F53
Open and Honest Communication
October 11 2013
Comments
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Paradisepair
11 years ago
It's important, it flows and it's fun...When it comes to playmates we do try to stay authentic - and to encourage open conversation - I'm not too sure how successful we actually are in getting our friends to be open with us in communication - but that's just like straight dating eh? People will say all kinds of things before they bed you...
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Tall74nHard9
11 years ago
Personally I believe that is the most important relationship two people can have between one another. Without the trust that such a relationship builds between you, you literally have nothing. Being typically 'Taurean' those values come out like a bull at a barn door - just refer to Indy's posts on the various forums to see what I mean (Indy is a Taurus too). The 'truth' in the communication is indeed very important, and I will always be true to that. However, I can be extremely diplomatic in my use of language to bring a message across, whereas some others can be pretty blunt and 'full-on'. I don't like to hurt another's feelings, but will diplomatically advise when necessary on occasion (such as the 'how big is my bum' conversation). Don't have to do anything to maintain it - it just comes naturally. I encourage it by being honest. I always try to have the same type of relationship with all, but how I deliver the message my vary quite considerably. Tall
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hmmm after some open and honest conversations I was given Mrs Fitzzz's consent to get my sexual servicing outside of our marriage. The point here is she doesn't want to know about, not her name, not nothing, not no. So I still have to be discreet.She's a bit concerned that I might fall in love with my, as yet non-existent lover, I told she's got a twenty five year head start there.
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RHP User
11 years ago
you read it all the time cos you say it all the time....but it means nothing really because it is all subjective
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RHP User
11 years ago
...or so I've been told.
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wingman2014
11 years ago
I think it depends on the situation. I'm sure most men would agree that when they are on the hunt they will say anything and everything that may help in order to capture their prey. It's part of playing the game . That may well suit both parties if they are looking for just casual sex. The problem arises when you discover that you actually have a connection with that casual playmate. Suddenly you see them in a different light . And you have been less than honest because you didn't care at first. Because you have lied in the beginning , you can't take it back . So it's nearly impossible to re build trust when in the back of your partners mind they know your dishonest . Not a strong foundation to build on. In my book it's better to be up front from the start You may lose some opportunities but you don't have to worry about remembering what lies you've told. It's so much easier when you can just be yourself . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Honesty + Open Communication = Trust......Gives you Closure and makes you Stronger..... without it, comes Heartbreak
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RHP User
11 years ago
I tell my family... "I don't read minds, if you don't tell me there's something going on, I'm not going to be able to do anything about it". We fight a lot lol, we get over it a lot, and we love each other, a lot. Trust built up during our lives together. You know, having lived through hundreds of up and down days and stressful moments and misunderstandings together lol. We are made up of many parts and making those fit together is the challenge.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Closed and dishonest communication. Some put up with that shit...alot put up with that shit. Integrity is a personally chosen way of being. You cannot expect it from others all the time. And those with little or no integrity - you'll move slowly away from.
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RHP User
11 years ago
For example, where I was work I got asked before I went on a leave of absence what my frustrations with the job are. Given I'm going back to the job and probably the same people, there was no way I was going to be totally honest and open as I know I have to maintain relationships with those people and especially the one who asked the question. With people I communicate with through RHP, I am very open and honest. I don't reveal everything but if questions are asked I don't lie when answering. Sometimes I think the person I most struggle to be honest with is myself and that is about things like what I truly want to do with my future, including relationships. And Freya is right, its a very subjective thing. We all have our own interpretation of truth.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is like charity.........it begins at home, with being honest and open with yourself.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
It's the dancing around the truth that people do to each other that gets me well grrr they dance around the truth hoping not to hurt but the injury has already been done and a strong chance the person they are trying to protect (so called protect) already knows the truth but simply wants to confirm and capture the last little bit of trust that may be left...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Many people hear what they want to hear....what is someone's truth today,may not be their truth tomorrow....people change..circumstances change...human beings are perverse...once we get what we want,we may not want it anymore...Sometimes the unsaid is more important than what is said....but pay attention to what someone tells you about themselves when you first meet them...I personally think that what we project onto others is what causes us the most grief....who we want the person to be,not who they actually are.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Assertive communication. How to put across YOUR truth while taking on THEIR truth. Active listening required by both/all parties. It involves using I messages, not you messages. It is a thing of respect. I've copied and pasted a write-up from the net on different styles of communication below. . Assertiveness and the Four Styles of Communication . Those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families may have never learned to communicate effectively in relationships. We may be passive and not advocate for ourselves, aggressive and attempt to run roughshod over others, or passive-aggressive and smile while sabotaging others behind their backs. No wonder we have so many problematic relationships and feel so isolated! In order to build healthy relationships, we must learn to be assertive - that is, to be clear, direct, and respectful in how we communicate. . The Four Basic Styles of Communication = Passive Aggressive Passive-Aggressive Assertive . 1. PASSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals have developed a pattern of avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and identifying and meeting their needs. Passive communication is usually born of low self-esteem. These individuals believe: “I’m not worth taking care of.” As a result, passive individuals do not respond overtly to hurtful or anger-inducing situations. Instead, they allow grievances and annoyances to mount, usually unaware of the build up. But once they have reached their high tolerance threshold for unacceptable behavior, they are prone to explosive outbursts, which are usually out of proportion to the triggering incident. After the outburst, however, they feel shame, guilt, and confusion, so they return to being passive. Passive communicators will often: - fail to assert for themselves - allow others to deliberately or inadvertently infringe on their rights - fail to express their feelings, needs, or opinions - tend to speak softly or apologetically - exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture The impact of a pattern of passive communication is that these individuals: - often feel anxious because life seems out of their control - often feel depressed because they feel stuck and hopeless - often feel resentful (but are unaware of it) because their needs are not being met - often feel confused because they ignore their own feelings - are unable to mature because real issues are never addressed A passive communicator will say, believe, or behave like: - “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.” - “I don’t know what my rights are.” - “I get stepped on by everyone." - “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.” - “People never consider my feelings.” . 2. AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals express their feelings and opinions and advocate for their needs in a way that violates the rights of others. Thus, aggressive communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive. Aggressive communication is born of low self-esteem (often caused by past physical and/or emotional abuse), unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of powerlessness. Aggressive communicators will often: - try to dominate others - use humiliation to control others - criticize, blame, or attack others - be very impulsive - have low frustration tolerance - speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice - act threateningly and rudely - not listen well - interrupt frequently - use “you” statements - have piercing eye contact and an overbearing posture The impact of a pattern of aggressive communication is that these individuals: - become alienated from others - alienate others - generate fear and hatred in others - always blame others instead of owning their issues, and thus are unable to mature The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like: - “I’m superior and right and you’re inferior and wrong.” - “I’m loud, bossy and pushy.” - “I can dominate and intimidate you.” - “I can violate your rights.” - “I’ll get my way no matter what.” - “You’re not worth anything.” - “It’s all your fault.” - “I react instantly.” - “I’m entitled.” - “You owe me.” - “I own you.” . 3. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals appear passive on the surface but are really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind-the-scenes way. Prisoners of War (POWs) often act in passive-aggressive ways to deal with an overwhelming lack of power. POWs may try to secretly sabotage the prison, make fun of the enemy, or quietly disrupt the system while smiling and appearing cooperative. People who develop a pattern of passive-aggressive communication usually feel powerless, stuck, and resentful – in other words, they feel incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Instead, they express their anger by subtly undermining the object (real or imagined) of their resentments. They smile at you while setting booby traps all around you. Passive-Aggressive communicators will often: - mutter to themselves rather than confront the person or issue - have difficulty acknowledging their anger - use facial expressions that don't match how they feel - i.e., smiling when angry - use sarcasm - deny there is a problem - appear cooperative while purposely doing things to annoy and disrupt - use subtle sabotage to get even The impact of a pattern of passive-aggressive communication is that these individuals: - become alienated from those around them - remain stuck in a position of powerlessness (like POWs)- discharge resentment while real issues are never addressed so they can't mature The passive-aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like: - “I’m weak and resentful, so I sabotage, frustrate, and disrupt.” - “I’m powerless to deal with you head on so I must use guerilla warfare.” - “I will appear cooperative but I’m not.” . 4. ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION is a style in which individuals clearly state their opinions and feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. Assertive communication is born of high self-esteem. These individuals value themselves, their time, and their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and are strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others. Assertive communicators will: - state needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and respectfully - express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully - use “I” statements - communicate respect for others - listen well without interrupting - feel in control of self - have good eye contact - speak in a calm and clear tone of voice - have a relaxed body posture - feel connected to others - feel competent and in control - not allow others to abuse or manipulate them - stand up for their rights The impact of a pattern of assertive communication is that these individuals: - feel connected to others - feel in control of their lives - are able to mature because they address issues and problems as they arise - create a respectful environment for others to grow and mature The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that says: - “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another.” - “I am confident about who I am.” - “I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options.” - “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.” - “I can’t control others but I can control myself.” - “I place a high priority on having my rights respected.” - “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.” - “I respect the rights of others.” - “Nobody owes me anything unless they’ve agreed to give it to me.” - “I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.” . Assertiveness allows us to take care of ourselves, and is fundamental for good mental health and healthy relationships.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' Many people hear what they want to hear....what is someone's truth today,may not be their truth tomorrow....people change..circumstances change...human beings are perverse...once we get what we want,we may not want it anymore...Sometimes the unsaid is more important than what is said....but pay attention to what someone tells you about themselves when you first meet them...I personally think that what we project onto others is what causes us the most grief....who we want the person to be,not who they actually are. Yes, Freya, I do agree. Truth is one of those nefarious notions that changes with time and perspective and we often don't hear what is being said even when it is loud and clear. Acceptance of the other person plays a strong part in how we perceive their communication.
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Tall74nHard9
11 years ago
glad you didn't have to type all that up long-hand. Tall
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have been known to type out stuff if I wanted to share it bad enough, nothing like that though lol. I would have liked to find something shorter and easier to digest!!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
To me, communication is key... it is what sets us apart from the animals (or at least makes us better than fish).Kick starting a conversation is the hardest thing, once up and running it is easy to keep going if there is some common ground or interest. This goes for general conversations or bedroom talk, if the people involved aren't on the same wavelength then it is going to be hard work to stay interested.Do you always have the same open and honest communication with different relationships/people??Good question... having to keep parts of life separate (e.g. work, family, the bedroom, the ex) there is the need to moderate how much you divulge however the truth is key (my family and co-workers don't need to know about my sex life, or lack there of). Be honest in all discussions and you don't have to worry about getting caught in a lie if others compare notes.
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RHP User
11 years ago
For me open and honest communication depends very much on the situation and the other person. If we are talking relationship wise, I am very open and honest with communication. Having said that, there has only been one person with whom I felt I could share absolutely everything.....hide absolutely nothing of myself.....bare my whole soul with all it's good and all it's bad points. I was lucky enough to find someone who felt the same way.....share anything....all her best and worst thoughts. It was a connection that still stuns me a little. Half the time we knew what each other was thinking and we almost always thought along the same lines. Still....even with that kind of connection and communication...sometimes potentialities fail to solidify.
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WHY_NOT_LOOK
11 years ago
Ive always said to friends lovers fuck buddies.Just be straight up why hide something or lie.especially when playing everything on the table,then everyone can make there own choice.if you give it out you really expect it backthat's when you get let down i guess.This is something Ive learn as i get older is more important
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madotara69
11 years ago
Very much with being able to listen with an open mind, with our relationship open communication has bought simplicity to many questions through learning to understand each other.There is so many bad words related to mistrustThere is so many good words related to trustFinding the happy medium, needs to be related to care.Are we good at it? Over time we are getting much better for it.For encouragement? without open communication, one can lose valuable time doing head miles over unanswered questions. Worrying about what may or may not be, will more often than not lead to stress with relationships. And stress is not a good word.Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm to old to bullshit again.I tell people that I'm an open book. You want to know anything just ask. I have nothing to hide.Yep I've done lots of dumb shit. Hell we all have. Some of it's a great laugh. Some of it's very red faced. Oh well shit happens. I just ask the same in return.
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Mr_MrsAraps
11 years ago
For me, I try my best to being totally honest as I can be both with Ms Araps and also most importantly being honest to myself. You cant expect it from someone without being totally honest and upfront yourself.I know its the cliche but women expect men to be mind readers sometimes with subtle hints that not even the body language expert can interpret so the best counter I find is trying to talk openly as often as you can. initially it can be hard or feel awkward but the more you do it the easier it becomes with both sides reaping the rewards of being on the same page (or as close to it as you can be).I like to think of the other example of two people too scared to tell each other how they really feel about subject xyz when it turns out they were both wanting the same thing but too scared to say how they felt for offending their partner.
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