M43
Red Flags or subtle dealbreakers
June 22 2016
Comments
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sweetgem
8 years ago
One of those people that do read through an entire profile of a man that catches my eyes :) but I don't need to use the fine tooth comb to find something that breaks my interest because, those deal breakers are usually outstandingly displayed right in front of my eyes, which can be a phrase or just a word! For example, a man's profile which states that he can only meet during the day and cannot host, but expects the woman to be able to host. That is enough a deal breaker for me when I see such line in a profile because, it seems like the man is not single and only after a quick sex. I mean who would be free to meet during the day? Even my lunch break is still not counted as a free time, as I need to eat and get a quick nap to reboot my brain PC 😛 As for your last question, I am not looking for someone who is able to host near me. I am indeed seeking someone who is not stingy, nor a cheap skate and is willing to hire a hotel room with split bill arrangement! I cannot host at all time and so I won't expect the man to host at all unless he offers, and until we both feel comfortable with each other to play at his house. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
"I realise one cannot write a profile that will appeal to all, one can only try to display the type of person they are (showing attitude, humour etc) and hope for the best." You absolutely got that right! Always be true to yourself and what you are looking for. I think your profile is very straight forward and you have covered exactly what you are seeking in an eloquent way. If people choose to interpret things differently to what you have stated or are looking for hidden meanings then they probably aren't the open minded people you are seeking. I do usually read profiles in their entirety if the writer has taken time to write something original. I've never read them with a fine tooth comb but I do look for something unique that piques my interest or matches what I want. Sadly, few do but then my preferences have changed considerably since I joined RHP. At first it was like being a kid in a candy store and couldn't get enough. Now I'm looking for more substance so meeting rarely because few men here are looking for the same as me. I can only speak for myself in regard to your hosting question. I cannot host at my place so it is not an option for me and do prefer a partner who can. All the best LG
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RHP User
8 years ago
sometimes its the smallest thing that can put me off and I have to sit back and assess if its really that big of a deal. For example I (apparently like many others) hate seeing NSA in a profile, but if everything else lines up.. its kinda not that big of a issue that he chose that particular wording. I do agree with your friend i would likely read the vasectomy thing as a hint that you don't want protected sex and the exploring thing i have certainly thought hmm yep he just wants as many as he can get .. but I would rather that people put that in if that is what they want the worst are the ones who say they want something completely different to what they actually seek. I don't think i use a fine tooth comb , it doesn't take me long to pick out things that bother me lol . Regarding hosting - I was just having this discussion the other day about how I find many men cannot host and I'm yet to come across the situation where a hotel room has been offered as a solution. I certainly prefer someone who can , not because I don't want to but its just easier if all the pressure isn't on me to host all the time as it takes me a fair bit of organisation in order to be able to host. I actually have it in my profile that its a bonus if you can host some of the time but its not a deal breaker. For me if there were two guys , clones of each other in every way and one could host and one couldn't I know I'd choose the one that can. Having said that, even if he can host for the first time or first few times with someone I prefer my own turf or neutral ground , I feel more comfortable that way.
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RHP User
8 years ago
And as much as I would love to give you a list of my personal deal breakers, as you are such a great young man, I'm sorry but I can't. It is best that all those sneaky men out there do not know any more than they already do. I would always encourage everyone to be themselves when writing a profile then they are more likely to attract the best matches.
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inspirit
8 years ago
... looking at the pictures. 😆 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Livingandloving2
8 years ago
For me the only absolute deal breaker is if there is anything other than safe Sec. For all activities. The rest.... I'm more than happy to exchange messages to work out compatibility. Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
8 years ago
I love a good profile, if there's nothing in the profile, then it doesn't matter how pretty the pictures are to me (but I will still perv at them, because I'm a dirty old lady). A couple of deal breakers - an open mind is an absolute must, be honest about your age, marital status and things like that. Oh and please no moustaches, I just don't like them.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Often I find that even those stunning ''drop dead sexy'' pictures may be misleading and wonder what the lady may look like after a long, slow session of passionate love making leaving her face all or the sheets and pillows or better style... getting out of the shower the next morning freshly cleaned. In a few months, location may not be a huge issue as I should be once again medically cleared to push the old girl out the barn and head into the clouds again...... 'twil be nice! No, I don't expect the bathroom door to be locked for two hours and my guest to step out looking like Ms Australia Jennifer Hawkins and I do prefer a natural look. To each his or her own... the big deal breakers are much the inverse. Be well..........
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RHP User
8 years ago
WOW !! Thats a big word....I had to Google it to understand what you were meaning. You might have to break it down to some smaller words.. Thanks !
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RHP User
8 years ago
And yes ......using too many big words is a deal breaker
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RHP User
8 years ago
Its hard to put absolutely everything into a profile. I will still have to ask questions. Most guys profiles dont mention hosting or not. Thats something we can discuss if it gets to the messaging stage. I dont mind if ppl are specific and say nsa or looking for social or an actual relationship. Even ones that say they are looking for their soul mate but will just have some casual fun until they find them. I respect their honesty. I am very specific in my profile with who I am looking for at this point of my journey. And I am glad I am, because I have been attracting the type of guys I am interested in. So I believe it helps in putting specifics in your profile. You might not get as much message traffic, but its worth waiting for what will make you happy.
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On_Safari
8 years ago
I look at everything, pictures (that aren't x-rated cos non-financial members can't see them anyway) the tabs, preferences, interests, the catch phrase/opening line, profile name, fantasy combination and just everything!! I love a little humour, intelligence and ability to write about themselves in a way that makes you want to know more or at the very least think, "that was a great profile" even a few here that are absolute favourites of mine among the men (yes I read women's profiles too) are telling of the writers character or intellect even if it's hilarious, off tap and interlaced with some honesty daring you to pass or venture at your peril 😏 Short and succinct can be ok but it doesn't tell you much about a person and most of those profiles if they do message you or you engage with them are much the same in that the individual is out for a quick fix and not really interested. That's fine too if that's what you're after, we're a mixed bag here and there is something for everyone. Those quirky profiles belong to some truly amazing men. My stalker among them 🙊
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RHP User
8 years ago
I do admit that the mention of NSA turns me off,it makes me feel a bit like a convenience store..I'd prefer to be an old fashioned grocery store,the kind where you choose carefully 😈
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On_Safari
8 years ago
It's amazing how some people say they want to meet for coffee because they were in awe of your profile/intelligence. There's no pressure ect ect and by the 4th message when you say that's great, I never feel pressured because I already know there's not going to be sex between us how that person becomes vapours never seen or heard from again.....😳 If you're not prepared to put in a little effort and "play the game" you're certainly NOT worthy of my time, the pleasure of my company or the potential unleashing of the sexual freak I control. Which means I may never have sex again.....everrrrrr 😳 oh God I should just end it all now!!!!
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MsJonesy
8 years ago
Or the fruit shop where you can selected the perfect plums ;-)
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PatchworkGirl
8 years ago
Profiles which talk more about what they don't want than what they may be looking for. Profiles on which the Sydney Uni spiel is longer than their intro. Profiles which contain combinations of NSA, discretion, time wasters, and ask mes. I do read and consider the whole profile, but these are some of my little red flags. - Posted from rhpmobile
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N4November
8 years ago
Re the snip - yep, get rid of that because the majority of women who love to play, play safe. Always. For the most part, it's the logistics of meeting that makes me interested or not. I actually prefer to play in my own environment - the problem being that I have the kids most of the time and never shall those 2 world's meet. Be honest, keep it real and you'll be fine! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
If you have Vas on your profile it's probably quite unnecessary and already causing you trouble. TMI. -longest xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
A lot of profiles now, if not "NSA", try telling you what they think you want to hear (ie; looking for ongoing, FWB) but after exchanging a few messages you can tell they were BS'ing to get a foot in the door (or a cock in your ...) and then be on their way, onto the next conquest. I'm a profile reader. But at the first "Ask Me", I don't go any further. To me that means you couldn't be bothered or you've got something to hide (That's just from my experiences). I don't think I go over profiles with a fine tooth comb, but you can get a 'feeling' from reading someone's profile on whether you may want to make contact, or if they don't seem like your 'type'.
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RHP User
8 years ago
The snip was a bonus, ie accidents happen, condoms break etc. Maybe I should reiterate the safe sex thing (protection always) and being regularly tested etc? Although testing seems to be common among responsible adults - is it better to put that on the profile at first, or mention it later, as I thought much of that talk seems like fine print ie "unsexy" for the profile, like the Syd uni thing? The snip is only mentioned very last in the circumstance of a LTR. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Tall74nHard9
8 years ago
Quoting 'On_Safari' If you're not prepared to put in a little effort and "play the game" you're certainly NOT worthy of my time, the pleasure of my company or the potential unleashing of the sexual freak I control. Which means I may never have sex again.....everrrrrr 😳 oh God I should just end it all now!!!! I seriously doubt that will ever be the case... Tall
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RHP User
8 years ago
That's a new one..big words a turn off,may I ask why up for fun?..I love words,not necessarily big words that are sometimes used like flexing a brain muscle.If people use too many in a profile what does that indicate to you?..,just curious me Q
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Seachange
8 years ago
mentioned by the rational people above.... Illiterates bore the shit out of me.
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LittleGiant
8 years ago
Deal breakers are any kind smoker, not indulging in safe sex (if it is unclear what they mean in their safe sex section but the rest of the profile seems good, i'll ask them about the safe sex part), a gallery full of just dick pics. Oh also a profile full of 'ask me' or templates - screams laziness. Miss Little xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' The snip was a bonus, ie accidents happen, condoms break etc. Maybe I should reiterate the safe sex thing (protection always) and being regularly tested etc? Although testing seems to be common among responsible adults - is it better to put that on the profile at first, or mention it later, as I thought much of that talk seems like fine print ie "unsexy" for the profile, like the Syd uni thing? The snip is only mentioned very last in the circumstance of a LTR. - Posted from rhpmobile I dont know that it needs to come up at all, I had a long term play partner and the condom broke - it was only then i learnt that he'd had the snip - there's not really any reason to mention it unless the person is after a LTR and wanting kids. JMHO
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RHP User
8 years ago
I dont' like it when its mentioned in a profile you don't want time wasters - anyone who is a time waster isn't going to read it and go ohhh hang on this person doesn't want time wasters.. never mind and move on to wasting the next persons time. Also , what constitutes a time waster? someone who wants to talk for a while before meeting? someone who never meets? someone who sets up meets and doesn't show? its a case by case basis and its a negative thing to have in a profile. FWIW country I like your profile its engaging and leaves no questions about what you seek.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Of late I've been put off by "we're new to this"or ""show us how it's done" or "still experimenting. I was new once too and I jumped in all by myself. I embrace newbies but don't want excuses as to why it might go wrong, that's your business.
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RHP User
8 years ago
AND when profiles only want a female but both are listed as straight. Goes on to say, wife loves women! I apologise to those on the fence, but I'm a straight up type of bisexual girl. Own it.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Dude....it's a profile...not your life story..... You may think it's you being up front and honest....and I'm not doubting that, but things like a vasectomy are noones business but yours. It should only be discussed if the potential partner is talking about kids as poison ivy spoke of..... But who is going to be thinking of kids whilst looking at your profile?? Relationships, long term are built over time....they progress naturally toward it. Not from the first view of your profile. If the fact that you are looking for a long term partner that allows you your freedom to enjoy what you like sexually is a deal breaker, fuck em off....they're not interested in you for the same reason you would be in them. Best to find those things out sooner rather than later. So.... What to put in your profile?? All that is you........nothing more, nothing less. But think of a profile as a vehicle to just meet....not sex, not marriage, nothing but a coffee meet.... Your personality will then drive that motherfucker forward after the initial interest....... Ok that's $50 sunshine....... :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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Seachange
8 years ago
Quoting 'Summersolstice' I get the post about big words. I love words and am always up for more, but too many in one blurb can come across as pretentious to me. I agree....I love words too. The sporadic utilization of big words that encapsulates the intent of the poster can be fitting in some instances. Too much of it and it could look contrived, esoteric and pretentious. That is my personal opinion. If I find the posts too long or too esoteric, I scroll down or skip. Sometimes I skip over my own posts if it is too long and full of big words. What a W**k**! I would tell myself.... Lol Not stressed about it. I would not expect everybody to read my posts, short or long, simple or esoteric. Whateva.....Pass me cucumber sandwiches and off to the ball we go, James....
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RHP User
8 years ago
Lots of people find they were quite mistaken when they've set specifications, then had those precise specifications actually met (and this applies not only in terms of suitors). As just one example, you might consider the girls who state they are attracted to "bad boys", but then find themselves hosting raucous parties at all hours of the night, or benders lasting days on end with his misanthropic mates, or perhaps even subject to domestic violence. Many will talk up a big game (talk the talk if you will), but when it comes time for the rubber to meet the road, frequently it seems you will find that whether in KT-26s, Blunnies, Birkenstocks, or any other form of footwear, theory fails to meet practice. They reckon real men smoke Yokohamas. Buckle Up! hehehehehe Apparently nine out of ten men who've tried Camel prefer women! hehehehe
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RHP User
8 years ago
I neither engage in nor endorse domestic violence. Quite the opposite in fact. I simply flag the apparent discord between the ideals some people may indicate as preference, compared to the standard for which they are prepared to settle. Open minds apparently are not always so very open. I don't know Art, but I know what I like.
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RHP User
8 years ago
If not to be wasted? Such a competition for busyness,being in a hurry..time seems to be,a luxury. Is it better to rush to meet,so exhausting flitting around meeting many,some lovely ,some well,.. just so wrong. So why not waste some time,it might be a very good investment and actually save you energy as well.Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Can indeed equal pomposity,but tantamount is hardly an unusual or big word IMO . If you have one word in your arsenal of words,it can often hit the nail on the head ,as in this case,rather than using many words which would not be as precise. I often don't read profiles which equal essays,I have the attention span of a gnat.Brevity for me is the soul of an interesting profile..Hi I am a man,is too brief but there is an art in conveying the less is more theory.. I feel the same about long winded posts.Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta1' Can indeed equal pomposity,but tantamount is hardly an unusual or big word IMO . If you have one word in your arsenal of words,it can often hit the nail on the head ,as in this case,rather than using many words which would not be as precise. I often don't read profiles which equal essays,I have the attention span of a gnat.Brevity for me is the soul of an interesting profile..Hi I am a man,is too brief but there is an art in conveying the less is more theory.. I feel the same about long winded posts.Q Would I be correct to believe you'd agree a long passage (whether a forum post or other text) might carry a subtext beyond the immediately apparent? This is not necessarily pompous. I'm sure you'd also recognize some people fail to notice these things. I do not suggest that is some form of character flaw on the part of any individual. Rather, I might suggest instead it gives indication as to shared interest or compatibility. Some people may value communication of ideas and exploration of issues for understanding; some may prefer small talk and chit chat. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with either. Consequently I sometimes struggle to comprehend why some people become snarky, though I might hazard a guess. (Not pointing any fingers).
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hi everyone. My opinion seems different to most so far so I thought I'd share. We're a couple so what we're looking for would be things like discrete, nsa etc. I personally think the vasectomy is ok to include in your profile because it shows me that you serious about your future. It would also be something that could be a deal breaker for someone looking for a ltr. There's a lot of people on this site all seeking different things so I think being honest about what you want and what you can offer is most important. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
ontology.I certainly didn't mean to suggest that all long posts or profiles are pompous..I do however think if you want people to read your posts develop some editing skills..I only read long posts if I am interested in what that particular poster has to say. The same with profiles ,long winded equals boring to me ..usually. As for a subtext.I wouldn't know 'cos I is not psychic ..these things are always subjective ,as I said just my p.o .v Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
"You" in my post was the collective you and not directed at you,ontology Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'lilyorchid' ... Illiterates bore the shit out of me. ....that if they can't spell it or resort to banal language to describe it? No chance in hell they'll be able to do it.
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RHP User
8 years ago
... if in her first response to a well-worded albeit ill-intended note is: ''Is your MasterCard gold, platinum or titanium?'' Subtle but really...... that's a no.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I endlessly make this point.Nearly 50% of the adult population of Australia is functionally illiterate. Does this mean that they are stupid ..no it does not In fact anyone who thinks that way in my opinion shows a great deal of ignorance I suppose if you do think that way,you could care less about the effect that your comments might have on the people they are directed at. I totally understand why some people will only respond to a well crafted message but why is equating the lack of literacy skills one of the last bastions of nasty prejudice 👿Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Qefenta1' ontology.I certainly didn't mean to suggest that all long posts or profiles are pompous..I do however think if you want people to read your posts develop some editing skills..I only read long posts if I am interested in what that particular poster has to say. The same with profiles ,long winded equals boring to me ..usually. As for a subtext.I wouldn't know 'cos I is not psychic ..these things are always subjective ,as I said just my p.o .v Q Paranoia on my part? I recognise my writing style differs somewhat from most other forum posters here, so perhaps I might be forgiven for mistaking some comments that were directed at others... I seek to employ various language devices to make my writing as clear, easy to read and (hopefully) engaging for potential readers; particularly if drafting a long passage or addressing complicated or convoluted subject matter. I'll admit too, I am aware my humour is not always recognised (or appreciated for that matter). Certainly, whilst seldom my aim, I am also capable of thoroughly dismantling and countering arguments (and without necessarily drawing on sophistry), and of delivering a devastating critique. I've been learning from masters and trying to develop my own skills. As they say, "There's only one way to Carnegie Hall - practice man, practice!" In terms of subtext, I was suggesting use of devices such as simile/metaphor/parable/allegory, such as may be found in literature. I do not subscribe to Religion or Psychics/Mindreading. Actually, I imagine I would feel seriously violated were I to have my thoughts "eavesdropped." I don't know about you, but to my mind, that would be a thoroughly grotesque invasion of privacy!
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RHP User
8 years ago
(not intending to hijack this thread) I'll correct myself by saying that in this thread, and in the venting thread with Annie, I have not told stories. I have recounted anecdotes. Some might call semantics (?)
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RHP User
8 years ago
you can iterate safe sex if you like. I do on mine. I have my own reasons though. Tell a potential LTR face to face, when it comes up. Most women who want casual interactions are pretty good at covering their asses. I'd say don't ever rely on that but I think you're well covered! 😉 IV- you got me ,100% agree. 'No time wasters' rings my -you'll put in absolutely zero effort- and waste my time(!!) bell. Never stop using it boys, my culling will slow. In fact, I think a few should add it. 💩 Nsa runs the same connotations (there are always strings I.e. Safe sex.)... I don't bias much on that though. I'm not much of a comber though. It's the messages that must be good and the pics. Face pics are 100% better than the other kind 😬 -longest xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I wrote something like this originally when the thread was posted then chose not to post. Now It's come up. I agree with Q, I don't love illiteracy but it plays little in my dating choices. Right on the money with the stats and I concur its a poor indicator of intelligence. A little bit of understanding goes a long way. I use plenty of kinky spellings and text speak. It's my own form of amusement. I'm not going to judge harshly if a potential suitor never learnt to spell, is dyslexic or is just no good at typing. The content, direction and emotion of the messages? -That's when the intelligence test starts. Sozzles! 😝 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Red flags are date joined no new updates to profiles in 3 years age mentioned 3 years younger to real age says single but has play friend that must play with them sorry that makes your single a couple other things you can not please everybody on a site like this because the way of the world we now find there are more and more with emotional problems using the site as there out let and when you go out to have fun and it becomes like a dumping ground for them to unberden instead of going to see professional care as we have encouraged some we have met to do so unless you lie can not please everybody and the only real way people look at profiles is for the photos and for a lead into getting things started most people can not be stuffed reading messages you send never mind reading profiles the amount of times you hear I had 400 messages and deleted all of them is unreal no wonders they sit at home on weekends sorry vent done lol 🙄
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RHP User
8 years ago
I may move to a conversation very quickly and I'll ask three key questions: 1. Are you single? I did go to a meet with a 'single guy' a long time ago! He told me when I got to the hotel room that he is in fact with a partner, it was my fault I didn't ask specifically if he was single. I didn't think to ask, his profile said 'single' go figure! 2. Can you host? If the answer is no, I'll prod a little more! If I get my 'room mate is home blah blah.....' No thanks, I don't need that! I won't fuck in the car, every time, it's fun sometimes! No I won't fuck you in a park and I won't come see you at 2 am! 3. Can you meet anytime, that is are you free weekends? If there are major stipulations (ridiculous ones) on their time, once again, no thanks! I will not see anyone who asks for daytime meets only. I won't squeeze in a first meet during my 45 minute lunch break :( All three questions are linked, will support whether they are single and will be available! Now, I'm not single, but openly playing! Yes I can host and I chose that if I have the house free (living with teenage kids). My hubby actually 'goes down the street' to give me playtime at home if I want. I have more flexibility than most 'single guys'. Even with a family, I have flexibility with my time, not every time, but far more flexibility than most single guys! Red flags, for sure! Mary xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
'Choose' that xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Hotwives_Inc' three key questions: And my answers are Yes, yes and yes But thankfully, the few people that have visited me at home (ever), have been ok with my dog! He passes judgement on anyone as I do (ok, not really, he would befriend a burglar). But that might be a hidden dealbreaker for some, especially if they were allergic.
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RHP User
8 years ago
If I meet somebody and they didnt like my dog!! As my dog is my life!! I sort of treat my dog , a bit more like a human than a dog!, she has her own couch in the loung room ! And she's pretty much inside most of the day ! Yeah my girl worst habbit would be is her jumping up at my male friends and nackering them , she just gets So excited when she sees them ! I was put off meeting somebody from another site ,because they where scared of dogs ! I was put off as soon as they said they where! So that meet never happened!
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RHP User
8 years ago
StarJustice - the couch thing reminds me of my dog! Except we recently got a new couch and he's not allowed on it so we bought him a new dog bed to put in the lounge. I was a bit worried about how he would take the transition but luckily he loves the bed Doesn't matter so much for a casual thing as they would probably never meet him, but for something more serious a potential partner would have to like my dog, and at least like animals in general. Even for a casual thing I'd steer well clear of someone who actively dislikes animals or whose views of them are purely utilitarian.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Agree some won't meet my dog ,but that if they host or its at a meet at a hotel or somewhere else, But If I host pretty much everyone who comes to my front door and walks into the lounge room will meet my dog !
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RHP User
8 years ago
Does the dog like the man. If not...NEXT!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Outside of a book man's best friend is a dog..inside of a dog it's too dark to read ..Groucho Marx.😈 I had a lover who was bitten by a dog when he was a child ,he was terrified of dogs,when he came to visit I made sure he and the dog never met. Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Lol dose my dog like men? Well that is a understatement , she doesn't like men ! She loves them !!! She the biggest tart !!! She a staffy x ,So I think she thinks she really a human !!! She's love just about everybody ! Doesn't matter if you female or male she just loves people !! But she just lovvvvvves males !!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hehe... I haven't fed my dogs for days...Post your Comment
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RHP User
8 years ago
Haha, no, not really. Simply simplistic conclusions that illiteracy has to do with performance in other areas. Like intelligence and performance. ;-) Countrytouch, rather than a single thing, it would be more overall for me (as part of a couple). That they actually match what we're looking for. hahaThat a man does have some focus in his writeup on meeting with a couple rather than just a click of a button in the seeking preferences. That the couple seem to be on the same page as us and not just looking for a single woman really. Peachy
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