Open rlationship or play outside with no questions. Which is better?

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  I opted for an open relationship after both us had been together 28 years both in our late 50s and both having recovered from life threating illness's my arguement was one of us could be left on our own and after 28 years our circle of close friends had dwindled but we agreed and stressed the points we were to open the relationship but remain together and our relationship came first and we both stressed to others we were attached.One year latter my profile said attached his profile says single and we were no longer sleeping under the one roof..... to play outside with no questions is to play with no policing or restrictions and this is why some of the older couples support and endorse the couples club the Lotus Lounge and many of the outer suburbs couple groups stress NO seperate rooms when swapping partners. Im sure some of the older and wiser couples will have thier say...what ever you both decide I wish your both all the best.. good question....cheers astralwalker.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  We been together over 30yrs always been open. same room so sliping off alone,unless both agree. the green monster is only hidening just below the surface .but the turn on is watching the other half enjoy if you can handel it. my advice is to be totally honest

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Thanks to both of you who replied so far. I think that being open and able to be intimate with my partner there (and hopefully joining in) is my wish. I agree that there must be rules and protection of the partnership, otherwise there is room for the imagination to take over and manufacture thoughts of betrayal or inadequacy for example. But how does this work in the beginning? Are those thoughts unavoidable? Is discussion and negociation the only way to deal with them? Whats the long term impact of introducing others into a relationship? I'd love to hear of others experience.

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  You say you have a partner and you are the one thinking of open relationships. What does your partner think, does she even know?? Going by your profile, it appears you have already made your mind up.. So what your really asking is for excuses on how not to get caught or to justify your actions. I think its you that is jealous of seeing your partner with another man/woman. If theres honesty, rules and boundaries...there should be no blow ups.....i think its your own insecurities. You both have a sense of sexual adventure and curiosity,,but not in front of each other ...boy i think you need to read up on swinging abit more and think about what it is that you really want. I tried to be nice, ..but hey , you asked,...you got my honest thoughts from what you wrote. Personally we like to only play together...with work , kids, and commitments...theres no room in our lives for other relationships. For us, its about sharing the journey and experiences together and seeing each other pleasured. But thats what works for us. Suggest you be honest and communicate with your partner. Set your rules together and dont break them. Its all about having fun remember. Grav n Leelee

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  Thanks Grav and Lelee, a couple of points I want to make. 1. My exploration of this community is ONLY ONLINE at this stage. Its also separate at this stage to my discussions of an open relationship with my partner. I am exploring on my own at this stage for my own reasons. You just have to accept that there are good reasons for it. 2. I am not a person who requires acceptance of others in order to assuage their own guilt. I am contributing to this forum in order to PROTECT my partnership. In the hope that I may be able to learn the best way forward. I wonder if you can remember how your own relationship became open? Had you both had experience before? Were you, for example, particularly religious or were there other socially affective elements of your life/culture which may have inhibited you in exploring swinging as an idea? You may have never had any of these concerns personally and embraced the lifestyle wholeheartedly from the beginning. If so then count yourself lucky, you sound like it has worked out well. I don't however forsee that it will be a simple matter for myself and partner. Not our relationship is diverging but because sometimes life isn't that simple! Thanks for your input though

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  You need to sit down with your partner and talk, talk talk. Be as open and honest about what it is that you want and need. If you would like to know...Grav and i met at a swingers club. We were both single and were there seperately with friends. When we met we didnt know each other were on RHP straight away. Grav was actually meeting up with one of my friends off the site i was out with too. A month later we got together , the rest is history. I was married almost 3 times and as i grew older my sexual desires changed. I always wanted to experiment and longed for something more . I just never had the right partners to do it with ,maybe i did !!. but i joined RHP and discovered a whole new life and ppl who were after the same as me. I just never knew before how or where to go about finding such people. Grav, who was once shy ( cannot believe that ,lol) was given a job at the swingers club and he soon overcome his shyness lol. Thats were he learnt all about swinging and rules and boundaries. So I had a great teacher and Grav also had seen when things go wrong , especially when couples dont get their rules set. Most of all he told me too about the great experiences hes had and seen. We had many disscussions when we were dating , about what we wanted, our fantasies, experiences, we were open about everything. Before we played as a couple we established our rules and went from there. But communication is the key. We still sometimes talk allnight about everything and anything , even after we have met a couple or woman. Its important to know were your feelings are and how you both feel about the experience. Jealousy has never come into it. We both stick to the rules and respect each others wishes. We both like to make each other feel comfortable and the people your with. Its all about being pleasured and seeing your partner pleasured and pleasuring others. If your lucky a great friendship can be created also, out of the bedroom. Its not always about sex either, and its not like we meet people every weekend. We do have our own life and family first of course. Only on the odd occasion we like to play. It doesnt rule our life, justs adds the occasion spice and fun we both seek. Its always great making new friends, theres some wonderful and interesting people out there. Long term impact you ask...well its keeps our sex life interesting. We still both talk as much as when we started going out. I think trust and honesty have been a big plus. Its what we both wanted from day 1.. when we met and i think it has kept our relationship together. Plus its experiences we have shared together and we have some amazing new friends. Of course when we have sex , we make love , hot sexy love making sessions, lol. Its just sexual pleasure with others. There is a difference. And we know at the end of the night we go home with each other and what ever went on in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom. We wish you well in all that you seek and desire. From an old fellow sth aussie ... nice place you live at by the way. Lovely wines. Regards, Grav n Leelee xxx

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  RHP User

  16 years ago

  GRAVNLEELEE thanks for your posts :) Being so open about your experience was great, thanx. You've inspired me to take a different approach to dipping my toe into the world of swinging and yesterday I had a great talk with my partner about it all. A long way to go but no pressure and good communication and I think something great will manifest. This is in no small part to yourself and the others that have contributed I'd like to thank you ;) Hey look out for Fox Creek "The Vixen" sparkling red from Mclaren Vale awsome under priced and strangley sexy! I'm still about the site, so if ever you want to chat?? Catch you round ;)

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