M52
Not getting any attention
September 19 2013
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
My turn to make the popcorn. Anyone want to join me on the couch while this unfolds?- Posted from rhpmobile
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Hey Alwayskeen I've been exactly where you are...... so im not judging you.... But your topic is rather confused. On one hand you're wondering why you're not receiving attention, and on the other you're asking if you should even be in RHP. Im sorry.....I don't think you're going to like my reply if I decide to offer it in more detail than to say.... .....from your wifes point of view.... the pain of discovering your infidelities will be significantly higher than the pain of discussing your needs with her. Good luck DG
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RHP User
11 years ago
Move over on that couch I will bring a bottle of wine - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks Misch. I have raised the topic, and had an adult discussion that I feel my needs aren't being meet. I have suggested couciling for us both, but unfortunately she thinks I can self administer to look after my urges. You are right in that if she found out it would be like WW3. But what am I to do. I don't want to break up our family, but I can't hand feed the stock forever through the drought. Perhaps it's just a mid life crises and I should go buy a Harley....
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RHP User
11 years ago
DG got it with his last statement. But unfortunately that doesn't really help the way you're feeling right now. No advice to offer in that regard, just a little empathy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sorry to hear that. Must be difficult for everyone. You will get the moral forum police breathing down your neck wih this question, but there are women who don't mind meeting up with married men.... You just have to find them.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am going to take you at your word which means you've tried to talk it out and sex is actually what you desire and is not an excuse to look for something other.Selfish would be throwing your best friend and soul mate (and children ?) out on her own just so you can satisfy a small part of your being - sexual gratification.No you're not barking up the wrong tree .. but don't expect miracles. As has been alluded to in previous discussions about this in all practicality there is no such thing as pure NSA even if you avail yourself of a prostitute ... in which case the string is money and understood clearly by both parties.If a woman's profile indicates she is after purely NSA then by extension you might think she does not care if you are married or not ... it rarely does though. Even logic would dictate that a person looking for NSA should target married people given it presents a perfect barrier to any attachment forming .. but they don't ?There are no absolutes here ... you understand your wife and circumstances better than any of us do and should make your own call based on the best outcome for all involved.In my opinion that is
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RHP User
11 years ago
Good luck, your in a hard spot that many men and women find themselves in. I don't think there is an easy answer to this situation and a lot of heartache and angst to yet to come. (I'm surprised you haven't been burnt at the stake yet)Meeka is right there are women that do seek married men, that is a choice that women will make for themselves and hopefully have clear in their profiles. We state clearly that we/I don't play with married men, a decision based on what feels right for us. The potential of hurting someone I don't know and had no choice through what we consider to be play would devastate me, particularly with kids involved. It's not a moral judgement, just what we are comfortable with. So maybe message the ladies that either state they want an attatched male or those that don't have "NO ATTATCHED MALES" n their profiles. On RHP, you've got to get yourself out there, lot's of men and only so many ladies.But you just did that I hope you survive the postings to answer messages!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have a married lover in exactly the same boat.Life is complex and you live it the best way you can, most married men never tell the women here they are married.Being honest , women appreciate that, as then they can make an informed choicebut it will not get you laid muchYou should look for married women, or couples.single women want more, they want their men to be able to come over or to take them to hotels when they feel like it.Married guys cant host, cant just drop everything for a romp in the sheets.Mind can because he works for himself, lives local and can meet in the daytime and that suits us both very well.its working that well I am thinking of just fucking him from now on.Found a good FWB or what I prefer, a lover who can slip into my bed like on a cold day like today and warm me up.Tradie....with those tradie hands though I am sure the neighbours must think i have the worst plumbing problems in town
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RHP User
11 years ago
I agree with LT. Most single girls want to go out with their lovers and enjoy more than just a quick bonk, and they want to meet up at night time on a normal date night too! Seriously married men and always having to have sex in day light hours. LOL. But I do know women that get off on the forbidden... The sneaking around, booking a hotel room for a few hours.... I swear a friend of mine gets almost as much pleasure checking out of a hotel two hours after checking in as she does having sex with her married man. 😆
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RHP User
11 years ago
consider this,there will be guilt...yoursyou can never guarantee that your wife wont find out...secrets are like that.are you prepared for her hurt and pain?will it destroy your family?There are huge risks for you,you need to be very sure that this is what you absolutely need to do....and there are always strings,even if you say you just want sex,there are never any guarantees that your emotions or your lover's emotions wont become engaged.Good luck x R
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RHP User
11 years ago
You girls you know you want to.....OK first up your a guest.....its not that expensive or hard to get around a subscription and to get laid here you will need to contact women.......they will not be lining up at your door...........Next......be sure this is where you want to go......married people get caught out...... sometimes due to their own guilt so cheating takes planning, cunning sneaking, lieing and decieving. As I once said to a friends husband how can you look into your children faces at night?....but thats your choice!!!I will tell you now I believe you are only postponing the inevitable.........deal with your issues ........ sex is sex it is fleeting. Are you ready to hold another woman and think you can have NSA?? The woman you find may be wonderful and available unlike at home.
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RHP User
11 years ago
time you got honest with yourself. That encompasses being honest first and foremost with yourself as well as with your other half, you say you don't want to break up the family.It's a good feeling laying your head on the pillow each night without a care in the world, that only happens when you carry no guilt.There are 3 steps in accomplishing anything.1. Work out what you want to do.2. Work out what you have to do to do what you want to accomplish.3. Do itYes, you are being selfish, time to unshackle yourself and live the life you expouse here. Otherwise you are letting yourself down, hence the family is already torn before they know it
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inspirit
11 years ago
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inspirit
11 years ago
I have much empathy for you!!! You are fed up. You have done all you feel you can. Your wife has had deep seated issues from a young age and she still hasn't dealt with them. I don't think you ever do. You just learn too get on with life. However, for some it is easier than others. Always.. you have two choices.....break up or stay. If you stay your infidelity will be another rejection for her. If you leave it will also be a rejection though with a different impact. May I suggest YOU get some advice form the experts. You are in a very difficult situation and unless you declare a life of celibacy for the rest of your marriage you need too learn how to deal with this. Have you looked into the affects child abuse has on woman. Have you really understood where she is at so she can trust you. Have you offered real love and empathy...not compassion. So many issues and the main issue is she has too learn you have sex because YOU like PLEASING her... THAT is your pleasure. Cross that hurdle and you will be half way there. Did i say too much lol
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RHP User
11 years ago
Alwayskeen Whilst the situation is not exactly the same I do understand where you are coming from. I too was faced with a similar descision due to deep seated issues for my ex's childhood. I personally chose a different path as I did not want to sneak around behind her back and ultimately not face the true issue. I am now very single and very happy, if a little lonely but thats another story. Nobody here can tell you what is right for you. Only you can do that mate. As BeneathBlue eyes mentioned, sex is fleeting, is it what you really need? Your choice mate, can she change for you, can you accept what she can give or is the issue a catalyst for change. I truly hope you find your path..luck T
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'cwhereitgoes'time you got honest with yourself. That encompasses being honest first and foremost with yourself as well as with your other half, you say you don't want to break up the family.It's a good feeling laying your head on the pillow each night without a care in the world, that only happens when you carry no guilt.There are 3 steps in accomplishing anything.1. Work out what you want to do.2. Work out what you have to do to do what you want to accomplish.3. Do itYes, you are being selfish, time to unshackle yourself and live the life you expouse here. Otherwise you are letting yourself down, hence the family is already torn before they know it Well said mate.. T
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RHP User
11 years ago
Lesson #69 - How To Get Attention1 - Adorn fluoro pink tutu, fishnet stockings and a pair of stilettos and stand at the corner of a busy freeway2 - Wave to every car that passes by3 - In case of an encounter with a law enforcement officer (Lucky you!), turn around, lift tutu and 'moon'!What was that? Not the kind of attention you were looking for? Back to Lesson #1 thenOn a serious note, I have no helpful advice to give but - Good luck, OP! Hope you find what you're looking for.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't see how you could pressure her past. I don't know if anyone can exert any influence anything in any one's past. Today there is only an interpretation associated to her past events. That's the thing you should be asking about, however I don't think RHP Forum is known for neurological re-programming?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Cheating is a curse, it eats at you. Once established it wants more and more. As you hide what is happening you start slowly distancing your self. Conversations become jilted and awkward. You get caught out as you forgot your lie, back tracking. Best of luck there, these RHP girls love a good body and a devastating mind blowing fuck. Stick at it and you will find that 10 minuets of fun you want, or a night, maybe a week.. Again and again... oh best of luck.Do let us know, ;) would be the perfect time to meet you wife. Give her a lesson in soft and caring. Make her wet and hungry. Make her forget the past and live right now. Make her scream so loud in joy that all the neighbors would hear. I am sure you would not mind us helping you out and getting her back to her most natural and needy function. If I can will give her the most passionate loving understanding kiss as she comes in my arms.Damaged what a load of shit. Get help and fix the problem or stop lying to us here on RHP.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' I have much empathy for you!!! You are fed up. You have done all you feel you can. Your wife has had deep seated issues from a young age and she still hasn't dealt with them. I don't think you ever do. You just learn too get on with life. However, for some it is easier than others. Always.. you have two choices.....break up or stay. If you stay your infidelity will be another rejection for her. If you leave it will also be a rejection though with a different impact. May I suggest YOU get some advice form the experts. You are in a very difficult situation and unless you declare a life of celibacy for the rest of your marriage you need too learn how to deal with this. Have you looked into the affects child abuse has on woman. Have you really understood where she is at so she can trust you. Have you offered real love and empathy...not compassion. So many issues and the main issue is she has too learn you have sex because YOU like PLEASING her... THAT is your pleasure. Cross that hurdle and you will be half way there. Did i say too much lol If I can turn gay men bi and I have. Well you would think he could make his wife love to cum... I have to wonder how people can be married, in love, be friends and still be incapably of communication.Nice words, well said.
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RHP User
11 years ago
There are always going to be different opinion on this. I really think there are only two people's opinions that matter and that is yours and hers.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I do empathise, all the best to both of you
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RHP User
11 years ago
The Forum Team has reliably commented on the moralities of your situation , so I think I'll answer the first part of your post ; Your Profile : It's great that you are honest about your situation and intentions but you don't seem to be offering anything . All I see is another guy with a Pic that doesn't show much , asking for someone to fuck him . Most Women will want to be more than a Sperm Bank for you . You say you are happily married , so any other Woman knows that you are probably going to treat her like shit . Even a Fuck Buddy requires Respect & some sort of Commitment . Basically , you need to tell more about yourself , in your Profile , to make yourself appear to be more Human & you need to convey that you are looking for another Human , not just someone to fulfill Your needs . Remember , you are competing against all the other Men in your area . Make your Profile stand out from the rest . Happy Hunting ... GG♒- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks for thoughts everyone. I think I'm after a bit if affection and intimacy, not just sex. Think ill bail from RHP and spend more time looking in the mirror. Guess that's the best spot to start. Cya- Posted from rhpmobile
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madotara69
11 years ago
When people become to childhood Trauma, (Especially childhood Trauma) as part doors become closed, to avoid reoccurring memories. It is a natural defense, and if sex is related then sex will be avoided,maybe not absolute sexual activity, though any kind of sex that may trigger those memories. I believe these closed doors are decisions to our sub conscience, therefore not openly directed at you, just directed at "it". Hence one can feel as though they are being blamed for something they have not done, hopeless, punished, lonely, hurt, helpless,rejected, dirty. (all those things a predator does not give a fuck about)Only through experience, I will say that in finding the right time, which can take a lot of time and care for reducing as much day to day stress. (hard work on your behalf, but trust can take hard work).If you can walk hand in hand and knock on those "avoided" closed doors together and have a childhood conversation, then you can walk out as a friend to an adult conversation.If you dearly love your wife, then unless you have exhausted your self to her, then you may come to live with a terrible mistake and close all doors forever and on. (some battles, if we run from them, we can spend the rest of our lives running from them) Though these are a choice each and every individual must make alone. So with respects to your wife, can you walk away from something she is being punished for and hurting?This is not a question for me or us, just for the two and the rest of you.Mado
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eukie
11 years ago
To the OP - Do whatever makes you happy mate, shun the haters on here.. If she's blowing you off with ' go look after yourself ' then she obviously doesn't give a rats ass about your needs. Seems that even though she has had a rough trot, that if she's not willing to work on fixing the problem - even after you suggested there's a problem and have been trying to help.. then you need to take your own actions. Don't feel guilt about your needs, if she wont help - then go find someone that will.. just be honest with the person you see, and play safe.. You're entitled to a little time for yourself too.. and who cares what the RHP moral police on these forums think.. they sound like a bunch of old sour prunes anyhow ! Best of luck mate !
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RHP User
11 years ago
"My wife does have a difficult past in regards to abuse as a child, and that is why I don't pressure her for sex" YEP!! I am going to say it........Then on your profile it says "I am happily married"What a load of utta crap!I will tell you now what you are doing wrong - using your wife's abuse as a child as a weak poor excuse to be on here.Sorry but I find that rather disgusting in my eyes!You are not happily married - if you were you would not be here!It's your choice to be here, however be honest in your intentions, don't use another to empower you just to get a root!Women will not put up with that crap on here.FOXY
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RHP User
11 years ago
It sounds like your wife has trust issues , have you tried just massaging her without sex ? Just gently touching her so she doesnt feel any pressure.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67' If I can turn gay men bi and I have. Well you would think he could make his wife love to cum... I have to wonder how people can be married, in love, be friends and still be incapably of communication. If you can turn gay men bi does that extrapolate to some women can turn gay men straight ? Effectively inferring we choose our sexuality and are not born with it as a genetic disposition ... this of course is anathema to the current worldwide trend of understanding and reform? .. I am undecided having no direct experience with it.All this dealing in the absolutes of Shouldland is a little disingenuous IMO. It is not a matter of being incapable of communication ... but rather an impasse over reaching common ground. Throwing out the baby with the bathwater may be the righteous thing to espouse but it is too simplistic to be applied to deep human relationships with all the associated entanglements and dependencies. I don't see why it is so easy to moralise that thousands here can enjoy sex free of commitment but those choosing a committed relationship free of sex in conjunction with a little sex free of commitment seem to be be ostracised as immoral in some sense ?It is by no means something to encourage or perpetuate but nor should it be ridiculed or condemned outright irregardless of contributing circumstances.My2Bob
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madotara69
11 years ago
That would have passed off as a lot more stirn, if you were wearing your hat, he heMado
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RHP User
11 years ago
A lot of power in choosing you know. So choose your wife again. Be unstoppable in your goals, all goals, shared or not. See, it's like you've given up on her - being here..Look Up: Peptide Locks, Memory association, Synapse, Neuron Transmitters N.L.P (re-programming of logic) and get ready to overlay the pathways with new memory experience in the areas of sensuality. Counseling will only reinforce the corrupt past based data. Coach her and get her on board to both be free of those constraints of the past. It CAN be done..Both read: 'The Power of Now' Eckart Tolle..Awesome she may be but what if she does not want to rise above this way of being? Then there is a pay-off for her being this way and I (tentatively) assert that the pay-off will be "In the function of not being able to have" just as the function mirrors your predicament and indeed the title of your post: 'Not getting any attention' = 'Not able to have intimacy'..Did you get that? If so, get to it....she's "Very Hot" to you, as you say..Thanks for reading
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'IndefatigableMe'Quoting 'Blindman67' If I can turn gay men bi and I have. Well you would think he could make his wife love to cum... I have to wonder how people can be married, in love, be friends and still be incapably of communication. If you can turn gay men bi does that extrapolate to some women can turn gay men straight ? Effectively inferring we choose our sexuality and are not born with it as a genetic disposition ... this of course is anathema to the current worldwide trend of understanding and reform? .. I am undecided having no direct experience with it.All this dealing in the absolutes of Shouldland is a little disingenuous IMO. It is not a matter of being incapable of communication ... but rather an impasse over reaching common ground. Throwing out the baby with the bathwater may be the righteous thing to espouse but it is too simplistic to be applied to deep human relationships with all the associated entanglements and dependencies. I don't see why it is so easy to moralise that thousands here can enjoy sex free of commitment but those choosing a committed relationship free of sex in conjunction with a little sex free of commitment seem to be be ostracised as immoral in some sense ?It is by no means something to encourage or perpetuate but nor should it be ridiculed or condemned outright irregardless of contributing circumstances.My2BobI may be a pompous arrogant prick at times concerning some of the posters here. I see lies in his words. He asked a question if he was being selfish? Yes he is. If he has to hide the fact that he is here from his wife he knows that she will be hurt. He will end up lying to her, the lies will get worse and worse and the rift that already exists will get greater. Both will be hurt.What contributing circumstances? The ones he has described do not gel. Has he never had sex with his wife, did he used to have great sex with her, how long have they been married. How would he feel if he found his wife in bed with another man. He states that he is looking for affection. I think that means he does not get it at home. Did he ever get it, must of or was it just a marriage of convenience.Oh the sad fact is that its a simple case of I want more, he lays blame on her that he is not happy. I simply warn that to cheat is going to make things at home much much worse. He is being selfish.There is only one clear cut solution that can end up with both being happy (maybe) Tell her. She may say fuck off and leave him, or she may understand what his needs are and they compromise. But never do lies come out with happy endings and he will be found out, and the process of covering lies just leads to less and less trust and affection.He asked a simple question and I answered it, and my view he is lying to us all. As a friend of mine puts it. He is a piece of work. He thinks that telling the women he pursues that he is married some how makes it justified, washes the guilt away.IMHOBTW I am male and hence if I fuck a gay man it is gay sex. I turn them start by introducing them to the wonders of female skin and lust. Come on show me the proof of genetic predisposition. We label our selves but deep down in reality we are all BI every single one of us. Define sex, define love, define affection, define dreams, and lust. Its the gay and straight people that battle their genetic make up not the reality that is BI. ;)
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inspirit
11 years ago
really truley knows how his wife feels and never will unless you have been through childhood abuse.I don't usually say too much on here except fuck around tongue in cheek. Who gives a two right fuck what his profile says, The point too this forum was the man was clearly reaching out. Not wanting too be judged or be told it is ok too cheat. I am a firm believer of the power of now though it takes years of living this life too become one. I am really gob smacked by some of the comments in here and especially for a particular regular. Miss fancy pants :P Always...................look in her mirror NOT YOURS! You may learn something.
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inspirit
11 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY' "My wife does have a difficult past in regards to abuse as a child, and that is why I don't pressure her for sex" YEP!! I am going to say it........Then on your profile it says "I am happily married"What a load of utta crap!I will tell you now what you are doing wrong - using your wife's abuse as a child as a weak poor excuse to be on here.Sorry but I find that rather disgusting in my eyes!You are not happily married - if you were you would not be here!It's your choice to be here, however be honest in your intentions, don't use another to empower you just to get a root!Women will not put up with that crap on here.FOXY I just found you comment very Judgmental! Are you in his head? Does it matter what his intentions are?? many men in here are here on the premise of dishonesty and woman for that matter. Tell me ..how many men on here are happily married and on here??.. I do think you may of had a knee jerk reaction to this comment? There is many and there is many who are not though who are we too judge. At the end of the day do they judge us.... I think not. xx
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inspirit
11 years ago
Your wife NEEDS to learn too be the survivor and not the victim. You as well. Don't let these perpetrators win. NOT EVER! Right now you have both given the power back to them.xxx
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inspirit
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' That would have passed off as a lot more stirn, if you were wearing your hat, he heMado Eukie has a VERRRRRRRRRRY LONG HOSE
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RHP User
11 years ago
And comments like I turn gay men bi so why can't you make your wife come are in really bad taste and shows a total lack of understanding concerning someone who has suffered child abuse. Quite frankly I was surprised by this comment and the person making it. Some people's lack of understanding and compassion is plain shithouse! All men and women have needs and even though they may love their spouse and their families.. What are they meant to do? Live without for ever? I have a good friend who bonks her husband on his birthday and at Christmas time and feels that is doing her duty. I have tried and tried telling her that she isn't being fair to her husband but she won't listen. So what is the poor bastard supposed to do? Well I don't know what he does.... But I bet his family is his first priority and when the children are old enough.... will he stay?!?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Has your wife seeked professional help?
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RHP User
11 years ago
You know I would tend to agree with the 'everyone is inherently bi' sentiment from a purely logical point of view ... however I know I have never once in my 40 yrs felt any sexual attraction to another male and I'm no prude ... so I question it. I have several nephews and am aware of friends of my sons' who are gay ... I can't remember any when I was a kid ? It is probably because they had to hide it but not necessarily ... perhaps it is cultural and since it is now cool, hip and adventurous everyone's doing it ? I'm here to learn just like everyone else ?Let's be honest ... the OP is asking "is it because I'm open about being married that I'm not getting anywhere". To which the answer is .. probably isn't helping much.My arguments are largely philosophical .. I know what feels right but I like to be consistent as it help avoids developing double standards.In facilitating these discussions we can only take at face value the authenticity of the posters details otherwise it is an exercise in futility with each person starting from different perspectives.We lie and deceive those we love and that are dependent and more vulnerable than us everyday - for their own good ... I'll bet not one single parent can tell you they have never manipulated or withheld the truth from their children at some point in their development. Many would also do it with senile older relatives... and retarded or disabled people ? Where is the line ? I do warn of my haughty nature in the first line of my profile ... it is not intentional ... just looking for considered opinions to reflect on.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Anyone need more snacks I'm at 7 eleven now.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Like many I'm in a similar situation. I'm in an open marriage although my wife has no interest in sex she has had several male partners found through this and similar sites. I refuse to lie and list myself as unattached. Whilst I accept that this decrease my chances from extremely unlikely to nigh on impossible, it is non the less frustrating.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I do find all the really negative comments directed at the OP to be somewhat hypocrital ,judgemental. and just plain horrid.....most married men who are here and looking for sex and intimacy would if they could have the option,prefer not to be here....yep I say this because over the last three years I have spoken with and met many....it is also reflected in Bettina Arndt's book What Men Really Want,a study of 100 couples over a year.They usually end up here or on other sites because they have lived without intimacy or sex for many years.Have they done all that they could to change the situation,yes.But the reality is that they love their wives and families,breaking up a marriage hurts a lot of people,not just the husband and wife.Should someone never have sex again,never experience intimacy?Should we judge them for this desire?OP most of us have decided opinions on this issue because of OUR pasts,our opinions are often based on our hurts,our pains.You have been honest about your situation and why you are here,your choice is the proverbial being caught between the Devil and the deep blue sea....good luck.xx R
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'And comments like I turn gay men bi so why can't you make your wife come are in really bad taste and shows a total lack of understanding concerning someone w
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'And comments like I turn gay men bi so why can't you make your wife come are in really bad taste and shows a total lack of understanding concerning someone who has suffered child abuse. Quite frankly I was surprised by this comment and the person making it. Some people's lack of understanding and compassion is plain shithouse! You cant see he is lying. The evidence is overwhelming. Oh poor old op must suffer the fiction of his wife's devastated psychological trauma. Surely he knew all about it when he go married. Surely he spent time to find out why he was not getting sex from the very start. Surely he knew what he was getting into and now gives up and cares not at all for her. Oh what bullshit.Come on Meeka you are smarter then to fall for such lies.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I really like what Blindman had to say....I have always found it amusing when women believe the bullshit that cheaters spread............They are cheating ..... a common theme here is they will tell you what ever to get in your pants and I know that is generalising but why believe the whoa is me stories?? Often the theory is the person wants fun and extra marital fun. And I hear these women who listen and believe their sob stories....I have to say I would be sceptical. I saw the flaw also whereby these people are married possibly as he says family they may have produced children etc...so sex once was. As with all situations it does fade (sex elsewhere is erotic taboo and exciting). He also mentions he may be having a mid life crisis?No I wasnt cheated on and yes I was in a sexless loveless non intimate marraige but not from my doing oh and abused as a child. That abuse does linger and support is great I had an incident earlier this year where my trust was breached and it put me in such a state the confusion and memories......
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'IndefatigableMe'You know I would tend to agree with the 'everyone is inherently bi' sentiment from a purely logical point of view ... however I know I have never once in my 40 yrs felt any sexual attraction to another male and I'm no prude ... so I question it. I have several nephews and am aware of friends of my sons' who are gay ... I can't remember any when I was a kid ? It is probably because they had to hide it but not necessarily ... perhaps it is cultural and since it is now cool, hip and adventurous everyone's doing it ? I'm here to learn just like everyone else ?Let's be honest ... the OP is asking "is it because I'm open about being married that I'm not getting anywhere". To which the answer is .. probably isn't helping much.My arguments are largely philosophical .. I know what feels right but I like to be consistent as it help avoids developing double standards.In facilitating these discussions we can only take at face value the authenticity of the posters details otherwise it is an exercise in futility with each person starting from different perspectives.We lie and deceive those we love and that are dependent and more vulnerable than us everyday - for their own good ... I'll bet not one single parent can tell you they have never manipulated or withheld the truth from their children at some point in their development. Many would also do it with senile older relatives... and retarded or disabled people ? Where is the line ?I do warn of my haughty nature in the first line of my profile ... it is not intentional ... just looking for considered opinions to reflect on.Well some of us are damaged I would guess. Hazard not even an erotic dream that may have included men from you. Or do you not dream. But a subject maybe for another thread.The OP's opening thread asks but two question. Again which I reply with Yes and No. We are forced to lie to ease the pain and suffering, but those lies are done not for selfish needs. They are done for the needs of those that we wish to protect. Where is the line, indeed a good point. That line in my view is when you use lies to get your own way at the expense of others.Face value? well some times the post stinks. I find I am seldom wrong. Call me arrogant, I prefer experienced.Lets look at the possible situations.1: He is married, he has known all along that he will never have a good sex life because of her damaged mind.2: He has only found out recently about her trauma as a child and they have never had sex.3: He has had a good sex life with his wife which has dried up through boredom and he wants more. In all three ( please present another if you wish) he puts his personal needs above his wife. He knows what pain it will cause. If what he says is true and his wife finds out do you not think that would do even more harm to her, does he not care that she is very fragile and cant even deal with the simple act of sex , let alone infidelity.What keeps him in the marriage. Is it love, if it is then cheating makes that love a lie, a selfish and manipulative lie for his own gain. Is it children, if so wait till they are of age to look after them selves and move on.What type of person proclaims to the world that one he loves is in such a state. I know that people that have that suffer great shame. They would be mortified to know that someone they had trusted with this information let the world know. Does he not care for her feelings. What is a friend, family, or a work mate where to stumble upon his postThe Op's post stinks with inconstancy and blatant self serving lies. I am sick of the number of men who destroy the ones they love just over sex. Do they have any idea what pain they induce.No hard feeling Indefat. I like to stir the pot, especial if it stinks.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am disappointed in your comments. Truth be told I actually want to tell you to get fucked with your last comment. Lol. Just safer not read any of your comments from now on I think. You know what, I don't actually give a fuck if he is lying or not makes no difference to me. I choose to take his comments at face value as I am not a mind reader and I can not see through the screen but you are Superman & have x-ray vision. Good luck to you. All those people coming out of shithouse marriages are so harsh on others aren't they. Lol.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Agree with Freya, and that has been my experience (limited thought it is) as well. Some of the comments people have made about his wife and how to make her get over it... I am completely disgusted & gobsmacked. It's appalling.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why not join Ashley M and bypass all the judgement? Why make it complicated by going on a site where so many detest cheating? I don't understand.
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RHP User
11 years ago
This forum is a small portion of the whole of RHP community. Who knows what the silent majority really think. Best that we don't speak for them all.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi! Always Keen. I'm so very sorry you're caught in this catch 22 situation damned if you do damned if you don't.. I understand your motives and that you're a very nice virile Male who's needs aren't met emotionally as in Intimacy nor Sexually. What to do ?.. Well Honestly this isn't the best choice given your Wife's situation and being let down abused by someone she had faith in, felt secure with, unless it were a stranger. But I don't feel it was.. As someone said the result would be so much harder on her if she was unaware of your activities you really need to talk with her even if it's through a Councellor about this issue You've a couple of other choices. . Go see a sex Therapist Pay a Prostitute.. Or even join a Swingers Club ie Voodoo Lounge gatherings .It's not a situation as in RHP where the Female may become attached to you emotionally. You're having a Business meet in away.Maybe you can claim it on your taxes he! he! The Swingers Club is Like minded People there you could join in more than a 1-1 or watch whatever does it for you.. Good Luck! Hun I hope this is resolved your you both ..Cheers Lu :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
As a single woman I do not expectmore from people. I do want NSA. I have peeps for outings, etc just not sex. I can host. I have had a married lover for years. I. Don't know why he does me other than we are great together. It's not my business it's his. So please don't generalise singles want more or that it's wrong. It may be wrong for you but not for everyone.- Posted from rhpmobile
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sples2
11 years ago
If your wife is so special then treat her that way, she may have been abused as a child and may need more love and attention than your willing to give. It's not just sex for her, make her feel special, make her feel needed and guess what she may surprise you. You may be thinking she isn't interested but she could be getting that vibe from you. Have you talked to her, asked her what she needs or you both need together. What happens when she finds out.............and she will, you will hurt her more. If you love her then give her the love she needs. Sex is sex, but love and loving mean so much more and you both deserve that if that is what you both want. If all you want is sex, hookers cost a bit but there are no attachments just sex............
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goldcoastcple69
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'This forum is a small portion of the whole of RHP community. Who knows what the silent majority really think. Best that we don't speak for them all. Exactly what you said , and I hope he didn't take those negative comments to heart. Rhp is a big community , the forums are not a big community. No one knows if his telling the truth or not , so its probably best not to judge and just give advice to the guy ..that's what his asking for. The blokes in a really tough situation, his not just dating some women , he has a family with her... problems like this can really make you depressed .
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RHP User
11 years ago
WTF are you doing on here if you do not want to hurt your wife. Get her permission or get off.Mr J
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RHP User
11 years ago
If you said 'for better for worse' then it is called adultery......I think when one partner steps out on the other without them knowing it is straight out cheating.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'I am disappointed in your comments. Truth be told I actually want to tell you to get fucked with your last comment. Lol. Just safer not read any of your comments from now on I think. You know what, I don't actually give a fuck if he is lying or not makes no difference to me. I choose to take his comments at face value as I am not a mind reader and I can not see through the screen but you are Superman & have x-ray vision. Good luck to you. All those people coming out of shithouse marriages are so harsh on others aren't they. Lol.Get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning did you. LOL Well lucky I was not trying to impress you.People who cheat are the ones in shit-house marriages. Hands up anyone that has been cheated on and tell me it is OK.. Oh and those that cheated, was that fun. Did you enjoy the guilt and lies? How about when you got found out, how did that make life so wonderful?Think of all the devastation cheating causes. Think of the families involved, children, etc... Why does he not just ask his wife if he can go see a prostitute, at least that way the horrid "Love" part is out of the equation that would devastate his marriage.What you don't seem to understand Meeka is that I am batting for his wife. If I take it at face value then what he is doing is the worst possibly thing he could do. I was married to a psychologist who specialized in child psychology. I know all about what damage is done by cheating husbands, or wives. So many traumatized young children because marriage breakups.If I take it at face value, eeww the OP is using his wife's suffering and miss fortune to attempt to get laid? OMFG I pay load on the guy because he is a selfish freak. Poor poor OP he must be suffering so bad.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'This forum is a small portion of the whole of RHP community. Who knows what the silent majority really think. Best that we don't speak for them all. I was indeed only going by the responses the OP (and others posting similar topics) received here.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why are you being such a self righteous twit ? I can point you at many children of failed marriages whose parents have managed to love those kids whatever the cause of the marriage breakdown. And those kids are young adults, well balanced, thoughtful, and happy. All we can do is accept the op's story because we have no other "facts" in order to judge. According to you he should remain in a marriage where he is not sexually happy... How does that produce happy family life that will lead to well balanced kids ? I believe he SHOULD discuss the issue with his wife, it's their issue... Walk a mile in his shoes before you cut the guy down... And please wipe that foam away from your mouth, it makes you sound unhinged. Hp xo 💌 Because we don't know all the facts...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Highpriority' Why are you being such a self righteous twit ? I can point you at many children of failed marriages whose parents have managed to love those kids whatever the cause of the marriage breakdown. And those kids are young adults, well balanced, thoughtful, and happy. All we can do is accept the op's story because we have no other "facts" in order to judge. According to you he should remain in a marriage where he is not sexually happy... How does that produce happy family life that will lead to well balanced kids ? I believe he SHOULD discuss the issue with his wife, it's their issue... Walk a mile in his shoes before you cut the guy down... And please wipe that foam away from your mouth, it makes you sound unhinged. Hp xo 💌 Because we don't know all the facts... Me a self righteous twit? Well I never. I can also point to many failed marriages that are the opposite. In fact seldom have I seen or heard of breakup that the kids enjoy. Maybe if one of the parents is a real asshole. But generally no children like it and the younger they are the worse it is. So what if they grow up into normal people should they have to suffer when young because one of their parents can control their need for sex.I have the facts as he stated them, and I judge him on it. He is selfish in the worst way. Plain and simple, I go with what he said. I have the right to judge and put my words down. Calling me names of course helps you cause. Thank you.Did I say stay in the marriage. I simply said "DON'T CHEAT, DON'T LIE." is that such a bad thing to say. I am not standing on some high horse, it comes from personal experience on both side of the equation. It is advice only.Again like a broken record. Think of how she would feel finding out he is cheating. Many of the posters here applauding him have posted in other thread their utter distaste of cheaters when it comes from the other side of the equation.Wonder what all would have said if she posted:"I think my husband is cheating on me, I try my best in the bedroom but some of the things he wants to do I just cant do, they bring back such bad memories. I love him very much, I don't want to lose him. Am I being selfish?"We can only go by the facts presented and they stink.Oh and thank you I think most have worked out I am unhinged long ago its part of my charm..
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RHP User
11 years ago
With your charm, like I said it's the foaming at the mouth that I find distasteful. A marriage break up has sweet fuckall to do with children's mental and social well being it is all about how the children are treated by both of their parents that affects them. Im not defending the op... But fucked if I'll stand by and watch people hang draw and quarter the bastard. He's in a situation, and he's exploring an option, maybe not an option that you would choose, but an option that a hell of a lot of people in this place have chosen. Do you send your 5 messages a day out to all the attached members of rhp and give them a serve from your moral high horse ? If not, why not ? The op has received plenty of reasoned feedback to consider, reread your posts, to me at least, it is like you are shouting the guy down. Stand back from your personal hurtful experiences and try to offer your thoughts constructively. I've been on both sides of the discussion, my wife never found out, I'll never tell her (why hurt her 4years after divorce ?) I had no trouble with guilt, I wasn't a perfect husband, but we had vastly different thoughts on sex and intimacy. Her opinion was this is what you get, if you want more or different stiff shit. No correspondence to be entered into... End of discussion. Eventually I decided to walk... My first gf post marriage nearly fucked me to death... Sadly she still had time to accommodate 1/2 of Darwin as well... Karma is a bitch ! But lesson learned, never again will I cheat. But I don't condemn either blindman, we have not walked in the op's shoes... Hp xo 💌 Because you're worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Oh you are a charmer. Good on you for not telling, that shows good moral strength and caring restraint. Yet I must ask what was it like when you where cheating? How did it effect your relationship when lies and deception were the undercurrent of "How was your day?" Did you fumble, forget a lie, make a hasty retreat. Did it cause arguments, did it hasten the demise of your relationship. Did you really care, did you love her?Maybe you are an expert lair, maybe you felt no guilt, shame, or remorse. I don't know, I did I know. But I do know you said you would never again do it. Why I wonder is that? You seem to stand by the cheaters side yet you would never cheat again. Or is that a lie i don't know but the facts are but the facts.I did, oh I did present constructive critique. "Don't do it" I say "don't do it." But a lie is a lie and the OP is lying. Poor op thinking with his dick and not his heart. Does he really think the sad story of his wife will get him a root. Maybe who knows and I don't care.My 5 messages a day? Sweat pee I send but at most a message out a month. Why not? because I don't need to. This time I am standing on a high horse because you and others called me names, and I do so love playing in the forums. No foam on my lips just a wicked smile.Sorry but cant help it... sniggerOk I will be easy on you and forgive your angry out burst. I am an arrogant motherfucker, seldom will you meet the likes of me. You cant dent me at all, I know my place and am happy in it. I happily submit when proven wrong and I am so very far from perfect. But still I have my right to be an arrogant mother fucking asshole. Does it matter if you don't like it, or me? No
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madotara69
11 years ago
I think you are an arrogant mother fucking assholeAnd a nice cuntHope this has not spoilt anything.Mado
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69'I think you are an arrogant mother fucking assholeAnd a nice cuntSuch a lovely compliment. Thank you very much.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The best way to make blind men walk into a brick wall is to ignore them, so they can't follow the sound of your voice.
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RHP User
11 years ago
We don't all carry the same burden... And I'll take mesmerised's advice... Especially since the op last posted on the 20 sept, and said he was leaving the building to "...spend some time looking in the mirror..." He asked for advice, and got some thoughtful advice on differing options... As opposed to the moralistic condemnation that you offered. As for myself, all I can do is try to be a better me, and make better choices, each time. I bid you good day blindman xo Hp xo 💌 If the op had enough 3 days ago then why am I here...?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Blindman67'No hard feeling Indefat. I like to stir the pot, especial if it stinks. Go hard and stay true ( a bit rhetorical under the circumstances) ... I know I will when energized to do so. Enjoying he scrap
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RHP User
11 years ago
You neutered him! Oh and he was just getting warmed up. Well you know you have to feed him twice a day, fresh water, and take him to the park every now and then for a walkies. BTW I come equipped with radar, ssh don't tell anyone.MP This thread is far from dead...3 days is nothing. Shame you could not answer my questions, would have provided valuable insight into this threads topic. Cheating... Or is it the inability to cheat. Who knows? At least you go to a good home. Now where is my spoilt brat corner I need to do some jumping up and down.
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RHP User
11 years ago
go to your naughty corner,I shall be there with my paddle soon
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi all, Thanks for your thoughts everyone. Thanks to those that offered positive criticism without judgement like inspirit, mekka100 and madamdragonfly. And I am sure there were others. To those who thought this an opportunity to make themselves look the hero with harsh or negative comments, I feel for you. I think you may be in a worse position than me! Blindman67, I hope you don't ever fall from your lofty soapbox. I was going to comment on her actual situation, but it doesn't really matter. I was after a little attention, I sure got it... I will do what I feel right for me in this situation, as I am individual, like the situation, and hope it all turns out well. If not, well we live and learn don't we.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thanks Highpriority, I appreciate your positive criticism without judgement as well.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi hon, I've been there and I was an incredibly monogamous person who had no sex for years. I thought I could have sex outside and stay in my marriage because I loved him This is heaps easier for women! Sex is easy to get. So I had sex and realised that 1. I am definitely the monogamous type, I hated cheating 2. I love sex 3. My marriage had to end. Now I'm single and I love it... I'm going to open a can of worms here and suggest a professional... Or a rub and tug if you just want a release. You will be one of a 1000 guys on here wanting a bit on the side. No answers but best wishes and don't listen to those who blab on about cheating, it's your body and soul, be true to it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thank you and good luck on your journey... Hp xo 💌 Because we are all worth it...
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RHP User
11 years ago
...is still crap.I have been all sides of this problem - I have cheated, been cheated on and right now I am dealing with the aftermath of a young girl that has been abused. The one thing central to all these situations is betrayal. I could not stand betraying someone who trusted me - the guilt was too great - far better to leave and live honestly. When it happened to me, the thing I felt most awful about was the betrayal of someone I trusted. And the young girl - she feels far more hurt about those around her that betrayed her than even about the perpetrator.People say one should not judge and then make comments like 'he is reaching out'. That also is judgement - this man wasn't reaching out as far as I can see. He wasn't asking for advice about how he could help his wife, he wasn't asking how to be honest in the situation and minimise hurt all he was doing was looking for sex and then at the first sign his perfect argument wasn't going to wash with some he took off.I am not taking it at face value and this is my conjecture of what went down.His wife is probably a lot hotter than him - abuse victims tend to marry down. He probably masqueraded as this kind, caring and honest man who would never betray her and then when he got her, turned into a manipulator that didn't pull his weight in the relationship. So one day his wife is trying to have a perfectly rational discussion with him about his behaviour and he says in a sulky voice - And you never want to have sex with me - and walks off. So she calls after him - Go fuck yourself!.End of adult conversation. Then a mate at work tells him about this site and he thinks give it a go - but he can't host and he can only meet at certain times so he admits he is married. But it doesn't work out for him - he is only a guest - he is not getting what he thought he deserved - so he invents what he thinks is the perfect pity argument and posts to the forum for a bit of attention. Again same adult conversation - You (to all the women on RHP this time) never want to have sex with me - and walks off. And I so very much want to call after him....
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Mischeviouslad
11 years ago
Hmmmmmmm
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi! Hun :) Thanks for your reply I'm glad you found it helpful and you take from it that which is valuable Info for your situation ! Hun to both you and Your Wife I wish you well in overcoming this Major issue in your Marriage and you get to enjoy each other Sexually, Sensually in a Loving relaxed, fun way very soon.. Ciao Lu :)
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eukie
11 years ago
but as we all know, a 30 metre hose isn't any good if it doesn't touch the sides.. that's why I prefer a thicker guage delivery hose.. because then you really know you're on the money ! :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
While this is an old thread, it highlights an ethical dilemma. Partners of adults who have been abused as children face a situation in which they and their needs are often marginalized and they are left unsupported not knowing what to do or how to help or how to cope with it. I am happy to help with anyone who is facing this situation and is in need of a bit of insight & guidance. Please feel free to send me a message if you wish to. Thanks.
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RHP User
11 years ago
a predictable bunch of pissing in the wind by people who have never been in the OP's or his wife's shoes. Except for Inspirit. You get it lovely lady.
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RHP User
11 years ago
If they ever perfect cloning, I hope they clone you, lots. x
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