M47 F37
New to couple swapping bad experience
May 13 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
That is horrible Bish!I think next time you need to clarify things like that before play even starts so that every one is on the same page.No its not the norm so don't give up!
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Mr_MrsAraps
11 years ago
I am not a swinger but sounds like you both did everything right. You were looking out for you partner in that it was one sided and he wasn't getting much from it. You communicated and voiced your concerns to the other couple which you are perfectly in you rights to do. His reaction to your concerns tells you everything you need to know !!! NEXT. Good luck in finding a different partner who you both click with and shows respect. Cheers, W
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cougar4fun
11 years ago
This sort of behaviour is common unfortunately....not always exactly as you experienced, but jealousy can be a huge problem.If they had laid the rules out before hand and you had agreed to them, that's a different story....but to throw it at you and get the shits when you made your own rules in response...is just childish. We have had a similar experience...my husband was allowed to play with the female, but her husband kept giving him orders on what to do and not to do and was very cranky after he realised my husband and her were doing one of the positions that he had claimed his wife did not enjoy and she actually orgasmed while they were doing it, they would also stop and go off for little whispered (heated) conversations.....needless to say, you live and learn and we moved on and the next couple were very different.Very open, very relaxed and a hell of a lot of fun!! If you are keen, don't give up, there are good ones out there, you just need to weed out the bad ones! Maybe ask questions of the next couple to make sure this isn't their intentions? We learned that the hard way...now we ask enough questions to qualify for it to be an interrogation, but at least we all know where we stand....or lay ;)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Like I said I am somewhat naive to it all but I would have assumed that a couple playing means everyone plays. I didn't think clarification was necessary. I feel somewhat uncomfortable asking those kinds of questions to be honest.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Oh awesome so can expect more of this then. Maybe we will just go back to waiting for the rare unicorn, we both can't really be bothered dealing with that bullshit, it is meant to be enjoyable and fun for everyone. What a turn off!!
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
That's just bad manners really, good on you for saying something and looking after your man.....💋
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DTE_couple
11 years ago
Yes we agree totally with you it should be a case of sharing is caring.The best thing to do is mention any boundaries you might have and then ask if they have any.This way it is clear how far all of you should go, so it is fair for all involved. Hence the term sharing is caring.Hope you find a couple that suits you guys, good luck !
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' That's just bad manners really, good on you for saying something and looking after your man.....💋 Good luck for the next experience
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lookintoplay_qld
11 years ago
we always look out for each other and no play unless everybody is equally involved sound very strange to us
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Yesyoudo
11 years ago
If your looking to share an experience with other people please just share! It would just do my head in to put limitations on my partner. Just have fun I would say. Isnt that enough. Does anyone really care? Geez, just stay vanilla if you cant cope.
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justfforfun
11 years ago
Good on you for your communication but the other couple how rude they shouldn't meet couples if not into swinging - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
That's just poor form. If I was in your shoes I would have done the same. The jealous green monster comes out to play. He just sounds selfish and controlling. I'm sure there are plenty of other couple out there who are more accomadating. Don't let a bad experience turn you off. As the other say maybe clarify before you start. ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, we have had the same as you guys happen to us. Heaps of great swaps too. One way we do it by following the other couple, eg: If the other guy cannot get it up, blows in 2 minutes with my wife. I will switch back to my own wife, so what you did was right. Enjoy the whole experiance,the searching, the looking, the meeting , the anticipation , the company, and great sex....well if that was a let down the other parts were exciting, wernt they. People are not going to be 100% honest, they may really just want another girl for her and her husband and your husband is a unwanted bit ....but they have found the unicorn too hard.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Occasionally we have encountered couples where it is all about him, such as you described above. We will only meet with couples stating full partner swap, and only then if we are comfortable that both of them are wanting to play. If that situation came up during play then we would have called a halt to proceedings too. The right couples are out there, just keep asking questions via message until you find them. - Posted from rhpmobile
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JohnAnn2227
11 years ago
Sorry to hear this was your introduction to swinging, Bish. It sounds like he was trying to turn you into his unicorn and your hubby was to be the voyeur. i would be interested to know how you met this couple (was it here) and if boundaries were set. Don't let this experience put you off swinging as it is definitely not the norm. Obviously you will click with more with some people than others and the sex with some will be mindblowing while with others it will be "hubby get over here and show him how it's done" but really swinging is great fun and definitely worth at least a couple more tries. It is obvious from your caring of each other that your realtionship is strong enough for swinging. Good luck!
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RHP User
11 years ago
It seems like the Couple you were with , hadn't fully discussed their own limitations with each other . It's their Drama , not yours . GG♒️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Before you play, have your say! Things need to be clarified of what you want before playing. Try having a chat on the phone before meeting up. This way all the cards are on the table, and if you don't like anything, move on! Enjoy the journey guys!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Couples are different and they all have different rules and sex acts that they will and won't do. You always need to ask questions like, what are you into, what are your rules, what don't /won't you do, etc prior to meeting. Seems a little clinical but as you will see everyone views swinging differently. Try meeting up with more experiences couples who normally have their jealousy issues sorted out. Good luck. ;-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
What a shame your first experience was like that, no as everyone has said 'this is not the norm'...... I do think your profile needs a little tweaking, as it is stating FFMs etc, however nothing about swapping partners etc....... When you've made the initial contact messaging and you get to the part where you want to meet up, you can clarify certain things then, you know...... So just to make sure we are on the same page,your happy with partner swapping etc, etc, etc...... Good luck on your next one and Enjoy
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Twisted_Mister
11 years ago
The other couple were really, mentally ready to play. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry, to hear you had a bad experience on your first couple swap. This is definitely not the norm, when meeting couples , you should first clarify what you would like to happen when you meet up and only when everybody agrees what they would like to happen then proceed to play. That way nobody ends up getting disappointed and offended. The couple in question sound like they're not really ready for swinging just yet, and to be honest they've shown really bad manners. Hope you have a better experience in the future. Try not to let this put you off and just put it down to experience. X
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RHP User
11 years ago
Dont think our profile needs tweaking at all, we never started on here looking for couples, we are looking for a unicorn as many call them. We are finding that search impossible, we got sick and tired of being stood up by unicorns on here we decided to try our luck at a club. First time ever at a club no luck with the unicorn, second time we discussed in length with each other about opening up to other couples, we both agreed to give it a go, we met the couple at the club, it was not pre-arranged and those events took place. We do not intend to meet couples outside of clubs/parties, we have no real interest in doing so, so to tweak our profile would be against what we are looking for and false. It does state at the end of our profile that we are open to couples but only in the confines of clubs or parties.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry, I was not intending to be negative, it was only something that I noticed. Btw, you've chosen two great venues, when we first started swinging it was at the club, where we met some wonderful couples, we now have that relaxed and open group we have wonderful times with......... Also the unicorn, not so elusive, I have introduced two to the swinging life and at our private parties we have had the occasional unicorn appear. Enjoy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry, I was not intending to be negative, it was only something that I noticed. Btw, you've chosen two great venues, when we first started swinging it was at the club, where we met some wonderful couples, we now have that relaxed and open group we have wonderful times with......... Also the unicorn, not so elusive, I have introduced two to the swinging life and at our private parties we have had the occasional unicorn appear. Enjoy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry to I wasn't being nasty or having a go, that's not in my nature. I probably should have specified in the original post we met this loser at a club and not arranged it from here my bad. As for the unicorn, we have arranged to meet several from this site for a drink to see if everyone gets along, no expectations at all and not one has shown up, left us sitting like turkeys, not even a courtesy message to say can't make it, that's why we decided to try a club because people there are there and cant lie or hide behind a computer but that's a whole different story :) For now we haven't given up hope, we will try a club again be it for a couple to have fun with or fingers crossed the unicorn. If it is a couple we hopefully this doesn't happen again because that will be the end and we will just sit back and wait for a unicorn.
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RHP User
11 years ago
One rule for them and another rule for you ? Don't think so.. One in all in . Don't let 1 dickhead spoil your venture. I'm sure you go back to the drawing board ' you'll find plenty of couples willing to play the game the way it's meant to be played... Jay
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RHP User
11 years ago
Good job :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Bish, Go after your Unicorn that's what you really want and give the couples a miss. We all should shoot above our weight and only go after what we really want, not a 2nd choice / fall back option.
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RHP User
11 years ago
what they did was set double standards. You went in expecting equal access as we all would if nothing has been spelt out either by discussion ir on their profile. The only real lesson here is to communicate clearly. take care and enjoy your journey. xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
What an arsehole. We have not had this happen to us and wouldn't do this to any others. We have all in play and everyone is included. We usually check interest to see if there is full partner swap before we proceed. We like to make it clear we are getting what we are giving. It's only fair we think. Don't give up, there is so much fun to be had. Ps: good luck with the unicorn too, we all want one 😝
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think you might be right on the money there guys. We just happen to be meeting one tonight, hopefully all 3 of us hit it off and it's the start of something great. If it is then we will be giving the couples a wide berth.
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rupamohan
11 years ago
What can do most harm is tendency to over change your attitude and profile laced with warnings that won't apply to 99% members. If you want to make everything clear for every one that can be a long list of rules. Our exp is when we interact with a couple we get clues how much clarity is needed with a particular member. Try to get feel of these clues. We are not big fan of tit for tat rules except one in our profile. That would have covered you in this situation.WHATEVER YOUR FEMALE PARTNER WON'T DO, OUR FEMALE PARTNER WON'T DO.
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twodare
11 years ago
I've had this happen in a bi couple experience . . opposite . . kinda odd that way!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Bish25' Oh awesome so can expect more of this then. Maybe we will just go back to waiting for the rare unicorn, we both can't really be bothered dealing with that bullshit, it is meant to be enjoyable and fun for everyone. What a turn off!! FIRSTLY GOOD ON YOU FOR STANDING UP FOR YOUR MAN LIKE THAT... THATS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. Now as a single guy who's played with my fair share of couples, & the odd swingers party group, I have found that USUALLY the lady in the couple is in control (or the most likely to be a little shy or reluctant) & SHOULD THEREFORE SET THE RULES CLEARLY AT THE START OF THE NIGHT (Even though they are always subject to change it's a foundation laid) & the man in the couple can be (BUT NOT ALWAYS) the most likely to be jealous of his wife experiencing pleasure with another guy. You see it is fairly common for a guy to convince his partner to play with other couples or singles whilst only ever considering himself & his enjoyment & never confronting the possibility of his unease at his partner having herself a wonderful time with the other man at the same time. However there are some things YOU AS A COUPLE can do to avoid such an incident or at least head it off at the pass before the situation gets unbalanced & AWKWARD as yours sounds like it did. (Don't give up it's not always like that) Firstly I would recommend you guys going to a swingers party or even a meet & greet party where there is a lot less pressure & you are far more likely to find a couple who are willing to or have already got the experience at the level of play you guys are willing to go to. Or if you meet them on here CHAT & BE CLEAR ABOUT YOU EXPECTATIONS ie (If the visiting M gets to play with YOU(F) your M gets to play with his etc.) & if they sound a bit unsure but you like them then take it to the point where your keen move forward & stop & ask them both if they are. If they are all good if not you can keep playing without anyone being upset & maybe they change their minds maybe not.Always communicate ALOT & CLEARLY (especially on the night) about your limits boundaries & make it clear that you or anyone can stop at any time (which if done right wont ruin the night, it may just change the direction). At the end of the day I'm sure we would all rather be playing with people who are REALLY REALLY REALLY ENJOYING playing with us than people who feel they are committed but unsure or have just plain changed their minds. I too had to learn all this on my own as most people (BUT NOT ALL) are intimidated by the single male looking for playmates to join them. However I know have the experience & knowledge to find the right horny players to keep slowly pushing my boundaries (& theirs too).iT'S A 2WAY STREET!!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Glad to hear they left.
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RHP User
10 years ago
With us the 1st thing we ask before going ahead with meeting is ,Have you read our profile fully and are you two ok with our boundary? As soon as we ask the question about 70% decline on meeting up [ lol ] We started this journey for some excitement and fun,and to never cross the line of having intercourse with others to which we have stuck to.
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RHP User
10 years ago
There are cool couples out there we are one of them no hang ups or insecuries. Had some strange experiences with people with them though. Makes it really uncomfortable. We just ask for honesty. Have met a great couple they also have had not so good experiences.Your experience was terrible but hey its great talking it out with your partner and knowing thats not what you would do. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Gotta say, we have never seen this! Will say you do need to discuss boundaries before you start and some people have different boundaries. No matter what though it has to be even! No way would that be accepted by any couple we have come across. Very poor form.
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is certainly out of the ordinary. And yes, partners need to look out for each other. You did well.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Our first experience was also a bad one, how the good ones since have more than made up for it.We have found that blunt clarity is the best way to avoid such incidents.Unfortunately your experience is something we have also come across, even though we clearly expressed our desire to partner swap.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The good part is your not first timers anymore lol.Next time if there is a next time I would ask them what are their boundaries and then tell yours before you engage. good luck
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Kimberlite
10 years ago
Yea Bish Informative - Thanks for posting .... We are very new - still looking for a compatible couple to explore our first 'introduction' to this wider experience. Totally agree - As a 'novice' I would also expect that any 'boundaries' should be equal for both sides, unless specified up front - i.e. couple changes to MMF with one observer - but hey, what do I know ;-) Looking forward to extending our life experiences ..........
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flashjack7
10 years ago
We could take care of you both anytime. Mr Bish would not know what hit him if Mrs Flash got hold of him
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RHP User
10 years ago
We have had that experience. Always make sure the rules are clear before hand and stick with it. If the other couple get upset it is their loss. - Posted from rhpmobile
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funseekers262
10 years ago
Sounds crazy! We were so lucky to have spent our first experience with and experienced couple! The night flowed so well, BUT, we did have a few weeks build up, where the girls talked on the phone and exchanged text messages etc, so on the night, we felt like we had know them for ages! Don't be put off by this, instead maybe establish a set of your own "due diligence" checks. It's work for us so far and we have been fortunately to have spent our time with genuine normal people because of it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
My hubby and I had a similar first time experience. Don't let it put you off. Don't be afraid to openly talk about what your preferences and boundaries are with the couple you're meeting, to me a profile is like the cover of a book, when you meet others you find out so much more. Since our first average experience we've met so many great couples and had great fun! We took our first time as a learning experience, realised our own boundaries and it opened up new opportunities for us too, like full swapping in separate rooms. This might not be for you seeing as you're in search of your unicorn, but if you ever go down this road you'll see it's more intimate and focused on the person you're with rather than being worried (or controlling in this guys instance!) about what you're partner is getting up to ;) Hang in there, you'll have great times too :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi Bish My partner and i both know that feeling !! we met this couple a couple of years ago where we were in this gorgeous motel room that we had invited them to he was a complete pig of a guy. We were on two different queen size beds i was fooling around with his partner while he was banging my partner we were taking our time foolin around foreplay so on ready to let loose when all of a sudden he finishes with my partner and tells his wife to get dressed cos his tied what the ?? and they left she apologized on her way out and that was it !!!! That was the only bad one weve had. Since then its been great no problem what so ever weve blocked many profiles along the way as alot of them are fake weve closed of our pgs to a lot of them cos we dont trust people like that.The only way we show our pgs to this day is after both parties have spoken on the phone and had a good connection with. Cheers Hotashell11
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RHP User
10 years ago
My wife andI have learnt the hard way & found it best to break the ice with a phone chat. That way you can find out if you are on the same page in a play expectation as the other couple. Sadly you don't always get honesty but we have found this a really good starting point. Happy future swinging!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hope an unsavoury experience first up doesn't put you off. As others have said, always confirm all details. Difficult at times but necessary.
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notsoinnocent20s
10 years ago
Fortunately I've been able to pick up on the couples that aren't 100% committed to the experience at the social meet beforehand and have made sure these experiences don't go further. I've also made sure that my experiences have been with very experienced swingers, that way I know they have worked through all the bullshit (that you unfortunately had to experience).
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8055XXX
10 years ago
I have had the pleasure of playing with a number of couples. Majority of which has been exceptional as we did talk before and even during. It helps both sides to know what each others expectations or boundaries are beforehand. I have also experienced the green eyed monster in the past. Husband stopped participating and went to get a drink. Which I later found out was not the case. I know that couple has now parted ways. My point is, talk, ask, offer. If you dont feel comfortable, chances are they wont click in the bedroom. - Posted from rhpmobile
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loveto128
10 years ago
Never had that happen, they are clearly not swingers and far from reasonable people as it seems they/he conned you into a situation. I agree with many others that you shouldn't give up because of this couple. We have found it easier to find good people at swingers clubs and fetish clubs and parties as there is more to choose from and we prefer to talk in person to see if we like each other.
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chevtrek
10 years ago
Her hubby was using swinging to get extra pussy.They do fuck it up for real swingers
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RHP User
10 years ago
If any the couples I meet don't have their head in the right place, I'd excuse myself and walk. ... That's why I insist on that coffee or drink in a mutual meeting place first. Besides reinforcing my position as straight male , I probe to see if their head space is where it should be.. Everyone has to be on the same page otherwise there's no point....
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RHP User
10 years ago
Your partner must feel ripped off ,
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TallBaldSexy
10 years ago
Bish v sorry to hear your first experience was not a positive one. As a single NSA guy im lucky enough to regularly play safely with couples. I can understand how you may have felt. Ive found that like any other type of relationship respectful open communication is the key. Im fortunate but am yet to encounter such negative people. Just stay true to yourself and your man and the rewards will be there. Your guy is v lucky your loyalty was sensational, the other guy sounds super insecure and great you found out so early. Best times ahead for you2! SDxxx
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RHP User
10 years ago
would you ever consider a girl like me?lovingly KX
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RHP User
10 years ago
fuck
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RHP User
10 years ago
Next time get your man to test the waters with them ? Strong flirting will give you both good signs of what can and can't be done long before heating up the bedroom
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi sorry to hear of the bad experience. JayJay is right...before an encounter, a deeper discussion on what will happen is required. That can be at the meet and greet or when you all arrive at the venue, have a little drink first and discuss what each is hoping to experience. But...one would generally want to discuss it well before arriving at the venue! Goodluck.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry to hear, and that was a shitty thing for them to do. That said, if you really do wish to pursue, you're going to need to communicate (despite that initial discomfort of doing so), your boundaries, desires, etc. It seems uncomfortable and scary and what not to bring up, but that's because you're looking at the discussion through a vanilla lens. It may be easier to email once or twice before... stating your intentions. Then if it doesn't match, nobody wastes time or gets offended or has to face the in person discomfort. Swinging or life in general... you now how the word Assume gets broken down... You make a ASS out of U and ME. Simply don't do it. Even if you find a Unicorn, you are liable to make assumptions there that can lead to trouble. COMMUNICATE.
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