RHP

RHP User

F111

'No" is a complete sentence.

June 15 2013

A spin-off from the "I am not seeing new people" thread, where the subject of "saying no" was raised again. I made a (very generalised, sure) point that women are great a hints, digs and ambiguous messages, and men are not. (A lot of) women here use excuses they think make clear that they are not interested, when they really don't. As I said before, any answer not containing the word "NO" or "NOT", will be read by a lot of men as "MAYBE". And they all know a maybe will eventually become a yes if they just keep trying. Saying "Sorry, but I'm kinda busy", means "Try again next week, as obviously it has nothing to do with you, I just have no time right now". Saying "I wonder if we have enough in common", means "I can be convinced otherwise". And "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that" could be heard as "But I will, if you really want me too".   Ladies, you can decline without being rude. "I'm really not interested", "You're just not my type" and "You're not who I'm looking for" and "This is not what I want" are all very clear. In my opinion a lot of man-bashing threads here are based on this issue. "He won't take no for an answer, what a jerk!". Eh no, it's because you haven't actually said no yet, just given some vague replies..     Girls: Are you good at saying no and respecting your own boundaries? If yes, share your tips! If no, what is the challenge for you?     Guys: I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject too. Is this mainly a female problem or do you find it difficult to say no too?

Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    :p

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I feel like it's rude to say No outright.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    "But I will, if you really want me to"*

  • sweetgem

    sweetgem

    12 years ago

    Hence I don't waste my nor anyone's times if I'm not interested. So I usually write back and say: "Thank you for your email and interest. However, I'm afraid what you're looking for is not the same as what I'm seeking. Therefore, I would not like to continue the communication and hope you respect that. I wish you all the best with your search on RHP". 99.99% of the time it works for me, except for this 26 year old guy who thought he could convince me, but I didn't reply again tge second time and peace was in my favour :-)- Posted from rhpmobile

  • QLDtwo4fun

    QLDtwo4fun

    12 years ago

    I think it's easier to just say 'no thanks' trying to give a reason for saying no can easily cause offense, or invite a response.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    My experience has always been the exact opposite. I'm very direct and very clear. I use statements that leave people in no doubt about my thoughts or feelings, though I'm rarely rude or unkind - because that's rarely necessary.   I find men are usually vague. They're generally quite comfortable using templated let downs online, but once personal contact has been made I can't remember one who has ever had the courage to simply say "you know what, it turns out I'm not really into you" or similar. It frustrates the hell out of me. I usually say it for them, and they usually respond saying "yes you're right, I just didn't want to be rude".   Saying no isn't rude peeps. It's honest and frankly, quite helpful. Give it a shot ...

  • lovman8

    lovman8

    12 years ago

    An interesting topic you raise Ms Direct. While I can't speak for all men, I personally like a clear "NO" if you are not interested. It is preferable if it is politely stated. But I prefer even a rude No to an unclear answer. And you point about No means "maybe" or "try again later" to some men is also very perceptive. And on the other hand some women say "no" expecting men to take it as a "maybe" or to make them try again later as a perseverance test . Strange world we live in and aren't we different creatures us men and women But doesn't it keep life interesting and stimulating

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    ... and I'm sure I used to copy and paste the same thing for my female profile. We never had any trouble with a template message that basically said... "Thanks for messaging us/me today but you're not quite who we are looking for at the moment. Thanks again and good luck wih your search." A decent amount of men used to message back thanking us for taking the time to reply. LOL, one fella messaged back to say it sounded like an answer to a job interview. :-D Boring maybe, but never once had a nasty message in reply. Simply sent the same template to anyone who contacted us more than once too. Too easy.Peachy

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I remember that Job some time back!.Who could be nasty to you Mrs P?

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    The same applies to the word Yes !

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Absolutely! One of the things that annoyed me most about my ex (towards the end) is that he would ask "Are you sure?" everytime I gave a yes or no answer. "Do like asperagus?" No, I can't stand them. "Are you sure?" "Did you walk the dogs?" Yes, I did. "Are you sure?" What did he expect me to say? "No, I'm just fucking with you, I really have no clue"? Someone who does not accept yes or no as valid answers does not trust or respect what you say. And I no longer tolerate people like that in my personal life. Life is good now.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I politely rejected a gentleman (and then must have blocked him after he wanted to argue about my "no"). Today I received this message under a different user name: "Still the stunner bella don't block me this time I mean no harm... Good luck your so the impossible taskmaster over 6ft ha big cull lol Big cock ha huge cull... Oh and you have to have looks and charm as well oh bella you got it going on but your way too fussy lmao" What the hell? Why would you bother to send this some time down the track? Bella PS. Please excuse the punctuation etc, I have simply cut and pasted the message I received!

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Guess he understood the word "no" as much as I understood his message. (I tried twice, then gave up).

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    I like to know where i stand , a simple "no" by a lady to me is replied with a ......."thanx for taking the time to look at my profile and i wish you the best of luck in life lust and love"I like when a lady at least takes the time out to reply to mail ,even if it is a "NO"Beats no mail at all.People should not be bitter if a person says "no" , you can then use your time to harass ,i mean communicate with another person.Some people see "NO" as rejection , its not personal and should not be seen as such.One thing that dose get me is ,when people dont even give you a chance to know who you are as a person.That person that you said "NO" to could have been the one who you have been looking for ,but have perceived that person as not being what you want.Its hard to read people on the internet

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    with talking yourself up, it goes with the territory, I will try and sell myself to those looking up to 45 because I know I'm good for it despite my chronologic superiority.But I understand a "no" and leave it at that.Nagging is not attractive !

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    How good are you at saying no? And I don't just mean in messages, but in real life as well.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Yes. I can say 'no' whenever I want or need to as I respect my own boundaries first and foremost so am therefore naturally discerning. My only tip, as a bottom line, for any women who find 'saying' no a challenge would be to use the actual word 'no' in a sentence. Then practice, practice, practice.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Direct' Absolutely! One of the things that annoyed me most about my ex (towards the end) is that he would ask "Are you sure?" everytime I gave a yes or no answer. "Do like asperagus?" No, I can't stand them. "Are you sure?" "Did you walk the dogs?" Yes, I did. "Are you sure?" What did he expect me to say? "No, I'm just fucking with you, I really have no clue"? Someone who does not accept yes or no as valid answers does not trust or respect what you say. And I no longer tolerate people like that in my personal life. Life is good now. not to mention bordering on the emotionally abusive. This man obviously had no mental boundaries to be constantly questioning your self authority in such a pathetic way? Must have made for quite an impudent relationship all round?No wonder you got away from him.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    nope,nup,nada,nyet,non......I am a girl who can defiantly say NO Ms.D...

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Direct' How good are you at saying no? And I don't just mean in messages, but in real life as well.  No problem on the message front " sorry but I really don't think we are on the same page" or similar.Real life, aha you have hit a nerve, never been good at it as I hate to disappoint people but I'm getting better at it, in my work I have learnt to say no to jobs that are outside my knowledge or skills and in my personal life I am learning to look after me better rather than trying to please all and sundry. When I do say no there is no ambiguity about it I can promise you that. But.....I often leave it a bit too long trying to find a "softer" option.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Part of the problem here is a lack of body language (and people's lack of understanding of it and how i can be used) I have met with people before who (through correspondence) I already knew the outcome of our interaction (not just people related to RHP/sex) yet due to respect and conideration for them (usually because they'd afforded me respect and honesty) and their feelings and situation felt it impotant to meet them face to face, have the conversation and let m body language convey to them where they stood with me and y lack of malicious intent.- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    SEE! I actually go above and beyond what most would if someone DOES gain my respect- Posted from rhpmobile

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    Well i say NO all the time in real life."Kizza can i have a cheq..... NO!"Like i said i like to know where i stand. "No"is apart of my job description and my DNA.I told a girl "No" the other night ,if i dont feel the attraction ,i will be a "no" man.Attraction has to be felt by both partiesI am an idiot eh ! hahaha

  • Lifes_great

    Lifes_great

    12 years ago

    It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume that I couldn't exactly not say no or that it is or isn't almost partially incorrect. On the contrary. I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way with any amount of uncertainty that I undeniably may or may not be able to say no at all.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    12 years ago

    That's a definite maybe, then?

  • Lifes_great

    Lifes_great

    12 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Direct'That's a definite maybe, then? Glad I've found someone who 'gets' me