M50

Polyamory and Monogamy and other Alternatives....

January 12 2013

I was chatting to a lovely woman on here the other day...about an issue similar to this...I'll simply paste here what I said......about whether genuine love can take a non-monogamous form... Start paste..... The predominant zeitgeist has pushed the notion that 'unity' esentially entails the coming together of two 'soul mates'.......Traditionally, the notion only encompassed male/female....to the exclusion of other combinations. Genuine Triads (and others) exist - but they are not given the same legal rights to get married - this is also still true in many places for Gay couples...sharing and love is an integral part of such arrangements. Love can manifest itself in many ways and more and more people are realising that genuine loving relationships are not the soul domain of monogamous heterosexual couples.... I have been with my 'primary' partner for 17 years....we are deeply, madly and unconditionally in love. That is not in question....the difference is - we experience 'compersion' (when and where possible) and not 'jealousy' (ideally)...the love is shared and is exponential.....I am happy when she experiences love for or from another man or woman....it does not taint or undewrmine our love for eachother.... ....end of paste.. ...some people make the claim that they are monogamous...I did for many years....I think other options/formats need to be given equal consideration....love is not the soul domain of monogamous relationships.....move over Romeo and Juliet..... Danny xx

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RHP User

12 years ago

Two really excellent books ''The Ethical Slut ..a roadmap for relationship pioneers'' Esson and Hardy and ''Sex at Dawn'' Ryan and Jetha approach this subject in different ways.Love is not a bucket but an ocean,begiiningless and endless,just different permutations Mr.PP.

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RHP User

12 years ago

..yes I have the Ethical Slut ;-)....I prefer Opening Up by Tristan Taormino...but both awesome books....thank for the Sex at Dawn suggestion.... ;-) Danny x

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RHP User

12 years ago

I'm in a similar sitution and share a similar philosophy, but I find it a rare thing for most people to achieve, all people involved need to be at the same place and time mentally and emotionally for it to even have a chance to work

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RHP User

12 years ago

OP, I agree with your sentiments. In fact you have rather elegantly put into 'words' the type of loving, supporting, authentic, caring relationship that I am seeking in a soul mate. Your post has been inspirational. Thank you.

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RHP User

12 years ago

thanks Freya13. I know what I like in a relationship from an intuitive level, and after reading your thoughtful recommendations, I will have the vocabulary to go with it!! LOL

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Peter73cft

12 years ago

Love doesn't come with a rule book or come with conditions, unconditional love is just an acceptance of the truth, our Judeo Christian background (broadly speaking) requires that we commit to one other with exclusion of all others. I believe this as with many aspects of religion is a control mechanism, if you can limit and control sexual activity in a community you can use it as a currency.For example even in the most puritan of times in Europe the ruling class where quite liberal in their sexual activity and this activity was both used as a reward for compliance and the threat of being exposed publicly and face the wrath of the Church was used to ensure continued compliance. This control of sexual activity has resulted in a situation, not in all cases though, of people commiting a lifetime to each other only to find themselves suffering guilt and confusion when they find themselves confronted by a very natural feeling of attraction to others both of opposite and the same sex. To combat this we are advised to fantisise about the others while having sex with our existing partners, If this was attempted in any other area of your life it would be regarded as delusional. In short we are, for the most part, intelligent self aware beings able to make and recognise ethical and moral behaviour without the guidance and manipulation of others, love is limitless and can empower us and that which empowers us is right. Pete

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RHP User

12 years ago

Hi! philosopherpoet:0 Excellent I'm certainly happy for you the way your situation is working for both you Your Partner and others you invite to join you :) The only Relationship I'm not interested in this stage is Monogamy I'm so over it. I've been spoiled with variety, sharing some amazing Encounters with very Sexy Younger Guys.... Polyamory given the chance I'd certainly want to delve into that in a Future Relationship with a Significant other Male and lovers we share or I enjoy 1-1...because it's all about me right now ha!ha! My Sister is Living in a Polygamous Relationship Sexually it's working extremely well with her formwer Lover and his Wife they're all over 55yrs and are free to do what they choose .This Love caring has flowed to all areas of their Live. I think it helps that they share a King sized bed you can't go to bed on an Argument ha!ha! I'm so Happy for all of them Their Friends who know and Family are very supportive of their Lifestyle.I get to tease my Big Sis Mercilessly making her Blush so it works for me ha!ha! Cheers Lu :)

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RHP User

12 years ago

As a rationally person that I believe I am and in many occasions my mind is wide open but here I have to disagree. Yes we can do whatever we want in our lives and I curse those who judge my way of living. But words have one meaning only and nothing else. Monogamus means monogamus(it would be boring to paste the whole analysis of the word). So to be a monogamus you should have only one spouse, under a marriage status.... I do use labels but not to discriminate people but to define them and to recognise them and respect them for what they do and choose. Having said all this it's sound worng to me that a person calls himself/herself monogamus while having multiple sex partners. This is not even polygamy. Yes I am with every one that wants to boarden his /her sexual life....but words must remain the same and do not get any other meaning according to our needs :) For sure love does not come with a manual book and instructions. However once again love is not sharing a bedroom. This can be called fun, lust, desire or what ever. CheersChris

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Polyamory and Monogamy and other Alternatives....

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