Realistic Relationships

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  MsSuperFoxy

  11 years ago

  I was only just talking to a GF about this last night...Great timing playtime_4_me!! I can't be with a taker...no way...over time they drain the absolute fuck out of me!! Especially when nothing is returned back. I dislike it when my vulnerability is taken advantage of, especially when I like someone. It makes me sad as well, when I see my friends who are with takers. I think it's very rare to find a good balanced equal relationship these days. The internet makes it to easy to met people...once people have got what they want they move on and very quickly. I'm not settling for anything less than a mind, body and soul relationships from now on. I've had my time with crappy, shitty relationships with takers. Foxy

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  madotara69

  11 years ago

  Two peas in a pod here Mado Tara xx

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I am a giver by nature and the more I like someone the more I give. The problem is that it always seems to come back to bite me. I think it's really hard to build a relationship that is an equal give and take and this is starting to make me put up a whole lot of barriers. Yep, my energy is starting to run out.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  If both partners are honest and make the effort they would both be givers. There is a need to be a taker too - so both have to give what they offer and take what their partner is giving. There is no giver without a taker - a couple of two givers would be just as bad...! My wife at times complained that she is a giver - we most likely both are, but we talked a lot about it, and the truth came out that we both were giving but neither of us was receiving it inthe right way... We have separated now after 20 years together, simply because we found that we are not the perfect pair, there is a better match for each of us and we need to find it. The idea of "giving" only works if someone is "taking" - with gratitude and appreciation.

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  On_Safari

  11 years ago

  I share your pain. Turning the tables though is proving to be a mission in itself.....adopting behaviour that goes against your better nature has, for me; been alien. But I can say taking instead of giving has had it's own rewards.....it's weird.....taking makes the other person want you and they start to give, flip sides though and you start to give and they back away. (Throws hands in the air) damned if you do damned if you don't! 😳

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I am whole heartedly a giver in a relationship. I enjoy it and I do my best to ensure my partner is getting the best from me. However, in my experience I have given all I have and it was never good enough. At the time I thought it was me, that I was not doing something....not complete. But in time and in hindsight I have grown to realise that some people knowingly or unknowingly take advantage of my giving and soon expect it to be me...which it is. But the expectation that I can give without needing anything in return seems to be the case. In fact I feel like some get lazy when they become accustomed to it or just see it as a power play when trying not to get hurt. I'm not sure. It does drain me. And in the past I have given to a point where I felt I wasn't even me anymore. What I do wish for is for my next relationship to be balanced and to have a partner who is emotionally intelligent enough to know that it is in my nature to give but as I am only human, I do need something in return. It has been to my detriment as I think the world sees things differently than I do, but caring and being kind is not a weakness. Ensuring others are happy is not weak. Just at work I was told I had a weak personality because I cared. I don't see it that way myself....but I just a chance to see it from a worlds point of view. And I know not all women...but certainly the ones I've been with in the past, have seen me as weak because I cared. I now am in between feeling as though I should hold back and not show my soft side...to being a person who knows that I am what is am and I know I have a gift that is worth giving and appreciated.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Quoting 'ShyPrincess74' Quoting 'Funlover71' All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. Oh funlover, I think I just drooled on my keyboard a bit. That's my favourite post for the day... hell, the week!! Did it for me. Have you saved up enough yet???

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Whether you are a giver or taker in a relationship you must be able to communicate your needs and desires. As a giver small responses towards our needs seem to be more than enough to refuel our energy levels. We are both givers in our relationship and it works very well for us. We do sometimes seem to forget about us with our energies going to family, friends and work and need to stop and asses our situation when required.We consider ourselves lucky with what we have, but a lot of work and sacrifice has gone into our life together. So when you find yourself getting low in energy you need to tell your partner you need some YOU time and they need to help you recharge. If this option is not available in the relationship then you are going to do it hard and need to consider if it is a beneficial relationship for you.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I guess I'm a 'more equal' animal ;)

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  I think people try too hard for what they think others might have.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  That's what it's all about and raw honesty.. Coming from a kind heart of course. Brutal honesty can have the opposite effect. I don't expect perfection in fact I love 'baggage'. We all have it but just be honest with me and it is an interesting journey - Posted from rhpmobile

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  Dryphuz

  11 years ago

  But not give only... But only if i get my space. Even if there's give and take i cant deal with getting smothered and some women (trust issues maybe?) can't deal with me needing time out to be alone or do my own thing.

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  Someone always seems to give a little more and excepts receiving a little less but I think there should be some of boh

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  50/50 sometimes one of you need more support than the other but communication I belive is huge and understanding otherwise one goes off with there own thoughts and get the wrong story of what's actrally happening So many will judge from the past and instantly jump to conclusions I'm no angle I fuck up but I always try talk about it and admit and apologise when I've know I have it's called life we are all learning I've been crushed a few times a couple when I was already at a low point but we all can bounce back I don't have a bad word for any previous partners I wish there wasn't so much hurt and things could have had a total different outcome but I like to remember what made it all so good and worth it I mainly belive it's communication understanding and don't be so quick to judge it's not always what we think I'm guilty of it too I think it's just a nateral defence mechanism in us non of us are perfect it's just how we learn and go about things on our way but at the end there's never a right or wrong answer it's what works for you both as a couple - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  11 years ago

  The riddles of relationship are unsolvable, so they are talked about for time immemorial. My view is that "you get who they are and they get who you are." Beyond that, its an organic mix of how the two of you interact. Personally, I favour a balanced give and take.But no two relationships are the same.

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