F47
Regaining sexual confidence
February 20 2017
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
take your time and find someone really genuine, down to earth, relaxed and someone who understands and cares about you and nurtures you through it. A slower encounter, even a massage start if you like that, but someone who's not in a hurry. With no pressure or expectation. I've had a rather long dry spell lately, due to being busy all the time, that and my 'me' time which I factor into each day, have prevented me from being able to hook up, but that's changing, I'm actively breaking back in now, or about to. I've had life changes, challenges, to deal with, and have remained horny and wanting it, but just didn't have the time. These first guys I unleash on, will be in for a treat But you'll find it's like riding a bike, scuse the analogy there just finding that first one who understands will take good care of you, and isn't just in it for himself
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RHP User
8 years ago
...to create self-approval and view yourself as doubtless others see you? Start by looking in the mirror...you'll see a very beautiful, sensual and sexual woman looking back at you. Read your own profile...that was written by a confident and incredibly sexy woman. Open your inbox here...I'm sure it's now flooded yet again and you've more ''offers to help'' than a pack of boy scouts all converging on a little old lady standing on street corner. You rock and all you gotta do is believe! Best..... CM
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Katkat
8 years ago
I feel the same way it's been 5-6 weeks now no sex for since last time with my ex FWB I just can't be bothered nowadays not gonna jump into cheap sex with anyone. I need to do more gym workout definitely & just enrolled myself into ju jiutsu class keep my mind busy on other things. I'm enjoying my self ATM. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'ChasinMidnight' Open your inbox here...I'm sure it's now flooded yet again and you've more ''offers to help'' than a pack of boy scouts all converging on a little old lady standing on street corner. Again, I know you mean well and I do appreciate it, but no my inbox is not flooded. I live thousands of kms from most people, they're not going to waste messages on someone they will never meet, and I don't blame them. I know guys have this impression that every woman on here is receiving a hundred messages a day but it's just not true.
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RHP User
8 years ago
...and I guess not too many would have the luxury of being able to hop a plane or borrow one to fly there and see you. The world is a small place and in my very often less than humble opinion, you are a rarity amongst women. No vacuous compliments...not hitting on you...you're most of all you're someone that I would be happy to call a friend and let anyone argue with my pervasive logic. Be well, beautiful woman..... CM
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RHP User
8 years ago
FWIW... I fly up to Townsville a couple of times every year just to chase fish and drink beer with my friends! Given a choice between you and a tuna... well, it's pretty obvious really. Do you have any cold beer in your 'fridge?
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cat_n_the_hatter
8 years ago
I whisper to myself, then slowly, slowly caress myself. It's not that I think I am beautiful. Then I know. (Ms) Try it
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thanks but I'm happy to keep our interactions strictly to the forum.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I guess life is always made of ups and downs. You cannot have the good without the bad, and times like these are trying for sure. Personally, I try to find the good in things. I dont think this is always easy, but with practice it does become easier. Regularly spending time evaluating the way I think and do things helps me to recognise parts of my life that could use change, or brushing up. Often I find that the way I feel is directly related to my life choices at the time...eg lack of exercise, eating poorly, stressing over things. I feel it does take practice to be able to sit back and identify these things, but I keep trying to look, and improve when I can. Your profile and pictures are lovely, I do enjoy looking at your profile, and I love the lingerie you wear. Thank you for showing these off
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swingalingson
8 years ago
Over the years in the clubs I have seen real and I mean real confidence boosters. Ladies, that never been to a nice swingers club before are under the belief that men are only looking for a certain type of woman that the Main Stream Media Portrays. In fact that media does not know what men are really looking for and sometimes the women. The secret for confidence you ask? Women who finally muster the courage to go to a swingers club become awake. They become awake to what the real world looks for and appreciate. And most of the time without judgement. After they learn that sexual confidence my have been battered by themselves or another or a situation but soon realize that the other women have regained it. And I am not talking about cocky I am talking about sexual confidence to experiment and start trying to be adventurous. One thing is that them chatting to other women the other women explain to them how to regain it quick smart. And the other secret is that a comfortable play partner can bring that sexual confidence back out again. But that is providing that women are mentally ready and you let him or her bring it out. Selfish lovers need not apply!
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RHP User
8 years ago
hitting on, I'm confused 😀😉 Just for the record, I don't get a thousand messages a day either. Oh to be fresh meat again 😇
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RHP User
8 years ago
After years of being emotionally and mentally beaten down, I didn't have a shred of self confidence left. Not in my everyday self or my sexual self. What I've found to be my rediscovery of my sexual self has been by really pushing against the grain and my comfort zone. I did this by putting myself out there and trying new things with trustworthy playmates who have nurtured me to a new place of growing self confidence. By doing this, I have also found self confidence in my everyday life as well as my sexual life. I would recommend choosing something (sexual or non sexual) that makes you feel both a little afraid but yet excited. It could be a real turning point for new self discovery and confidence. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
For me it has been trial and error and being selective with lovers. Each has added something lively and new, bringing me back out of my shell. There are some beautiful gentlemen on this site who have guided me back until enjoying my body, my sexuality. They've reminded me of why I love sex and have uncovered my femininity - something I thought lost forever. Confidence in anything comes from mastery and mastery comes from practice. Hang in there, this passes and before you know it you'll be living you're body, those pressed against it and the reactions you have have as a result. x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'swingalingson' The secret for confidence you ask? Women who finally muster the courage to go to a swingers club become awake. They become awake to what the real world looks for and appreciate. And most of the time without judgement. My location limits me, there are no swingers clubs here. I have been to one before and would like to again in future, but for now I don't have that avenue available to me.
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RHP User
8 years ago
When you're ready, find someone new. Someone you find sexy, try not to judge yourself just have your own fun. The rest will take care of itself. It's less about performance and more about compatibility. Often what was once great runs it's course and it's time to move on, it's just the way of things. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
For me, wearing nice lingerie does it. Even if it's under my work uniform while I'm at work. We all have something to bring that sexy confidence out, even if it's just a little spark. A spark can sometimes turn into fire. Go back to whatever has given you that confidence in the past and revisit that. Bring that spark out to bring the confidence out from within and let it grow from there. Whether you initiate some conversations in here or go out and chat to a few people. To be totally honest, if I were a guy, I'd think you were out of my league and that would be the reason for me not chatting to you. There are many guys in here who lack just as much confidence as some of us women do.
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MsJonesy
8 years ago
Finding your sexual confidence. Its about finding you.....getting your soul in balance again. When that is in place, everything is in place.
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EarthQueen
8 years ago
Quoting 'MsJonesy' Finding your sexual confidence. Its about finding you.....getting your soul in balance again. When that is in place, everything is in place. Find ways to make yourself feel good about you. Trying new things or putting yourself in some situations that are out of your comfort zone to help build up your confidence. Get out and enjoy your life. Have fun in new places doing new things and look in the mirror every day and tell yourself you are beautiful and that you love yourself. Then start putting out the feelers for some nice guys on here. They are out there and many probably feel the same way that you do. Start talking and take it from there. Best wishes and have fun xxx and laugh a lot as well xx
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skyhightypeofguy
8 years ago
I'm finding it hard to regain my sexual confidence again after a deflating relationship breakdown and friends tell me 'if you get knocked off that horse then get straight back on' - well that is damn hard thing to do! I'm struggling. My body is fit and well but my mind and heart are broken so it's just no happening.. I feel the risk of repeating the same mistakes again is overriding the want of a loving, sexual relationship with another beautiful partner?? Is there any magic trick or maybe voodoo love potion i can take to bring back that bedroom tiger in me?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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PurePeony
8 years ago
I wasted years of my life feeling fugly and bleah until I decided that enough is enough and embarked on a journey to transform myself. I have found that the biggest confidence booster is to be disciplined in activities that will make me look good - sticking to a low-quantity high-quality diet, being more active in everyday chores and activities and buying new clothes and lingerie to celebrate my weight loss and nicer body silhouette. More importantly, being extremely discerning over the guys I meet and choose to be with helps. Initially, I would be really uncomfortable receiving compliments because I thought that the guys were just being nice and trying the flattery gets you everywhere trick. :P But when I got to know a few frank male friends, I realised that I'm the one who's terribly harsh on myself and that some men are really easy to please and their standards of sexy / beautiful is not as harsh as most women's. So my sexual confidence is largely thanks to all my ex's who had been very encouraging. Being only with guys who are gentlemanly and in synche with me sexually is a solid decision. Conversely, saying thanks but no thanks to guys who are narcissistic, mean and have sexual preferences and kinks that are out of your comfort zone will ultimately build your sexual confidence. We can't all be the "best" lover to all men and once we don't take things so personally and stop blaming ourselves, our self-acceptance grows. Instead of thinking, "I'm not good in bed compared to yada-yada", think, "I'm not good in bed...with this man in particular. He doesn't inspire me to be the hot, sexy and foxy lover that I am. I need a man who knows how to light my fire." I tell myself to stop wasting time with sexually incompatible men...eventually that will grind down your sexual confidence because you won't be able to please each other as much as you both want to. It's much easier and better for our souls and spirits to be with a mate who's on the same page as us sexually, and who can turn us on by just throwing a smouldering look in our direction.
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lovman8
8 years ago
Great to hear all your responses. It helps me to try and make sense of my situation. Allow me to be a little self indulgent but my story is that in the last 9 months due to treatment for prostate cancer I have lost all genital function. ( in fact due to surgery and hormone treatment my penis and testicals have become tiny and have almost no sensation) I have always had a high libido and find I am still fascinate (obsessed ) with sex and women but feel very inadequate about starting anything sexual and somewhat of a fraud for even being on rhp. Ridicuously, I find myself reluctant to even fondle or cuddle my wife because I know I can't "deliver". The whole situation depresses me, and it is somewhat theraputic to express this in the forums as I am reluctant to express it verbally.
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RHP User
8 years ago
When we split I thought any chance of a sex life at my age was over. I had zero confidence in myself. I lost weight through stress at the time and treated myself to some new clothes, some nice dresses from Salvos I received compliments when I was out but still felt unattractive, certainly not an object of sexual attraction! I joined RHP but was reluctant to put up any photos. When I did, I got some compliments from guys but just thought they were being nice to cut to the chase. I was terrified when I had my first meet that the guy would take one look and run! But he didnt, we became FWB and he constantly told me how good I looked and how sexy I was. I still found it hard to believe. When your confidence has gone its extremely hard to build it up again. I was wary of people who gave me any compliments. Sexually I thought I was too boring for anyone on RHP. But I was lucky and met some great lads who made me feel special and sexy, taught me how to enjoy sex again and gradually built up my sexual confidence. The old me is back. It was for me, about meeting the right people. I was seeing a younger guy for a year and a half, and he still keeps in touch. He told me I had "set a ridiculously high standard" as far as he was concerned. I thought, wait, a woman in her fifties setting any kind of standard? I guess I must have appeared very confident to him. It took me a long time and it was difficult to feel sexually confident again but I got there. It is NOT easy though, no matter how many people tell you that you look or are sexy. Oh and a girlfriend told me to accept compliments graciously instead of brushing them off ( as some of us do ). I hope you get your confidence back soon and meet some lovely guys who will help you to feel like that confident and sexy lady that you are xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
How honest of you. We forget that guys get big knocks too......they just dont seem to talk about it so much. I hope you meet someone who brings back that confidence within. ( It is not nice to look in the mirror and think you are looking at someone unattractive and not remotely sexy. I know xx )
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PurePeony
8 years ago
Woohoo! Way to go! I loved reading how you got your mojo back! ;) Kind-hearted gentlemen who are appreciative of our efforts and who are patient are true gems!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'MsJonesy' Finding your sexual confidence. Its about finding you.....getting your soul in balance again. When that is in place, everything is in place. Well said! Resonates very strongly for me at the moment xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
for your responses so far. Some great advice there. Unfortunately my location means finding compatible partners is quite difficult. Townsville is a small place and a long way from the capital cities. This is probably part of my problem overall. It's very frustrating to go months without sex, then meet someone and have sex with them a few times only to find you're not really compatible, then go back to no sex at all again, rinse and repeat. It's a cycle that I'm very much over. Whilst I will be moving one day it's not going to happen for awhile, so I guess I just have to deal with that frustration and try to focus on other things that can help me stay grounded and mentally healthy. One thing I should probably do is consciously try to keep up the masturbation, I find that if I'm not having sex I also stop masturbating whereas if I kept it up it would be an outlet for my sexuality during my often long spells of not having a sexual partner.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I recognise how difficult your situation must be for you. I don't think you should feel like a fraud for being here though. Sexual expression and sexuality can come in many different forms, and not just from a focus on genitalia. Have you spoken to a counsellor or sex therapist at all?
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RHP User
8 years ago
Gutsy mate gutsy, I feel for you. Man hug, if you don't have a mate to talk to, feel free. Best regards.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'WiccaWitch' To be totally honest, if I were a guy, I'd think you were out of my league and that would be the reason for me not chatting to you. There are many guys in here who lack just as much confidence as some of us women do. There are plenty of times when I think someone is out of my league. I do struggle with my self-confidence at times though, particularly during difficult periods like this one I'm currently in.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hugs xx get yourself over here and come see me 😉 I'd love to share intimate time with you. It's not over, the mind is our strongest sexual organ xx
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madotara69
8 years ago
That little bit of sensation, work with that mate...every day. Ms D You just need a luck dragon, everyone needs a luck dragon :) We met you and you are a cool chick, good sort, you are educated and you've made sacrifices to pursue your studies, tough choices sure. If a guy wins your heart, then he'll need to treat you real good to keep it. IMHO Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thankyou so much, that's lovely of you
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precious142
8 years ago
Toy boy!!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Yep, I'm with precious here 👍 why didn't I think of that haha of course I did, just forgot to mention it 😉
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'precious142' Toy boy!! The last couple guys I was with were younger, in their 20s, and both were...not compatible, shall we say, to keep things polite. I know you can't generalise, but I think I'm a bit wary of the twenty-somethings at the moment. I'm sure that won't last though
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RHP User
8 years ago
Can't really add anything fresh, there is plenty of good advice above. I hope that you do regain your sexual confidence. I know what it feels like to be in that space. I felt that way while I was married and after I left him. Then I met somebody here a couple of years ago who became a FWB for a couple of years. Slowly I regained my confidence and started to feel good about myself again, physically and sexually. That has ended now and I'm in the phase of what Jonesy described...trying to make myself whole and get my soul balanced. For me Jonesy's comment summed it up beautifully.
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cat_n_the_hatter
8 years ago
Not everything is about "delivery". Many don't know how to fondle and caress. They never learned. Even playing with words can excite. Talk to your wife. She needs to know how you feel and you need to let go of your insecurities. We change through life and the way we see intimacy changes with us. Would it bother you to be a part of mfm? If it would, don't do it, but if it's something you could enjoy you can try with that. Definitely agree with Ms_Dragon you could try talking with the counsellor or sex therapist. (Ms)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Dragon' for your responses so far. Some great advice there. Unfortunately my location means finding compatible partners is quite difficult. Townsville is a small place and a long way from the capital cities. This is probably part of my problem overall. It's very frustrating to go months without sex, then meet someone and have sex with them a few times only to find you're not really compatible, then go back to no sex at all again, rinse and repeat. It's a cycle that I'm very much over. Whilst I will be moving one day it's not going to happen for awhile, so I guess I just have to deal with that frustration and try to focus on other things that can help me stay grounded and mentally healthy. One thing I should probably do is consciously try to keep up the masturbation, I find that if I'm not having sex I also stop masturbating whereas if I kept it up it would be an outlet for my sexuality during my often long spells of not having a sexual partner. Quoting 'Ms_Dragon' for your responses so far. Some great advice there. Unfortunately my location means finding compatible partners is quite difficult. Townsville is a small place and a long way from the capital cities. This is probably part of my problem overall. It's very frustrating to go months without sex, then meet someone and have sex with them a few times only to find you're not really compatible, then go back to no sex at all again, rinse and repeat. It's a cycle that I'm very much over. Whilst I will be moving one day it's not going to happen for awhile, so I guess I just have to deal with that frustration and try to focus on other things that can help me stay grounded and mentally healthy. One thing I should probably do is consciously try to keep up the masturbation, I find that if I'm not having sex I also stop masturbating whereas if I kept it up it would be an outlet for my sexuality during my often long spells of not having a sexual partner. I have no doubt you already have a busy social life, but if not why not try a joining some clubs or social meets? like meetup or the like?Maybe there is a board game social group in the area (hehe geeky) or a walking/running/hiking group? I don't necessarily mean to find a partner, but sometimes I find I spend too much time thinking about partners and relationships. I feel its nice to just get into some activities with no sexual or other agenda, but simply because it may be fun / distracting. and to be completely honest, I feel I have had more success meeting people when I am distracted and not trying to meet people.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Yes I've looked into meetup groups etc., regarding more general social activities, but again the small town aspect comes into play. There's not many active groups, particularly with younger members. Townsville is just not a good place in general for a single, child free, left-leaning woman in her 30s who holds what are still considered fairly alternative views about sex and relationships. This is a very conservative, family oriented town, and I suppose it's why I'm finding the people I get along best with don't live here. Also why I recognise that staying in touch with my sexuality and keeping that spark alive is going to largely rely on myself and not someone else, at least in the short term. I'm certainly not wanting a relationship at this stage of my life, but if I do meet someone here for an ongoing FWB situation that would just be a great bonus.
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RHP User
8 years ago
whats the toy-boy/not-toy-boy age gap? asking for a friend :p (after midnight posts)
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
I've been feeling blah, and unsexy/unattractive for a while now.I'm trying to not focus too much on the lack of sex and male interest in me right now.I don't do new year's resolutions, but in January I just decided...I'm 40 this year, time to DO things for me.I've got things planned to do this year. More getting out of my comfort zone and over my shyness/insecurity to meet new people (went to the Melb M&G, going to try meeting the women of rhp in Bris, girls' weekends away with new and old friends). I also want new sexual experiences/adventures...but can't focus there yet (the whole lack of men interested situation!) lolI've increased my gym and training schedule (getting hot, sweaty and sore makes me feel good about myself!), and I've taken up boxing, which introduced more new and friendly people into my life.If I keep busy and my mind is distracted, I don't have time for woe-is-me, I'm alone and single thoughts.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Personally regaining your sexual confidence just means you need to take longer to assess the right person for you. I suggest a mental connection, where flirtatious innuendoes entice you. Take your time, all good things come to those who wait. And also make sure that the person you choose is genuinely asking you what you like and what makes you go off. This should be replicated by yourself. Allow your new found partner to create anxiety between you. You don't need to run off and have sex straight away, you build tempo, anxiety, desire, hunger. Things like meet at a park late at night, him on one side you on the other, close enough that you can see each other touching yourselfs. Send texts while doing this, to arouse each other. Then the week after perhaps meet at the shops and then go in to the change rooms, engage in heavy kissing and groping, arouse the hell out of each other, but stop before sex. Don't spend all day everyday chatting, but when you lay down to bed then chat. Sometimes have him pleasure himself for you while you encourage him with words and then vice versa. Entertain role playing, send undergarments to each other, sexy photos. Perfume on a lace bra. Don't jump straight into naked pics, make them provocative, letting the imagination run wild to fill in the blanks. Most of all come the time you have nookie, make sure there is seperation, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Be honest and open, don't be close minded, remember what you might have not liked in the past doesn't mean to say you won't like it with your new partner. Allow your mind to go on a journey, allow it to be entangled with your partners, close your mind, imagine, breath, live. Most of all enjoy, do not trap, push, or be forceful, don't be negative, communication is the key to connection. Have fun - Posted from rhpmobile
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Eiliethiya
8 years ago
That long winded spiel...my point is that I'm hoping gaining confidence in other areas, will also help in gaining sexual confidence. - Posted from rhpmobile
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precious142
8 years ago
Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose' whats the toy-boy/not-toy-boy age gap? asking for a friend :p (after midnight posts) Present toyboy - over 30years difference. Guess I have been lucky with the 3 I have met over the past 5 years - not all from RHP though. They have all been respectful, well mannered and most of all - heaps of fun!!!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Op as others have mentioned it's all about you at the moment. Time is needed to reflect on the past and the mistakes from both parties. Don't beat yourself up about the past. Learn from your experience and take those experiences into your next adventure. Be true to yourself and never give into something or someone your gut tells you otherwise. When the time is right You'll be ready to jump on the saddle again. Giddy up girl 🐴🐴🐴
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RHP User
8 years ago
To be brutally honest, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to find and sustain a FWB relationship that lasts more than a few weeks. Past events have damaged me in a big way, and no matter how much work I do I doubt I'll ever trust a guy completely ever again. I'm probably kidding myself even being on here. Sorry, bit of a pity party going on over here. Nights are a bit difficult, in particular, at the moment.
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RHP User
8 years ago
No, don't think that. You will find a guy you can trust. You're beautiful and it's not you, it's just the small town issue, if you were anywhere else, you'd be fine, knocked over in the rush I would think. Is there any way you can move to a city area?
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RHP User
8 years ago
Big Hugs xx
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Missb4u
8 years ago
Sexy confidence comes from within me so I need to withdraw and find whats gone wrong so I can fix it. Lately it's been eating poorly and working really long hours. So I need to fix that. The end of summer will always see me get a bit down to as I love the summer months. Being sexy in winter is harder lol... 😂 Doesn't hurt to have some very genuine people around that remind you that others don't see us as we see ourselves.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Thing is it is partly me, I know that and that aspect won't really change until I can address it, no matter where I live. I'm working on it, there's a lot of stumbling blocks but I just have to keep the hope that better things are ahead. Thankyou for your lovely comments, it's so appreciated x
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RHP User
8 years ago
Although perhaps more correct reassuring, as opposed to nice, to know that other people out there go through troughs of insecurity, low times. Even more reassuring to know you can come out the other side of it. Sometimes it seems like everyone else here is constantly going to wild parties, and meeting a never ending supply of amazing lovers. I know my reality isn't like that, I'd be quite happy for just one at the moment!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Yep exactly...this place is a bit of a double edged sword for me. I do get a lot of positives out of it, but reading about others' wild sexual escapades can make me feel a bit despondent when I struggle to find one guy for a regular FWB thing. I suppose it's like most things in life which have both good and bad aspects, and you weigh up which are more important to you at the time.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I agree it's a double edged sword on here. Initially on here it served its purpose, but I discovered I don't have an addictive personality. I ended up wanting only one special person and well this is not the site for that. Well not from my experience. So after gaining back my confidence, the whole addiction to just sex with anyone didn't fulfill me anymore I wanted to share all experiences with someone special. So my focus is now back on me :) I am not arrogant, but I know I don't want a thousand people wanting me, only the one :) because I found once I knew it was right person I absolutely can't get enough of them ❤️ - Posted from rhpmobile
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lil_bit_rusty
8 years ago
Quoting 'Missb4u' Sexy confidence comes from within me so I need to withdraw and find whats gone wrong so I can fix it. Lately it's been eating poorly and working really long hours. So I need to fix that. The end of summer will always see me get a bit down to as I love the summer months. Being sexy in winter is harder lol... 😂 Doesn't hurt to have some very genuine people around that remind you that others don't see us as we see ourselves. At least in Brissie you get something of a Winter Missb... I think Winter is on a Wednesday this year in Townsville. I miss being able to wear my jeans, boots, a well fitting long sleeved shirt... *Gasp* even a jacket... without sweat stains immediately appearing (sexy image ain't it?), strutting my stuff and hitting the Beat nightclub. Ms. Dragon I feel for you,Having been through a hellish 18 months myself, losing 25Kg (I don't recommend stress as a weight loss technique) and feeling ashamed of my body, being manipulated, taken advantage of, emotionally abused, lied to, cheated upon and being made the biggest joke of in Town (at least that's what it felt like... in reality only a few dozen to a hundred know how much of a joke the "relationship" I thought I was in actually was)... then finding out the further level of deception and cruelty whilst giving them a second chance as they were showing some signs of improved behaviour... all the classic symptoms of an addict became clear... I stumbled upon the final piece of the puzzle and everything I'd doubted in that time clicked into place and explained why I'd been treated that way... It broke me (there were a couple of other contributing factors such as finances and my hours of work). I couldn't talk to anyone... I have no really close friends or family here and at the time I didn't know whom I could trust... and those I did have I didn't want to burden with my negative story... upon reaching my limit, giving up on this person, breaking and finally confiding in a few workmates and family... I didn't turn things around instantly... however I did halt the slide down... I didn't hit bottom but I was close enough to see it.Since finding a few genuine people to confide in (the more people I talk to about my breaking down, the more I find have gone through... if not exactly the same then at least similar periods of self doubt), getting it off of my chest and somewhat off of my mind, I've been able to start having periods of normalcy... I've even rediscovered what it feels like to be liked by people... even desired sexually! A liaison last year after the initial breakup and one since/during my breakdown was both a confidence booster, letting me know that others still view me as sexually desirable (scrawny arse and all)... they were also deflating, in as much as I was horny and enjoyed the feeling of being wanted again... I wasn't able to offer an ongoing FWB situation due to my fluctuating moods desire/they weren't what I was ultimately looking for... perhaps I jumped too far into the deep end... I don't know... I know I enjoyed it momentarily but I couldn't offer anything ongoing... at least until I'd worked further upon myself... I already know that if one aspect of my life is in turmoil, I need to address and solve it so as to allow life to continue... otherwise I end up in a holding pattern until I do.I now realise that the pain and suffering I've gone through I had to go through (I'm telling myself that to rationalise it... I do believe it to a degree though also), it's given me a better understanding of myself and my behaviours in the past... not just the past 18 months but the last 20 years... whilst I've never been as deliberately cruel as this person I shall now name Karma... I have in the past exhibited similar traits... (I hope to a lesser degree) and have hurt people whom I loved.I believe this lesson is what I needed to learn by moving to Townsville from Brisbane 3 years ago and that I can now move on/forward with my life. 2017 is the year of me, restoring myself to my former glory/potential, resolving outstanding issues in my life and achieving my goals... at least working towards them again. And it's already begun... here I am writing in the forums again... something I used to enjoy and haven't seriously done in years... I even went out last Friday night, had a crack at karaoke, laughed and joked with friends and got offered a threesome at the gay bar (I was quite flattered as both guys were quite good looking... hot even, but not for me... a hot CD maybe )... I started feeling good about myself again... day by day I'm recovering... I'm using the hell I went through as inspiration to better myself... to not just get back to where I was happy, but to take myself further. It's not going to be easy I know... I'll suffer setbacks and periods of self doubt again (I have all of my life), however I have a new desire to better myself... again, an after affect of having gone through something that had to happen/being on the right path again. How's my sexual confidence doing? Growing day by day... at least the desire is... I'm still wary of being able to offer more than a night at a time at the moment... the optimist in me is hopeful for a recovery though... I'm going to be a different person than before (same same but different ), It's going to be harder to trust for sure... and that'll affect my ability to connect... I'm going to be upfront about it and hope that people understand and are willing to work with me though. I sincerely hope that you find some beneficial ideas amongst these responses/find your own solutions to regaining your own sexual confidence... from what I've seen/read of you in the forums over the years I know that your contributions have often helped others. Cheers to overcoming your fears Rusty
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