Saying no to offers of dates

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  codsworth

  7 years ago

  I'm sorry you've had a bad run of it But don't let something you read online get you down, especially on anything claiming to be a news site News media these days is only interested in maximum shock value articles I mean, when was the last time... if ever A major news paper ran a headline of "puppy makes people really happy" or something equally nice Nah its all about the latest gossip, political bullshit or something from the dregs of our society So take it all with a grain of salt Ask logical questions of such articles ..if she said no to a date, how did he have her address for both work and home, bit fishy I gave mass media away years ago Real news finds its way to me Anything else is just toxic noise I think everyone has their horror stories from meeting bad people I hear them from everyone i meet Some way worse than others Some that make my blood boil with rage at the way humans treat each other But they all have the stories of meeting great people and building life long friendships or relationships I hope you meet your great people Even if its not online - Posted from rhpmobile

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  The_Antichrist

  7 years ago

  Where one minute you’re just messaging, the next the bunny is in pot... Thankfully I’ve not had the pleasure of creepy women, but I’m sure they’re out there.... - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I think some men are so full of themselves and their own prowess that they feel that they can be that one in a million man who will blow your socks off and make you quiver at the knees and beg them to take you time and time again. Reality is their arrogance will prevent them from finding any sort of decent relationship - even sexual - as from the start they dont respect your opinions and views as evidenced by them attempting to contact you. No one likes to be turned down, however if you dont match the criteria listed in the profile then they are only setting themselves up for rejection. Credit to you if you continue to turn them down nicely. I got rather blunt with a few men this weekend as I’d had enough if their crap. Block button is always a great tool to use for those consitant persistant little nuances who think that if they contact you often enough you’ll change your mind about them. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  Mischeviouslad

  7 years ago

  If you say no...... anything that happens after that is on the other person - Posted from rhpmobile

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  curious_72

  7 years ago

  It is really easy to turn messages off. You get idiots everywhere, I do agree though the forums are interesting 😁 - Posted from rhpmobile

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  AnnieWhichway

  7 years ago

  Firstly l get that online dating isnt for everyone. Secondly, sorry for the bullshit you have had to endure. Thirdly, dont let the dickheads spoil it for you. Give yourself a chance to develop your own online bullshit detector. For every dickhead, there are dozens of nice guys. You deserve a chance of meeting some of the good ones. Bit like terrorism, go about your normal stuffs, dont let them win

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I get nothing but forumites dropping in for different reasons, and random compliments on my profile the way it currently is. and in the past, I didn't get the negative responses for saying no that I read so much about, even when I said no after a few messages swapped. I guess part of my overall attitude comes from all those self-improvement courses over the years that inevitably placed the responsibility for my life square on my doorstep. so When I read threads like yours Vampavibe, it makes me wonder what 'vibes' the OP is sending that are attracting unwelcome replies. I'm not trying to victim blame before anyone jumps to that conclusion, but I do know 'we' can make a big difference to our interactions with those 'vibes'. Unintentional or otherwise. As part of the many things I Google when I'm in the forum, I looked up drama in the last few weeks and came across articles on the idea that it can be ourselves who are drawn to the drama, because it is a place we know and feel comfortable. That tickled a memory from a past thread by Foxy where I posted on a similar theme that some people just don't know any better, and they feel 'safest' the way they are. It can take a long time to bring about change to that mindset. This may not apply to you of course, it is just my thoughts as someone who has seen this oft repeated theme in the forum who is fascinated by all our parts of our interactions with each other. Peachy

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  I had for a while been thinking about placing a post here to simply thank the gentlemen who kindly message me despite my profile stating that I'm no longer meeting men online.I appreciate them taking the time to communicate with me. The fact that I read the "saying no to dates" story merely prompted me to start the thread - it just seemed like a good intro - however, the main point I wished to get across was that I appreciated the kindness of the good guys on here and acknowledge the fact that whilst there are some real nasties online, there are many faaaaaaaabulous men as well. Good guys always win. NB: I loved meeting guys online. For several years it made my skin even thicker. Always happy to be educated.Just can't be bothered with it at the moment for many reasons.May come back to it in eventually but not in the near future. NB2: Codsworth, you're certainly not wrong about gossip and mass media on pages like Nine Honey. I rarely read anything of that nature. That particular article though just happened to catch my eye. PS. red hair on men? OH YEEEAH!!

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  ...I'm not someone who'd message you if your profile specifically said not to...but then, I'm quite comfortable within myself and not needing to fill an unspecified hole in my existence. Are you familiar with the phrase, or proverb, "Hope springs eternal in the human breast..?" I think your courteous messagers are hoping. Against the odds. But hoping, that they will be the one. Their Neo to your Trinity. Hoping that they'll be the one to change your mind.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Quoting 'Koolgrey' ...I'm not someone who'd message you if your profile specifically said not to...but then, I'm quite comfortable within myself and not needing to fill an unspecified hole in my existence. Are you familiar with the phrase, or proverb, "Hope springs eternal in the human breast..?" I think your courteous messagers are hoping. Against the odds. But hoping, that they will be the one. Their Neo to your Trinity. Hoping that they'll be the one to change your mind. you are correct.I've had many be quite persuasive and almost going as far as to say they think they are the one that will change my mind.I won't be changing my mind anytime soon though.One guy spoke of "taking risks" I am not exaggerating when I state that I have taken approximately 80 "risks" during my years on RHP and only 5 or 6 were worth it.I will no longer give people the benefit of the doubt.I stayed optimistic for yeeeeeears...... you can only maintain the optimism for so long. Anyway, again, to all the good ones out there (and I think you are one Kool) have a happy evening xo

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  EarthQueen

  7 years ago

  I am not exaggerating when I state that I have taken approximately 80 "risks" during my years on RHP and only 5 or 6 were worth it.I will no longer give people the benefit of the doubt.I stayed optimistic for yeeeeeears...... you can only maintain the optimism for so long. Thats not great odds I feel much the same a lot of the time these days. In any case, most of the people I connect with live in other states. I'm still holding on to some thin thread of optimism though. Because of some of the conversations I have. I don't like the feeling of being jaded but I can't help it. If I'm not derailing your thread What made someone worth it to you? If you rather not answer thats cool as well.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Quoting 'EarthQueen' I am not exaggerating when I state that I have taken approximately 80 "risks" during my years on RHP and only 5 or 6 were worth it.I will no longer give people the benefit of the doubt.I stayed optimistic for yeeeeeears...... you can only maintain the optimism for so long. Thats not great odds I feel much the same a lot of the time these days. In any case, most of the people I connect with live in other states. I'm still holding on to some thin thread of optimism though. Because of some of the conversations I have. I don't like the feeling of being jaded but I can't help it. If I'm not derailing your thread What made someone worth it to you? If you rather not answer thats cool as well. Thanks EQ, excellent question. Easy to answer. Intelligent men with good manners.Men who showed good grooming habits and arrived at the date dressed appropriately.Those with whom I could share humorous, lively conversation about a wide variety of subjects.Men who weren't in a hurry and wanted to relax over dinner and drinks before discussing anything about the possibility of the meeting becoming sexual.Men who wanted more than a ONS.Men who don't suddenly as a whip turn temperamental when, at the end of the date, you say you don't feel a connection and don't wish to see them again/have sex with them.Actually finding someone who had NOT lied about their status, height or what type of arrangement/date/liaison/relationship they really want from you.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Forgive me if I sound a bit blunt....but....what have all these less-than-impressive experiences with men here taught you?Have you put into practice anything to improve your lot so far?Are you proactively looking for and messaging interesting sounding men( like moi )...or, are you sitting back and filtering through the options that have landed in your mailbox? Incidentally, I figured out ages ago that the forums were an excellent way for people to see what a top bloke I am, or what a wanker I can be. You( the reader ) be the judge. It's a shame it's only a small minority of the people on here who use the forums.Otherwise, it's really hard to get a feel for what a person is really like. And even on the forums it takes time. But, how is that different to real life? People are lazy. We want the quick fix. In general.

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  EarthQueen

  7 years ago

  Its a good point. My situation is not the same as Vampa ( Also when I wrote that comment I was feeling bummed out about something that happened from an interaction on here so its probably situationally negative). The thing is.. 85% of the messages I get are decent90% of RHP dates/meets I have are good, respectful etc. I have had some really nice dates with good people. ( but not enough connection most of the time for me to meet again)The sex varies. Sometimes good, occasionally great, sometimes average. Twice awful. Men and their expectations of what being on this site means are sometimes the problem, but not always. Its also about me and online dating. After a while I get sick of the adrenaline high, then what seems the inevitable drop when someone I feel I have a good connection with doesn't transfer to RL. Then I don't feel like meeting anyway for long periods. I wouldn't say its an emotional rollercoaster for me ,but I get sick of thinking about it. Putting energy into it. I guess thats the jaded part. Every little disrespectful interaction or just disappointing one (and I expect that to be the same for men) takes its toll. If I can't have great connection I'd rather just stay at home and reach inside the bedside drawer.....for a book LOL. Dammit I just want a great connection and the sex that comes with it. I know it exists. I have experienced it. Yes I could join but i think maybe I'm not in the frame of mind enough to utilise it enough. I have paid for other sites in the past. The other problem is my situation and the limitations on it due to family life. Maybe I am creating a self fullfilling prophecy by not being proactive, maybe you are right? Its not all bad ....after a while I will get sick of being by myself, bored, wanting tactile touch and then I'll bounce back Maybe I'll catch a quick flight to Victoria, Queensland or WA. At the very least I know I will get good company to have a beer with Actually this topic would be much better discussed in RL over a drink. There are too many bits to it to nut out on a forum. PS. Yes , also I have done lots of dumb things that I can tend to repeat, so maybe I need to keep learning. Sorry about the essay your question was though provoking.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  In the past I have sent messages on a purely platonic basis and/or without any further expectations, to people NOT seeking myself according to their own profile (be it gender, distance, age range, mention of intent or lack thereof, penis size requirements etc). This even once resulted in a purely platonic overnight stay, complete with my dog, at a woman's house in another state. Typically it is only as the OP states regarding only being on here for the forums, my messages to them are often based on something I/they have read/made on the forums also. As an occasional event organiser, I've also had to send messages to people who would not otherwise be interested personally (and so it shouldn't be relevant of course). Of course the irony is communicating with men (who I would almost never message, except platonically of course), those with the "no single men" thing listed (and of course I try to be the purely objective, professional host and never make a move on any guest), but also quite a few communications regarding an event, and meeting/greeting at the event, people who have rejected me in the past on another basis. I'm curious about the 80 "risks". Are they all physical dates/meetings? Or some just advanced individual contact? Obviously, many women find out who they DON'T want to meet via the communication phase beforehand. Obviously there's enough men to meet that number, but barely enough single, real female profiles active within say a week to meet that number for the reverse scenario. Even counting all sites at my rate of new physical dates, it would take me about 80 years :)

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  EarthQueen

  7 years ago

  Thumbs up on new profile pic 🙂 - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Quoting 'EarthQueen' Thumbs up on new profile pic 🙂 - Posted from rhpmobile Thank you. Don't mind so much showing it, only having pictures used. Who wants half a face? :P

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Thanks EQ.

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  RHP User

  7 years ago

  Quoting 'countrytouch' In the past I have sent messages on a purely platonic basis and/or without any further expectations, to people NOT seeking myself according to their own profile (be it gender, distance, age range, mention of intent or lack thereof, penis size requirements etc). This even once resulted in a purely platonic overnight stay, complete with my dog, at a woman's house in another state. Typically it is only as the OP states regarding only being on here for the forums, my messages to them are often based on something I/they have read/made on the forums also. As an occasional event organiser, I've also had to send messages to people who would not otherwise be interested personally (and so it shouldn't be relevant of course). Of course the irony is communicating with men (who I would almost never message, except platonically of course), those with the "no single men" thing listed (and of course I try to be the purely objective, professional host and never make a move on any guest), but also quite a few communications regarding an event, and meeting/greeting at the event, people who have rejected me in the past on another basis. I'm curious about the 80 "risks". Are they all physical dates/meetings? Or some just advanced individual contact? Obviously, many women find out who they DON'T want to meet via the communication phase beforehand. Obviously there's enough men to meet that number, but barely enough single, real female profiles active within say a week to meet that number for the reverse scenario. Even counting all sites at my rate of new physical dates, it would take me about 80 years :) _________________I had typed out a rather lengthy answer to you CT (as I have read many of your posts and respect you and your opinion) but my computer failed and I lost it all.However, the short answer is, yes, I actually met approx 80 men during a 5-6 year period. My only expectations were to be treated with kindness and respect by men who took pride in their appearance. Although most of these men had real photos of themselves on their profiles and came across as decent people in their profiles, via messages, online chats and phone conversations, many had created false impressions of themselves which did not translate to real life.I chatted with and rejected many others.I'm happy to answer any other questions.

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