F41
Oh So That’s The Reason
June 16 2018
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm thinking we have a lot of single women here who will debunk that myth in a hurry. That it is their choice, some after horrific experiences to know what being 'in a relationship' can be like. Peachy, d'int have me no trouble finding me a man despite my generous sharing or wares, and that was in a very different time!
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The_Antichrist
7 years ago
I think there are so many women that are single, because they’ve evolved.... They’re much more confident, career focused and very much unwilling to let anything or anyone stand in their way.... And I think it’s fucking awesome!!! Because now, there are 2 journeys that are shared in conversation and not just 1. I think it’s entirely encouraging of a true partnership not just a man and his maid.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
A truly smart independent woman who knows what she wants and has boundaries will not put herself in the position to be used...she will see through the BS early on.
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RHP User
7 years ago
A woman I was talking to for a while used the term "relationshit". Go back decades and marriage was the only way a woman could get anywhere in life. Now they have more choices as reflected above. Of course plenty of both genders are unwillingly single, and would like a committed partner, but there's no offical data on the numbers each way as no survey (like those from the BoS) differs circumstance from intent (just like in the childfree/childless difference). While we have basically an equal m/f ratio, and presumedly a similar number of singles each way, in some countries like China, another issue arises, as there are simply many more men than women (due to a bias from parents toward male babies during the one child policy). - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
is that statement supposed to mean? That the only possible things that a guy might want he can get from single women? What universe was that author living in? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
I looked at the stats for single men vs women and came up with a very interesting finding from the 2016 Census. The fact that we're getting older and more female struck me as something to be regarded too. Frankly, the quote from your OP really is an old furphy that keeps us back in ancient times... It ties in with the old, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Well said Anti, beautiful even. Moooving on, Peachy
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bonefide
7 years ago
So op I'm hearing that all men only won't one thing, that non of us gents have the capability to form a sound, like minded friendship/relationship above the belly button. So no communicating openly, chatting joking as friends, spending quality time together, enjoying each others company with clothes on. Might have the bull by the horns or wrong end of the stick, but sounds like men are all the same and non have evolved past the neanderthal stage. Best I head back into the cave to keep the home fire burning.
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MsJonesy
7 years ago
The statement puts the wrong slant on the issue. It seems to infer women are being tricked, or manipulated by men to give them the 'relationship' experience. So does it also imply women are passive, incapable of fending off these tricky manipulators, hanging in their with dreams of a relationship which won't be realised? None of women I know fall into that category. They are intelligent, street smart, and more than capable of deciding what experiences they want, and with whom. And most are relishing their single status with no intention of giving it away until (if) she meets a man who makes it worthwhile to give up her hard earned and emminently satisfying independence.
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usrightnow_Again
7 years ago
“So many women are single because men are getting everything they want out of a woman without being in a relationship with her “ .. Tough, with only that sentence to go on and no further context, but let's give it a go. Now, it's late, two a.m., I'm in a heck of a lot of pain, I'll do my best. .. Agree with Anti., you're on fire lately. Agree with some of what MsJonesey has written too. To play devil's advocate for a moment, and given the inference that, as bonefide has pointed out, men are singularly focused, is the inference that women aren't so much being tricked, as Ms Jonesey said was the inference, however, that they are comfortable enough in settling for a less than ideal circumstance, that, as Ms Jonesey said, they'll hang in there with the dream of a relationship? .. Now, the women I know and have known over my life, have become increasingly independent. They are comfortable not to live, as women so often did many years ago, defined by their husband. And, there were plenty, over the centuries, that weren't. I don't think many are, tricked into relationships. I do think that some choose to not be in any kind of on going relationship. There are others who would like a relationship, but are happy to at times compromise that wish, for a more modern relationship. Or one that satisfies certain wishes of their own. One of occasional sex, maybe the odd stay over, a night out sometimes, the odd night on the sofa watching Netflix, kind of thing. Now, there is nothing wrong with that and maybe this is part of the bias of the question, that there is a need for women to be in a relationship. There isn't. I'm assuming the word relationship, within the question, is referring to a more solid, older style relationship though. Again, there isn't much to go on. I guess the inference is that newer style relationships suit men more than women. The question doesn't quite allow for equality, does it? .. Some men and women are single by choice. Some aren't. Women no longer have to define themselves by a relationship. There is nothing wrong with newer-style relationships. Some people have a long list of criteria to be fulfilled before they will form a relationship, and that's their choice. Maybe Seinfeld has a little part to play there. Why are we so worried about it anyway? It's surely just a question for each individual? Okay, I'm spent. Hope that was helpful. If it wasn't, that's okay too. Mr. urn. .
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Katkat
7 years ago
There’s no more forever! From my experience most men nowadays don’t want a girlfriend, just want a woman who acts like a girlfriend and is loyal to them while they mess around with other females. Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn’t given freely by another person then it isn’t worth having. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
7 years ago
Jonesy and Sassy, loved your comments ... Jonesy, totally agree with you and was going to respond with ‘maybe the more educated and independent woman are, maybe they value themselves to not need that external validation’ ... then I reflected on some people I know and that’s not the case actually. The more you love yourself, the less you need validation from others, I believe and this isn’t an ‘educational qualification’ ... it’s a life learning :) Sassy, I think men offer ‘ the girlfriend experience’ repeatedly on a daily basis if they’re ‘capable’, we might call them a player, a stud etc. I’d agree with you, we are really challenging the notion of ‘forever’ in our current society. The analogy I’d use is similar to that of white goods (apologies, not referencing men or women just a general thought) ‘Why buy an extended warranty when the goods are cheap enough and can be replaced easily at a low cost (consider marriage rates and divorce rates) or there are so many ‘brands’ on the market offering everything that beeps and squeaks?’ I’ve seen it repeatedly and there are many woman who say ‘no I don’t want a relationship, no I don’t want this or that, yes I’m bisexual (but the minute a guy asks, the variations and adaptations to their bisexuality changes). I call it the entrapment theory. In the past, entrapment could have been a myriad of things, in today’s society of the availability of sex etc means that no one really has to be in a relationship really. As a society we have shifted in so many ways but we still subscribe to the ‘relational’ theory, we just define it in a myriad of ways such as FB, FWB etc. I genuinely believe for most women who say they want a ‘connection’ on this site, they do actually want to connect with people but not in a relationship way, though at a basic level they’d want the guy or girl to be ‘available’. I’d also say very few women here would also not subscribe to the unemotional, I’m just a hole type sex. Hence many women avoid the ‘married man ‘ on here. Similarly, men have become savvy and know they can offer ‘limited emotional and physical connection’ to many women, repeatedly, without any other commitment. This is not man bashing or women bashing, as a society, we’re constantly changing ... Just my thoughts... Mary xx
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Hottie1
7 years ago
Very few woman would subscribe to the unemotional, just a hole type connection ...
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leo_77_bbw
7 years ago
I am often asked “Why are you single?” as for many, what I am supposed to do is get married and have babies... My dream is different. As simplistic as it sounds, my goal is just to be happy. I LOVE men but have not found one that I could live with/ be around on a permanent basis without losing my identity/ changing my life to fit theirs. So I find the reverse of the OP’s quote - I don’t need to be in a relationship to get what I want/need. For intimacy it certainly helps when I have a connection/friendship with the person. But just as MsJonesy said I would not give up my independence for just anyone. My life is full without it - I having many loving relationships in my life with family and friends and whilst some would say I’m missing out on a great love I’m not closed off to it, but I’m not going to give it to just anyone. If I find that person who shakes me to my core and they don’t feel that way about me because “the man can get everything they want without being in a relationship with me” then that is not my person anyway. I’ll just keep being happy on my own and find awesome sex from people who are ok with that! - Posted from rhpmobile
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OkeyDoke45
7 years ago
Quoting 'Obsidian' is that statement supposed to mean? That the only possible things that a guy might want he can get from single women? What universe was that author living in? - Posted from rhpmobile Probably from Mama Mia or somewhere like that.
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OkeyDoke45
7 years ago
I have also been reading a bit about this topic in recent times, it seems to be A Thing. Women choosing to stay single either from the get-go or after a relationship breakdown. Why the focus on women only in most of what I have read, I don't know. If the female half of the population is electing to stay single then what does that say about the other half? You can read the tone of that article as being ''women are single not by choice but because men are just out to fuck and they have worked out that they can just have a fuck without a relationship''. So women are the victim - again - and men are the predators with one thing only on their mind - again. I choose to be single because relationships are just too much of a pain in the arse, I don't need validation from someone else, and life is much more enjoyable on my own. I am sure the same applies for the majority of single women out there (and most of the material I have read says much the same). There, see - a much more balanced way of putting things.
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RHP User
7 years ago
“So many women are single because men are getting everything they want out of a woman without being in a relationship with her.“ This meme sounds like a snippet taken out of context from a larger discussion. For starters... Is it suggesting this could be a good thing or a bad thing?Is there even any substantiated truth to the statement, or is it just hot air? The unstated flipside to this observation( for the sake of argument, I'll assume it's true ) is that so many men are single because women are getting everything they want out of a man without being in a relationship with him.Looked at in the context of both sexes being single, then it sounds like an ideal lifestyle that many of both sexes claim to aspire to.Reading the profile "wants" of a few dozen random RHP inmates might support that thought, certainly. This statement only mentions what men want...and THAT straight-away makes me think it was aimed squarely at women for some purpose....to ignite debate amongst pro-liberal women, perhaps?Because, if the unstated flipside about so many many men being single is also true( and I'm going to assume here that the numbers of heterosexual men and women are roughly equal...for the sake of argument, again ), why wasn't it included in the original meme? Just my initial thoughts, for now.I better go...things to do...and that second coat of paint aint' going to throw itself on the wall. Ciao..
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curious_72
7 years ago
I am 46, been single for I think about 7 years now (lost count really)I lived with my ex as flatmates for 6 years, I actually kicked him out so he could have a life (He has found a lady and is happy so I'm happy for him) I did absolutely nothing with anybody in that time. I work in a male dominated industry, and am surrounded by men, out of all of them there's only one interesting one and even then I don't want to date him, just play.. (if only he would get his shit together lol) Doesn't help that most of them are old, weird and/or short :D I have my own house, I have a car, a motorbike, no kids, no crazy ex, and a job I love most of the time. As I have got older what I have found is that people just have so much baggage, they've been hurt so much that they can't trust anymore. I have lots of male friends, and two of them are being bent over backwards by child support, another is about to be. I talk to the guys at work, one in particular his wife treats him like dirt, he told her he wanted to leave, she said I will take you for everything and our kids, so he is still there being treated like crap because he can't leave. I don't blame them for not wanting a relationship, they're afraid of being burnt. To be honest I don't want one either, my house is my house, I do what I want whenever I want, there is very little stress in my life.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Suggests that there was context to the statement, written by an audience for another audience, to gain a resource. .... so, because it was on instagram it was intended to get likes / go viral rather than the content or facts. The audience who wrote it? Who knows? Someone who wants promotion fir their Instagram account. The audience it was for? Not important- it served its purpose. The content - no pearls of wisdom, just playing to pop culture. It’s true and untrue - depending on who reads it and how you relate to it. Clever marketing at the most. Mr - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'MFW_23' That sort of reasoning is often espoused by the MRA / MGTOW (i.e. Men's Rights Activists / Men Going Their Own Way) groups. It's usually because they're bitter that women are having sex with other men but not with them, so they have to resort to the usual misogynistic drivel to try and detract from the fact that they are actually just shitty people and that's why women won't have sex with them. Actually the real reason why men are turning MRA or MIGTOW has absolutely nothing to do with men being bitter. Take me for example, I don't fall in with your rhetoric, I'm successful, have a good career, I'm well travelled and without blowing my own trumpet and making too many people sick according to my peers I'm somewhat "good with the ladies" I don't have any kids or baggage from previous relationships.I wouldn't say I follow a MIGTOW or MRA ideology but they have some good points backed up with facts and statistics! I'd definitely say I've taken the red pill.Why? Because I realise that a relationship with the wrong woman can seriously fuck up your life and career!
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nightingale8
7 years ago
Is an advertising platform disguised as a site for photo/meme sharing amongst your friends. I'm not bothered to verify this but a colleague was telling me that when you don't pay, only 30% of followers will see your photos. If you tag people a certain way then the viewership will increase marginally. Whatever the exact algorithm, it tells me there is no truth behind the original statement, just money. Designed to incite emotions and further divisions all while promoting products we don't even know they're selling. Ha. Did I mention those shoes look good? - Posted from rhpmobile
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nightingale8
7 years ago
(The laughter is aimed at myself. I'm a bit of a wanker sometimes) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Hot6ycouple' Suggests that there was context to the statement, written by an audience for another audience, to gain a resource. .... so, because it was on instagram it was intended to get likes / go viral rather than the content or facts. The audience who wrote it? Who knows? Someone who wants promotion fir their Instagram account. The audience it was for? Not important- it served its purpose. The content - no pearls of wisdom, just playing to pop culture. It’s true and untrue - depending on who reads it and how you relate to it. Clever marketing at the most. Mr - Posted from rhpmobile Firstly thankyou all for sharing your thoughts so far, both male and female, so many wonderful articulate insights and feedback About 3 weeks ago I started following on Insta a sight called Singles SwagIts a site , maybe American , for single women who are encouraged to sign up and upon payment, once a month receive a box of treats to celebrate their singleness, while heavily promoting that we don't need man in our lives to be complete. The box of treats seems to be books, chocolate, skin care, makeup etc based on the photos. I can't remember how I found the site but I think I clicked on something on my FB account that took me thereInitially I found some of their daily quotes (although the constant bombardment of urging me to sign up to receive my monthly goody bag annoying) inspiring and meaningful (to me), however when that quote appeared on Friday night, it really got me thinking. I then scrolled back and had a really good read of their daily quotes from way back . I still believe some of the quotes are relevant but I can see now a huge degree of male bashing, disguised by pretty font, clever wording and colourful backgrounds.I don't need to gender bash, either sex, to feel good about myself. Nor do I feel the need to sign up for a goody bag each month to treat myself. I'm good with who I am and what I haveI'm ashamed to have been following this crap for as long as I did, I was completely sucked inBut that was fixed with a click
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SexyDeviants
7 years ago
Society is changing. Maybe people are taking time in finding a partner now days? Instead of being with just anyone. Who knows.
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RHP User
7 years ago
But that still doesn't detract from the fact that family and devorce courts are hugely biased against men "If you want to identify with those sorts of men that's your prerogative but if any dude I meet tells me he's swallowed the red pill, I'll be staying far away from him." If you feel threatened by a man having a good knowledge of the system and wanting to take care of his own interests first that says a lot about you. I know that might appear to be ruthless from the man's position but I'm afraid we live in a different world now. Women initiate the majority of devorce proceedings and men statistically come off worse from those proceedings so it's just common sense for a guy to take precautions. Ive had a woman I was dating lose her shit with me because I said if I was to ever marry again I'd insist on a prenup. Massive red flag!!!
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RHP User
7 years ago
quoting MFW A relationship with the wrong person can seriously fuck up anyone's life and career, man or woman And if we let them fuck up our lives and careers, then we are giving them a whole heap of power over us, aren't we ? The Red Pill was one of the scariest docos I've ever watched. That anyone buys into their ideology, frightens the shit out of me
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madotara69
7 years ago
don't know of any relationship that is built on wants Whatever thoughts are provoked by the statement, what do I want, how do they know what I want, is that all men want, what about what I want, I want a woman like that, I don't want a man, I don't want a woman etc, etc. I want some ice cream I want to get drunk I want a fluffy duck I want to re decorate Eventually it will settle to wanting new shoes. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' "Fewer people in Australia are getting married and more are getting divorced. And women in particular seem to be finding the positives in experiencing life's adventures solo. A study released earlier this year in the Journal of Women's Health which involved 80,000 women showed overall they became healthier when divorcing or separating from their husbands. Signs of improved health included a decrease in BMI, waist size and diastolic blood pressure, as well as better eating and greater physical activity." Sooo, maybe when women find themselves single after a relationship more of them actually choose to stay that way? That was the implication in my early post garnered from reading many posts from women like yourself here over time. Add to that the rising female to male ratio in the population and there are very grounded reasonings for why there are a lot of single women before any outlook of a man's can come into it. Peachy
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' "Fewer people in Australia are getting married and more are getting divorced. And women in particular seem to be finding the positives in experiencing life's adventures solo. A study released earlier this year in the Journal of Women's Health which involved 80,000 women showed overall they became healthier when divorcing or separating from their husbands. Signs of improved health included a decrease in BMI, waist size and diastolic blood pressure, as well as better eating and greater physical activity." Sooo, maybe when women find themselves single after a relationship more of them actually choose to stay that way? I agree. I think it makes sense that women, in particular, are finding more positives in a solo lifestyle than men because they have been the "second-class citizen" for so long.We're still very much in a "cusp" period...despite what the well-meaning might wish, I think.Social change with regards to the gender gap hasn't moved that fast. Why would it....if there are still people alive who remember the way things were, and pass that on to their children?One or two more generations....and then we'll see, I reckon.
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MsJonesy
7 years ago
"... and oh, how they love the woman who won't take any shit from anyone, until they realise that she won't take any shit from them, either. " CICI B.
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RHP User
7 years ago
... I'm not. *please excuse the Monty Python's paraphrase*
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RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'pipsqueak' quoting MFW A relationship with the wrong person can seriously fuck up anyone's life and career, man or woman And if we let them fuck up our lives and careers, then we are giving them a whole heap of power over us, aren't we ? The Red Pill was one of the scariest docos I've ever watched. That anyone buys into their ideology, frightens the shit out of me Which part didn't you like about "the red pill"? I only found out about it when I saw all the feminists protesting about it trying to ban it. Obviously I had to take a look then and I really didn't see what all the fuss was about! I think they put forward a good argument using facts and figures, I was particularly moved by the part about male suicide. As someone who's lost a close male relative to suicide I think it's awful how society pretty much ignores the disparity between male and female suicide.
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RHP User
7 years ago
About 3 months ago on Netflix and started to watch it. I had no idea what I was about to watch as I hadn’t heard of it I agree it was in parts, thought provoking and the stats were interesting but overall I found the doco to be offensive, journalistically weak, as it swung backwards and forwards between being obvious and querulous It promised much but delivered only a handful of yes, nasty stories, from very bitter angry self entitled men . Hey women have had our angry stories for centuries It could hardly claim to be a true doco, investigating Men’s Rights Activists when it was funded by the Men’s Rights Activist group the very group it was suppose to be investigating It never once addressed the rape culture that so infuriated the director to begin with. The overall message was one of violence and was highly critical of the feminist movement but offered no solution nor a way to come together. It was a hour of man hate towards women It then pretty much finishes with the interview of Paul Elam, a self professed rape apologist who states if he is ever was called to sit on a jury panel and even if the evidence presented was overwhelming of the accused being guilty of their actions he would still vote automatically for the not guilty verdict. No thoughts for the victim I’ve only pointed out a few things about the doco that I did not like, there is more but I urge each to view and make up theirs own minds Personally if a man told me he had viewed this and subscribed to the red pill way of thinking, I’d be out of there. These musings are my own opinion on the matter You state that you think it’s awful how society ignores the disparity between male and female suicide? My questions to you are how do you know that ? Where did you get that information from? How exactly is there a difference ? Can you provide relevant info on that ? Suicide is sadly suicide irrespective of gender, age, race, religion, circumstance and any one is subject to it And it sucks in any way
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cat_n_the_hatter
7 years ago
are definitively not all the same. There are millions of people walking on this Earth and there could even be hundreds that we can connect with, one way or the other, but man who knows he has found someone irreplaceable will never turn his back on her/him. However, there is nothing wrong with being single ...or to treasure one’s freedom. If by any chance you go to bed alone tonight, you should know, that there is nothing you could have done to convince him of your value if his heart is not open. There are selfish people who only use others and one should be aware of them; nevertheless, what is important is not to become cynical. If you can be hurt that means you are human. (Ms)
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usrightnow_Again
7 years ago
Sounds like a video we can safely avoid. I'm clearly spending too much of my spare time researching the wrong stuff, lol. You know, Space (including data analysis), Neanderthals, archaeology, medical papers, Medieval and Tudor lifestyle and furnishings, cool David Bowie interviews I've not seen, Romano-British to Saxon/Viking British history, the history of the mustard pot, the history of childhood education, ..., that kind of thing. Thanks pip. for the mental gymnastics, got to keep our brains fit. Mr. urn. .
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Swingingnudist
7 years ago
Probably women are single because men don't want to be in a relationship with manipulative, lying ,cheating women. Male bashing is the trend from a lot of females now so men are just over it. Rather have mrs Palmer. Pub test survey is 100% accurate at time of writing. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
There are WAY more single men😈 Granted not many are after the white picket fence unless there is something kinky you can do with it. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Why are you on here then ? Survey conducted inside my head indicates that your success rate for meeting anyone here after that post just plummeted by 100 %, accurate at time of writing
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RHP User
7 years ago
BahahaWhat a fantastic thread.I totally disagree with that statement.Having been single myself for in excess of a decade. I conside myself an expert on the subject. I like beer, am independent, no drama, no kids. etc etcOh im educated too and I could continue the list..Why do I believe i am single...?I wont settle for rubbish.I find men don't take responsibility for many things including decisions within a relationship.I am not mummy nor will i drop on my back on command. I feel, despite there being some changes prevelant with younger generations,there are still some very strong misogynistic attitudes within our societyIE: I must therefore be a lesbian as I am not desperate to get married?? or am not married?I cannot travel alone as i may get raped? I should be desperate as I am single and therefore convinced noone will ever love me? There must be something wrong with me because I am single... I will change my mind about not having kinds or i am a bitch for making such a decision. Women have been conditioned to step in fill in the gaps essentially nag and hold the bits together whilst men do the bare minimum and shaft responsibility. Apologies to any males who find this offensive.I recognise not all men are like this. Be warned of boo hoo poor me my ex is crazy.Sure she may be crazy, but when i asked you to communicate with me and step up i got excuses or even worse told to get with the program. I have most certainly experienced men standing over the top of me and telling me that that is just how it is just how men are and imply i am stupid and must and eventually will one day just come to the realisation of exactly that. Keeping in mind as an example when women my age were kids the police did not attend domestics... I am stupid and responsible for standing up for myself, not fixing things. not just accepting men are who they are and for being single... essentially I will not and cannot cope on my own... I wish these men all the luck in the world in their own place with 'crazy' chick gossiping about myimaginary lesbianism.... While i continue happily and occasionally pull out my lady balls for a polishing..You dont like me? Guess what I dont like you..I just have other things to do.... yes a great thread..
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RHP User
7 years ago
hmmm...pipsqueak your entertaining, assertive and witty profile is sufficient evidence that even if such a trend existed, which is frankly unlikely, you would not be a candidate to be ensnared in that way...
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RHP User
7 years ago
and at the risk of being trite, or worse, vacillating between obvious and querulous (nice phrase)....historical gender inequality could never justify unequal treatment now of either gender...unless you are de evolved and dont want the paternalistic system that patronises and stereotypes both genders and discredits each to change. wild idea...why not respect and due process for everyone...evidence based analysis for everyone...perhaps even adopt the english civil service idea of blind assesment...no name or gender just the facts, decided impartially...would have to be better than the current witches/thugs dichotomy that hurts kids every day.
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tcm70
7 years ago
I disagree with the direction of the original quoted comment, tho I do agree that many more women, and men are happy to be single these days.. I don’t think there’s any simple explanation as to the why. I don’t know any stats or facts and figures relevant to the topic, I’m merely going on my own observations and experiences. I look at my parents. Who have been together now for 50 years. Yes they did it tough at times, financial stresses, kids😬, work, family issues etc etc etc, all those things that life throws at us. Yet they stayed together and battled through everything. Was it a perfect relationship, no, but then again what relationship can ever be perfect. My dad is a typical alpha male, very strong minded and strong physically, not scared of anyone and will voice his opinion no matter what. My mother on the other hand is quite a mild mannered woman, very quietly spoken and soft. Yet she was not dominated by my father as they had mutual respect and were there to support each other. My father was away for the majority of the time as his occupation entailed, so my mother more often than not had to fill his shoes also when he was away. So she wasn’t a typical 70’s housewife. She also had full time occupation of her own so there was no expectation that she just remain at home as a baby sitter and maid. They both play an equal role in every aspect of general life and the responsibilities they had. It wasn’t beneath my dad when he was home to cook, wash dishes or any of those chores typically assigned to the woman of the household. And in reverse, when he was away my mother mowed lawns and did everything that was needed to be done until I was old enough to start helping her, inside duties as well as outside. So in a way they lived their own seperate lives and were only brought together on the things they initiated between them. Would they have stayed together if dad was at home all the time during those years, I don’t know. But I see them now, both retired, they both still have their independent lives yet they also have their together lives. I don’t see that either of them rely on each other for their happiness. Yet they are happy together. They are a team. I look at myself and my previous relationships. My longest relationship was with the mother of my(our) two kids, we were together for about 9 years in total, have been apart for nearly 12 years now. We have managed to maintain a great friendship(non sexual) and still highly respect each other. But we couldn’t make it work back then, we butted heads all the time and our kids were missing out as we were reluctant to do many things together. We made a pact with each other when we split that we would still do things together with the kids on special times, birthdays, Christmas etc as we wanted our kids to not feel like handluggage and to show them that both of us were there for them. It was tough at the start when emotions were still strung out a bit but I’m glad we persisted as now it’s quite natural and easy for us to talk about our kids needs etc. we both still parent together. But why did our relationship end if we can still work together like we do now. I had my parents values in me and she had very similiar type of parents to. I don’t blame her, and I don’t blame myself, I think it was more to do with social acceptance of us splitting up, compared to the era my parents were in. It was the easiest solution at the time. I remained single after we split for about 7-8 years and she also remained single for a year or so longer. Neither of us remained celibate, but no ongoing relationships with other people. Not because we were hung up on each other but because we were both content to live our lives as we wished. My first relationship after her, which was also my last relationship with anyone lasted about 3 years and ended about 8 months ago. For entirely different reasons. I found that she was relying on me for her happiness and support, whereas I was happy in myself and didn’t rely on her for that. So it became an unequal tug of war, the more I gave her support, the more she pulled so I ended up running out of rope and had to call it quits before I lost my mind. Plus she didn’t like my music taste, I should’ve seen that as a sign a bit earlier. Lol. Anyway, here I am, single again, a single male to be exact. And have remained totally celibate since by choice. This topic is relevant to me as it’s something I question myself about quite often. Not the statement that’s quoted in the OP, as I have stated already I disagree with the comment, but being single and content in general and the reasons why I’m not aiming to get into a full blown relationship again in any hurry or ever again. I ask myself is it selfish reasons, but I don’t think that’s the reason. I enjoy sharing and the experience of being with a partner. Perhaps I’ve been selfish in that I’m happy in myself and don’t need to rely on a partner to make me happy, selfish in that a relationship only extends that happiness in me. Am I afraid of being in a relationship, no, I’m not, I often thought I’m afraid of failure due to my past attempts, but each time has been a learning curve and I’m not afraid of self growth. Is it commitment I’m avoiding, well no, I pride myself of accepting my responsibilities and as a self employed person and a father my life is full of commitments which I give my all to yet still have room for more. Do I have anything to offer in a new relationship? well that depends on what a prospective partner might want, I know I’m not for everyone but I have my Self, and I always give that, in return that would be all I want, I’m not materialistic and value people more than objects. So I still wonder what else could make me feel happy to just stay single. Maybe I’m not happy to be single but I’m content and that contentness overpowers any negatives of singleness. I honestly can’t say. I do miss the company of a woman, but I’m not going to get into a relationship for that reason alone. So in summary, I think I’m just content to be single and explore life in ways that will not affect other people’s unless in a positive manner. I cannot flick a switch that will make me non single and I’m not going to dwell in the meantime that I’m missing out or incomplete without being in a relationship. I will just continue to be me as I always have done. The people that know me and those I’m yet to meet in my life do, and will see me as Me, even if I’m in a relationship. I don’t rely on another for my identity. Well that’s my look on this topic, apologies if it is an extended waffle, judge me if you will, but there’s 20 million other people in this country alone who will all have their own outlook/interpretation about this topic. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings and it’s unfair to blame either gender for why people choose to be single. It’s life. If we were all the same the world would be a boring place indeed.
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OkeyDoke45
7 years ago
Quoting 'MFW_23 It's ironic that high male suicide rates and other male issues, are in most instances created and perpetuated by the very same societal influences that create inequalities and problems for women. If they really wanted to help men, the MRAs could work towards trying to change these deep-rooted structural and social forces, however that would actually work against their core ideology. They are shitty and bitter that women are gaining a bit more power and choice over their own lives...they don't like it, they are scared by it, and they want women to suffer for it. I read an interesting book many years ago by Susan Faludi, "The Myth Of Male Power". She made much the same argument. Women progressively over the decades are being encouraged to shed the old ideas of what it is to be a woman, reject all the old traditional roles and values that women must play and possess. Men are also being encouraged to think along the same lines, but half the time without changing the game on our side - that is to say, many men are still being raised in the traditional way, with cliched ideas of what it is to be masculine. We need to change the male attitude to their own values and beliefs of what it is to be a man. A good percentage of us were raised in an environment of ''traditional'' masculinity, yet leaving home and entering a world where women are challenging the boundaries and traditional belief systems. This can leave them feeling confused - ''I am behaving how my father behaved and am now in trouble for it'', which can lead to anger against women, a feeling of being lost in the gender wars without really knowing how to react, them feeling that they are simply behaving how they have been told to behave all their lives (that is not to excuse abusive behavior in any way, shape, or form by the way), feeling as though they don't know what is expected of them anymore, they only know what isn't expected and what they are told they shouldn't be - which clashes with how they were raised. I was lucky in that I was raised in a house essentially devoid of any meaningful male influence (a mournful violin starts to fade in, tissues are handed around); outnumbered and outgunned by women - but man, did I so not have a traditional male outlook and attitude toward women. I had to help cook, clean, do laundry - all manner of normal domestic chores that in the 70's and 80's were still ''womens work'' and this was never unusual to me because I never saw any different. My mother had to work full time to keep us all alive and housed. Conversely, my sisters did everything (along with myself) that men were traditionally supposed to do. As a result, my sisters don't shy away from doing anything and are very capable in an all-round fashion, as am I. I still occasionally find myself confused, however, at the shifting sands beneath my feet - and I think I am better equipped than most men in my age group owing to how I was raised.
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
I don't agree with the statement. Just some thoughts The same could be reversed and said about women about men but its a harsh statement. It sound like it was created by a cynical person who has been beaten down by life and love. Sometimes when i feel down I have had similar thoughts but it doesn't remain in my head for too long because I choose to (try) and be positive even if I've had a shitty time of it. I think many more men and women would chose to be single for a time (or at least not in their current marriage) if they were more financially secure and probably in the event of a marriage breakdown things between both parties would be more amicable if financial stress wasn't part of it. I think the internet has allowed us greater options and brought us into contact with a wider variety of people. For me that has allowed me to see the calibre of people out there and talk with them. Its opened my eyes to the fact there are people out there on my wavelength. If I can't find someone that aligns with me like that close by, I would just prefer to be alone. Once you have stimulating and interesting conversations with someone and felt a connection to them you can't go back to just "Hey" messages. I have been staunchly single for a while now. I like my own company. I have lots of friends, awesome kids. But just lately realised I don't really want to be alone forever. I miss the closeness and connection of a partner. Someone who is just fun to be with, laugh and sit together and have great conversations and also sit in quietness together. Someone who allows me to be me and I allow him a place to be himself as well. Just connected by mutual love and respect and of course amazing sex.I don't see this very often out there in society. Not in many of my friends marriages which often just seem an exercise in tolerance and sometimes barely hid disdain. So maybe its elusive but I think I have learnt some valuable lessons with my own marriage ending. I live in hope that somewhere out there I hit a jackpot and find the person or people that likes me for who I am and we make each others lives better. But if that doesn't happen I'll still live a happy life, Yours in faith or delirium EQ
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RHP User
7 years ago
Between men and women is their role in a relationship. Either can be leader or follower. Men want as much emotional contact and reliability as women do. That can only truly occur in a relationship of trust. That saying is possibly contextual to which end we may not know. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
7 years ago
Mrs Palmer has a choking hold buddy, relax and allow some blood to go to the other head :) This post isn’t about bashing either sex and not all of us are as you describe. Or maybe the universe is giving back to you, what you put out. Mary xx
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RHP User
7 years ago
I can agree to some extent about the OP's statement. I've been single for almost 4 years and haven't met anyone that wants some kind of relationship that includes more than just sex. I obviously attract the wrong type lol because I know there must be some good ones out there. I'm not looking to move in with someone as I love my own space and independence but just someone to share life experiences with. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Swingingnudist
7 years ago
No choke hold here. Just life experiences. Ive had 4 relationships since my divorce, every female stated i hate men that cheat, me said i agree and hate women who cheat, just to be told " I've never cheated like all those cheating men out there" guess what ever single one cheated, 100% sucesss there. Ive had 2 who stated after that they wanted a man for his money and as i didn't play their game they moved on. Guys don't want to be taken to the cleaners financially anymore. I would love a long turn relationship but keep females at arms length because of the old saying, once bitten twice shy and i know plenty of men who are the same. Women have brought a lot of it on themselves because they have got feminism and man hating mixed up. Sitting back beer in hand , rugby on tv waiting for the love messages to flow my way. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Swinger007 Women have brought a lot of it on themselves because they have got feminism and man hating mixed up NO many men have got feminism and man hating mixed up and the enlightened men , simply get it I wish you all the best on your lifes journey and I hope you find exactly what you need
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curious_72
7 years ago
Quoting 'swinger007' No choke hold here. Just life experiences. Ive had 4 relationships since my divorce, every female stated i hate men that cheat, me said i agree and hate women who cheat, just to be told " I've never cheated like all those cheating men out there" guess what ever single one cheated, 100% sucesss there. Ive had 2 who stated after that they wanted a man for his money and as i didn't play their game they moved on. Guys don't want to be taken to the cleaners financially anymore. I would love a long turn relationship but keep females at arms length because of the old saying, once bitten twice shy and i know plenty of men who are the same. Women have brought a lot of it on themselves because they have got feminism and man hating mixed up. Sitting back beer in hand , rugby on tv waiting for the love messages to flow my way. - Posted from rhpmobile May I suggest you alter your profile to reflect your outlook more accurately.
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Swingingnudist
7 years ago
Why do i need to change my profile curious72? Pipsqueak is it enlightened men or ones who submit for no reason. It's funny how many females when i bring this subject up agree that the male is been hit pillar to post by man haters, not feminists. I say to them well you need to call out these females when they start downgrading their men and they have all said they are to scared. A female friend of mine calls it the POP syndrome., Power of the Pussy. - Posted from rhpmobile
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curious_72
7 years ago
Quoting 'swinger007' Why do i need to change my profile curious72? Pipsqueak is it enlightened men or ones who submit for no reason. It's funny how many females when i bring this subject up agree that the male is been hit pillar to post by man haters, not feminists. I say to them well you need to call out these females when they start downgrading their men and they have all said they are to scared. A female friend of mine calls it the POP syndrome., Power of the Pussy. - Posted from rhpmobile Because you forgot to put in these bits from your previous post :) Probably women are single because men don't want to be in a relationship with manipulative, lying ,cheating women. Male bashing is the trend from a lot of females now so men are just over it. Rather have mrs Palmer. Pub test survey is 100% accurate at time of writing.
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RHP User
7 years ago
That you need to even ask, those two question, states much I’m sure you will foster the very relationship you deserve Enjoy
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Hottie1
7 years ago
You’re a slow learner ... 5 relationships to work out what?? That you have a type and it’s not the right one for you? I’ve seen a similar pattern in my sister, you seem to never learn how to change the pattern of behaviour to attract a different type of person. I have a simple ethos I live by: I believe in equality of gender (not more, not less) in every aspect of life, I have worked my entire adult life (bar two years, one each after the birth of our children) and haven’t needed no man to do that for me. I’ve been the major income earner, I’ve been the secondary income earner, I’m highly educated, I’m intelligent, I’m social. I’m loyal, faithful and loving. ... I have never cheated. I’m nothing like the women you describe or your ‘friends’ who seem to betray the sisterhood. Our foremothers didn’t burn their bras for nothing, they gave a good fight for equal pay, pushed the cause for women to have some equality in our society from birth control, right to vote etc ... I don’t hate men, yes I’m a feminist because women have fought for years for some platform of equality. I celebrate the men in my life, I have amazing men which include my husband, my boyfriend, my brother, my friends .... i have an incredible husband, we have achieved our wealth together, our success, our family, our hardships, shared. He may have needed to step up at times and I’ve been called to arms other times. I have a daughter I’m role modelling for ... yes I make her stand up for herself, defend herself and protect her rights as a person. I teach her about men like you who use their ‘life experience’ and ‘the my female friends argument’ , neither of which has validity or credebility as a statistical source to base any decent argument, to stereotype and belittle women as ‘golddigging, cheating whores’ . Equally we’ve taught our son respect for women. Luckily for me, in my household, there is never any discourse around gender because that’s not the point of differentiation of people as far as my family is concerned. We look at people through the lens of integrity, loyalty, being true to themselves and are they generally good people. Whether they have dick and balls or a pussy is irrelevant. With gin lemon squash in hand, I’m waiting to see how much further you dig the hole you’re in. 100 % , you’re going to respond in the same inane way ;) Mary xx
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curious_72
7 years ago
Great post :)
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Swingingnudist
7 years ago
I'm laughing here thinking about your brow beaten husband. I never said i didn't want equality it's the inequality that is skewed. Women want equality but want quoters for parliament, management etc. That's not equality full stop. Why on job applications do we have a choice of male and female, just for a laugh recently i put 2 job applications for same job, 1 female 1 male, dumbed the female resume down and ticked the female box. Guess which one i got a call for an interview about. I have 2 daughters and i taught them to go out and get work on their merits and hard work and not to play the sex card and they both have. You may need to do some indepth research instead of believing what you here on studio10 or the view tv programs. I work with a lot of guys who live overseas and i have asked them why don't they live in Australia with a aussie girlfriend and easily 90% say they are over aussie women's attitudes. And my friends are betraying the "sisterhood" because they enjoy being female and have no desire to try and be a man. As my original post said, you have only yourselves to blame and yes a lot of men do too. Cracking another beer and changing to the motor racing channel
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egr2please69
7 years ago
There seems to be a lot of self serving, very opinionated people on both sides of the fence on this topic interspersed with some very open and well informed people. Here's my two cents worth people so love me or hate me, i know what works for me. Frankly i couldn't give a rats arse why anyone chooses to either stay single or be in a relationship. It is truly a personal choice that suits their own circumstances and period in their lives. I too am a divorced man with teenage children but that has never tainted how i treat people or opinions of individuals. Everyone is an individual and is afforded the right to live their own life as they choose fit. Separated/divorced for 3 years now my ex-wife and i have chosen to follow completely different paths in our lives moving forward. I have chosen to stay single and enjoy some 'me' time meeting some truly amazing people from here and having a wow of a time both in and out of the bedroom. I never say never and who knows, one day my princess in shining armour will come and sweep me off my feet but until then i will enjoy my life as i chose fit for me. My Ex on the other hand has decided she wants another relationship and has found herself what seems like a decent fella (haven't spoken to him much) who she really likes and it reflects in her behaviour. We are getting along really well, communicating about the kids better than we ever did and even complemented each other the other day on how happy we look. Life is complicated and full of traps and pitfalls but its how you move forward after adversity that shapes how your perseptions of the world alter. My only advice to one and all is to care about yourself, treat other people as you would like to be treated and keep your opinions to yourself on how others should live. Everyone is allowed to be who they want to be so go out there people and be the very besy 'you' you can be. 😊😊 Geoff - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Hottie fantastic post And egr2please69 Thankyou for sharing your story. I read nothing but self respect and respect for others in your post. Thankyou again
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Hottie1
7 years ago
You lost me in your first post but I was bored yesterday .... You know what they say about ‘arguing with a fool...’ and my job here is done. You’ve shown possibly the entire RHP population just what a mysongonist, uneducated (Knowing your facts, substantiating those with proper research, the ability to know when you’ve lost an argument, knowing when to bow out with some sense self respect) person you are. Mary x PS - The brow beaten husband says hello, I gave him a chance to speak as he headed out the door to go fishing with his sexy, female play friend.
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Lumberjack86
7 years ago
There is a reason why Canadian Psychologist Jordan Peterson's message to young men is exploding and its because they are not hearing this message about being a decent man and taking steps to becoming a responsible adult. They don't learn it at school and tragically not from there parents more and more either. I feel like most late teen/ men (and I include myself here) take way too long to realise they need to kick their ass into gear and grow up. Well that's my 2 cents.
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Gr8distraction
7 years ago
Quoting 'Lumberjack86' There is a reason why Canadian Psychologist Jordan Peterson's message to young men is exploding and its because they are not hearing this message about being a decent man and taking steps to becoming a responsible adult. They don't learn it at school and tragically not from there parents more and more either. I feel like most late teen/ men (and I include myself here) take way too long to realise they need to kick their ass into gear and grow up. Well that's my 2 cents. I think the young men of today are in fact learning. (14-18yr olds) and the worm is turning.Once you become a moldy oldie like myself, and meet/talk/chat to woman 45-55 who are single /seperated with kids. The more you see that they are proud of the way their kids are developing.They tend to have discussions and work things out mentally rather than the might is right principal combined with physical or mental abuse. I don't have the answer why. Maybe its because mum has endured a shitty relationship and instilled in their kids that its not OK to treat people poorly. Maybe its because they are more interactive at school/university etc with woman, maybe its social media these days that plays a role in educating the young men of tomorrow, and isn't afraid to call it out when something is wrong.Gone are the days where it was perceived that woman are inferior, and only go to university to do shitty arts degrees with the sole aim of meeting a future doctor/lawyer and live "happily ever after".Gone are the days, where they were looked upon unfavorably by society/church etc if they were divorced, or had kids out of marriage. They might not have the physical strength of a man, but you'll walk a long way to find one that lacks intestinal fortitude.You'll always get the man haters, the ones that cant get on with getting on, and to some degree they have an argument. But from what i see and hear, its changing......slowly i know, but its changing for the better.If politicians got a little bit more fair dinkum about the world they live in, instead of now being the career kind, and feathering their own nest it would happen faster.
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Hawt1
7 years ago
Same thing happening in the work force... Just an observation. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Very nieve and immature statement from a person with narcissistic personality disorder. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hawt1
7 years ago
Mildly curious who you are referring to? - Posted from rhpmobile
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EarthQueen
7 years ago
Me too. Now it’s vanished into the ether. Mysterious - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
Just remember growing mouldy is optional, growing old isn't.
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Dirtyandfriendly
7 years ago
I don't think it's about men getting what they want out of a woman without being in a relationship. I spoke to one woman and I asked why she was single as she was awesome and a great person. She told me she does want to be in a relationship, but doesn't want her independence threatened. Everyone has their own reason why they're single, some missed the relationship boat, while others just haven't found the right person or very career minded. There was a time where marriage and family was pressured upon people. Where today the options of life are limitless. Women and men have so much choice on how their lives are lived now. I've been in two very slow and boring relationships and i won't just go into one because of I'm lonely or desperate. Being single suits a lot of people because there is no drama and expectations. I've found most of my friends are married and happy in their 20's. I do ask the question too though, when is it too late?
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RHP User
6 years ago
“So many women are single because men are getting everything they want out of a woman without being in a relationship with her “ There are so many generalisations in that throw-away comment I find it impossible to take it seriously! What was the source? Some dating guru wannabe? Ugh. Women are single for a plethora of reasons, many of which don't pertain to needing a man or partner to fulfil their existence. If said 'men' are getting 'everything they want out of a woman' - what does THAT even mean? Emotional stability, care, sex, blowjobs, family structure, an FWB... there are far too many inticate needs and wants to make such a blanket statement. '...without being in a relationship' - as above, what is a relationship and who defies the terms? My kind of relationship is completely different to others, so who dictates what constitutes a 'relationship' in this instance? This is one of my pet peeves when quotes and graphics touting 'wisdom' roll through my feed. They can be deconstructed to mean absolutely nothing in short order. FWIW Don't pay that garbge any mind is my advice :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
6 years ago
When is it too late? Never while you're still alive. My parents separated in recent times and both have found other such single people (girlfriend/boyfriend maybe?), ironically much quicker than me, and at the ripe old retirement ages too. However, I guess, the needs of both parties are likely simpler at that stage, companionship alone would be the priority. The wants and needs of the young, with possibilities and complexities of kids, career, convenience, lifestyle etc etc, mean it's much more difficult to make a match. - Posted from rhpmobile
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PurePeony
6 years ago
Love all the independant women on here! This quote : “So many women are single because men are getting everything they want out of a woman without being in a relationship with her.“ I find so many things disturbing about it. TBH, I came from a country, society and culture that is still pretty conservative and still upholds traditional values. In my communities, I'm a black sheep who dared to defy conventions and ask questions that no one even dared to contemplate. I used to agree with that very quote but now, I have evolved and my opinions have since changed. First and foremost, where does LOVE come into the equation? I would love to be in a relationship with a man because of LOVE. I do not need nor do I want a codependant relationship. I am independant in every way and I look forward to being in a relationship where we both love each other, and desire to be with each other. I do not NEED to be with a man because of some ticking biological clock (DOH!) nor for the stuff that money can buy. No Love, no talk! Simple! ;) The reason why I've been single all my life is not because I do not want a relationship ... it's simply because I have not found someone I have loved enough to want to take that next step. That quote also has a strange vibe. There's a subtle connotation to "let's hold men hostage - if we want relationship from a man, we have to withhold certain things (sex) and not give it out so freely!" It's not explicitly stated, of course, but there's an implicit conclusion that can be derived from it. I dislike that trend of thought because it's based on a relationship model that is so very outdated. I respect free will and it's not just women who are encountering relationship difficulties - men have found themselves to be at the short end of the stick with regards to relationships too, and they are just becoming more cautious and saavy about it. It's true - why buy the cow when you can milk it for free? Only bloody idiots do that! :P Too many men have married who they thought were the love of their lives only to face the wrath of their female partner when things go turtle and realise with a shock that the women they married are nothing like the angry she-devil they are facing at that moment. Some women can be very scary and revengeful when angry and I'm not blaming anyone but sometimes when marriages / partnerships fail, the fallout can be atomic and very traumatic. :P These men would also have lost half of the assets they have worked so hard for, and feel like a failure because their family unit has dissolved and broken down. I feel for both parties when a relationship breakdown occurs, but women give vent, talk about it with their female buddies, seek counselling, etc and generally bounce back faster because of all the nurturing support they get. Men, on the other hand, tend to keep it to themselves, brush it off with their mates, and some take years to resolve the pain and broken-heartedness within them. Others never come to a peaceful resolution within themselves and are forever scarred with bitterness and cynicism when it comes to women. TBH, who can blame men for being cautious and hesitant? Who wants to go through all that trauma again? And who can stand to lose up to 50% of their assets again? No one is forever young and it's not that easy for a silver fox to recoup his losses again. And seeing how financial stability is closely linked to a man's ego, given a choice, of course they'd want to shun relationships and simply have their fun and walk away at the end of it. Very sad, but very true fact these days. Maybe women who are fearful of being single should upgrade their software to the latest version and realise that being single just isn't that bad afterall! I meet too many women who view being with men as tickets out of their financial scarcity issues. The relationships that they get into based on that primary desperate need often does not last simply because it will be based on "what can I get out of this?" instead of "I love this man!". The solution is to make oneself financially secure! Get a good job, live within or under our means, and save. I think we are on the verge of massive upheavals in the relationships arena. We are redefining relationships and shattering institutions governing marriage and families as we speak. Change can be scary, but it can also be liberating. Those of us who are able to see the changes in tidal waves from a vantage point can strategise to remain on the crest of the wave. Sink or surf, the choice is up to ourselves. We can empower ourselves to live the lives we want, the way we want to, and change our destinies. If single women can see that men are more reluctant to be in relationships, let's bolster ourselves so that we meet our needs in other ways. Great topic, OP!
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