F38
Self worth
May 13 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Good to see you start a thread. If they read your post as they should they will know who they are meeting and one should never overlook anything in a profile. If they do say you are too fat, you don't need to know them and good on you for knowing you will walk away strong. If I have the chance to meet someone I hope they want to for what my profile says not for my member. If I was to be honest the only thing that I do think on is I am thinning on top and that is not so obvious from my profile photos. But I really couldn't give a rats arse if they felt that way as I tell people this in conversation before we meet. I am happy with me and that is what counts.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't see how you could have been more forthright with these individuals....there really is no cure for stupidity, mores the pity. I'm no Einstein, but these chaps must have been dropped on their heads as babies. trying to understand their process leaves me scratching my head. "no f's will be given"....I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you go girl.
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RHP User
10 years ago
depends miss ana....I meet not with the guarantee of sex....but the guarantee of hanging out.... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm not meaning about sexual activities just meeting 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I find myself wanting to say "I'm 42, you get that, right? And you understand that at this age many women tend to have cellulite and stretch marks and and saggy skin and spider veins, yes?" I usually I don't, but sometimes it gets me a tad nervous.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You do look pretty fine Meander saggy skin spider veins and all
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am super confident in real life, a business woman , out spoken and loving the skin I am in! However when meeting guys off here I always say " you know I am old right? 44?) and " you know im not skinny right!??? In our pre meet texts .......I don't know what it is !! I think it is the fact I know most guys hit on ever woman here and rarely read profiles .....my worst fear is being a big disappointment to someone off here!!! I'm not sure why ! - Posted from rhpmobile
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Smilingwithfun
10 years ago
To judge someone just on their appearance, is to judge oneself.
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
I make sure people know Im awesome, before I decide they can meet me and my awesomeness. See what I did there, OP?! You are unique... god LUV ya. However, If you want to avoid the potential uncomfortable situation your friends have... share another photo which makes the conversation obsolete. DG
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
I have to make sure expectations are set downward and they dont expect a stunning transexual to be standing in the doorway. Just me, an old pervy transvestite towering over them. God i hate that moment.........
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RHP User
10 years ago
eyes up the spunky young 42 year old
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RHP User
10 years ago
given the clarification....clearly it simply shows their intention is different to yours yeah?? - Posted from rhpmobile
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QLDtwo4fun
10 years ago
I guess you have labia too. They are probably only used to women who have been photoshopped or airbrush enhanced. And they don't own a mirror.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think they do.The important bits to them,yes they mostly would have seen that you have stated large but that is like a piece of string...I agree with Mischievous Lad,put put up a full body pic in your pg for any man that you are interested in...and there will be a lot of men that are interested in you....Unless you are totally narcissistic and in denial of any flaws,most people both male and female are a bit nervous when meeting a new person...Delicious and Meander are both seriously gorgeous women and even they have concerns...The tape in your head should not be,will they like me ..yadda yadda..but more importantly..will I like them ..finally ,look at your screening process ,if you have any doubts don't put yourself in the way of a negative experience..Skype or speak on the phone..hugs xx Freya
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Hottie1
10 years ago
You summed that up for me. Like you, in my workplace, I'm confident, funny, controlling, nothing frightens me and people always come to me to solve problems, generally speaking I'm a patient control freak. The minute however I am faced with exposing myself (physically and metaphorically) I'm fraught with insecurity. Now, you beautiful lady, are stunning. Meander, pfft, you are a stunning women! OP, people behave badly, whether here or in real life! Their loss! I have recently reworded our profile, if prospective date don't meet that criteria, I am no longer investing time! At the end of the day OP, you are more than a size! Like the rest of us here you are trying to find people you resonate with ( for whatever purposes). Don't define yourself by their stupidity! Great first post lovely, Mary xx
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Hottie1
10 years ago
Meander, you are a stunning woman, though I think many people on here would hope there was more than one of you!
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RHP User
10 years ago
OP, I do want to ask why you called this topic Self worth? I do hope that your looks don't affect how you think of yourself as a person. X
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is rocking what you have, Thick, Thin, Fair, Dark, you are who you are, and you have standards, don't lower them for anyone, it's your body, mind, and possibly soul you are sharing with another, we have very current photos on our profile, I'm very curvy and my body shows my story in life so far, my thinking is, if they're judging what they're seeing, they're not worthy of having it.....or as you say... No f's will be given.. Literally :)) Good Luck in your search for fun x
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RHP User
10 years ago
I remember meeting one guy, back in my early days of internet dating, and the disappointment on his face was so obvious I wanted to run away. In saying that I have also met guys who didn't have pics and I felt disappointed. Now I share face pics before meeting. That tends to weed out the ones who don't find me attractive. I'm very pragmatic about it, I'm not everyone's cup of tea and that's fine.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You said what I was thinking, add on some varicose veins! I get so nervous meeting someone for the first time. Luckily I havent had a knock back yet, but I know my pics make my skin look smoother and I worry about sags and wrinkles. In saying that, it saddens me when Im out and I hear some gorgeous young women in their twenties complaining about their looks/body size.........they already have self worth issues at that age.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think you'll find that women in particular are prone to worrying about this sort of thing (and the reasons for and problems around that are whole other topics altogether). I purposefully put up pics that I know are flattering, so in a way I wonder if I'm complicating things for myself a bit when I have that nagging question about whether people will be disappointed with me in real life. Because let's face it unless you're able and willing to spend lots of time and $ there are physical changes that inevitably happen as you get older. I do know I'm overly hard on myself and that I shouldn't give a rat's, and it is something I'm working on. As others have said OP, if you have a good screening process and a full body pic in your PG to show potential meets then you should be able to sort out the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. I'm sure there will be plenty of people willing to accept you exactly as you are.
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RHP User
10 years ago
But in response to DG's comment "share another photo which makes the conversation obsolete": I've considered that many times, but I just can't bring myself to put up a pic of the "cold hard truth" under fluorescent lights.
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Seachange
10 years ago
It is always good to have edited pics of ourselves in our public gallery, showing our best angle and rightly so. We do want to attract men, not scare them. However, if this is of concern to you, I definitely would consider putting up more pics of your body size in your private gallery. no harm in that to eliminate any doubt and clarify your position. You can decide to open up to them when you feel comfortable after chatting. After chatting via phone/kik/texting you can gauge whether you wan to proceed further in revealing more of yourself before meeting. Take your time if you must. You must be comfortable with the pace and not be pressured to meet them. It is all about managing expectations for both parties. Hope you have a great rhp experience. best wishes
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RHP User
10 years ago
Joined less than a week ago and just want to get a feel for things. But - body image is a huge factor for me. I can ooze sex when I know someone well or when I know someone isn't going to be seeing me naked. Babies and surgeries have not been nice to me. And I'm very cuddly. Reject me for my personality and I'll be ok, but my worry is meeting and them going "Holy crap!" and bolting. Or worse - saying something to my face. I guess we just have to put ourselves out there? It's been an eye opener to see how many smokin ladies in their 40's and 50's are on here - what are they taking? Meander your profile is amazing! Unless you look a 70 year old drunken sailor I don't think you would have a problem! Man - I'm wanting you just by reading your profile 😉
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RHP User
10 years ago
I need photoshop!!! 😝 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I too had very little confidence and got super nervous before a date. But many successful dates later, plus a world of experience, and I'm the most confident person I know. And it's got nothing to do with how I look and everything to do with how I feel. When you accept yourself as you are right now and realise your self worth has very little to do with what is on the outside, it brings a calmness and happiness that actually makes you feel and look more beautiful! But being human I do have days when I'm not happy with my physical self...so I don my ipod and go for a walk...music and endorphins always make me feel sexy!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Oh heavens. If I've got to the stage of meeting someone, having seen their recent pics, chatted and now decided this is someone I am interested in meeting ... please oh please, don't remind me of your minor physical defects. They are totally not on my mind ... but will be when you mention them. Oh look, there's a frayed ribbbon /me ... *looks* Don't draw attention to it. Someone with a little bit of bravado, a smidge of effervescence and alluring converstation will alot more appealing and attention grabbing, then someone pointing at and worrying about their dimpled thigh, or a saggy bum. Oh and I hear beer is the new vaseline on the lens.
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RHP User
10 years ago
And have a squiz at the numerous examples of how photoshop morphs the images of women we see. The models don't even look like the models.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Just pointing out...I certainly don't talk about or point out my perceived flaws to the people I meet. Yes, confidence is sexy and generally I am quite happy with myself and recognise my good points...but I'm not afraid to admit in line with the OP's question, that I do have my moments of self-doubt. For me, those moments are more internally sourced rather than from any comparisons to photo-shopped celebrities, and are largely due to health issues and associated events that took a big toll on my self-esteem. It's been a long and gradual process and still a way to go but I'm learning to appreciate myself again.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think there are 2 separate issues here: self-worth and worrying that you appear differently/misrepresent online/will disappoint people you meet with. I think most women have some kind of body issues going in. I don't know what to put for myself as a descriptor - I have bits that are athletic, bits that are wobbly, and bits that are fine. I figure that "averages" out, so thats what I put. Other people's perception of average may vary widly. In terms of representation you do make it clear in your profile you are larger a few times. If guys don't read it, then that's their fault and says enough about their time/effort to not make them worth thinking about twice. I think you should go into a meet thinking about whether YOU are going to like THEM, rather than the other way around. That's where self-worth comes into it. In terms of self-worth no-one can give you that but yourself. Sometimes thats easier said than done, and takes time. Hopefully it should be something you don't let others take away from you either!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Reading everyone's comments thanks for commenting! I guess for myself I do have issues with my weight which holds me back , but they are my issues and I will deal with them 😄 and I do know some Lovely guys who don't have an issue with it all, but I guess if you don't have confidence it will show, And it should Matter of you are fat ,skinny ,blonde ,brown the people who matter won't care In answer to your question meander I did name my post self worth due to not liking my weight or myself at times and in cases I have been made to feel like im not worth someone's times it's almost as if if people Don't like the look of you in person friends is off the cards but I realise these people are not worth time or energy 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Shouldn't matter 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Welcome to the forums OP. Confidence only helps put you out there to meet people, there is far more to attraction than confidence and looks. The only thing you can do, when it happens is remember that it has nothing to do with how you look, or any fault in you, this other person was simply incompatible. Neither is it their fault, it is just the way it is. It happens to everyone no matter what you look like or where you are from. Everyone gets rejected, and for everyone it happen more often than not. So just shrug it off and set your sights on what is on offer next. Beating your self up over what another person thinks is a wasted, pointless, destructive habit, that only hurts you. For what, because someone does not like you, so what there are seven billion more to pick from, of which so many are perfect for you you could not possibly ever handle them all. You are not going to meet any if you beat your self up and hide out afraid of rejection. You should be thinking, next, who is up for offer next.
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inspirit
10 years ago
My tits are out and that's all they look at. Problem solved
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RHP User
10 years ago
I certainly wouldn't point out my flaws when meeting people either and I'm mostly happy with how I look. I see women in clubs with many more battle scars than myself and they are sexy as hell. It's just that little niggle sometimes.
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BUSSOGIRL
10 years ago
I always as if they have read my profile, that I'm a large lady, most guys don't care, or they are looking for cuddle lady, I always tell them that I understand if they don't as we all like different shapes and sizes. But I must say most of the men are very nice on here.
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Seachange
10 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' My tits are out and that's all they look at. Problem solved You are incorrigible. You crack me up!LOL.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meander' I find myself wanting to say "I'm 42, you get that, right? And you understand that at this age many women tend to have cellulite and stretch marks and and saggy skin and spider veins, yes?" I usually I don't, but sometimes it gets me a tad nervous. I'm with you - I too worry about 'misrepresenting' myself. Obviously in our pictures we want to put our best foot forward so to speak and at almost 40 and with 3 kids yes, things are not as firm and flawless as I would like! So I try to just let people know that I have scars and stretchies, not to be a negative nancy so to speak, but to set a realistic expectation before we get to the bedroom. Hubs thinks it's a non issue, but he's biased I say!!!
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sweetgem
10 years ago
We will get a little conscious about our looks, shape, size, vibe and behaviour, etc. no doubt and that's normal as it's part of our growing up and maturing journey, IMO. I, too, had that little inner insecurity when I was in my early 20s, but I learned, absorbed and improved to become who I am today over years and nowadays, especially in the past 12 months, I have been living by this one simple rule, that is: what other people think of me or say about me is seriously NONE OF MY BUSINESS nor PROBLEM! Simple as that! :-) Good on you that you've recognised your own insecurity OP, you're on the right track to find your own happiness and success by gaining this skill. Therefore, do not ever let those losers belittle you with their words or action! :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
For me I often question why are they wanting to meet up? Is it for a laugh lol I know all to we'll I'm no oil painting and someone shy to get out and about again.. This makes me nervous to a degree. But the only way to get back into the swing of it is to get out and about.. @ op from your pictures you don't look that large :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm the same. I always check with the guys I chat with that they understand that I am big. And then I still doubt them when they say they prefer bigger women, as I simply don't believe that any man truly feels that way. Face pics are also a must. I don't want to see disappointment on their face if I do meet them in person.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have found on here that the cuddlier ladies are way more sexual and devious . Sure , society tells everyone that waif thin is the perfect image even now , we have these self or selfie image problems as well , older guys are on the shelf , don't have six packs , balding , but probably have a much better idea about pleasing a sexual partner than the mirror watchers .Don't let it worry you , if they run away , they obviously don't get that good sex begins with the brain .
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IamMrSilly
10 years ago
Fact is we all have our insecurity and fears, guys included. Will they think I am too thin?, not funny?, bald?, etc. I find I tend to do the same thing, thinking 'have they read my profile and know I don't gym'. That is the thrill of meeting in some ways. If you treat meeting as an adventure where you are going to meet a new person and that is all, then the fear of rejection is not as strong. It is when we go to meet expecting to be instantly accepted that we are let down when the other person 'is just not into us' despite reading our profile and viewing pics. :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
We turn down the vast majority of people that message us for the same reasons, everyone seems to describe themselves as good looking but when we look in the mirror thats not how we see ourselves so we say to the people we find attractive because of the potential banana skin of them turning up and not finding us attractive. Its the same physically the mrs is a 14 with a little belly but im happy with that but others may not be and we just dont want to be made feel like we dont matter ☺ just our 2 centa - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I do not describe my self unless asked. I never excuse anything about my self, why should I. I am in no way perfect, I have some scaring and age has done its unavoidable magic on me. If you ask me for photos, you will get them but unfortunately you move down in my opinion of you. Not because I am worried what you may think, but because I have learnt that those with the least concern about what we look like are in fact the nicest people to know. I take this to the extreme if possible and prefer to meet someone with as little knowledge of their physical attributes as possible. I rather enjoy trying to guess what the person looks like, to see if I can pick them out of the crowd merely from information gathered during the exchange of minds. I have gotten rather good at it, or maybe good at spotting people looking for someone they don't know. Sight unseen is the best way to meet as the reaction that occurs in the first 30 seconds is very important and to corrupt via photos and descriptions dilutes the information that can be assess in those very important first 30 seconds. There have been a few people that were disappointed, I could see it in their eyes, but so what, its not my problem but theirs. I do feel sorry for them and allow them a quick goodbye if they want.. But with that a few that I met sight unseen, to see that warm happily surprised (like what they see) look tells me more about what they think of my looks than their response to photos could ever do.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'trysexualBing' I have found on here that the cuddlier ladies are way more sexual and devious . Sure , society tells everyone that waif thin is the perfect image even now , we have these self or selfie image problems as well , older guys are on the shelf , don't have six packs , balding , but probably have a much better idea about pleasing a sexual partner than the mirror watchers .Don't let it worry you , if they run away , they obviously don't get that good sex begins with the brain . That is a rather broad generalization. I have not found that peoples weight or their level of personal vanity effects how "sexual and devious" they are in bed. The only measure that I could say relates to an individuals passion is intelligence which does not relate to body type or vanity. I try to avoid broad generalizations, for slamming the thin is just as bad as slamming the big, and assessing someone by their looks is what many parts of this culture has mixed up. To deny that physical attraction is important is lying to ones self. Understanding that there is not just one type that attracts is what is important. I does not matter what you look like, there is always someone that likes the way you look and with luck you will like the way they look.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Things have changed a lot in the Internet age. The days when conversation skills, charisma and style don't count for as much as a superficial face shot. Realisticly it's like we are applying for a job but not really interviewing everybody. I can only use myself as an example and on dating sites I have never had any luck only rejection yet if I go out socializing and people see me face to face I never have a problem getting numbers and making friends. If I was more selfish I'd get my son baby sat more often in the pursuit of a FWB or life partner. Self worth I just want to say that I am ashamed of how you have been treated by some people and wish you the best in your search for what ever it is that makes you happy. Chin up there is some lucky person out there waiting for you.
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Kattss
10 years ago
"you know I'm large right?" Always comes up somewhere. I find that they say they don't care, but inevitably I think they do. I know they would never actually want to be seen in public with me or introduce me to friends even as 'just a friend'. And after two visits, they disappear and can't be contacted. i think that's what gets me down. I'm at the point I don't even bother anymore. Save everyone the disappointment.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Every time someone sends a message my usual response is 'I'm old and fat - so unless you're into big girls and mature women, don't waste my time.' It does affect one's self-esteem quite severely, to meet someone and see the disappointment on their face, even after I've given them access to face pics. I've put my dress size on my profile too, therefore any misapprehension you remain under after that is entirely the fault of your own expectations. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm only 27, but with two kids and a body that shows this, I also feel rather self conscious at times. I know personality wise I'm great. I'm smart, friendly, funny and easy to get along with. I really enjoy talking with and meeting new people. And overall I don't look too bad at all. But stretch marks and a caesar scar make me worry every time someone new sees me naked. There are 27 year olds out there with way better bodies than me and I often wonder why these people choose me. I almost feel like I should apologise when they see my body the first time in case it disappoints them compared to what they have seen in my photos or are expecting. Hubby and I haven't been in this scene for all that long so I'm sure over time I'll relax more about it and stop caring. Or perhaps I won't...... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
i have recently turned 40 and it was a big deal for me mentally...6 or so months before that i quit smoking and piled on a heap of weight..it made me insecure about my looks...then i realized, if i wasn't happy with the way i looked...i simply had to do something about it...so me and my hubby (who i think looks great, but a little extra muscle never hurt anyone...plus he did it to support me in my goal)..we embarked on a 90 day workout routine, that saw me change from size 14 to almost size 8...and my confidence came back again...not just because i liked my image in the mirror again...but because i set out to achieve a goal and i did it...it made me feel strong mentally too...so i would say, that if you honestly are unhappy with your looks, do something about it...not for anyone else but for yourself...:)if you are happy with how you look however, and are comfortable in your own skin...than stop worrying about it full stop:) looks are important in this game,but by far not everything...a gorgeous size 8 body, or a six pack will only take you so far...we have met guys for drinks who looked absolutely stunning...had an 8 inch cock..etc...but when we met, there was absolutely no connection between us...and i wouldn't have fucked them to save my life:) i know this is only swinging...but you still share your body and soul with another person..even if only for the night...and to do that with someone who will treat you right, and appreciate you for who you are...wrinkles, extra weight, etc..is so much more fun, than to do it with someone who has a killer body but is superficial and as cold as ice...having the right chemistry with someone won't happen only cause they are pretty...just sayin':)
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RHP User
10 years ago
But don't worry about those men who don't read your profile. And take your time before meeting someone and see if they really click with you like you click with them. And yes, we all have our self doubts at various times, it's a fact of life. Chin up and go get them. The Nurturer :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well my own experiences haven't been great in this subject. When a man messages me I go out of my way to explain Im a curvy girl, a mum, not young. I show numerous photos not photo shopped of me as is. Ive had two horrible experiences from guys after meeting me, saying they like me and having fun to bring told afterwards by one that I'm too old & chubby to contuine a regular thing with as he'd be embrassed if his mates saw us together. Both of these guys were young, buff bodies and attractive. Kinda makes you wonder why they agree to meet in the first place if your not their type but I guess some men are only after one thing and common decency doesn't prevail.. Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience or Im just the lucky one? - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
10 years ago
Welcome to the forums. I posted a topic months ago about scars and overwhelmingly most people said they don't mind them, in fact most people found them interesting and 'told a story' of the person. Like you, I had Caesar scars, hysterectomy and because of my views of my body, in December last year had a tummy tuck. Now there's a scar you can't miss. I haven't stopped playing and every single person I've been with has been amazing. I still have stretch marks, I have a scar but most importantly I have wonderful, sexy lovers who make me feel special every single time we play. When at parties, not single person has made comment or has made me feel awkward. Just remember all the wonderful qualities you have listed about yourself are the ones that are going to make you stand out. Enjoy and welcome to the forums. Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Myself and my Mrs went through the same thing, weren't happy with the latest photo session so did something about if for ourselves, no-one else. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
It seems surprising to me that so many amazing women question their value as people because of a few battle scars. These scars are part of who you are as a person and are reminders of what made you the way you are (both good and bad). I understand that this is primarily a dating and sex site and as a result there is a certain degree of superficiality however I think that anyone who is going to make a judgement call on someone else due to looks alone has problems that run much deeper than the skin. Some of the female posters that seem to be concerned about their physical appearance look quite beautiful in their profile pics and I for one would be quite happy to be seen in public with them. - Posted from rhpmobile
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