M58 F58
Rules of Play
January 17 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's when one partner excludes the other from the play is when things can get awkward when you are playing as a group. It is hard to describe but I can watch a couple bonking other people yet they still seem to have a connection to each other most of the time. Whether that Be a cheeky look between them or something they say to each other. It's a delicate balance which can be hard to get right. If you are new to it, then yes jealousy unexpectedly bites you on the butt. Hopefully some swinging couples will have some good advice for you. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am fairly new to all this but my partner has explored many different levels lol We initally set some ground rules - we have have a great relationship built on trust and open communication. These rules are constantly evolving - each time we play we talk about the experience and how is was for both of us. I can be very flirty but I always make sure that my man (and everyone else at the party) knows he is the most important person there, for me. If we go off chatting we always come back and touch base and kiss. A simple look can explain a lot of things.... eye contact keeps you in the same loop. We also have very mild signs that one of us might be uncomfortable... we often grab each other hands when playing with others and if there in an issue we simply hold the pinky finger instead - it gives us both an obvious sign that we need to put on the breaks. I think it is important to tread lightly at first.... take your time and discover what works for you!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'come_outand_play' We also have very mild signs that one of us might be uncomfortable... we often grab each other hands when playing with others and if there in an issue we simply hold the pinky finger instead - it gives us both an obvious sign that we need to put on the breaks. A fantastic idea.
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RHP User
12 years ago
There are rules now???
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RHP User
12 years ago
Great points Meeka100 thank you.. I guess I see what you mean, perhaps some boundaries will help to start with though I feel I don't want to be selfish either with saying you can't do this and you can't do that because that's our stuff.... Would love everyone's opinion about that ? Is there stuff you keep for yourself only ? Is everyone ok with that or does it cause problems ? I guess I'm hoping that everyone respects each other and that boundaries are not pushed on the night. Come_outand_Play you also make some great comments...I like the 'pinky' idea...though I suppose you have to be really close to each other at the time to do that ....but great points and thanks heaps. Angel x
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RHP User
12 years ago
It's a really important thing that often gets overlooked and we have seen quite a few couples come 'unstuck' because they haven't foreseen some of the issues that might arise when playing, so good on you both for thinking about possible consequences before they actually happen. Love the idea of holding the pinky ... unobtrusive to another partner but totally meaningful for the both of you. That's what we do ... private signals like keeping eye contact with each other even when we are exploring other people, a mere lift of one eyebrow that we both know is checking we are both still cool with what's happening. We are both naturally flirty, which is a good thing, but you are spot on when you say everyone else needs to know that your primary relationship is the number one priority. Agree with Meeka, it's when one person feels excluded or left out that problems start to occur and this is usually if one member of the couple starts playing exclusively (or privately) with another person without including the partner. Recipe for disaster unless you have discussed this scenario before hand and are BOTH fine with it. And even if both say they are, it's almost impossible when push comes to shove :)Changing rules/guidelines/expectations mid-game is also something that rarely ends well. Talk about changing or altering things for next time, but not at the crucial moment in front of others (in our view).Probably the most stark thing we do that separates us as a couple from our playmates is we don't kiss (how you doing 'Pretty Woman'?). Peck on the cheek hello/goodbye etc, but no passionate kissing with FWB - snogging the face of each other is our private thing. Many people might find that a turn off, or indication we are not passionate with our playmates and with one-on-one, that would probably be right, but as a couple, our relationship is the most important concern and our play has to add to our commitment and enjoyment, never detract from it, so them's our apples! Having read back what we've written, totally get why single women are hesitant about being with a couple ... which is probably why couple/couple works best!!Enjoy your journey and have fun :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Fun2Play2500 Thanks so much for your indepth comments and advice. Although we are all for spontaniety, we do like to delve deeply into most things before we go ahead and we have far too much to lose should we not consider all the scenarios and then some without being too analytical that it takes away from the fun we want to have on this journey. I'm not sure how easy we will find not kissing or pashing, its part of our passion and extremely hot for foreplay....hmmm maybe we have to find some new things to experiment with for foreplay...lol That'll be fun .. I love your apples and you never know, we may soon embark on the couples scene.. Enjoy playing. Angel x
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm in the process of arranging my first meet with a couple and I've been thinking a lot about this as well, but from the other side of things. I know that I want to discuss the boundaries and be VERY clear on what those are before any play happens...particularly when it comes to what I will / won't be doing with the male half of the couple. At this stage I'm also sticking to couples who have experience, so that there shouldn't be any nasty surprises once the action starts with things they may have fantasised about suddenly not looking so cool now that they're happening in real life. For you as a couple I think it will be an ongoing process to work out what you are / are not comfortable with. After each time you discuss what you did or didn't like about the experience and incorporate that into your guidelines for next time.Obviously we know that sex isn't the type of thing you can write scripts for, or think about every single possibility beforehand, and spontaneity is obviously a huge part of the fun. But I do think a general set of 'rules' is essential, and as long as everyone involved is respectful and there is good communication then issues of jealousy etc. can hopefully be avoided.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Pleasure Angel, we think you guys have it sorted! And Luckdragon, hope your date goes really well :) For couples, we totally agree that there is a balance between horny sex and sponteniety and being aware of possible scenariosthat, as a couple, can cause shit. Like the boy scouts say, "be prepared"!!! Wishing you all a happy, satisfying and fun filled 2013 :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Luckdragon23 good luck with your first couple meet and thanks for your input... Everyone has been great with giving us their advice...between us all, not that you guys will be there, but with all this input and advice , what could possibly spoil our delicious fun...lol Fun2Play2500 thanks and the same to you and everyone here...hope its your best year ever, regardless of what your journey is. Love Angel x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Fun2Play2500' totally get why single women are hesitant about being with a couple ... which is probably why couple/couple works best!! As a single woman playing with couples, I will always meet them first to talk about expectations and boundaries. If a couple is new to playing with others, my questions will be detailed! I have met a young Couple who state on their profile that they are open to anything, except penetration of Mrs Couple. They have clearly thought about this (or maybe even experienced this) and decided it may cause issues. So before you play, think of different scenarios together. And if your feelings do turn out to be different then you expected while playing, honesty is key. Having a secret sign when you discover a "Hard Limit" shows love and respect for each other, and is a great way to avoid embarrassment all around. Good luck!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Yep.. set your own boundaries with your partner first... I never used to even THINK boundaries... an erect penis has NO conscience!! I have destroyed some damned good meetings because of "Inconsiderate behaviour" In my defence.... "An erect penis has NO conscience" I deliberately quoted that twice Angel.. You know your Woody... and HE THINKS he knows HIS Woody... I guess.. IF you are prepared for the possibility that he MIGHT get a little carried away... you will be able to get your head around it a little.. Men are intrinsically wired somewhat differently to women.. And, IF you are playing together.. I am sure he would not deliberately fck it up.. Only My last fck friend fcks it up :) On each of the times we did threesomes or more.. she TOTALLY disregarded all the rules... I swear... she THINKS like a fckn male!!!!! :) It got the point where I said... "Right oh girl... This is NOT going to work... you need to out playing alone" Man.. THAT started something ELSE.... "Tch!!" ANOTHER case of POLITICALLY INCORRECT abuse from a female :) But.. THAT is another story :)
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luvsilver
12 years ago
Welcome Woodynangel !! We mostly play with couples but have also played with a few single guys and a couple of times with some single woman as well.It really doesn't matter if it is with another couple or singles the results should still be the same. Talk as much as you can about what you BOTH hope to gain from the night and what you will and won't do well before the night.When the time comes to play first time it will be a bit of a blur but if you have your guidelines to stick to all should be good.We don't have a safe word or gesture as such to attract our partners attention if something is maybe crossing into our grey area, but after being together 20 years we are pretty well in sync with each other . Further more these rules may change from time to time as things evolve. We have had mostly great experiences and just one or two not so much.We put them all down to experience,something we tried .If we liked it we will do it again,if not then at least we now know it is not for us. Just remember,you need to make youir own guidelines and talk about them well. Mr Luvsilver
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madotara69
12 years ago
Hi Woodynangel,A few months ago,We joined a different site similar to rhp. we had been joking around for a while, well me telling Tara how good I always feel when she is in her playful moods, which had been often over the past years. I would tell her, she made me feel so good, and with that she enjoyed herself, we were having good sexy fun together, it seemed fair to suggest finding some lucky guy to experience the pleasure that no words can describe.Tara found the idea quite delectable, we began to share our thoughts to the idea of giving it a go. Hence a profile looking for a guy in a swinger and dating site. We took some photos, some are the ones in this profile, that was a blast in itself. The next thing was hundreds of messages. Tara began a (Tara's Toy Boys folder) and picked a few from the many, to accept some flirting. One guy said the right words, until it became a matter of a couple of hours he wanted right there and then, Tara said that this didn't suit this night, tomorrow night is good, I laughed as i said to Tara, next message will be for just one hour tonight. Sure enough it came, she told him that Mado was reading his mind and was giggling. He got pretty stroppy and said do you want to fuck tonight or not, as he was too busy for the next week. See yu mate. saw him in the online now looking for sex all the next week.We found our next guy, he just stated in his profile only interested with cougars, and just loved the sex with mature women. A young fit looking bloke straight up and proudly waiting. We could not reach him, so picked the next favorite guy that seemed to press the right buttons, Tara expressed.To Our surprise a Message returned that this guy had read our invitation with the boundaries we had placed, which was pretty fair. We all play together, If Tara chooses to go on. The guy is to work with Mado and we shall share our fun with him. He sent some convincing words and that he was on his way.We met and at first things seemed to be cruising along fine, Tara was comfortable and in good spirit, I was pretty happy seeing that and we began to play. Soon it was beginning to become apparent that he only had one thing in mind, and it was for two, closed shop. Tara was enjoying the moment , so I let things roll for a while, then politely suggested to him that we move on. He ignored me and continued to play his game. I wanted more than anything to see Tara having a fantasy of ours to be fantastic. So I spared a little further patience and asked Tara if she would like to take over and swallow his cock. She agreed and took charge very well. The guy was having a bit of trouble getting things up and going, so Tara asked for a few songs, The guy had gone straight back to his thing, and after a few things he had said during the night, and spending too much time waiting for him join in with me. My feelings took control, and i finally asked for things to stop. Tara was surprised, I had strong feelings that my decision was about to become a painful choice, but the only choice.It was the showing of our first mistake, not having a safe word.Tara is very passionate during sex, and getting her attention can be demanding at times, god love her. So the plot thickens, Tara had no idea that i had been trying to get this guy to stop trying to make Tara squirt. And she had no idea that he was trying for that, ,it was only for a whisper he had expressed to me earlier when Tara briefly left the room. telling me he was going to make her squirt. As Tara joined us, I asked her if she wanted to squirt during sex tonight, she looked at me discombobulated and stated that she would prefer to work on that when we are alone. I hinted to her saying .....don't then!That attempt at getting her attention, failed, and had me looking the fool,in her eyes, the guy knew exactly what i was saying, and that i will not have whispers of her, in her absence. And leave it alone. Fair enough don't you feel.? So he tried it on again, I decided that it is disrespectful to Tara, My Self and to the good friends that We stand to the fight for if tested. So here we are, Tara surprised and beginning to feel at blame, Me At the crossroads, and him in the middle trying to convince us that I am just going through the four some fucken stages of swinging, Tara found his desperate attempts to recover the agenda he had in plan, to see me as possibly being a little bit over sensitive, and he played his word game to us, making it all but imposable to get Tara aside to give my reasons. It turned out pretty uncomfortable, and finally i told him to leave, then please leave then fuck off now, it is not a question, he did.Tara and I were at a bad place, and not seeing a reason to agree on. For a few minutes i began to think it is passable that I may have some insecurities to confront, No I did what i did because it was the only thing to do.That was it, I fucked up our fantasy, embarrassed Tara, treated a guest with absurd behavior, and possibly ruined a trust I had with Tara, that was my life force.It was a painful time to be having, For something that was meant to be good sexy fun.I was coming to terms with myself that this may all come down to never seeing eye to eye for what happened, there was no pictures, no video, no witness, and not hearing something only holds that it was not said.I felt like a little man that had made a big decision, and losing the stand of loyalty, maybe love with it. It happens every day.Then the stupid cell phone gets a signal strong enough to let some voice messages in. (The guy left at 7.30) First message from a concerned friend 7.00, 8.00, 9.30, 12.midday, 3 pm 5 pm 8.30. 10 pm, final message. Mado, this bloke you are kicking around with is a fuckwit, he is trouble, ring me, this is urgent Turned out my instincts were true, the guy was a problem, he had been sending all our moments during the night to his face book fans, and it worked it's way down the grapevine. My mate was trying to speak with me While this fuckwit was still in my house. I/we felt relief when listening on the loud speaker on the phone, while our friend asked how we met this fool. We told him and all laughed it off, Thank fuck. we got banned from the site half an hour after he left our house.Then we met another guy, he is cool and we are friends and have seen him since, we continued our fantasies a little wiser, and always know that it can be paused if needs be.Now if this takes 5 minutes to read and bores the shit out of you, sorry, but it has taken me about 2 hours, which i consider a good effort, 1 month ago , it would have taken six. Two fingers and a thumb now. Tara here, If Mado is a little excited around you hot sexen ladies, and some of you hot guys,thanks for keeping him from chasing me around for sex all day, finally i can get a few things packed.He sais some of you women have the hots for him. lately. I am happy for him. If he gets to nauhgty, Tell him to get me. He will.Tara has given me a little suggestive smile, pleased for me, I Think. That is another story. I am not telling her "who" of you ladies have the hots'n'fantasiesMado, Taraxx
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madotara69
12 years ago
Is it a bit hard to read the pink color, it doesn't matter Tara didn't have anything important or that is really worth reading., she said hi, and pretending to have me believe she is busy. She said that all her words of intensity for me are written in white.See all that , but i am not easy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
It turned out a little differently because they invited a single guy they had been messaging to come and meet as well (they did tell me beforehand and I was fine with it, actually glad because I felt like it took some of the pressure off me). So our meet went well - and we all ended up back at their hotel room. It was a full swap situation with Mrs playing with the single guy and Mr with me. It was very apparent though that they maintained a constant connection with each other through looks and kissing and touching - even just a hand on the other's arm. As a first group experience for me it definitely exceeded my expectations!! They were also very happy because the two couples they had played with previously had one partner who was not really into it and who seemed to be there just to go along with the other (definitely a recipe for disaster).
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RHP User
12 years ago
Nice to see lots of comments here, thanks heaps... Ms_Devious, yes we'll be carefully considering all the scenarious, though some I suppose we have to be realistic that there may be some scenarious that could change slightly also... Hopefully we'll have everything covered... and a secret sign or I was thinking even a fake cough, lol, knowing my luck it'll sound fake or i'll spit or something....lol hmmm maybe not a cough.. cavey50 . .. so I guess what I should hope for is that Woody knows when his Woody shouldn't get too carried away...hmmm I wonder ..... whose to say Angel wouldn't be getting too carried away... Thanks for your comments and sharing your experience with us and thankfully we have too much respect and loyalty for each other to disregard the rules of our play... though we are human and we all make mistakes and if it's unintentional, we have to trust and to forgive too...I hope it's as easy as writing that.. Thankyou Mr Luvsilver for your fantastic comments and although we haven't been together for as long as you and Mrs Luvsilver, we'll give it our best shot knowing that it's enhancement to our wonderful world together we are looking for and we'll be ready to look out for each other should it be necessary. Wow, I'm sorry for your bad experience Madotara69 and thank you for spending two hours to share it with us all. Makes you wonder doesn't it that there's some weird people out there who want to exploit others for their own gratification and personal interest rather than the excitement and adventure that we are hoping to have. Knowing makes us all a little wiser I hope. Thanks again. So you were to have a threesome but it ended up a couples night instead Luckdragon23...lol Well, sounds like you had a great night so good for you.. makes me think we have nothing to stress about either, just put some rules and boundaries in place and then ...full steam ahead...lol Hope you all have a sexy, erotic week... Love Angel oh and Woody too xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
When we first started out we had some rules, but as we got more experienced and talked afterwards, our rules evolved and now we have guidelines. Our one rule to rule them all is simple: everyone agrees to it or it doesn't happen. When we play with other couples, we find when swapping that we generally will cast an eye at each other, smack a bum or touch hands just as a "this is an awesome experience that we're sharing". I have no problem with if, after the fact, Mr Otori isn't quite finished. I love sitting back and just watching, getting my own live show (usually I'm completely stuffed by then and ready for sleeps). He always checks with me first, a little questioning " that ok?" or "Can we?" and a cheeky smile and nod of the head is all we need to know that things are cool. The important thing is to be on the same page and keep the communication flowing both when in the act and outside of the bedroom. Not communicating is a recipe for disaster. You both need to know what is ok for each other to do or say to bedroom guests. Also, you need to have a good idea of what your bedroom guests' expectations and rules of engagement are. We work within the rules of the strictest couple. For us it's pretty much anything that doesn't hurt and doesn't involve anal play is cool, for others there are much stricter rules. It takes four "yeses" to get things going but only one "no" to stop things in their tracks. "No" is much more than just the word, you need to get good at judging other people's body language and recognising when things are being driven by one partner more than the other, that can be a warning sign that someone isn't really all that interested. If it appears like someone is just going along with everyone else to keep their partner happy, that is the breeding ground for jealousy and you're gonna have a bad time. We feel no-one should have to "take one for the team" and we won't play if that appears to be happening with a couple.It's important to be assertive in the bedroom, whether you are with just your partner or enjoying other playmates as well. If something isn't working or goes against the rules, speak up. The playmates will more than likely understand and try it differently or dial it back a bit. If they don't, then the play should stop all together, leave or ask them to leave. Simple as that. The most fun you can have can quickly become the opposite if you're not on the same page or not assertive enough to put a stop to things that go outside the boundaries.
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cbdlivin
12 years ago
With my late partner we had a detailed set of rules which we had sat down and worked out between ourselves. These rules were about how we played together and individually and literally covered everything, we could think of. Being both very sexual people we had quite a lot of leeway in how we played of course. When we had other people over we always let them know the rules of play, and only a couple of times did we have to ask people to leave for breaking the rules. I always found people usually respect the boundaries you set as you are there to have a fun time. From a single point of view I always try and find out what the rules of play are when with couples or groups, as I like the idea that you just play within the rules and have a great time. Most frustrating experiences are people who say they do not have rules but keep bringing them up during play so you are never sure what is ok and not ok. As the third wheel so to speak I never want to get between a couple or cause issues.B
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RHP User
12 years ago
Mr and Mrs Otori and Cbdlivin, thanks for your input and you make sense in saying that it's not just about your own rules but you need to clarify what the other couple's rules are also or what everyone in the group is expecting, not expecting etc... I suppose it is possible that someone may make a move that hasn't been discussed,... then I guess the mature way would be to speak up and if it's not ok you just say so and if it causes disruption then so be it... I like to think I'm quite open minded and if everyone is mature about it, depending on what it is of course, it could be discussed/addressed and then continue the fun or if it leads to someone wanting to leave, being asked to leave, well that's how it is too.. No-one should have to compromise themselves for another's gratification. Happy playing everyone.. No expectations Angel x
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have recently come out of a long term relationship with an experienced swinging woman, and we enjoyed many nights of hot sex with other couples, and a few single women, as well as attending numerous swingers parties. as a point of interest our swinging activities played no part whatsoever in our breakup. When she introduced me to swinging she advised me that there had to be ground rules in place before we even met anyone. First rule was I must not kiss or pash any female play partner - that was something that needed to be kept just for ourselves as it is the single most intimate act. We also agreed that she could kiss the girls, but not the guys. There has to be some things that you keep just for yourselves, not necessarily just the kissing. My girl loves anal sex, however that was something we kept just for us. Also, there was to be no cumming in the other girls mouth or pussy, and likewise the ther guys could not cum in her. Condoms were an absolute must for all penetration, except oral sex. These rules must be openly discussed with the potential playmates, and their rules must be openly discussed. All rules had to be respected regardless of our own rules if the contravened the playmates. As for what to do if youve just had a sweaty fuckathon and the other girl wants to suck your mans cock after you think its finished, just sit back and watch and enjoy, or join in - its obviously not yet finished! Likewise if you want to touch the other girl, or the other guy. I have a playmate now, a fuckbuddy if you will (I don't like the term), and I am hoping to find girls or couples to help introduce her to swinging (have had one threesome with her many years ago). Anybody that might want to help me with that would be most welcome.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have recently come out of a long term relationship with an experienced swinging woman, and we enjoyed many nights of hot sex with other couples, and a few single women, as well as attending numerous swingers parties. as a point of interest our swinging activities played no part whatsoever in our breakup. When she introduced me to swinging she advised me that there had to be ground rules in place before we even met anyone. First rule was I must not kiss or pash any female play partner - that was something that needed to be kept just for ourselves as it is the single most intimate act. We also agreed that she could kiss the girls, but not the guys. There has to be some things that you keep just for yourselves, not necessarily just the kissing. My girl loves anal sex, however that was something we kept just for us. Also, there was to be no cumming in the other girls mouth or pussy, and likewise the ther guys could not cum in her. Condoms were an absolute must for all penetration, except oral sex. These rules must be openly discussed with the potential playmates, and their rules must be openly discussed. All rules had to be respected regardless of our own rules if the contravened the playmates. As for what to do if youve just had a sweaty fuckathon and the other girl wants to suck your mans cock after you think its finished, just sit back and watch and enjoy, or join in - its obviously not yet finished! Likewise if you want to touch the other girl, or the other guy. I have a playmate now, a fuckbuddy if you will (I don't like the term), and I am hoping to find girls or couples to help introduce her to swinging (have had one threesome with her many years ago). Anybody that might want to help me with that would be most welcome.
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RHP User
12 years ago
...thanks for sharing Quoting 'fire_freebird' I have recently come out of a long term relationship with an experienced swinging woman, and we enjoyed many nights of hot sex with other couples, and a few single women, as well as attending numerous swingers parties. as a point of interest our swinging activities played no part whatsoever in our breakup. When she introduced me to swinging she advised me that there had to be ground rules in place before we even met anyone. First rule was I must not kiss or pash any female play partner - that was something that needed to be kept just for ourselves as it is the single most intimate act. We also agreed that she could kiss the girls, but not the guys. There has to be some things that you keep just for yourselves, not necessarily just the kissing. My girl loves anal sex, however that was something we kept just for us. Also, there was to be no cumming in the other girls mouth or pussy, and likewise the ther guys could not cum in her. Condoms were an absolute must for all penetration, except oral sex. These rules must be openly discussed with the potential playmates, and their rules must be openly discussed. All rules had to be respected regardless of our own rules if the contravened the playmates. As for what to do if youve just had a sweaty fuckathon and the other girl wants to suck your mans cock after you think its finished, just sit back and watch and enjoy, or join in - its obviously not yet finished! Likewise if you want to touch the other girl, or the other guy. I have a playmate now, a fuckbuddy if you will (I don't like the term), and I am hoping to find girls or couples to help introduce her to swinging (have had one threesome with her many years ago). Anybody that might want to help me with that would be most welcome.
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