M54 F50
Saying "no" etiquette...
March 17 2016
Comments
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RHP User
9 years ago
I think I'd feel like I was leading them on too. Not critical of your wife not feeling the love, she can't help what she felt , but maybe a some sort of secret pre arranged signal would be good from now on.
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RHP User
9 years ago
this is why I personally agree to meet first play later, it gives me and the other party a chance to make sure we are both totally happy with the situation. I find it very difficult to back out of playing if its already been pre arranged particularly being the shy type. Maybe something to consider? especially when you need time to communicate with each other about it.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Yes I think if you knew, and I believe you know inside 10 minutes, then you should have said something, then the ensuing conversation is open and obligation free to continue.I've been on dates where the food, drink and conversation flowed for 3hrs or more only to be told, "thanks for a lovely afternoon your a great guy see ya" ! Now I know there should be no expectation and certainly no obligation but I thought after 3 hrs I was on a winner. Fool me.I think it is misleading and unfair, and yes I did ask and was told "I'm having a lovely time thanks" Which in retrospect is ambiguous at best.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Dishy I'm new to all of this also but going it alone. I met and played with the first two people on the first meet. But it was a risk being in the position of having to say "actually I'm not interested." So from now on its meets only first. And if it's worth it, there will be a second 😉
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DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
If we are meeting a couple (or single guy) for drinks and or dinner, ( for the first time ) we make it very clear (via messages beforehand ) that we generally never play on the first date / meet but instead prefer to get to know them a little better before deciding to take things to the next level or not . The meet is a chance to establish likes / dislikes / boundaries / ground rules and of course to see if we may be compatible etc. We find that if all concerned (ourselves included) have no expectations , then there is less pressure from both sides and thus less stress too, and that even if nothing happens ( or develops in the future ) at the very least one has met a new person ( single male or couple) and enjoyed some new company. That way there are no regrets nor does one have to say "No" there and then and it removes the anxiety of being disappointed and or having to say there is no chemistry and vice versa. Just our experience and gentle way of doing things. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
May be, that I'm part of a cpl; but hearing no is better than ambiguity. We enjoy meeting people for the sake of social interaction. Sure it's fun to play; but I never assume or expect it. We can enjoy company and not feel sexually attracted to many many many. Sometimes it's simply the date itself that puts us in the mood; that having a coffee won't. Part of the course to meet up; enjoy company. And sometimes walk away with conversation. The "H" in Rhp is for hot. Not hookers. So no expectation. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting '50wetfigs' Yes I think if you knew, and I believe you know inside 10 minutes, then you should have said something, then the ensuing conversation is open and obligation free to continue.I've been on dates where the food, drink and conversation flowed for 3hrs or more only to be told, "thanks for a lovely afternoon your a great guy see ya" ! Now I know there should be no expectation and certainly no obligation but I thought after 3 hrs I was on a winner. Fool me.I think it is misleading and unfair, and yes I did ask and was told "I'm having a lovely time thanks" Which in retrospect is ambiguous at best. all been in that situation before including myself and it simply means the other person is being polite by giving you their time and not cutting the date humiliatingly short - nothing more. They can still be enjoying the date but have no intention of seeing you again - there is no obligation by either party for further contact.Nothing wrong with any of that IMO.
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Mischeviouslad
9 years ago
Quoting 'dishyduo'My question is whether having known this from pretty much the start of the night we should have let them know things weren't going to get physical? As I said we had a nice time and they did as well but I feel we might have led them on a bit, not totally sure how I'd feel in their shoes... I say..... no. Just as you are well within your rights and reasons to say no at any stage... before, or during play. If they don't get it..... then they've proven that your decision was right and they're not suitable. As others have inferred.......thats why any expectation to play on first meeting is to me..... putting the cart before the horse...... Even overtly suggestive or blatantly sexual emails up front don't make a lot of sense to me DG
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RHP User
9 years ago
That I was very lucky those first two meets went well. It wasn't until afterwards I realise that I was probably lucky. I wouldn't take the chance again however.
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RHP User
9 years ago
I'm a kind of 'straight in' kinda gal lol how does the flirt go 'Why waste time, I'm free now' if the attraction is there, and there usually is, I want to jump their bones, would never put it off to another night, it happens within seconds or 5 or 10 minutes if a drink is happening and I can hold back for that long I'm like a bull in a china shop I do think early disclosure in your situation would have been best, though it's not an easy thing to do. I rarely meet guys out in public but have done on occasion. One of those occasions was really awkward, I knew the second I saw him, but didn't want to hurt him (Breakwater dude, wasn't you, you were awesome ) so we went for drinks, it just went from bad to worse and I was getting myself in a knot about it, avoiding him and talking to other people, until I finally told him. He didn't react well, asked me how would I know that early, after about an hour or more I suppose? I felt bad, he was really nice, but if there's no attraction that's it, it happens. I thanked him and left. Looking back on it now, it was quite a long time back, he was actually putting pressure on me, without even realising it. He should have just accepted it without question, as I would in reverse, but it's all a learning curve and I suspect he was fairly new to this as well at the time. At least you didn't go through with the meet, that would have been worse. You did the best you could in the circumstances
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RHP User
9 years ago
I met for a drink not long ago seemed nice enough to chat to and I told him it was meet first play later. Met him at the bar but it was obvious he thought he was on for a shag that afternoon. When I reminded him, he said, No, really? And I said Yes, really. So he stood up and walked off. Left me sitting there with my drink . I wasnt offended, just relieved. But yes. meet first play later really does mean that guys!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Kokoflamingo' I met for a drink not long ago seemed nice enough to chat to and I told him it was meet first play later. Met him at the bar but it was obvious he thought he was on for a shag that afternoon. When I reminded him, he said, No, really? And I said Yes, really. So he stood up and walked off. Left me sitting there with my drink . I wasnt offended, just relieved. But yes. meet first play later really does mean that guys! Wow what a wanker. I think most couples that have met other couples have found themselves in situations like this before (not to say singles don't) but the dynamics of 4 people getting along can be quite a mission. We quite openly tell people we will play on first date if everyone is happy to and is comfortable, but then i'm not shy at saying no (Mr here) if Mrs Adelaide is not interested. I'm quite upfront about it, we've still had great nights out with people we have met and played on a second date with some after the awkwardness had worn off. A few more dates and a bit more experience will make the whole process easier, you'll find your rhythm & comfort zones. Good luck guys and have fun
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RHP User
9 years ago
What a stupid questionable question. Like some have said you knew from the start also we are sure you knew how they felt . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
The 'no play' meet is a good idea for this reason.....gives everyone time to think. But it is also takes time and so can be difficult for those who are very time poor. If your life dictates that you can only meet with a couple or single once in a month and it's strictly a meet only, it can be really frustrating when you then have to wait another month or 6 weeks before your life allows you to meet with them or someone else again. I prefer the meet- if all happy we play rule to the meet only date........xx L - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsJonesy
9 years ago
Yeah I think it is. I can't fathom that someone would steal the pic AND the attitude 😊
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RHP User
9 years ago
That what everyone has to remember - just because you meet with the intention of playing doesn't mean you are obligated to. You can't start playing and change your mind - your body and your right to say no. Might suck for the people who had their hopes dashed but you're not getting paid for a service or providing a charity.
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RHP User
9 years ago
Not can't - wow that made point the complete opposite of what I was trying to convey.
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RHP User
9 years ago
*squirts softy with the peroxide* - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Its in my profile . Meet first play later. A meet serves to check each other out physically plus see if there's the nessasary spark that makes things happen . Be prepared to accept the outcome no matter what. I agree you sorta know after the first 5 or 10 minutes but it's worthwhile waiting abit to see if it's first meet nerves or not. You can be honest without being rude. You can't expect every meet to be exactly what you want.
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Inked_Fun
9 years ago
We meet others without expectations.. After all we are here for awesome memorable experiences of messing up the sheets and sometimes people don't end up who they seem from a message or a picture. A subtle we are unsure if we can play tonight from the get go of first meeting often clears the waters if nothing is going to happen. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
You can always do other things to try establish compatibility before you all make the effort of f2f.. A couple of cam chats etc
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rupamohan
9 years ago
You don't have obligation to pro actively share your mind. In fact even if asked you have no obligation to share what you are thinking and you have every right to even change your mind at any time. As they can't read your mind so they shouldn't feel let down. However morally it is unfair not to share what you think as soon as you have decided. If they were there only to expect a play it is unfair to waste their time. They may have enjoyed company hoping play may be ON and had they knew it was NOT on they can make informed decision to continue with evening or not. You denied them to make this informed decision. More correctly you denied them to make decision as early as possible. However this depends purely on your own morals. We all have different morals. We should not judge others by own morals. I feel if we do what you did we feel it will be very unfair. But you need to judge it based on not our morals but based on your morals how you look at what is fair or unfair.
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