F61

Reconnecting

November 29 2016

Something weird keeps happening to me, so I thought I would throw it out to the fora for some input. Over the years whilst I have been single, I have dated quite heavily. I believe in getting out there and meeting people rather than endless messaging. I've met them in a variety of ways, online, through friends, work & socially. Some I've been intimate with and some I haven't. Probably a 90/10 split with 10% being the amount of guys I've slept with. Some of the people I have dated, it's just come to a natural mutual conclusion where we have told the other that "this isn't for me", some have just ghosted away and some I have ghosted from. But over the last year, 9 out of every 10 dates have reinitiated contact, not days or weeks but 6+ months afterwards, and in 2 cases years afterwards. One 13 years after & one my first boyfriend at 16....there hasn't been a week go past in the last year where I have not had at least one reconnection. Now I am at a complete loss as to why, I get that they might be looking for an opportunistic shag.... but is that what drives them to reconnect? Remembering that I've only bonked a small amount lol Have you done it? Is it happening to you too? And why? RR 💋

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RHP User

8 years ago

UNFORGETTABLE

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RHP User

8 years ago

It has happened. With partners I have had a serious relationship and casual friends. What I know now is that there was a reason why we drifted apart and generally that reason will still be there. The past is best left as that. The Past. That is my experience.

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lil_bit_rusty

8 years ago

Guilty your Honour. Having been on both the giving and receiving ends of this type of contact, through observations and conversations with friends, I believe there are... as many reasons as there are people doing it. However I have also noticed a few commonalities; 1.The obvious one... horniness, 2.Introspection/Retrospection,and closely associated,3.The coulda been, or, had to choose and it looks like I made the wrong choice, want to try and pick up where we left off?. Intimately related articles include; Curse of the Ex, On again off again relationships, Hooking up after breaking up, Hatefuck and, I'm not in love but the sex is good. I honestly believe that if we could harness the energy expended in the efforts of life on Earth to mate/procreate/fuck for fun... the planet would have a renewable energy source to rival the output of the Sun.Just imagine it... "Shit! I need to charge my phone... want a quicky?" Dependent upon individual beliefs, accessibility and restrictions, much of the good ol' horniness contact is driven by, good/great memories of previous times (who wants to go back to a terrible lay?) and, comfort... why risk not so good sex with someone new when you could possibly have good to awesome sex with someone who already knows what you like?Basically, "Hey how have you been?... If you're available and up for it, so am I." Usually a no results in no further contact... usually. Some people can be persistent though. The Second cause of contact often comes after the person has gone through a breakup, life altering event, Birthday or major holiday (how many of us have made a New Year's resolution to get laid more?... No?... Just me then? Bugger). In my experience, I tend to pick over my failed relationships in an effort to learn from them, and then apply that knowledge to any future relationship (I started thinking that I attracted crazy/that was my type... now I know I'm just looking for someone whose crazy matches my crazy... like jigsaw pieces, with weird curvy edges). I'll go through a mental pros and cons list, desiring the positives that initially attracted me to partners in the past, without any of the negatives. If I could just take this part of ex A, that trait of ex B, a dash of ex C and, a sprinkle of ex D... combine them all and, Viola! Perfection... "It's like I made you in a computer." Of course in remembering these positive traits comes the thought of (especially with regards to the people you've had great sex with), "I'm horny and I'd like to feel the way it was/do the things I did with that person rather than risk the unknown of someone new... I wonder if they'd be up for something casual, no strings just sex?"It can be extremely awkward seeing someone new, trying to find out how kinky they are without putting them off by how kinky you are. The Third, but by no means final cause of contact (I mean, there could literally be billions of combinations and permutations of reasons why), the coulda been, is a matter of timing and where the absence of contact has been due to one, or both parties cutting off contact due to meeting someone else, or even needing to be alone at that point, and choosing to explore possibilities, again for any number of reasons. Upon that situation ceasing and finding themselves now able to explore/focus on those they've felt a connection/had fun with in the past, many are going to assess the possibility and make an attempt at re-connection... that wrong choice you thought you made may have taught you something positive that you can bring to whatever happens if you reconnect. Really though, completely disregard what I've written as it all boils down to a root cause... or is that cause of roots?... however you want to take it ... being of intentions.Are they contacting you for mutually beneficial, commitment free fun whilst they, and you, wait to meet someone they want something serious with?Or, are they wanting to explore and/or rekindle something more serious with you?(I'm assuming that we're not talking about strictly platonic intentions for reconnecting and are focusing upon the rekindling and/or hope of sexual contact?)Once you know their intent, it's up to the timing and whether you have the desire to match/reach an agreeable level of contact.Either way, I'd look at it as a compliment RR... obviously they enjoyed your company and you made an impression. CheersRusty(Not sure if any guy has ever said this but... I apologise for the length of my... post)

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RHP User

8 years ago

I think sometimes it's just a 'let's see if I can get a shag' situation. Often times its unfinished business, especially if bad timing was the reason for the cessation or there were feelings involved. I feel that each situation should be looked at individually. If it was a parting that wasn't easy for either of you and it was because of circumstances - that's very different to someone writing you off and then wanting back in your life. For me I would not go there unless there was no animosity and say a lover had to move overseas for instance. If it's because they didn't feel ready at the time, chose someone else, i didn't know the reason etc then I'd never go back there. No need to put myself through the risk of being hurt twice - they showed their true colours the first time, and then are plenty more other opportunities to explore.

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RHP User

8 years ago

Quoting 'xxticklishxx' It has happened. With partners I have had a serious relationship and casual friends. What I know now is that there was a reason why we drifted apart and generally that reason will still be there. The past is best left as that. The Past. That is my experience. Totally agree Ticklish.I have never attempted to reconnect with any ex's whether they were ex fuck buddies, ex husbands or anything in between. Never have never will.Once I move on, I move on completely.And anyway, I feel that if they weren't interested enough to stick with me in the first place, why should I be interested in a reconnection??Most of the time (with a couple of exceptions) it's only been about them wanting a quick shag anyway......and they turn nasty and stomp off like a child when you say no.Who needs that!!I don't.

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RHP User

8 years ago

Wanna dick pic?? :p - Posted from rhpmobile

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Aristippusx2

8 years ago

Mr A here I reconnected with a couple of x girlfriends who are now good friends. This was after 20 years. Mrs A and I have been out to dinner with them.There is no sex involved and there will never be. I initiated the contact because as I mature, you realise how bad you treated past relationships.So for me it is a type of karma in repairing the negative of the past.

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Eiliethiya

8 years ago

Looked back or tried to find/reconnect with anyone from my past (friend or lover). And I've not made enough of an impression for someone to want to reconnect with me either! lol - Posted from rhpmobile

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