Nervous for the our first time and NOW what!

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I would love to be able to give you some constructive advice on this... but girls don't really suffer from performance anxiety... we're more worried about if our asses "look good in that g-string" so to speak :-)   Here are some links to a couple of interesting articles on RHP, worth checking out, I think they're quite helpful   http://www.redhotpie.com.au/Article/Sticky-Swinging-Situations-763   http://www.redhotpie.com.au/Article/Swinging-101-711   Oh.. and if the first time isn't a huge success? Try, try and try again!!! ;-)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  First and foremost, it is not meant to be a competition. Nor is it meant to be how long you can last etc etc. it is meant to be about having intimate fun. It shouldn't be a replication of what you have at home either. That is special between you and your wife. The size of the other guy shouldn't come into it either. Assuming it is going to be same room play and not separate rooms, why dont you start off just playing with your own wife and then letting the other two join in. Instead of making it just a straight swap, why not a 4some to whatever degree you like and making use of extra hands etc. If it is a straight swap, then it can become like a competition. If all else fails, head off to a club sometime and do it anonymously. If it doesn't work out then you dont really know whoever you played with. Just remember it is meant to be fun only!!! Not the be all and end all

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  First times are always nerve wracking. Suggest that before you do anything, sit down with your missus and iron out *everything* that you think might possibly go wrong, and how you are going to deal with it. Yes, it can be daunting to see your missus with someone else, but also remember that you can control how you react to it - you can choose to react badly and pound the other bloke into the ground, or you can remember that these things are also a bundle of sexual energy and you can make yourself happy and play with the other woman. Or man, or both, or whatever takes your fancy. It's probably a natural reaction, to be both protective and jealous, since it is your missus, after all. But relax, and constantly remind yourself what you're there for. Basic thing to remember, though, is that you must be doing this swap thing for yourself, and not your missus, or else you are going to wind up extremely resentful some point down the road. If you're even in the slightest doubt, suggest you not go through with it at all. Wait till you've sat down and talked and thrashed things out to your satisfaction. But bear in mind, that the talk approach will give you diminishing returns, and that at some point, you're really going to have to gird your loins and just do it. But at least the talk part should help smoothen the event somewhat. As for pills ... I'd say stop the arthritis meds first. You're referring to MTX, aren't you? Give whatever meds you're on about 2-3 weeks to flush out of your system, and start your body on the road to recovery. You'll have to put up with the pain of arthritis first, though, maybe take on some heavy duty pain management - check with your doctor on what will work for you without killing your libido. Mobic works well for hubby, but anything else is a disaster in the bedroom. Your mileage is going to vary. ALWAYS check with your doctor about the approach you're going to take first. From personal experience, and you're going to be different, arthritis meds will still give you a small grace window after stopping them - mine was about a week, before I simply had to start the pain medication or else wind up completely useless.And yes, you also might want to pick up some Cialis or Viagra from your doctor. It's good not to mix drugs, since there might be drug interactions. There's a thread floating around here about Cialis vs. Viagra, so we won't discuss it any farther now. Do a search for it, it's got some good info in it.  Besides, what are you worried about regarding size? You're talking to an Asian guy. Y'know, God wasn't kind to us Asians - we didn't get schlongs, we got schlorts, instead. Still works, though. You just gotta put in the hard yards :). When you actually get around to the event, just relax. Don't listen to that spiky inner voice in your head, and just enjoy yourself. You might not want to go the full swap first time round, to give yourself time to acclimatize to group sex. Or perhaps it'll help you watch the girls play first, then take it from there? The key is to definitely to relax, and that's why you got to thrash every single last lingering doubt before hand with your missus. Good luck! Now if we can just find some free time to meet up with this really hot couple we've been trying to bed for a while ...

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  2more4fun

  15 years ago

  I think all men go through a bit of ego bruising in the swinging scene and it's not always about penis size. Some well endowed men may even feel hurt seeing their partner enjoying oral sex more with other men or women etc. The main thing is to remember that it's all about having fun and once you get over the mental hump that is swapping, you'll worry less about things.If the other couple is reasonably experienced with swaps, just explain to them that you are keen but also nervous being first timers. Hopefully that will take some pressure and expectations off for all concerned. Work out if swapping sex HAS to happen that night even. Test the waters and if all goes well, then no need to worry :)However, if you do feel that erectile probs may occur (and they often do irrespective of health issues), discuss with your partner if you are happy for her to have intercourse with the other guy while you pleasure the other lady with oral sex etc. Sometimes it's possible that she's in the throes of hot sex already while you've stalled in which case you need to have a think about whether you'd be OK with that (donkey dick not withstanding).

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I'd wait till you feel confident and if you're still needing a bit of help from the drugs, at least have plenty of time to give it a lot of 'test runs'. Some drugs have different effects on different people, I've experimented with Viagra and Cialis to see whether they enhance things - I'm a solid build, 6'1", etc but even a half a little blue pill and I get hadaches and super flop for hours, terrible. The little yellow pill takes a few hours to kick in, but after it does...   and the effects last quite some timeI think it is normal to be apprehensive, but I think the last thing you want is to be as worried as you sound. Performance anxiety can be bad enough on healthy guys, let alone if you're on medication that will keep you down as well.It is supposed to be fun for the both of you, so what harm is there in waiting till you BOTH feel happy and confident?Perhaps you'd be more comfortable going to a club? you won't be inundated with weapons of mass destruction, and can ease yourself into it at your own pace with no pressure (eitehr external or internal)

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  You said  "I am freaked by the thought of not performing and being outdone."  frankly this bothers me, its not a game of one up manship. Some guys will be bigger, some smaller, some will out perform you, some won't, and thats just the nature of the game;  i have watched some guys in awe and think how the hell can you manage to go so long, if you finish first just enjoy the rest of the show. From what you have said i am not convinced your ready to play. But good luck with it whatever happens. Cheers Nev

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Meah. There's always going to be guys around with a bigger dick than yours so that's hardly a reason to feel insecure. Go on, give it a twirl.... give the Viagra or cialis a trial run and make sure the pills do the job as anxiety also impacts on a guy's ability to perform. The man equipped like a donkey will have a partner for you to work on I assume.... so relax and enjoy all that fleshy contact. Its normal to have some inhibitions at first, right? Oh yeah, and remember that a swinging environment is a real turn on for the ladies so if they get very excited quickly it's not usually because of anyone else's sexual prowess.... it's an environmental response to being so "naughty"... those pesky butterflies in the stomach can makes guys go floppy and girls moan with delight... what a contradiction.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  i remember our first time and we were as nervous as anything...and unfortunately hub had had too much to drink, which affects his erections...so it wasn't a great start!  hahaha....gosh...the memories!   we talked and talked and talked and talked...and we told the other couple that it was our first time...so they were great.   it's normal to be nervous.  just don't have any expectations, and don't put yourself under pressure.   perhaps just start with soft swinging first...ie: swapping for foreplay only.   just relax and let things flow naturally.  and remember, it's about having fun.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Hey )All of the advice above is great and I agree with it all  ... BUT.. the first time trying this stuff is close to the most stressful thing you are likely to do - especially given your note above and your fears already there.Frankly having been with quite a few couples now (quite a few) I would be amazed if you didn't have performance issues simply because of your head spacePersonally, my advice would be to wait a while.. get your head right.. and make sure you are at the top of your game first. You cant re-do your first time and it's the one you are always going to recall.Hopefully I am totally wrong and if you guys proceed, all goes really well for you .. but if you have doubts already, I wouldn't be rushing in to test my erection out against someone who you already think is a bit threatening (due to size)Good luck )

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  I have read it all and found some great points and show my wife this afternoon. Been to docs and he has given me some help and told me to relax a bit.Can say how much I appreciate all the advice esp being the first time we may wait a while now.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Got to agree with Lustbirds on this. Get your head around it all first and just remember it really is not a competition, it is just meant to be fun.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  The size issue is just like anything else in life no matter what, there will always be someone who has more than you do. As far as keeping it up, even if the arthritis meds weren’t working against you, you’d probably still need to feel comfortable in order for your plumbing to work.

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  RHP User

  15 years ago

  Its like skydivingjust jump man! Stop worring about the parachute not working properly

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  srogers

  15 years ago

  very funny Tool88.   probably one of the funniest replies I have ever read.

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