M43
Retire from lifestyling?
December 21 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
wish I had a crystal ball....if you are asking the question, in your heart you know the answer
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RHP User
12 years ago
agree.....you have the answer within you...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Danny boy, just to clarify are you bi-sexual or is she? Sounds to me as if you are not ready to give up this lifestyle which means that one day you may very well feel resentful that you had to give it up to be with her. If you are not sure now... than I say she isn't right for you. But only you can really make this call. Good luck gorgeous!Meeka
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RHP User
12 years ago
You have nothing to lose by trying. Who knows, she might come around or you might realise there is more to life than the lifestyle. You WILL kick yourself up the ass no matter what you do. You're better off regretting what you've done rather than what you didn't do. I can tell you this for a fact from my own limited experiences
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RHP User
12 years ago
Tsk tsk what's the "against everything WE stand for!" What "we" the mob?? You owe Rhp nothing, Rhp owes YOU nothing, so go grab ya lady, enjoy what you make of it, cos sometimes....you just never know what you have, until its gone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The answer is there... enjoy your time with her..for what its worth and while you can...but trust me, it aint love if your sacrificing part if not all of who you truly are...
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RHP User
12 years ago
It will not work You will be back here , just a matter of time. Even if its not your life style, take a look at all the married people here who have partners who do not know if you play as a couple you stay as a couple good luck what ever you decide and take a look at meekas bum, if your tempted the anwer is there
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RHP User
12 years ago
In my opinion no-one absolutely no-one is worth giving up for what you stand for and what you like. Keep true to yourself. If you still want to keep this lifestyle I honestly don't think you'll be happy in the long term if you give it up. This is my opinion in any kind of relationship matter... never give yourself up or something you like doing for someone else...it's not worth it sacrificing what you want for anyone! Do I sound bitter??? Maybe a little bit... but I gave up too much for my ex and I regret that...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Are you really 'giving up' anything worth while? Sex with multiple persons compared to spending time with "a fantastic girl who is pretty much everything I coulld want". Im trying to see your issue here. To me youre coming across is extremly selfish and this is all about you - if thats the case then leave the poor woman alone and save her the heartache. If she as as you described (a fantastic girl who is pretty much everything I could want ) then youre not giving up anything but gaining so much more. Kisses Focus
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RHP User
12 years ago
For me what makes a man is his choises that he makes, and he is standing for them. I would never give up anything that i want, that i need, that i believe and wish for, for no one. However i did repsect all my ex-grilfriends and i accepted them as they were and not as i wanted them to be and i ll do the same in the future. Do not be affraid of what you need because is what you are. But if you do that for her is she willing to give up her Bi feelings and stop desiring what you can not offer to her ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think it's a bit of an unrealistic assumption to suggest this girl is making him choose...I could be wrong of course
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RHP User
12 years ago
She is everything you want BUT? Stop trying to qualify a relationship. She is either everything you want or she is not. There is no but! No I do not think that you can give up who and what you are for someone. Eventually resentment and the craving for what you really desire will seep in and drive you crazy. How can someone be against nudity? She can not shower clothed and I am guessing she does not have sex clothed either... Walk away, let her find someone that she is compatable with and you carry on searching for someone who is more than pretty much what you want.
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RHP User
12 years ago
"A fantastic girl who is pretty much everything I could want" Don't throw her away and always wonder as you grow older. Go for it, put everything you have into it. It may work out great, which would be great!!! If it doesn't work out, then you know and you can sleep knowing you didn't throw away what may turn out in hindsight to be your best chance at whole happiness. FIND OUT so you never regret. Or pass and ALWAYS wonder. Don't listen to the cynics, listen to the wise words Ghostbusters said...... "What's the "against everything WE stand for!" What "we" the mob?? You owe Rhp nothing, Rhp owes YOU nothing, so go grab ya lady, enjoy what you make of it, cos... "SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE, UNTIL ITS GONE." Don't be the person in ten years time giving the same advice because you learned too late.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
If you have a desire, a craving or any kind of need for a certain activity or a particular way of doing something in a sexual capacity then you will always have it and the craving will never go away.Too many times I have met middle aged guys that want to do the things they have always desired such as BDSM, bisexual play or crossdressing. They have put their needs aside for years but in the end their needs become too great to ignore anymore and they seek out people like me. Some are married and some have waited until the kids grew up but they all succumb to their desires eventually.Be yourself and stay with what you like or you may not be satisfied with what you get in the end.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I attend the beach a great deal..and as luck would have it, my local beach is a nudist beach..I love it.......now apart from it being a nudist beach it is a very common meeting place for the gay/bi guys to hook up at ....its discreet..and Ive never seen anything blatant..Im cool with it - but I do watch with mild amusement...they are like little meerkats dashing around in those dues !!!... - I swear yet again that I am the only single women within 20 kms that attends that beach - and Ive never had any probs or issues there but I digress Anyway - Ive struck up quite a few beach buddy friendships with the above mentioned guys - mainly the bi guys.. Its sad They drop their Missus off at the local mall to do their shopping which is only 3 kms away, lob down to the beach...meet or cruise for a hookup and then when the deed is done, they lay on the sand to catch some rays and chat with me...and nearly everyone of them states the same...they are frightened of their bisexuality - the overwhelming need and strength of their desires and they cant help "giving in" to it When I ask them is their lovely lady open to any or all of this most of them say No and they are dumbfounded when I chat with them about it.... - they all tell me their Missus would be horrifed, disgusted, appalled - yayda, yada, yada if they knew..they cant talk to her, no way would she be open to this And so this his how they live their lives. . ...........sure its excting - this other side of them that they give into each Sat morning....but my..how much effort it must take to live a lie and not even being able to express your wants/desire/mneeds to the person that you preport to love more than anything in the world.... these guys do truly reflect on what a terrible mistake they have made in choosing their now partner , even though they do love their Mssus and the lifestyle they have embraced..it is simply not enough... How sad that one cant be completely true and comfortable in this day with their sexuality and be accepted by everyone accordingly So bottom line OP...your choice...your lovely lady wont change (people fundamentally dont)..she may come around a little, but rarely a lot...and you cant change either..so as I said before..enjoy what you have at the moment, but be realistic, not naive... but more than that , be true to yourself..
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
When we joined rhp almost 4yrs ago it was my husband who was the instigator! I was very very unsure n had no idea really what it was all about! This lifestyle is not for everyone! Your friend maybe bisexual - but that doesn't mean she wants to join rhp.... Are you being the selfish one n wanting to stay on rhp for your own personal satisfaction or do you really want her to participate in this lifestyle. We all make sacrifices n we all get hurt at times - where can you see yourself in 6 to 12mths time.... Enjoy life the best you can!
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JessicaRabbit
12 years ago
For wanting to be who they are. Why is wanting to have sex with multiple people selfish? As long as it's not hurting anyone, then why does that make him selfish? I don't think you can just 'switch off' desires and wants because you really want to be what this person wants. Neither of you should have to compromise on your values, but ultimately that's what it's going to come down to. Compromising isn't necessarily a bad thing though as long as you are both happy with whatever decision you make and aren't just doing it for the other. If you aren't both willing to change and doing it for the right reasons then it's going to be tough. Dida xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
of course.....if this is the girl you feel you 'love above all others'....then giving up the 'lifestyle' would be a very easy thing to do.... love is something you shouldnt deny, for if you do....for the sake of casual sex and little responsibility, you may never experience what it means to be truly and totally in love with another person.............and doom yourself to loneliness and sadness...because, after all, the same clocks tick for all of us, and our 'desirability' has a shelf life.....there will come a point where this life no longer fills your heart with happiness or contentment........
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RHP User
12 years ago
What do you mean by 'against nudity'. Being monogamous for someone is achievable. Maintaining a strong relationship with someone whose values fundamentally differ from your own is a much more difficult proposition.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I gave up the lifestyle when I met John, Bryan and I have been in it for over 20 years, although we didn't play much, me too fussy....I'm not....lol...I chose to stop playing all together when we met John. John is not from the lifestyle and is uncomfortable with me being with guys other than Bryan , so we don't play anymore. Having said that sometimes we will have threesome with another girl but that's as fa r as it goes. I am happy with the way things are, I say I have been there and done that and now I know that I am over it ( playing that is), I feel sometimes you have to change your ways when the one you love and respect is uncomfortable no matter what they are. I have never been happier and love my guys so much, and don't miss playing one little bit. It has been 4 years now and we are planning on all being together for many more. Leesa xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
That should have said him not fussy..lol sorry
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well that'd made it all very clear.. a few conflicting opinions... I think I will wait, find someone that wants to take this journey with me.. :) one last question when should I bring this up in future? I think on the first date it can be a little intimidating... however I don't want to string someone along on false pretences...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have it up for the twelve years I was with my ex wife and I can honestly say I didn't miss it. I am not sure if I would do it again or not. The reason I didn't miss it, or at least what I put it down to was that I was so completely in love its her. Or maybe there was a bit of self delusion and deception there as well. If you ever get a definitive answer on this topic, I would love to see it but I think it all comes down to a personal choice. I am guessing you have been seeing this girl for a while, so you probably have some sort of idea of how it will feel if you do give up this lifestyle. Go with your heart, with what feels right and at least you are being honest with her and yourself.
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