M58

“Probing”.... what the fuck is THAT about?

June 22 2021

Hullo Pieklets, Avid readers of the Pie Daily may recall that sometime ago I suspected that (whilst somewhat inebriated in a field outside Cracow), I was abducted and subsequently probed by Aliens. Now, despite that night now been officially listed in the International UFO Scientific Committee’s record as what is now referred to as “The Cracow Incident”, there have been some here that doubt the validity of my experience. Accordingly, the other night I attempted to gather further evidence to back up my claim and put said detractors to rest. As the meteorological conditions were exactly the same as before, I worked out, given the continuous shift in the solar system, that the most likely location for a repeat visit would be to the North East of Cracow in a little place called the Mulgildie Plateau. A strange and desolate place indeed... you know that mountain in the film Strange Encounters of The Third Kind? ... well it’s nothing like that. Anywho, up I went, positioned myself in the field and got prepared. I pulled my pants down and painted the usual bullseye target on my bum with red lippy, and bent over a handy tree stump to wait. I might add, that as extra firepower to attract the aliens attention, this time I stuck one of those small laser guiding pencils in my arse and turned it on (I’m quite a thorough chap when it comes to such things). Now you may think that this is a bizarre thing to do, and that I’m a little weird, but I can assure you all that lipstick is much better than texter because it’s far easier to remove. Anyway... nothing happened, nothing at all, except for me getting a cold arse and a green ant bite on my elbow, so the whole exercise was a complete waste of my fucking time. Xx Obi1

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RHP User

3 years ago

If you made just one green ant's day then it wasn't a waste of time. As for time, were you spending it, marking it, making it, poor for it, managing it, killing it, or using it?

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Libertine001

3 years ago

Obi, I think you forgot the feather of the genus Agapornis which should be attached somewhere above the rectum while doing a little swagger with the glutinous maximus. Give that a try next time. Libertine

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RHP User

3 years ago

Obi I think you have lost your marbles.

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SpicyKale

3 years ago

I saw a guy glad wrapped naked to tree in the main st of Renmark one night and covered in flashing Christmas lights. Maybe it was a change in safety regs and flashing lights are required for landings these days 🤔

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MsSuperFoxy

3 years ago

It was the shade of lipstick. You need the Neon Lipstick, glow in the dark one. You can them order on line. Lucky, you didn't get Ants in your pants! I have 10 people that I’m working with that are at the highest levels of the Department of Defense and NASA and the military. I shall get my people to talk to your people. Ms Foxy

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RHP User

3 years ago

Sounds like the Captain has been on the Mulgildie Magic Mushrooms 😂

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AnnieWhichway

3 years ago

Obi. An answer is near Well the long and the short of it. Maybe the long was the original post....Geesus, I fell asleep reading it. It was only because the The Captain rolled me over onto the wet spot that I woke up and finished reading it. (Yes, the Captain and I. It's a conversation for another time Obi...). Anyway long story long, when he finished with me, we had revelations to share. The captain said that no one has seen or heard from you since you went up to Cracow a while back. And my revelation was that I read in Scientific Monthly last week (yes you read correctly, Scientific magazine. People think I'm dumb but I sold my blonde wigs and got lots smarter since I started wearing darker ones) that a worm hole has opened up in that area recently. We think you have bent over so far that the alien implant in your brain focused its energy through your arse hole and started a worm hole. We think you have gone to a parallel universe and you are posting from there. We had an excited conversation about that and the Captain said if that was the case, we could move into your Penthouse. But I said that would not be on at all. Besides, we don't have your banking details. Anyway, we are still at sea on a very intimate sexy voyage on his schooner.......no hang on, that's what we are drinking. Maybe its a barge or maybe barque. Anyway, it has 3 tall mast thingy's. it's mot important. Although he has a thing for the Poop deck. he keeps inviting me to the poop deck but I keep telling him I dont do my enema until before dinner so that we can have romantic times after we eat. That was the long anyway. For the short we have a solution. But we need to check that the communications is 100% before I message the mathematical solution to get you back here. Message either me or the Captain your bank details and we will check they come through ok. If they do and the checksum works, we can send the solution. Send it soon. PS. Do you still leave your spare key under the mat?

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Libertine001

3 years ago

Did Obi get abducted Libertine

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crazylittlething

3 years ago

Maybe the Aliens like the play hard to get types? You absolutely were not that. In fact, I'd go so far as to say you went beyond even being a sure thing; you were actually a deterrent.

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Obi1kenietzsche

3 years ago

My apologies for my conspicuous absence but it seems that every time I post anything about the “Cracow Incident”, these men in black suits appear at the treehouse looking for me. Lucky I have a spy at NASA to warn me so I can hide before they get here (ta Foxxxy!) I’ve just spent the last two days under the tank stand out the back near the tennis courts where I met Jeff the green tree frog. We chatted and ate beetles together (I really like the brown ones with the sparkly wings, as the taste like nutmeg). Jeff kept me entertained with stories of his travels (actually not all that exciting really, as his full range is only about 20 feet from the tank stand, but it helped while away the time). And to those wild accusations regarding illegal substances... No I have not been eating any colourful fungi (I haven’t done that since the time I got sacked as the cocktail barman at the Byron Bay Beach Resort, and then it was only by accident!) And Annie, you absolute TART!, I just knew you and The Captain were up to no good out on the Amorous Porpoise. I know we had an open relationship but that’s the last fucking straw! I am officially breaking up with you, so good luck to you both! Keys have been changed and I’ve burned all the sheets, so don’t you come back begging like you always do because this time is final! Anywho, I must go and pack ‘cause I’m off to Bumfuckville (yes... Winton!) for a bit and it’s a long way on a bicycle. Toodle Pip and a nice smack on the bot bot to all you lovely Pieklets! Xx Obi1

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Obi1kenietzsche

3 years ago

And to the hundreds of people who have messaged me asking just WHY the aliens would bother travelling hundreds of light years to Earth just to stick a probe up someone’s bottom, I have pondered this perplexing question myself and I can only conclude its to gather biogenetic information in a relatively quick and easy manner. In that light, believe that the alien’s probe is simply like a big USB stick. It’s either that, or they are just kinky fuckers. Obi1 xx

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Lunchbox73

3 years ago

Can you describe how aliens can travel millions of light years to arrive at earth right during the 10k years modern humans have been around? That's quite a feat of timing let alone smashing the physics constraining this reality. Not taking the piss. I'm serious.

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Obi1kenietzsche

3 years ago

It must be due to some strange twist of either fate or chance. A bit like Brad and Janet getting a flat tyre just outside of Frank n Furter’s house!

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“Probing”.... what the fuck is THAT about?

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