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Rules Of The Game: Strategies & Guidelines You Live By To Keep It "Purely Business"

April 29 2015

Hi all, I will keep it short and simple. My sexual experiences have been very limited and I have been with only a small number of men as I was in relationships from 16 onwards. I have been single for over a year now and I came on to this website with hopes to broaden my sexual horizons. I feel that having a single play partner is best to minimise risk of getting anything and also to become comfortable with each other so you can experiment (as my previous partners were very "vanilla"). I do not like the idea of sleeping with a large number of men however my problem has been that I have been unable to remove emotion from sex. I have really only had sex with people I have been in a relationship with and not wanting to sustain more than 1 partner at a time, means really i'm being sexually exclusive (too much like a relationship). I like the idea of having a FWB situation, but when I was able to have that it grew complicated too quickly. What do you do to remove emotions from sex? What "rules" do you put in place to stop it becoming too complicated? Is it possible to do this at all? (Is it a gender issue or perhaps just a personal issue based on morals and values of the individual)? Is it more about finding the right person to have this situation with? (If you are both too emotional perhaps its not the right match). Looking forward to any comments and advice SB

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him_and_me

10 years ago

I think that removing emotion from sex will significantly reduce how much pleasure you derive from it. It is an intimate act and is likely going to cause some emotions. Having said that, I don't feel that you *need* to get emotionally involved in the sense that you chat daily, become good friends and have a "relationship". I think evoking some passion really helps in terms of making a play date special. Maybe keep contact occasional until a play date is imminent and then ramp up sexy chat..discussions of what could take place and build up a real sense of desire and anticipation. Same on the other side of the play date: a nice debrief and if everyone's on the same page...then talk about an aim to do it again. When play is a while away...just keep contact to an occasional message and focus on other things like work, family, friends....or other playmates if you're looking to branch out and have more than one. I'll say this though...it is hard finding people that will want the same things as you. Be clear about what you want and how you want to see things evolve. To my mind, what I describe above is a NSA type arrangement, where the objective is passionate and mutually pleasurable sex, but not necessarily an ongoing friendship. As a couple we always talk to each other about partners we are chatting to or playing with, and if things don't seem right, we have veto rights over any individual or scenario. I find that massively reassuring for my sanity. I hope you get some good answers that help you find what you want. Him. - Posted from rhpmobile

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AnnieWhichway

10 years ago

are the way we are. It is in your genetics or makeup. But it can be different during different stages of your life. Certain people can do the no emotion relation setup for long periods but even they can get caught up when least expecting it. I agree with him_and_me above. Keep the chat to a minimum and remove too many personal topics so you dont get involved with personal details. Do not message each other every day. Avoid personal phone calls unless finalising meet details. More than one playmate will help avoid spotlighting one playmate too much. Try 3 if you can juggle that but do not see any of them excessively. By having a few, you get the sex regularly without the personal emotion. Safe sex will fix the catching thing........ And good luck. There is no certainty in life and it certainly holds true in here!!

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RHP User

10 years ago

No more than three 'times' with the one person to attempt to prevent any attachment or feelings developing. I've been in the situation where someone got a little too attached and from that point onwards my husband and I created this rule. I guess ultimately you will work out what is best for you through some trial and error. Best of luck!!! - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

Keeping all talk, filthy and sexual, nothing day to day or too personal helps keep the separation, We are about to have some fun again with the same helper, I think we have been very lucky though, whilst his body and mouth is everything I am after, for what we can assume our worlds are completely different, so no collision there..

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RHP User

10 years ago

No sleepovers - always go home to your own bed. Also, really the best way of not getting too attached to one friend is to have more than one.

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RHP User

10 years ago

The best way is to think that there is no possibilty for anything more than just friendship with sex. For many kissing is very intimate pleasure, sure kiss but keep it to level where more feelings dont come into it. Have great sex just dont have passionate sex. Keep communication to once a week and just have fun with it. A year isnt very long really I would think that you are only just finding your feet as a single. Which is a tough gig if you have always been in a relationship. Think of sex as playing and not something you use to make people want to seek more with you. When you meet someone and you both want more you will know. Until then grow strong as a individual and not someone whom is seeking there next relationship.

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RHP User

10 years ago

unless you are honest about your own motivations (irrespective of what you actually verbalise). I don't believe in denying or blocking emotions. Doing that will potentially lead to anxiety and depression longer term and a pattern of sabotaging. Unless I am being myself I may as well stay home and masturbate........i'm not interested in sexual encounters or any encounter which involves hiding, blocking, manipulating, evading or minimising. Be upfront with that person and tell them what you want and what you expect, but most of all, you need to be upfront and honest with yourself.

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sweetgem

10 years ago

I know exactly what I want in life and set my goals and priorities right, then follow my plans and work on achieving my goals. That way, I will always have something to focus on rather than constantly thinking about relationship or the man I see, or sex, etc. I admit, it is easier for me to do this at my age, but that doesn't mean that a young lady like yourself cannot do the same :-) *Keeping the phone calls and/or text messages to the minimum; * Do not chat too much in detail about your personal life or his; * Do not buy the man any gifts regardless of how long you've known him for; and * Do not have any expectation for anything with your chosen man. These are the strategies that work for me so far. I do not imply that you should adopt my methods, just sharing what works for me and I wish you the very best on your RHP journey. Good luck sweetbrunette91 :-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

No rules just go with what feels right at the time

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RHP User

10 years ago

But ignore your gut instinct at your own peril. I have ignored my "gut" feelings in the past ratio using them away, but time always proved them right.

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RHP User

10 years ago

Rationalising !

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RHP User

10 years ago

You can't. That's Ok though. Some people can't do casual sex. Don't force yourself to be something you're not. But minimisation is the key if you want to give it a go. Just be kind and true to you. It's not for everyone.

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Rules Of The Game: Strategies & Guidelines You Live By To Keep It "Purely Business"

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