M48

Perceptions and First impressions

January 18 2013

After reading a few posts here where I noticed a few people seemed to take offence to what I thought were innocent comments and also seeing ones that I thought were quite offensive or ignorant I got to thinking a little on perceptions and first impressions. I was reading a recent thread where people were saying they know in five minutes into a first meet whether they want to play or not. For myself, I like to get to know a person a bit before jumping into bed with them, though I have slept with people on the first meet/date. I had someone say to me the other day that I am the calmest person they know and that I never seemed stressed - kind of ironic seeing as I have been through some of the most stressful times of my life and I feel like a bundle of raw nerves. I have also experienced the other end of the scale where people think I am blasé and don't care about anything. My perception of myself is another story in itself. would love to hear what you forummers think of it. Have you ever had a bad first impression but later realised they were actually much nicer/more fun/worse than you initially thought? Have you ever thought someone was great then found them to be a nightmare? Obviously nobody likes everyone and you're never going to impress everyone.. How do you go about changing someone's perception of you? Or would you really even want to bother?

Comments

RHP User

12 years ago

Some people get me, some don't. Ces't la vie.

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

and you'll get a different Paintme on any particular day so perceptions will change anyway. I am me, and I'm becoming the me was was meant to be. Hmmmm think I should sing that ... As of my perceptions of others? Recent experience has helped me learn that my perceptions of people should be based on my instincts.

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

I think some of the posts on the forums here are insider jokes from members who've been posting for a long time so they may seem really offensive to us but not to the people that they were directed at who are in on the joke.In regard to first impressions, I would have to say that they often are not accurate. I don't think you can know in the first 5-10 mins whether someone is a person you want to play with or not. I'm sure we all have our little horror stories from having misjudged people we thought were cool but ended up to be nutters. We had one couple when we first started playing who seemed great over msn and the first meet went well, all had a fun night. Second time came around and they had a screaming match at our house around midnight til 2 am, woke up our neighbours and wouldn't leave til we threatened to call the cops. So yeh, first impressions can be misleading. Changing someone's perception of yourself can be a difficult thing if they aren't willing to give the benefit of the doubt. I for instance often come across as cold and disinterested due to me being quite shy but I really try to push myself to act more confidently.

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

Quoting 'jensman1903'Some people get me, some don't. Ces't la vie. You're a pretty fast runner. (Must have helped with that Doberman too).

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

I posted a forum a few months back called "How quickly do you know?", where I described it can take me several hours beore I know whether I want to have sex with someone or not. Someone can be completely my type physically, but turn me off by saying or doing certain things, and vice versa. As for people's perception of me: I agree with Paintme, different days, different perceptions. I only hope people walk away thinking I'm genuine. Anything else I can live with just fine.

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

I don't spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think of me...which is partly the reason I have my face in my profile pic. I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I do and don't feel the need to hide or pretend to be something I am not. The only perception that matters to me is how I feel about myself. I would be more upset about disappointing or letting myself down than anyone else. I have my own moral code (not too many rules haha) but the ones I have are important to me. The old adage is true, if you don't love yourself how can you ever be loved or love anyone else. In the end the only thing that matters is that I would want to know me if I didn't know me (lol, confusing) and that my kids think I am awesome :)- Posted from rhpmobile

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

Yep I do know within 5 minutes whether I wish to play with someone or not..been damn sorry when I have strayed from this formula But playing and having a relationship are two different things…..the love of my life I hated on sight, was arguing with him within 10 minutes of meeting him and thought he was the biggest jerk ever- I was sleeping with him by the end of the week…(btw – I still think his the biggest jerk ever – but I digress) We all come from our own experiences and perceptions and those biases influence how we view people – I know you off line OP and the descriptions that you have written regarding these other ladies perceptions of you is not how I would describe you – everything is colored by how we see and experience the world and which mask we are choosing to wear on any given day during any given situation So in answer to your questions: Have you ever had a bad first impression but later realised they were actually much nicer/more fun/worse than you initially thought Absolutely see above paragraph Have you ever thought someone was great then found them to be a nightmare? Absolutely …..again the mask had slipped How do you go about changing someone's perception of you I don’t, because you can’t – people will believe and perceive what they wish about you based on a myriad of examples……all you can do is be true to yourself at all times…if people want to review their judgement of you that’s fine and yes at times people have been wrong…but in the end, what truly matters is how you treat others and how true you are to yourself

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

who you are,the situation we are in,as to which aspect of my persona you see.Some people think that I am a quiet introvert,others see the extrovert me.Sometimes I am an observer,sometimes even an entertainer,all me .Most people are multi faceted. If I am with someone who loves to talk,I listen.If they find it difficult to drive a conversation,I do that. If you bore me to tears though I will go into a coma...just saying

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

But goddamn, work was crazy today. I agree with pretty much everything that was said.. My post was more a random thought while I was reading the thread ms D mentioned (along with one about first meets) a lot of people there were saying they know within 5 minutes whether they want to play with someone.. I just don't really get it - superficially I can understand.. If you're basing it on looks alone then fine, but judging someone's character? I think not. Paintme: sorry about your experience with said tosser - if he was in perth I could organise a drive by egging.. shinas - thanks.. I think... Are you saying you had a good impression of me that went bad? Or vice versa? Haha lady in question is a guy I work with that said I was blasé - he's quite feminine so :| i guess part of my question is more about him than anything as I have worked with him for a while and there's always been a bit of tension going on.. Funny thing is when I had my annual review the other day my boss was saying the complete opposite about me saying I was the best employee they had and losing me is not an option :) did my ego a real boost when I needed it :-D show me the Money!!!

reply

like
madotara69

12 years ago

Quoting 'jensman1903' Some people get me, some don't. Ces't la vie. Some people get what from you. hehe

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

... we are all capable of being multi faceted, and our perceptions of any one person can be different at any one time. Would I try to change someones perception of me? No, not unless my safety/reputation was at stake. And quite honestly Op I tend to go with my initial feeling. It's usually the best one for me. KK xx

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

think yes, then no, then yes...then no...then they might do something or say something that makes you think Oh Yes! or OH NO! then you just know you should... or should not. Sometimes it's nothing in particular, you just know it's not happening, I sometimes hope for the spark to come and wait and talk and enjoy their company but nothing changes... so no to the 5 min rule...most of the time...

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

is really about the initial physical attraction but there is soooo much more to attraction .....

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

I really didn't have a snow ball's hope in hell of catching that mutt.

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

Well played.

reply

like
RHP User

12 years ago

Best not to judge but go with the flow, if there is chemistry then I run with it, usually coffee first then if all goes well and both parties want to meet up again we arrange another meet, there have been exceptions though

reply

like

Perceptions and First impressions

Comments

Tags

Boards

Forum help