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Possibly naive question about meeting new people here..

February 04 2013

Hello.... I've been a member for a little while, but had a 'life hiatus' and have come back, feeling all new again.. I'm wondering, is there a best way to approach a first meeting. Rules, and guidelines.. Is there a way you can say, yeaaaaah no in case you just don't feel the spark when meeting? I find that men seem to want sex before knowing your name, knowing if they like curves on a woman, whereas even if I want to be completely lost in a night of good sex, I want to at least be attracted to them somewhat. Do you organise coffee first, then organise the rest later? Thanks for your advice and reassurances :)

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ruby_blossum

12 years ago

Personally, I do prefer to meet in a public place for a coffee-drink and a chat.As you say there are many men here (and I suppose some women too) who are happy to chat on here and meet regardlessof any spark or attraction. Doesnt do it for me.While you are chatting online, mention there needs to be a level of attraction for you to proceed with anything more than a coffee.It will make it so much easier for you to say yeaahhhh- no if that is the case. Just be open & honest about it eg......"Have enjoyed our chat and coffee but I am sorry, there is no spark for me."

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RHP User

12 years ago

no seems like a reasonable response to me.. I don't see why you need to bonk before intro's.. Maybe these young gents need some patience training? Mike

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RHP User

12 years ago

Ah, what a relief... I was like, hang on, is this normal? Should I be far more spontaneous than I seem to be? Or can I be still selective and ask for them to just give me time enough for a coffee before I decide to unzip? :)

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RHP User

12 years ago

I totally agree with ruby_blossom. Once you have decided that you want to meet a guy, advise him that you require a level of attraction before you will proceed and that he should have no expectations. Always meet at a public place, if you don't fins the chemistry you are looking for just say as ruby said, there is no spark from my end. If there is then go right ahead. ;)

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RHP User

12 years ago

I think the coffee date meet is definately the way to go.

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RHP User

12 years ago

We find that meeting in public first with no expectations (that we have discussed previously in emails or on the phone) makes it much easier to say thanks but no thanks if there is no attraction or spark. That way no harm done to either party and you can hopefully move on to finding someone you do have a spark with..

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RHP User

12 years ago

Always meet first, play later. Think about number one, your safety: suggest a public place, talk on the phone/chat before hand. Secondly, you gotta be attracted to them! There is nothing wrong with meeting first for coffee/drinks/dinner then taking it from there. Most people will respect that and probably want it themselves.

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RHP User

12 years ago

ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR that's a NO from me for first meet and greet. ALWAYS PUBLIC PLACE...For your own safety..I fully agree with others with this one..OHHHHHH and Condoms....Don't ever rely on the other to provide - always have a little stash.

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RHP User

12 years ago

Meeting in a public place is not always a guarantee of being safe. The psycho just puts his best behaviour on until he gets you alone. I always go to a hotel, never to my place or his. He might have a cam on me! I make sure I have his phone number and give it to a friend who knows exactly where I am and what the plans are. I will text a few times during the meeting and we also have a prearranged "safe" or "danger" word. Your 'date' should understand your concerns about safety and not mind you getting or receiving a text.

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RHP User

12 years ago

I have met a lot of guys in my time and it was "game on" with virtually all of them except one. I figure I have good judgement with pics of what turns me on and in the brief getting to know them via phone and emails. Trust you're judgement. You will probably be fine. Only one guy I absolutely hated on site and I have never felt that way about anyone. We met late one night after we'd both been out at a local bar in the city. I am happy to buy drinks and don't expect a guy to pay but when he made me buy my own SOFT DRINK it sealed the deal. I was out of there within 10 minutes . My judgement was really wrong that day as the build up was great! lol

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RHP User

12 years ago

If your worry is about saying no .. then coffee is the way to go. bail yourself out by giving an excuse if you don not want to go further. But thats a personal thing. I would not do that and maybe I might subtly let the chick know that its not going to work out. Instead of leaving her hanging. Thats kinda rude. I havent faced the situation because myself so do not know.

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RHP User

12 years ago

meet first in a cafe. If you don't like him, for whatever reason, ring a friend and say, "OMG!, he's in hospital!!! I'll be right there. Bye!" Then say you have to fly and leave post haste, with a comment, "I'll call you". Does that help?If you do like him, slip your hand under the table, stroke his crotch and ask, "your place?"

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RHP User

12 years ago

Have been that I like maybe one out 6 people I actually meet. It's always in a coffee bar or similar. I try to be gentle with my let downs, but its usually a no go for me. I have found though that if I take things further that same day, it's usually a single event as they never call again. It would seem to me that if guys get what they want too easily they never come back. Just my opinion.

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RHP User

12 years ago

Thanks so much for all the responses! I guess I always think people are more.. spontaneous than I am! But its nice to know that I can still just follow my gut, commit to a coffee or something, and just be polite and say no thanks. No promises made. You've all really put me at ease :)

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Possibly naive question about meeting new people here..

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