F54
Self-reflection and self-improvement
April 09 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Have I told you lately how much I really enjoy your very thought provoking threads?? I will return after some thought to contribute, but great work :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
the Buddha said we are perfect,we may need to change some of our behaviour but we just need to accept more about ourselves.,appreciate who we are...appreciate others for who they are and stop being hard on ourselves.... I actually loathe the self help industry,an industry that preys on unhappiness and dissatisfaction.IMO contentment and acceptance are far more desirable states than happiness.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' the Buddha said we are perfect,we may need to change some of our behaviour but we just need to accept more about ourselves.,appreciate who we are...appreciate others for who they are and stop being hard on ourselves.... I actually loathe the self help industry,an industry that preys on unhappiness and dissatisfaction.IMO contentment and acceptance are far more desirable states than happiness. If there's one thing I've learnt as I've gained life experience (my euphemism for getting old ) it's that I'm flawed, we're all flawed, and it's all OK. In fact, it's a relief. There's a lot of peace to be found in acceptance. I do still think it's very true though, that when you feel the urge to blame and lash out, it's useful to look inwards instead of outwards, and consider your own thoughts, actions and beliefs before you attack others.
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RHP User
12 years ago
And that is enough- Winston Churchilland paintme.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I absolutely agree 100 per cent
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'paintme'And that is enough - Winston Churchill and paintme. I need a like button :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
is truly a magical moment. Radical acceptance of others is true emancipation.
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' the Buddha said we are perfect,we may need to change some of our behaviour but we just need to accept more about ourselves.,appreciate who we are...appreciate others for who they are and stop being hard on ourselves.... I actually loathe the self help industry,an industry that preys on unhappiness and dissatisfaction.IMO contentment and acceptance are far more desirable states than happiness. I find people like Louise Hay and Nick Ortner great self help teachers! I do actually not enjoy others as I find that they are just using Louise's first teachings and giving it a new twist to cash in on what she started many many moons ago! While Nick is relatively new to the scene I love his teachings and he is a very close friend of Louise's and they have a video on YouTube together! Both Louise and Nick are very down to Earth and explain things in plain English for all to learn! I say thanks to them both for teaching me alot! Also it is great to read Louise's stuff when she has gone through what you have in younger years and to give hope that everything is ok in life! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm fine with who I am, and what I am. Anyone who isn't competent enough to understand or apprecate my artistic temperment belongs in a soul crushing prison of their own design. So you want a funny story eh? Tried to talk to this girl online, sent a thoughtful message, told her I'd make reservations at the top seafood in town. She writes back, I'm allergic to seafood. I write back, steak then? She says " I'm Vegetarian" and I say " no kidding?" and she says " goodbye" I'm not going to say thats rude, or that it reinforces my misogyny or my prejudice, or that in my experience, women of my generation are spoiled emotionally stunted intellectually inferior bratty fucks... and it wouldn't be fair to clall them dogs.... because in fairness dogs are some of the most beautiful and loyal creatures I've ever known.... That said, I too have buddhist leanings of the philosophical kind, though if I keep spending so much time lookng inward and self-reflecting, I'm going to be mistaken for an arrogant, self-absorbed narcissist who either has a mirror in his pants or tickets on himself. Which I don't. I just don't suffer fools easily and if that makes me a misogynist, then so be it. I like LaVeyan Satanism myself. Its a religion I can truly relate to. Particularly thou shalt not waste love on ingrates. I would question unconditional acceptance of others, particularly if they do not know and accept themselves for who and what they are beneath the social conditioning, familial structures, morality imposed and et cetera. Philosophically, we have to only show others what we feel they are ready to see. Because anything above and beyond their scope of vision, would cause undue judgement and dare I say friction. Don't even get me started on burn-in residue and normative behavioral conditioning versus opppositional defiant disorder - biggest load of crock ever. And then there are these brain-washers like Doreen Virtue, Eckhart Tolle, David Icke and especially Lousie Hay, all this new-age mafia style shit, which let's face it, is all just watered down buddhism for the ignorant pseudo-spiritual mindset. For crying out loud, read the Bhagavad Gita or at least a few choice excerpts from it. I'm sure I used to have spiritual depth, and I'm sure I used to care about my fellow man, though you can only get kicked in the head so many times before you bite the foot that kicks you. I am sure I have empathy and compassion, I'm just very selective about who I choose to care about and open up to. Of course, philosophy and self improvement are masturbation really. Its all well and good in theory, and there are a lot of false prophets and new age messiahs out there who who will sell you inner peace, though there are so few who actually walk the enlightened path, assuming they weren't just after a publishing deal ala The Secret, A New Earth, The Angel Therapy Handbook et al. Rant over.
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Cheekyarses
12 years ago
The wonderful thing about the rhp forums - we are not here to judge you, look down on anyone, or be nasty etc! We are on here because we all can respect each other n women n men can feel comfortable in talking about so many things n this is a beautiful thing! We may not always agree, but we can learn to agree to disagree! I have learnt so much on these forums / it is such a great thing! Great topic And paintme / I agree x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Freya77' the Buddha said we are perfect,we may need to change some of our behaviour but we just need to accept more about ourselves.,appreciate who we are...appreciate others for who they are and stop being hard on ourselves.... I actually loathe the self help industry,an industry that preys on unhappiness and dissatisfaction.IMO contentment and acceptance are far more desirable states than happiness. I recommend reading "Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America" by Barbara Ehrenreich. It shows how a good thing, like making people happy and motivating them has been turned into a multi-million industry that artificially imposes happiness on people. I am not trying to be negative or bring down anyone's happiness. It is just something to beware of. You are allowed to be happy, sad, angry, jealous, etc. Just do not let it control you and define who you are. That is the problem with the happiness industry. You are allowing a positive emotion control you rather than you be in charge of it. I don't use the word control as you really can't nor should control emotions. If you are angry, try and be a bit less angry. If you are happy, enjoy it while it lasts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
a work in progress What do you want to change about you? - I have a alpha listing so I wont bore you OP or the way you act in your life? ditto How do you want to grow as a person? As much as I have much I wish to change about me..as for growing..Im ok with that...I have grown and hope to continue growing..and learning... Im with Funloving on Lousie Hay.........I saw her speak many years ago in Melbourne along with Wayne Dwyer..she was brilliant but somewhere long my journey I forgot about her..I was reminded about her last year by Funloving and have reconnected with her work..I carry her book " You can Heal your Life" on my Kindle and it is now well read....I fail at her teachings each day but I also keep on trying...just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
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RHP User
12 years ago
... a work in progress Op! I never want to stop striving to be a better version of myself ...
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RHP User
12 years ago
You should write a column in a men's mag :) We could all do with a smidgen of total irreverence now and then. And you do have a way with words ... I always have a giggle at your posts. To everyone who criticises the 'self-help' industry I would simply say this. I help myself. I take information from the world - including inspirational books if I feel inclined - and from my own experience and I use it to understand who I am, what I do, why I do it, and importantly, what I want to do differently. Once I have some understanding I apply that to make changes that I want to make. Lots of 'I' statements, because it's my life, my responsibility, my choice. And I have a great life - simple, fun, heartfelt, kind, compassionate, adventurous. I have all these things in my life because of the choices I've made and actions I've taken along the way to be a better version of me and to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. Every 'industry' preys on gullibility. That doesn't make the core messages or offerings of the industry bad - it's just the ruthless chase for money at all costs that becomes ugly. But even then, if one person hands over a lot of money and gets one powerful, life-changing insight in return, it's probably not the end of the world. Whether a person comes to a realisation from their own self-reflection, from reading the Bhagavad Gita, from listening to Louise Hay or from some miraculous epiphany, who cares?! Isn't the more important thing - and frankly the point of my post - whether or not people look inwards and improve themselves, or look outwards to denigrate and be unkind to others? I know PLENTY of people who indulge in the latter like they indulge in fine chocolate or expensive champagne ... with glee. I'm damned sure they could do a thing or two to improve themselves.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Nick_Wilde' Of course, philosophy and self improvement are masturbation really. Yes I agree - they are - but since when was masturbation such a bad thing? I think being reflective is the essence of being a human being. After all we only have an uncertain but fixed amount of time on the planet. One cant help but seek to enjoy it as much as possible - and in my book that means exploring every adventure that presents, and trying to learn from the past. Is there karma? Do we or some residue of us, continue after our physical death? Personally I doubt it. But my experience is that mostly, people respond well to being treated well; mostly relationships are positive; mostly therefore we flourish in companionship rather than wither. I'm for increasing intimacy and care and affection in my life!
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RHP User
12 years ago
It’s a strange thing with realization of the Me. Does it take experience and mistakes we make? Does it take knock backs we get in life? Does it take great books we come across and read, does it take people we meet? I find to getting to my 50th started a lot more, or seeing people who had to leave this earth to early, made me more sit down and look with a more open mind what it is I want. From the books I read, I take out what is relevant to me and my thinking, and apply some to my life, can say it has helped me in a way to see things in a different way. On our journey through life we are being influenced by so much. First is our upbringing through our parents and family then there is the school our culture and on and on. When we never get out of this we stay in the same mindset. Then our world opens up we stumble over things we get presented with mind challenging hurdles and steppingstone. We can take em full on or go around and levee m behind. But I think we learn , When we want to, from all. I think life is awesome, I think people are awesome, I think love sex is awesome. Even reading many things on the forum is awesome. You read some and you whole understanding of something can shift because no one before has shone you this from his her viewpoint. And you sit on your arse and you think and think and think even more. Wow can this happen, wow how wonderful.Knowledge is everything.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Well, I suppose whats that old saying? Its not the message thats important, its our obedience to it? All animals are created equal but some animals are more equal than others? I take a shot at the new age & self help industry no end, because to me it just seems so wanky and pretensious and short-lived and because most people are experiencing a spiritual sort of void or even a philosophical ennui, its liiterally everywhere. And I find, using one friend as an example, self help slash new age books are like her heroin. She devours them non-stop, though she doesn't seem to be getting any happier, her life isn't improving. If anything it encourages victim blaming, has made her even more narcy and not to mention broke and self-loathing. She worships Eckhart Tolle and Bono, and yet hasn't even touched upon slightest hint of a Buddhist text. I know where I stand on the issues of the spirit, though in this lifetime I think the lessons are pretty moot, unless everyone takes heed. Don't even get me started on the New World Order, and the way the masses are being brainwashed in a time of spiritual crisis. People should wake up, but instead most of them still seem set on just being a bunch of passive, despiritualized, depersonalized cattle prone to the ikea nesting instinct - and whle this saddens me deeply, what the hell can I do about it? When my generation supposedly, are the worst, if not 2nd worst culprits?
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RHP User
12 years ago
But then again I'm always questioning the way I think or feel about everything anyway, especially if it's negative or reactive. I prefer to act rather than react. “Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ― Lao Tzu “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit” ― E.E. Cummings
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RHP User
12 years ago
Good to hear you're inspired by the engaging interaction of Men these days. Carrying the "Emotionally Stunted" male banner was never for me, however some find Men attuned to emotional/deep thinking....Un~Masculine. There's plenty of Macho out there for women of this preference..There can be a pitfall for anyone on a learning curve at any particular juncture in life, and I've seen it happen more than once. And I refer to no-one here, esp you Angelic, as this is a decent thread with plenty of acknowledgement for us men and one's awareness level. A knowledge growth without corresponding spiritual growth can lead to this....Self-Awareness, Self-Reflection, Self-improvement...It has been said that it can all become a little too much a matter of self. A self importance entering a shallow realm of who you are, and how incomplete others are..Again. just an aspect not intended to be taken out of context.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I once put up a quote: I am a series of flaws stitched together with good intentions. I can't remember who on the forum then questioned my rationale, but my answer was that I am in a constant state of change. Like most people, I have learnt things the hard way, particularly in regards to relationships. The thing I take from each experience is that I will always try my best, to do what is right. There is a song that I listen to constantly. I first heard it when I was in uni, over the years, at various times I recite the lyrics to myself, it's a little sad, but it reminds me that there will always be another day, even if I dont think there will be... Another Lonely Day by Ben Harper Yes indeed, I'm alone again. And here comes emptiness crashing in. It's either love or hate, I can't find in between, 'cause I've been with witches and I've been with a queen. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. So now it's just another lonely kday. Further along we just may. But for now it's just another lonely day. Wish there was something now I could say or do. I can resist anything but the temptation from you. But I'd rather walk alone than chase you around. I'd rather fall myself than let you drag me on down. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. And now it's just another lonely day. Further along we just may. But for now, it's just another lonely day. Yesterday seems like a life ago, 'cause the one I love today, I hardly know, You I held so close in my heart, Oh dear, Grow further from me with every fallen tear. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. So now it's just another lonely day. Further along we just may. But for now it's just another lonely day. For now it's just another lonely day. For now it's just another lonely day.
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RHP User
12 years ago
What do i want to change/improve on? Stop being so hard on myself and stick up for myself more, be more proactive about what i want and to never stop learning. Mrs Bi- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
i would like to be a little less judgmental of myself, and back up my thoughts with more positive actions. In the past i've been that gunna guy ..gunna do this, gunna do that, and never end up doing anything. This has lead to some bad results, and at times, an unhealthy view of one's self. Funny thing is, my whole life has been about self/spiritual improvement, it's just i was that guy sitting in the corner smoking weed, smell the roses and waiting for the world to come to me! ..it's been fun, but not very productive.It's interesting, for some, it's not until we hit rock bottom that we actually get off our ass and make changes to our lives, almost out of desperation, that last act of defiance, raise your middle finger and say "fuck you world". I had a moment the other day reflecting, in the last 2 years i"ve given away the drugs, i'm no longer a raging alcoholic, and it's now been 20 days since i last had a cigarette ..I actually have a lot to be proud of.Have some compassion for yourself!! Realize that we are just as fucked up as the next person. Don't alienate ourselves thinking we are the only one's with problems. Reward yourself by doing what you say your going to do, also, own your situation, and your feelings ..don't palm them off for someone else to look after. Mr S
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RHP User
12 years ago
what an amazingly honest post....and inspiring...
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