Question about open relationships

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  We both think that this is something that you need to be up front with from the start. Maybe not in the initial dating 'courting' phase, but once things look like they will progress into a relationship, you are best to drop the payload in a way which best suits their personality.Better they find out then and leave - than have a 3 year hangup

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  It's great that you understand your feelings on this before committing to a relationship. Our experience was different. We were 18 when we got together an both believed if monogamy completely. We swing but don't have an 'open marriage' and that works for us. We've been in the scene since 2009 and I think it was me (Mrs) who raised the subject of experiencing other lovers once we were older and wiser (well, the wiser part is questionable )For your situation, I'd say it's not worth mentioning on the first date but once you see someone a few times, I think its important that you share your views openly and honestly, that way you can never be accused of being deceitful. You might find yourself with someone who feels the same way. If not, they have the chance to move on quickly with someone who believes in monogamy.But beware...be very clear about the strength of your views; us ladies all like to feel that we are worth changing for and be careful that you don't unwittingly land a lady who believes she can change your position on the subject.Happy hunting!

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I would want it to be one of the first things I found out about a man! I wouldn't want to waste more than 3 seconds on a guy who wasn't interested in monogamy when I am. What's the point?? Gives her a chance to simply move on immediately if it's "wrong" for her.She'll feel pissed if you string her along before telling her.I'd be telling a lady very clearly before the first date.

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  QLDtwo4fun

  13 years ago

  While we are not nonogomous, we are not in an open relationship. We made the journey to swinging together. We enjoy each others pleasure in swinging, as well as our own. You've already made the descision that monogamy is not or you. Out of fairness to perspective partners I think you should be pretty upfront about it before in becomes a serious relationship. Sexual fidelity is pretty important to a lot of people out there.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  if you aren't committed to a long term relationship.....why would, or how could you consider one thats 'open'?..... instead of mucking the girl around....tell her now and let her make the choice....the longer you wait to do these things, the more painful and difficult it becomes when its time to extricate yourself from the relationship....

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Best bet is to meet people from places like RHP - that way you can be upfront in your profile.Other than that, most women early in a marriage/relationship consider monogamy as the norm. They are looking for stability, perhaps starting a family - something complex in an open relationship.It may not seem that way when browsing profiles around here, but what you see displayed here is not so average when compared to the whole population.With you thinking about being upfront is the way the go - not nice to string people along.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  It may depend on where you meet your prospective partner. In the regular dating scene most women (not all) would expect that the man they are seeing has the same feelings as they do, which is usually to be in a monogomous relationship.   In the RHP type scene you can be up front and honest in your profile. State clearly what your are looking for. It is readily accepted here.   Either way let the person know right from the start. No room for misunderstandings or hurt feelings, or wasted time, if things don't work out.   SFxx

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  It is best to be up front and honest, on a site like this one can expect the unexpected. If both partners know what to expect of the relationship from the start then there is no illusion and no deception, either party can either accept or reject the situation and move on or continue whichever suits them.   If you don't then you are not being fair to the other party.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  If you do not bring this up in the first few times you are intimate then you are limiting yourself to finding the girl who is open to all that. If you leave it too long and she then takes offence you have wasted the time and effort on her when she wasn't really the one for you anyway.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Hey ohmic, this is my two cents worth. I wouldn't tell someone on the first date as suggested above, well unless the topic comes up in the conversation. But yes, If you are meeting women because you are looking for an open relationship then you would need to tell them early on. It just saves you time and angst. Say within the first 3 - 4 dates maybe? Meeting people on an adult dating site is a good way of meeting like minded people though. Are you absolutely sure about the whole monogamy thing as your views may change when you meet the "one" xxMeeka

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  First you have to decide what a committed relationship means to you.Does it mean you want to be with a woman,live with her,have children? If this is what you are looking for, then I assume you would like your partner to embrace a swinging lifestyle. Meeting a likeminded person is more likely to happen on a site like this than in a more conventional way.The conversation about non monogamy will certainly be easier. Have you been in non monogamous relationships before?How open were they?Were you comfortable about her seeing other people? I think this is very tricky ,unless you meet someone who is absolutely in agreement with your choice of lifestyle x Hugs H

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  DonnaBrett

  13 years ago

  Best to bring it up early, this type of subject came up for us on our second date (both having been married before). We started talking about fantasies & stuff...I said "Well obviously the two girl thing is something I wish for" Donna says.."Maybe I can help with that" . I thought YEAH!! She had never been with a girl but had always wanted to so thought this may be her chance. This was in 1996, nothing happened for three years though. There was no internet, we didn't know about clubs so the first times it just happened with friends..then we found a contact mag..then clubs, then the net much later. Our lifestyle slowly progressed from just looking for girls...to couples..to guys..to groups and so on. We haven't looked back and in response to Meeka's comment above...we know we have met "the One" but instead of getting all jealous and clingy it has made us more secure. We have total trust & respect & love for each other. Without those things, it wouldn't work. Basically, choosing someone to equally enjoy this lifestyle with you it has to be like a poker machine...all the fruit has to line up. If it doesn't you eventually lose!Good luck

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I have ten years on you, and I'm single, and unsure I'll ever meet anyone I'll have a serious relationships with again (oh, woe is me, haha) but it's something I'm interested in and have pondered often. I think when relationships start off a period of monogamy is beneficial, so you can learn about each other, and determine boundaries and establish levels of trust with the knowledge that further down the line you'll probably negotiate ways that each can go out and get other needs met, either seperately or together.Communication is key, and not just saying "I want an open relationship". You need to determine what exactly that means to both of you, and how you envisage such a thing working. As to when to bring it up? Well, not on the first date. I would suggest that conversation wait until you decide that she's someone you want a more serious relationship with (how long does that take these days? I'm so clueless with regards to this stuff).

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I'm with Polar - a stage of monogmay is important, whether you believe in it in long term or not. The whole life in fact I think has its stages in relation to sexuality, family etc. You are still at the stage of establishing whom you want to spend your life with, then you need to make the huge effort of building the family, bonding, strengthening your ties, bringing up children (if you end up having some - a big decision in itself)... Once you are past the "family building" and "child rearing"stage it is time for you to enjoy life to the fullest - including not worrying anymore about someone becoming pregnant with you (yes, get that procedure done, worth it), not being too clingy or jealous onto one partner (she might want to enjoy some fun too), ...The difficulty is that when you first find that partner both of you have no idea what is going to happen in the future. My wife has expected me to remain with her for the rest of my life, I'd say she expected monogamy from me, but has always said she does not believe men are meant to be monogamous but when it comes to making a step outside of that proverbial square she is not game. Go figure. Of course, I have been faithful to her for about 18 years, so conmsider that before you start hurling those stones :-) Now I have said to her that I want to open my sex life - regardless of what she wants to do, although I prefer to do it with her and play as a couple. Makes it bloody complicated as all ppl here would call you a cheat. Hmmm - back to your question, yes, if you already know this make it clear to her before you commit, that way you avoid a stalemate later on... Good luck!!!

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I can't really see you holding down a relationship long enough to be trapped into monogamy so why worry 'bout it?

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