M45
Saying "No Thanks" tactful or truthful
June 30 2020
Comments
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Aussielad93
4 years ago
Like everything everyone’s going to be different. Some of us get that some of the more “desirable” profiles get inundated with messages all the time so a simple no reply should suffice. If the person keeps messaging and kicks up a stink then that’s them just showing toxicity and shouldn’t warrant a response even further. If you do have the time then just a simple “no thank you you’re not what I/we are looking for” is more than adequate. If you were talking then private’s get unlocked and you find the attraction is not there anymore then just inform them. We are all meant to be adults here and should handle it well, if not then that person needs to think if they should be in this lifestyle
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Phoenix_Rising
4 years ago
It’s a tricky one, I’m happy to tell them my reasons in most cases but I’d be inclined not to tell them if I thought it was something they’d just try and hide better from others in future rather than change. Also if I knocked them back for a reason that I knew was a bit harsh/petty but is a personal preference of mine I might try and avoid telling the truth in favour of just giving a “no thanks, not interested”, purely because I don’t want to have to justify my preferences to anyone or have them try and change my mind. On the flip side of that, I’m in two minds about whether I’d want to be told the reason for a “no thanks” too. There’s definitely a part of me that would want to know but I take it about as personally as I take a rejection from a job application, I know there’s a ton of applicants to sort through and the chance of finding the job that’s right for me often has more to do with luck than anything else and of course I totally understand that other people have their preferences too so between luck and preferences the chances of meeting someone are always slim to start with. I don’t mind rude responses though they make me happy I missed out, lol.
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missy_mo0
4 years ago
I was going to post a similar topic a few days ago, after politely declining a message I was then contacted and basically told I’m stuck up amongst other insinuations. I was nothing but polite. Seems with some people you can’t win either way. I don’t give reasons for saying no.
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teamaj2
4 years ago
I agree with Aussie lad a simple polite thank you for taking the time to look at our profile but no thank you is appropriate. We do try to respond to most messages . Just our thoughts some messages that only say ‘hi’ or ‘hot’ actually don’t need a reply . As for saying our reasons why not - it’s all so personal . We don’t see the need to justify any decisions . Whether it’s not being attracted , their communication wasn’t for us or what they were seeking wasn’t for us ! Does it actually matter ? Not everyone is going to be attracted to everyone . No one needs to be offended. In the early days of being on RHP we fell into the trap of explaining ourselves when asked . Then came a most disgruntled aggressive response . Lesson learnt . For us a simple no thank you will suffice . A x
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ExhibitionistEve
4 years ago
Hmmmm. I've gone into detail in a ghosting thread about my policy when it comes to rejections, but I agree with Phoenix - I never tell them if I've noticed a red flag because if it's a sign of something sinister, that info will just be used to hide their intentions better next time. Anything less serious like simply not being compatible, I don't go into either if I've only just started talking to them, because my preference isn't their business or my job to justify. 'It's not you, it's me' doesn't need over explanation and I think it's a bit cruel to highlight why you find someone unattractive. If I've been talking to them for a while or met with them and decided I'm not interested, I'd be a bit more likely to go into detail if it's CONSTRUCTIVE, but again it's case by case, and I think it's a courtesy that certain people don't deserve. I also don't give a reason for my lack of response to people who send empty one-liners because it's not that I'm not interested, they just haven't given me enough to take interest in. No one on here has ever given me a reason beyond general stuff, "not what we're looking for" "a bit too young for me" etc, and I appreciate them being vague. They shouldn't have to justify their disinterest and it's nothing for me to waste time dwelling on. I think the only time I'd appreciate an explanation would be if I've done something wrong, because I'd like to know so I could improve myself and avoid doing it again. But I know I'm not entitled to their emotional labour if they don't feel like explaining it.
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Mischeviouslad
4 years ago
There is rarely any upside in telling someone, or being told “no” in here So just say it, and block them. You should never have to justify your reason for not being interested, and you should never have to suffer haggling on it but its a sad reality in here that blocking is even necessary to prevent the brittle types responding with abuse. If someone cant accept a verbal no from a stranger in written chat...... the potential is there that they wont accept it if they get to meet you and receive it in person.
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RHP User
4 years ago
Most woman send me the emojis 🤮💩. I think they are trying to tell me that they are sick at the moment?
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MsSuperFoxy
4 years ago
You don't have to explain yourselves as to why you are not into them. What I use as a reply email is simple, "I'm following up with another. I wish you all the best". It is direct without the harshness of "No". Ms Foxy
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usnow
4 years ago
We have had to give and receive the dreaded " Thanks , but no thanks " but that is always much better than no response at all .Always nice and polite but a " no thanks " doesn't take much effort . Usnow .
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livelifegohard
4 years ago
Yes I agree with usnow, it is always greatly appreciated a comment even if it is no thanks. I do appreciate an original written respond over the generic auto response, it’s more personal but I understand some get a lot of emails so I understand, but no response is quite rude. If you said hi to someone in the street and they snubbed you. What would your first thought be.
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CandH4Fun
4 years ago
We try to respond to all messages (well, all messages that show more effort than “hey, wanna go?”), and we generally stick to “thanks so much for getting in touch, but we don’t think we are a match. All the best in you search” or “thanks for the pics, but after having a chat, we don’t think you’re quite what we are looking for. All the best in your search”. We don’t see the need to block people generally, unless we get a rude response. (Though I am loving the form of some ppl atm who suddenly decide they are not interested, and just delete all their side of the conversation - that’s even worse than ghosting!)
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FeistyFatty
4 years ago
Ill always respond with a "Thankyou for the message but I am not interested in pursuing a physical interaction with you". If its a couple then I automatically block them after sending that due to way too many snarky responses. Most of the single guys take it gracefully. The ones that retort with nastiness... no response and block. Simple. I owe them nothing past the point of a polite response.
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RHP User
4 years ago
Thanks everyone for your responses!Great to hear different perspectives and thoughts :) Wow Fiesty - I'm shocked it's the couples that have to be blocked and disappointed :/ Really they should know better!V xx
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FeistyFatty
4 years ago
Valstar it has been disappointing, especially when I couldn't be more clear with my not seeking couples spiel in my profile. Would likely be husbands and wives are aloof to their presence here. I dont ask, just block now sadly.
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FeistyFatty
4 years ago
@Valstar, you guys have a beautiful profile so I'm sure you'll be experts at the "Thanks, no thanks" line in no time x
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SpicyKale
4 years ago
Valstar, from our perspective you're on the right track. It doesn't need to be anything more than what you're already doing. Do we need to know if someone thinks we're too, short, fat, old, boobs are the wrong shape, cock doesn't bend to the left... If any of us are half way honest about ourselves, we can guess already to some degree, but everyone is different. We've had friends of friends block us, you can never pick it! Fiesty is spot on though, with couples or singles the lack of ability to read profiles is universal. Don't be afraid to use the block button! The number of straight singles from the other side of the country that favourite us without reading our profile is out there. Hey, even fiesty has had us blocked for years after we stalled her profile before we knew what incognito mode was and we get on just fine on the forums! People just need to learn not to take it personally 😉
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SpicyKale
4 years ago
Damn I wish we could block autocorrect some days🤦♂️
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FeistyFatty
4 years ago
@Spicy.... TRUE STORY😅😘
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RHP User
4 years ago
It's just as easy to be polite and respectful. If they want to be an arse about it, thats on them.
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FeistyFatty
4 years ago
@Spicy.....if there's such a ban I really hope they're not issuing fines..... mine must all be lost in the mail lpl
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click_lick
4 years ago
I am happy to get the thanks but no thanks message. It means that at least someone has read my message, bothered to look at my pics and took the time and had the politeness to write back. If this is a woman, I appreciate the "no" message and them taking the time even more since the ladies on here seem to get inundated.
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FeistyFatty
4 years ago
@Clicklick.... can't imagine you're getting too many "Thanks, no thanks" responses😘
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N4November
4 years ago
Never be specific - like, sorry but I'm worried what your buck teeth with braces will do to my clitoris 😁 Always be kind, always be gentle ❤️
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RHP User
4 years ago
We used to try and say no to every message we weren't interested in and than they expect justification on why we said no its hard enough reading all the messages let alone having to justify our decision. We said no to someone the other night and im not to worried about name shaming them as they were extremely rude and other couples should be aware of the mentality of some guys he went onto giving insults and saying that we only look becuase the male can't satisfy the female and they need a real male etc etc which is far from the truth turned out to be a total tool isn't that correct bronnxbomber or whatever your profile was lol This happens all the time from single males, most guys think it's a given they should be able to meet as its an adult site so what's the issue and simply can't take no as an answer and leave it be.
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RHP User
4 years ago
I'm so used to getting knockbacks that if I get a different response I'm almost immediately suspicious that it's a fake profile bot or romance scammer criminal rather than a genuinely interested person or couple.
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RHP User
4 years ago
I can turn it off on my phone. 👍
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RHP User
4 years ago
Why bother? I've just had some idiot troll me because I made my intentions here clear. Now is the time to work out to block in return, seems as that isn't clear any more. I don't want this dickhead unblocking and contacting again at his leisure. Stupid, entitled, dick pic sending platinum member, no wonder women get pissed off you fool. What is it with you dick pic senders since the change to 'messenger'? No, I don't click to look because I'm not interested. Future dickheads will now earn a block, and if you'd like to know why, read above.
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Dirtyandfriendly
4 years ago
I think no is fine, or you're not what I'm looking for etc. I can't see why giving full detail as to why is worth the time. I think some people get butt hurt about rejection and it's when they give a rude reply back due to their insecurities. A generic response is fine for me. I'm an adult and if I am rejected I move on, getting upset about someone youve never met and wanting a reason why just seems a waste of time.
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RHP User
4 years ago
A simple no should be more than enough and if you need to add more then be truthful.
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RHP User
4 years ago
I used to say no thank you politely but all I ever received back was ‘why? What’s wrong with me?’ Or abuse, ‘you aren’t that much anyway, you should be grateful for the attention’ so now I don’t bother responding.
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deepestpurple
4 years ago
Quoting 'GoldCoastKink' I used to say no thank you politely but all I ever received back was ‘why? What’s wrong with me?’ Or abuse, ‘you aren’t that much anyway, you should be grateful for the attention’ so now I don’t bother responding. This is the way. It's easier and kinder to the victim. Win/Win. Stick to your primary purpose. People here get ghosted regularly; they're either used to it, getting used to it or not far from quitting the site. Your effort will make very little difference at best and possibly make it worse for them.
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RHP User
4 years ago
I always reply to someone or a couple that says 'no thanks' (putting aside that nearly every time you actually get a response it's a knockback) with a short polite acknowledgement because that's what clear and concise communication is all about.
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RoB_SyD
4 years ago
anything better than nothing... least it will give some indication it's not a total lost cause someone even bothered to look and respond.
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ryan2469
4 years ago
My go to for breaking contact is to begin using an obscene quantity of spelling errors and poor language. For example " eye know wot u mean but lyk if ya wanna meat up for a toke on th glass Barbie eyell meat u round bak after eye got me ankle brasslet taken of". Works wonders I highly recommend it.
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jessica__rabbit
4 years ago
I make a point of replying to definite nos if they've stated they would like it. As to why...I tried that once and got dragged over hot coals. The guy was substantially older, substantially unattractive and not even in my state. Wtf did he expect?? If people can't take the time to read a profile before sending a (usually) generic copy and paste message to ascertain they are obviously NOT what you're profile said you're looking for, then why should anyone spend time replying to their message? Most times when I've replied with a polite no thanks I get disgusting responses. It makes it hard to be polite to the next ten that haven't even looked at your profile.
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littleozymate69
4 years ago
im happy with a no thank you , your not what im looking for or no how did you get in.
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dontpanic
4 years ago
A polite no is always better than no response at all. At least then I know to hide your profile so I won't bother you by messaging again. For me, a no-reply could simply mean that you were flooded with messages and never properly considered mine.
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Funtimes6969691
4 years ago
Common courtesy, basic manners and be truthful. Id rather honesty and to the point. Doesn't have to be war and peace haha.
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scandu4fun
4 years ago
As so many have said, a polite no of some sort is better than nothing. If it's at picture stage then that's obvious to any sort of person with a brain. We will leave the door open to people who reject us with a polite no in case they change their minds. But to feed us an obvious lie, or go silent and delete everything, they shouldn't be surprised when we don't respond later. I think some get surprised when we step back when the conversation turns to.?... text sex, but we're not teenagers, and not everyone is looking for the same thing, but we even tell them thanks but no thanks.
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busty_temptress
4 years ago
We're all adults here for the same thing; which works best with honesty and respect. I think providing an honest, respectful brief response is the right thing to do and should suffice. The problem is when it doesn't suffice the person you are messaging. This is not your problem, it's theirs to deal with (and usually stems from more deep seeded, unresolved issues). I have men on here who continue to disrespect my 'No' and feel like its ok to harass me and have the audacity to verbally abuse me! I dont put up with this bullshit in real life, so absolutely wont take it from a stranger that I've never met on a hook up site. It's an instant block from me. Well-rounded, healthy people will take the 'No' politely and respectfully and move onto the next profile!
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RHP User
4 years ago
If you can't be told no without being a dick , you really shouldn't be on here , everyone has their personal preference as to what and who they may like and is entirely thier own descission, I've been told no plenty but doesn't mean I'm gonna fake who I am to get some , we are who we are and we want what we want so before you pack the shits for being told no just remember you've prob done it to someone else , even by simply not replying . , have a sweet day all you beautiful strangers 😁
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RHP User
4 years ago
I guess everyone is busy but a reply is much nicer than no response at all, :No thank you I dont think we match is perfectly acceptable. "
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twister
4 years ago
As a man I have to say, your response is perfect... just because(let’s face it) were all looking for fun and frolics, it doesn’t mean good manners should be forgotten. I don’t like it when I receive ‘no response’, but I also understand if you have a hundred messages why you might not!!... I also have spoken with a few people that have had cyber abuse from their response, which, well..... a certain % of people are just dicks I suppose... Just all IMO... Enjoy all!!..
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RHP User
4 years ago
I’ll always reply, I think it’s the right and polite thing to do, I suppose I was brought up that way.... I’m even happy if someone just says “thanks but not what I’m looking for “ etc, at least they made the effort!
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snowytoes007
4 years ago
I find it pretty easy with the dickheads, harder with the (seemingly) genuinely nice people, where you have some fun chat, then the reveal and then you realise it's not going to happen. It is what it is and all that and yes this site is focused that way, but it still feels a bit unpleasant saying it and receiving it. I actually like a direct approach, photos first, get that out of the way, then all being good (or in the ballpark anyway) proceed to chat - or everyone moves on....
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LadyandMrD
4 years ago
A great question indeed @valstar. We will always respond with a personal response. It's quite brief ' thank you for contacting us, however........'. If it we'd been chatting on messages. If we'd finished up at the restaurant or bar, that can be awkward. 'Thanks for a lovely evening out, we'll be in touch'. Then we'll send the message to a brief thanks but no thanks, you're a genuinely lovely couple, however we didn't find a sexual connection, good luck on your journey'. Generally, the evening out was very lovely and uninhibited, great conversations but just the lack of sexual chemistry. We're open to think at times it could be us not them, but we don't dwell too much on it and move on. We do however, would like a courtesy 'no, thanks' if we were being rejected. We are all adults after all. We don't need a reason. Women, we found are the worst, especially if they're the ones that made contact first or replied to us and have had a chat back and forth. If the interest has changed for whatever reason , just say so. I (Lady) was a single lady on RHP before becoming a couple, I know exactly what it's like. Obviously the one or few words messages don't even require any attention, sent from males or females and even couples but the ones that you did put a little attention to, should be left with a no, if that's the case. If they ask why, then expect they are ready for a truthful response.
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EthanL117
4 years ago
Personally just a simple "No thanks, not interested" is good by me and the few times I've been responded to with that I've simple said sure, best of luck for you in the future. I don't need to know exactly what's wrong with my profile because it's in a way an expression of myself and if they don't like my profile it's fair to assume they don't like me so why obsess over it and try to change myself for someone that's not interested to begin with? Hell even just blocking my profile without responding is probably preferable because in most cases I just get left on read or not even responded to when they're online which just leaves me thinking "Wow, so I guess I'm not even worth the 10 seconds to type "Sorry, not interested" huh?". THAT'S more demoralising than a simple no thank you could ever be.
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playfulminx
4 years ago
I have told guys specifically why it's a 'no' if they haven't been able to work it out themselves based on my lengthy profile... I guess it's like applying for a job: it's good to get feedback if you weren't successful. To keep things positive, I have told guys they look great but aren't my type sexually. It's generally well received.
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Deepestdesire
4 years ago
I always get a 'thank you for replying' when I send a rejection mail. I think guys are genuinely appreciative. And those that get hostile, are the exception not the rule.
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RHP User
4 years ago
I’d be pretty happy with a simple no thanks but it rarely happens, mostly I just get ignored. You have to have a thick skin for RHP 😂
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RHP User
4 years ago
Generally the simple, polite, "thanks but not what shes looking for" does the trick.. but occasionally we get the sad masochist type who want more and more info on why exactly they have been rejected.. If its a poor profile, ie not prepared to share face pics, no bio,etc then I'm happy to elaborate.. but on the odd occasion that I have agreed to spell out why she isn't interested, it has been met with abuse lol.
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FunwithSandS
4 years ago
I think you have to be philosophical. You aren’t always going to be everyone’s flavour of ice cream and that’s perfectly OK. A polite no doesn’t necessarily demand an explanation; nor does it bestow upon the receiver magical powers to interrogate the refuser. No means no. That’s all there is to it.
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JR123
4 years ago
When you send a polite message get no reply then blocked is just childish We adults and should be ok with no thanks I’m not interested or something along that line , seems some women have been treated nastily by some men and then paint all men this way We adults if someone takes the time to message a simple reply to chat or just no thanks
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Dionysus121
4 years ago
Hi guys ... Having been rejected a few times it’s always hard But after swapping photos if it’s not working it’s not working end of .. I respect that we are not adolescents I’ve chatted to some beautiful girls/couples but you’ve got to have that click to go forward and if it ain’t happening then that’s it We are all here to have fun and to enjoy M
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Jesterful
4 years ago
There is no pre-existing relationship so a nice, short sentence saying thanks but I or we are seeking something else right now is fine. A message sent does not give the sender a right to a detailed reply.
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Magicmicah
4 years ago
If they say they dont like me i blow up their letterbox or steal their Cat.
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sensualcple2play
4 years ago
Sorry but don't think any1 is obliged to give an exact reason for not being interested in somebody! thanks but no thanks should be enough and move on
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fun_DOM_gent
4 years ago
Yeah if you are lucky to get a response at all. I know women must be inundated with messages but really, how hard is it to reply with a simple 'no thanx all the best'. After my 2nd message with no response I posted... all the best in your search... I got an amazing 'I am a woman and don't have to justify anything to you...' An empowered self righteous response that was simply uncalled for as I am a believer in Manners Maketh Man... Anyhow rant over... all I am saying as a guy, a simple not interested, or thanks but no thanks would suffice... Happy days everyone and to those in Melbourne please stay safe...
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drandmrsjones69
4 years ago
Keep your profile up to date, say EXACTLY what you are chasing AND mean it (lots of people say and don't do), and all you have to do then is refer them to your profile. No other explanation necessary. If you meet and there is nothing, best to say so.
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MrNatural77
4 years ago
From my perspective I've appreciated the time taken to give me a "No thanks", it saves me time sending a follow-up message when I've seen my message has been read but no reply.
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Nightoffun
4 years ago
We typically try to respond to everyone and generally just a ‘sorry you aren’t what we are looking for but good luck with your search x’ is our response. We try not to point out specifics but by all means If they ask for a more detailed reason why than we are happy to explain our reasoning in a way that is honest but also not cruel. ‘Unfortunately you just aren’t our normal type of look we go for but again we hope you find what you’re looking for’ rather than ‘well we don’t go for old chubby men who haven’t bothered to read our profile that clearly states no one over xx age’ 😂
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Mat062019
4 years ago
Think I'd prefer to know if applicable of course valstar but it can be a little difficult when new to this platform,for lack of better word. Regards Leo
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IMTHAMAN72
4 years ago
well if you are trying to respectfully let a person down i see no problem with that. i mean you win some and you lose some.personally, i've sent flirts saying "how much i love a profile" and some right away assume i was trying to hook up..i'm like woah slow down i'm just paying you a compliment.i'm a premium member for a reason, so i can actually send messages.being rejected can sting a bit ,but life goes on and it is what it is..meanwhile, have fun everybody and be safe
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RHP User
4 years ago
Getting a no thanks is better then nothing especially if your on limited messages and not premium ect ... To ask why not ? Well why would u want to know Obviously they may not find you attractive, dick not big enough or not pretty enough They may want a cut guy or uncut dick?.... if your partnered then maybe my partner didn’t like your mrs or a hairy muff.... if I get asked why not I’m not going to reply any of the above It’s just rude and unnecessary really...
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ozmelbcpl4cpl2
4 years ago
We reply to every email we actually make a point to do it as alot dont even give the common courtesy to say no or yes. Our go to is to be as polite as possible when we aren't interested..always starting with a sorry ..straight out no wont cut it and ignoring the emails far worse I feel just shows bad manners
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Alluringliaisons
4 years ago
I recently got a ‘thanks but were not a match’ response. Which I thought was probably the most tactful / respectful way to word a no. If it’s not a match it’s not a match - puts the onus back on the messenger to consider why (maybe they didn’t read the profile correctly etc) and makes it clear without putting anyone down
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RHP User
4 years ago
I agree with the OP. It’s not hard to write a quick message saying that they may not be interested. I’d rather read that, then be ignored. A little respect goes a long way, especially when their profiles say they are looking for ppl to be respectful towards them. For the 1st time today, I had a profile message me back saying that I were not what they looking for. I was not offended by this, I actually had a sense of gratitude and thanked them in a reply for actually telling me they weren’t. I believe we are both very thankful for the replies to one another. So there are some decent ppl that are not going to leave you wondering.
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Mat062019
4 years ago
Totally understandable. Avoids uncomfortable situations in an honest and respectful way.
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RHP User
4 years ago
At least you reply. ;) the amount of messages I have sent they are read and no reply is shocking. Ps. My messages are always polite.
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