), whether the hurt is emotional or physical, then surely unrestrained sex with one or many others ex is part of the human condition - a great part of it! But I also think many people preoccupy themselves with fucking and developing sexual skills or getting sexual notches on their belt, and fail to grow the other aspects of their humanity and their character, which could and typically do lead to an entirely different kind of sexual relating. From reading the forums over many years my sense is that most posters are interested in and open to both, in different contexts. Lots of people say (or give the impression) that they want to fuck meaninglessly until something meaningful comes along. Others, of which I'm one, prefer to build something meaningful first, from which debauchery can happen - within the relationship or through swinging with others, however we like. So ... a bit of this and a bit of that, I reckon :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'neptune_drift' I think I went off kilter there with the primal vs sensual thing. I think at a simpler level, it's a question of whether you view sexual mores as deviance or indulgence (a bit of a 'Catholic guilt' thing, and hence a guilty pleasure), or not? Even after your pop-pysch back pedal. I view sexual mores as an indulgence. Minus the guilt, but with added hedonism. . Flirty x

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gazpacho

11 years ago

I like the depth of thought. I see myself involved in both extremes, depending on my mood at the time. The thrill is to find someone who is so connected to you that he or she senses your urges and whose own desires matches yours at any given moment. HugsGazpacho xxx

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RHP User

11 years ago

from a different site that I like dirty, debaucherous naughty sex. He said that's was disgusting. I said I like disgusting too. NEXT!

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Paradisepair

11 years ago

Feels very right, and feels very nice.

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RHP User

11 years ago

More on the nice side I guess..... I think the passionate and affectionate aspects of my personality put me there... But that in no way means I can't and don't get down and dirty ;) And Neotune Drift.... It was a pleasure meeting you at the last drinks night ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

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Lovinit28andKC72

11 years ago

I love sex in all it's forms, from sensual love making to the very naughty...... I guess I'd say I'm on the nice side with a naughty streak......or is it the other way around.........💋 - Posted from rhpmobile

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inspirit

11 years ago

I prefer the debaucherous side of swinging. I prefer one on one for all that other fluff. You know, the "nice" stuff. ;-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

11 years ago

Quoting 'ShyPrincess74'I guess the fact that I'm "Shy Princess" rather than "OutThere Harlot" says something about my proclivities huh? . I dunno, does me going from Devious to Mesmerised to Meander suggest I'm becoming a bit blasé about my "sinful encounters"? .

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