F37
Selfish Lovers.
April 22 2015
Comments
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Single_Guy4U
10 years ago
Haa, sounds like a Ewing. Anyway, in my experience only (as I have not spoken to every man), is that if a guy gets regular sex, generally there is no problem with staying power (them's the players). Unfortunately a lot of men who do not get regular sex can (in the first instance) maybe appear selfish, but they do not do it on purpose (there are however, selfish lovers that only think of themselves). If they get a second chance however, or a bit of regular action things change, as obviously if you have not had any sex for awhile things are more sensitive, 2nd or 3rd time around is much better. (Sometimes though you don't get the opportunity for a second innings). So, give us guys more sex and you will be better of
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RHP User
10 years ago
see the point in going back there? Especially when youve been messaging and texting and getting down to what you would like to do to each other, and its a disappointment? I honestly dont think you can change people that are "fuck and goes". Ive only met one, and I didnt give him another chance because he said he didnt smoke but he did. I might have if he had been honest with me about that. Will be interesting to see if someone did change someone and turned them into a Superhot lover!
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RHP User
10 years ago
No, I dont think Ive been a selfish lover, because Im a giver I love seeing a guy enjoying himself, gets me off
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RHP User
10 years ago
Selfish lovers,don't get a second chance when it's all about them..I recently had this experience and had to say its just not working for me..xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
I had a guy who wasn't so much selfish as inept... finished in under 10 mins (including foreplay!!!). He didn't roll over and go sleep afterwards, but he sure as hell left me frustrated. I gave him second go and tried to 'coach' him without being too obvious & hurting his feelings, but it wasn't any better so I never went there again. Left it for someone else with more patience than me to teach him :) Have I been a selfish lover? Yes, occasionally. But I've always been upfront about it, as in saying "Hun, it's all about me tonight, so hurry up fuck my brains out already. And I'm kicking you out the door straight afterwards." I only ever do that to regular lovers who know me well... wouldn't dream of it doing it on a first play date :/ Much love, Elle xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Are you going to come back here and finish the job?Yes. We probably all did. It doesn't seem to be gender specific though, as it is commonly propagated.That empty feeling of "I didn't get what I was promised" always comes to the surface. I did go back for seconds and it didn't change, thirds, fourths... Not sure why. Maybe it's because it changes your goal from enjoying to making that person do their job properly. They are under performing and you need to solve that problem. Your focus becomes trying to change someone opposed to worrying about your own pleasure and experience. Hence, that can't be consider sex, realistically. It is a weird psychological mind masturbation session :p I do believe it is intentional and it is rotted in their values and personality. The selfish lover has a limitation in enjoying the whole sexual experience and lacks empathy and self-awareness to be able to deal with it. Activating those qualities in people takes years and not only sexually. I think it can be the result of high sexual confidence (not justified) coupled with lack of feedback from partners that were not satisfied previously. The high they get from sex is not crushed by constructive negative feedback. It stays on and lingering around their ego forever. I have never been a selfish lover myself. Only if it's pre-arranged as a role play for some reason. I think I read enough women's magazines waiting in the dentist office to learn about the importance of keeping women satisfied. It's not sex if you're thinking about something else. Sex should be the total immersion in the lustful moment you built together.
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RHP User
10 years ago
was my lawnmower, he only ever took two stroke(s). Now I know premature ejaculation is no picnic for the guy either but he never tried anything else to get me off. Wouldn't go down on me, couldn't work out how to get any sort of rhythm with his fingers. So when we did have sex, he would come very quickly, roll off and get up (it only ever happened in the mornings). I think that qualifies as selfish. Once I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine by getting myself almost all the way to orgasm, jumping on top of him and finishing myself off, then jumping up straight away leaving him unsatisfied. He thought I was joking for a minute and I'd come back... He was almost psychotically angry when I refused to and told him, this is how I feel every single time we have sex. I suppose you could call that selfish too.... I call it sweet sweet revenge
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sweetgem
10 years ago
Yep, I had met a few selfish lovers from RHP early on in the day of my RHP journey, but I have not been a selfish lover Myself and will never be one. If a man shows me his selfishness on the very first play date, especially after he has said how much he loves to give attention to his woman at the time, then he deserves no more than a polite and cold face "nice to meet you" goodbye and has his number blocked on my phone. So no, I haven't tried to turn a selfish lover into a more giving lover because, I do not have time for that kind of disrespect. Each to their own and I don't know if being a selfish lover is intentional, but it is hard to convince me that when a man is selfish in bed, he is lacking of sexual confidence or hasn't had sex for a very long time. In my experience, men who have not had sex for a long time would appear to be nervous and/or rusty on the first place date, instead of being selfish. Selfishness to me is the behaviour of lacking interest, disrespect, self-centred, etc. etc. but that is merely my interpretation, I do not speak for anyone else. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
It's a subjective opinion on whether or not someone is selfish. You asking the question is only going to Bring out bitchy answers and the self righteous. Best to leave this subject to everyone's private thoughts/feelings and one on one communications. Uughhhh - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
This is a forum. people ask questions, we get lots of different answers. If you are disgusted at the topics, move on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I definitely agree with single guy Like everything else communication is the best method to avoid this issue If enjoying your time, it's expected to go all the way And if someone is clueless about it, and thinks the ladies achieve orgasim by him coming You should speak up it's a mutual thing, If he refuses or reluctant boot him out. You may like someone and you want things to progress , if there is no conversation and understanding about the second life it is not going to last. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
You need to lighten up the only stories so far have just been honest and pretty funny. My situation bit different caught up with a friend on my way through Perth for coffee who then jumped me then kicked me out as a business client turned up ( worked from home ) Mind you we pissed ourselves laughing afterwards I reckon she ruined me lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
is another's cuisine...... But the difference between(I think) selfish and selfless is a willingness to admit they're human and learn. I like to teach; as everyone learns differently; and playing detective to find what works is a pretty awesome thing. Especially if you crack it... But I digress.... I've been a selfish lover before....then I relaxed a little and found that I enjoyed it more...... - Posted from rhpmobile
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Hottie1
10 years ago
the pleasure for me is in seeing others be pleasured 😊 One on one, I've only had two experiences where they were selfish, one I think would be prepared to learn, the other, no way, we colloquially call him Victa 😜 and I'm not interested in going back! The whole play, the kissing, no oral for me, in fact he didn't even touch my pussy😔 which made me feel like crap! On the whole, most of my plays are repeats, so for the most part my experiences have been awesome, and my lovers are fairly intuitive. They work out what I do and don't like and I'm not left wanting ;) Mary xx
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lovman8
10 years ago
Ultimately I think we all make love/fuck for selfish reasons. Its just lucky some of us get our pleasure from seeing others get pleasure.
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RHP User
10 years ago
never understood men wanting to roll on then straight back off again. Spoke to a lady once and I didn't realise the frustration some woman have with a guy who suffers from 'two stroke' (brilliant saying by the way) she was so frustrated she left her husband! Personally I get off on the woman being turned on. I must be lucky, my wife usually says 'that's enough now, I want you to come' man happy to oblige then 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Was a very good-looking guy, and in his younger days always had girls hanging from both arms (he looked like an underwear model in his twenties). As a result he learned very quickly he didn't have to try, he'd score regardless. He tried harder (I think) during our relationship much later on, but looking back he was still quite selfish. He wouldn't go down on me, but was quite happy to receive. He never saw it that way, but after we broke up and I told him I was making up for lost time, he unexpectedly stated he was very boring in bed. I had to agree with him there. Have I been selfish? Absolutely, but I find that if I see someone again (which is usually), I'm quite aware of it the next time. I wouldn't want to be seen as a taker.
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Gooooodmorning everyone I am going to use a movie line... to make a point. "I see dead people. Walking around like regular people. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're dead." Sometimes...... the selfish people just don't know any better.So if we believe we do know better.... are we selfish for not sharing that with them?!! I can recall one particular lady who was more than happy to take all of the attention, sensations and pleasure I offered her. She is still a high profile and very attractive woman, now married, who was used to plenty of attention from people trying to sway her attention. Initially, I considered her to be a selfish, taking lover. But on closer observation of her behaviour I realised that her mental identity was based on years of being treated differently, and that her past lovers were all very ego driven, stereotypical "pretty boys" and athletes. She had not been given the chance to just allow herself to enjoy what someone else was prepared to give her, for her. And she soaked it up like a sponge. She was worth more time, and through that time I encouraged her to open up to her opportunities, sexual expression and enjoyment of her sexuality and the fun of sex, and she became quite a fun and expressive woman to me. Yes.... some people really are selfish... or, only act unselfishly to feed their very brittle ego through external validation.......BUT.....before we apply that label, ask..... do they know any better.... can they be shown a better way.....and... are they worth working on. Because it can benefit both of you.... and anyone in both of your futures. DG recall one lady.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
mentioned this in another post but an ex who wouldn't let me go down on her. Also would never go down on me. Missionary position or doggy from behind was all I had. Rarely on top. After I left her I vowed to never to return that and I didn't. I met a hot woman shortly after my ex, she wouldn't go down on me so she was gone very quickly. 14 years with my wife and she is more than happy to oblige downstairs. I shall die a happy man lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well I must admit I have been selfish.... A few years ago I met a woman, I was on my way home and was under the impression that we were meeting for a quick greet and coffee. She was wanting sex. I was totally unprepared and actually in a bit of a rush to get home for some reason or another. She also hated receiving oral (yep go figure) Needless to say I was actually a bit of a dud and I know she was totally unsatisfied. I would have rated my performance at 2/10..... Luckily we did play again (and again) and I managed to redeem myself but we joked about that first time and what a dud I was.... Like Mary I get lots of pleasure from seeing my partner pleasured so if you are like me being selfish is just so against the grain.... Happy shagging to all...... ;-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Keepitsimple72' was my lawnmower, he only ever took two stroke(s). Now I know premature ejaculation is no picnic for the guy either but he never tried anything else to get me off. Wouldn't go down on me, couldn't work out how to get any sort of rhythm with his fingers. So when we did have sex, he would come very quickly, roll off and get up (it only ever happened in the mornings). I think that qualifies as selfish. Once I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine by getting myself almost all the way to orgasm, jumping on top of him and finishing myself off, then jumping up straight away leaving him unsatisfied. He thought I was joking for a minute and I'd come back... He was almost psychotically angry when I refused to and told him, this is how I feel every single time we have sex. I suppose you could call that selfish too.... I call it sweet sweet revenge Good on you. Was he good enough to at least try after that?
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compressor
10 years ago
I think there is nothing better then knowing your partner is very satisfied and would want her to be pleasured before myself. confidence cold have a part to play I would think. if it is quick that does not help either
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have been selfish in the past, but I plead ignorance. I have had two defining moments in my sexual growth, one was being a toyboy when I was around 30 to a gorgeous women who at a guess was somewhere between 45 and 50, she really broke me away from the orgasm at all costs mentality and that looking after her was also looking after me. I had another growth spurt about 50 when I separated, I was on mild anti depressants that didn't kill the erection like some, but they almost killed the orgasm, that took things to a hole new level, lots more time and what to do with it ? Pleasure her of course ! I now think I have settled down to an awesome equilibrium, which unfortunately at my age, few want. Such is life. Puns intended.
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RHP User
10 years ago
...as I feel sex/intimacy involves all the senses for something worthwhile. When it becomes just a fuck selfishness raises its head and to me is pointless, not talking about a lustful quickie that can be very satisfying for both. But if a man is a selfish lover just get yourself a sleeve or a doll don't treat the woman as just an object for getting off and the same goes for women. Can't say I have had or been selfish but have been rather selective and probably missed out on a lot of fun for it. I can't imagine how bad it would be and make one feel. Selfishness for me is basically a lack of respect.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is this particular sentence that you wrote OP, and I quote: ".....have you ever been able to turn a selfish lover into a more giving, generous partner" Forget about the concept of trying to 'change' people. When you think you can change someone or try to change someone, it's another form of selfishness. When people try to do that, it's just another form of control/manipulation in order to avoid the possibility of 'losing' that person. It might be a difficult concept to understand and to swallow, but when you think of your own motivations for wanting to 'change' someone, you will hopefully understand what i'm saying. What people should be asking themselves is 'why am I prepared to accept a selfish person as a lover/partner'. You will probably say to me 'but isn't everyone selfish'? My answer is generally yes, but there are also degrees of selfishness and narcissism.
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
It depends on the day, I suppose - and you could only do this with someone you've already met and have a pretty good rapport with... Some days/nights it's awesome to have a loooong slow session, taking your time and getting at least three rounds in, And sometimes you just want to grab your lover and bend her over the bench or couch or coffee table and just go fast and hard for a couple of minutes!!! Surely some of the ladies feel the same..... or am I way off track here? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I stayed in a crap marriage for 28 years, never wandered and I believe nor did my ex. The result was sex was always the same thing, ie I would bring her off orally, then penetrate and finish quickly. Did I have PE or was it selfish or just two people needing to cum and get it over with. Divorced 7 years now and I dont have sex anymore, I have intimacy with a regular partner where a "session" leaves us both completely satisfied. So my answer OP is that I feel from a male perspective that their can me a myriad of reasons and causes that affect "performance". I have no doubt there are selfish lovers as there are selfish people in all aspects of human nature. Just when it comes to the act of making love, emotional baggage and other issues play a part. Single guy above is spot on. One lady I met a few years back, the first time it was all over far too quickly and anxiety etc took over. She didnt want to come back but I managed to convince her and after the 2nd time she kept coming back for a a few months. Ohtobeyoung with the wisdom I now have.
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RHP User
10 years ago
For a second time if they are selfish. Life is too short for mundane sex. I really don't think I am selfish sexually, no complaints yet ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
...I was a selfish lover. We were living together by then, and I was harshly reminded once or twice that she wasn't finished yet! In a clearly hard tone of voice! But I knew no better to be honest. I wasn't selfish out of spite or over inflated ego or any other petty excuses...I justhadn't had intercourse that regularly in my life up to then..particularly with someone I was emotionally attached to..that I knew there were rules...let alone the complicated workings of female genitalia. I imagine my young adulthood years to be just the average, but there was no Hitchhikers Guide to the Vagina to explain the courtesies of sexual intercourse to a young man who...like most...didn't have women throwing themselves at him to teach the basics.I don't blame myself for anything, but I soon learned it wasn't all about me and my satisfaction. No doubt that was the result of choosing to be something of a loner for over a decade. And it was a choice. And so I looked, listened and learned that sharing myself with another took a bit of effort and consideration.Growing up is wonderful. I wouldn't want to be that young man again.
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precious142
10 years ago
Quoting 'Elle67' I had a guy who wasn't so much selfish as inept... finished in under 10 mins (including foreplay!!!). He didn't roll over and go sleep afterwards, but he sure as hell left me frustrated. I gave him second go and tried to 'coach' him without being too obvious & hurting his feelings, but it wasn't any better so I never went there again. Left it for someone else with more patience than me to teach him :) Have I been a selfish lover? Yes, occasionally. But I've always been upfront about it, as in saying "Hun, it's all about me tonight, so hurry up fuck my brains out already. And I'm kicking you out the door straight afterwards." I only ever do that to regular lovers who know me well... wouldn't dream of it doing it on a first play date :/ Much love, Elle xx You are spot on with paragraph 2..........I have been selfish a few times and see nothing wrong with that......esp when I have had an offer for massage or oral..........and the guys know its a one way street they going down that day!!!!!!
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
In my sex life, I have 2 roles I switch between. One as the feminine, one as the male. Both would have the same target, to please and be pleased in the perfect world.One would think not a huge difference overall?But the dynamics and expectations between the 2 is quite different. A huge gulf in fact.I enjoy both.I do not pretend to know the feelings of a true woman, i experience only a small part of that I expect.But what I have learnt is that it is easier to fall into the selfish area as a male. As a result I feel I can take what I learn as the femme and evolve my male character to try and avoid that scenario. Overall from my life experience as the 2 roles, I would state there would be more selfish males than females in regard to sex and the expectations of the opposites. I consider myself lucky to be able experience more or less both sides of the coin. Which makes for some compensation of the crap I get for being on both sides of that coin and in the end, makes me a better person for that experience, at least l hope. Hope that makes sense in some way.
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JessicaRabbit
10 years ago
I am actually a little surprised at the number of people that have had an unsatisfying experience and then left it at that...Granted, if it was truly terrible I wouldn’t go back for seconds, but I am usually willing to give people the benefit of the doubt that they mightn’t have brought their A-game for one reason or another. Especially given that some have admitted they themselves have been selfish - I would want a second chance myself if I wasn't MVP that time around! I wasn’t necessarily referring to a two stroke scenario, but more a case of getting theirs and then not seeming too concerned about you having yours... It got my back up recently when someone I've started seeing suggested that we 'get the toys out early on' next time, to which I replied that there were other ways to achieve the same result. This comment came after I asked him if he liked blow jobs, as a way of hopefully hinting that we were missing a few key steps in his rush to put a condom on. The previous 2 times I'd pulled out toys when it became clear that once he finished, he was well and truly finished. Foreplay was limited (no oral) and the actual sex went for quite some time but that alone won't get me there. Don't want to write him off right away if it's something that can easily be solved with a little communication. Jess xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Oh definitely go back for seconds, things usually enter a whole new realm after the ice is broken !
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'JessicaRabbit' It got my back up recently when someone I've started seeing suggested that we 'get the toys out early on' next time, to which I replied that there were other ways to achieve the same result. This comment came after I asked him if he liked blow jobs, as a way of hopefully hinting that we were missing a few key steps in his rush to put a condom on. The previous 2 times I'd pulled out toys when it became clear that once he finished, he was well and truly finished. Foreplay was limited (no oral) and the actual sex went for quite some time but that alone won't get me there. Don't want to write him off right away if it's something that can easily be solved with a little communication. Jess xx Jess, it's interesting that as a society, we are terrified of being assertive or respectfully stating what we want. It comes back to a shame based society, which is what much of our society is based on IMO. We are given messages from childhood that it's shameful to state what we actually want and that we need to tiptoe around it or manipulate others to get what we want, rather than just stating it. Next time, be more assertive and state what you want, rather than 'hinting' at it. If you feel a great sense of anxiousness or freeze at the thought of doing that, it probably tells you more about the parts of yourself that you can work on, ie being more assertive.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is not one who is inept or inexperienced...that is different...the man I was talking about had his next visit planned out.nothing to do with me and my pleasure .it was all about him..And yes we could have had a conversation or two about it but anything to do with my wants he had already been quite perfunctory about so I was just disinclined to go there again.xxFreya
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JessicaRabbit
10 years ago
Quoting 'Fit73' Jess, it's interesting that as a society, we are terrified of being assertive or respectfully stating what we want. It comes back to a shame based society, which is what much of our society is based on IMO. We are given messages from childhood that it's shameful to state what we actually want and that we need to tiptoe around it or manipulate others to get what we want, rather than just stating it. Next time, be more assertive and state what you want, rather than 'hinting' at it. If you feel a great sense of anxiousness or freeze at the thought of doing that, it probably tells you more about the parts of yourself that you can work on, ie being more assertive. You're very correct when you said I need to work on being more assertive (I have never been able to ask for what I want), but I don't necessarily agree that this has to do with a 'shame based society' influencing my behaviour. Maybe as a generalisation that rings true, but in my case I have been assertive before and had it backfire (hurt feelings, angry defensive behaviour, holding a grudge blah blah blah). Whether the negative reactions were a result of how I said it or simply because I hit a sore spot I don't know, but it's never a fun conversation to point out to someone what isn't working for you sexually. I know my behaviour is also to blame, of course, i'm just more curious about the motivation behind theirs.
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RHP User
10 years ago
In my much much younger days I would pick up a girl I wasn't particularly interested in and have sex because that was the thing to do. It was definitely all about me. I learned after a little while though that it was in my interest to make sure she was well taken care of as well. Really horny women are so much more fun. Later still I found making her happy quite gratifying on it's own. Perhaps the only thing sexier than a really horny woman is a really satisfied horny woman. By the time the young-uns get to 20 these days they've seen a thousand women used purely for the gratification of men. It's likely these guys are going to be even more selfish than the young men of my day. It seems though that there's plenty of older guys that are much the same. If they haven't learnt by now they are either not capable, or they are just not that into you and don't care.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Paintmegold' It's a subjective opinion on whether or not someone is selfish. You asking the question is only going to Bring out bitchy answers and the self righteous. Best to leave this subject to everyone's private thoughts/feelings and one on one communications. Uughhhh - Posted from rhpmobile Because this is the way to learn and improve your skills as a lover?? Surely talking about things is best for everyone, not hiding things. That has been the problem for far too long I reckon. Come ladies. Lie back and think of England.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The few times I have had selfish lovers I have't bothered to go back. Often it is because I jumped into bed too quickly and the chemistry just isn't right and as a result I was a totally selfish lover as well as the guy. Just going through the motions hoping he will come quickly so I can get out of there. Meh... so I have made a few misjudgements.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I totally starfished! I was on my back, legs over my lovers shoulders while he pounded my butt, a woman was using a pin wheel on me from my neck all the way down my stomach, pussy and up my lovers cock and up his chest and back...... and while she was doing that her husband was massaging me. what did I do? I made like a starfish, head back and just enjoyed the moment! Woo hoo!!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'JessicaRabbit' You're very correct when you said I need to work on being more assertive (I have never been able to ask for what I want), but I don't necessarily agree that this has to do with a 'shame based society' influencing my behaviour. Maybe as a generalisation that rings true, but in my case I have been assertive before and had it backfire (hurt feelings, angry defensive behaviour, holding a grudge blah blah blah). Whether the negative reactions were a result of how I said it or simply because I hit a sore spot I don't know, but it's never a fun conversation to point out to someone what isn't working for you sexually. I know my behaviour is also to blame, of course, i'm just more curious about the motivation behind theirs. Never think of asking for what you want as 'backfiring' . Assuming you ask in a non-threatening way , if someone responds the way that particular person did, then it's a sign of their own immaturity and insecurity. If you being assertive offends or threatens others, then that is more about their own issues than anything you said or did. If you make it personal, then yeah someone will probably respond angrily, but if you say something like "Hey John, It really turns me on and brings me to orgasm when I get fingered straight after fucking......i'd like to try that with you " etc. If you are not getting what you ask for, then you need to evaluate pretty quickly whether it's worth continuing, but don't try and 'rescue' people or feel like you are responsible for another adult's feelings, because that is a fast lane to depression, anxiety and anger
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HOTnHAPPY02
10 years ago
That's the same for a guy, there is nothing more sexually satisfying for a guy then watching a girl as he gets her off. I don't understand the pleasure in pleasing yourself (as in being selfish)....
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RHP User
10 years ago
I can not count the amount of selfish lovers I have had ! I never ever go back , too hard to connect with . They think they are having the most amazing sex of their life .....forgetting there is another body in the bed. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'joder181' Quoting 'Keepitsimple72' was my lawnmower, he only ever took two stroke(s). Now I know premature ejaculation is no picnic for the guy either but he never tried anything else to get me off. Wouldn't go down on me, couldn't work out how to get any sort of rhythm with his fingers. So when we did have sex, he would come very quickly, roll off and get up (it only ever happened in the mornings). I think that qualifies as selfish. Once I decided to give him a taste of his own medicine by getting myself almost all the way to orgasm, jumping on top of him and finishing myself off, then jumping up straight away leaving him unsatisfied. He thought I was joking for a minute and I'd come back... He was almost psychotically angry when I refused to and told him, this is how I feel every single time we have sex. I suppose you could call that selfish too.... I call it sweet sweet revenge Good on you. Was he good enough to at least try after that? There's a reason he's an ex...
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RHP User
10 years ago
This one lady I meet up with was the worst star fish ever :( the lead up was great with naughty text n lots flirting but when it cum time to pleasures she took but wldnt give back :(( but then again I'm a giver and love. Just nice to feel the appreciation from them but.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Great question. I have had some awesome encounters, but to be honest, some awful ones, so much so that i rarely hook up with new guys anymore. There was one guy who was great but the encounter wasn't one of the best i've had, can't go into specifics but i wish i could, it's quite a story. Anyway, wasn't going to see him again but he wore me down, well the next time, he rocked, everything came together. Off topic a bit, but heading towards it, stay with me. Another guy rocked the first time, close to the best i've had, full on, hot looking and a machine, unbelievable, chemistry and passion, wow! The next time however, he was lazy and i found him generally rude and arrogant, have no desire to see him again. How can it go from being that good, to that bad, laziness, underlying laziness. Reeled me in with the big show the first time, then wanted to lay back the second time and get pampered, i stupidly gave him a massage when in fact I should have kicked him out. But no, if laziness is there, forget it and move on - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Of course we have all had at least one less-than-satisfying sexual experience in our life. For my part, I look back on it and analyse what I did wrong and how I could improve it next time. And in my opinion, it is definitely different for men as opposed to women. I believe that it is a man's mindset (most men, there are exceptions) that they need to be the "aggressor", they need to make the moves to try and both please his woman as well as himself. More of a 'caveman's' mindset you might say. However, once a man discovers enlightenment, he will realise that greater sexual enjoyment is his for the taking when he pleases his woman FIRST and encourages her to follow her sexual urges and whims.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hi JR .... ... there are many reasons that men are selfish lovers .... 1. boys discover orgasm organically.... by themselves .... .all about them ... its only when someone says Whoa buddy Im here too .... that they start to recognise that we all dont get there at the same rate ... and that they need to employ a few strategies to slow, calm and relax ... totally contrary to the need for speed before mum caught you 2. some guys just dont cum twice ..... and if it happens early ..... awkward! 3. nature programmed us to deliver before being interrupted ....... and need reprogramming 4. JR .... I would suggest that first time with you ... there would be a 'need for speed' ;) 5. the older they are the harder they are going to be to change .... and requires crystal clear communication An anecdote .... a friend of mine as a young man while traveling met two women .... as the travels progress he was invited to join them on the condition that he did not use his ... equipment ..... he claims that it was the hardest and most frustrating week of his life ... but totally changed his sexual performance and his mindset ( we all usually have our favored MO) ...... potentially impotent men could be the best lovers ??? enjoy your weekend U42
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RHP User
10 years ago
But I have, with a few notable exceptions, experienced only the selfish... I must be a terrible judge of character, or else it's something in me that's lacking. The guys seem to go home happy but it appears I am dead from the neck down! Or else I need something else to stimulate me from the neck up? ;)
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blackbig
10 years ago
I get satisfaction seeing a lady enjoying the moment. That is the most sexy thing too me..nothing more like a lady screaming in pleasure.😊 I don't think I am selfish😝 I have met one real poor encounter over years . She just want to come...😳😳 So I would say overall I can't say I have met many selfish ladies or couples. When the lady is pleased, be assured she will replicate your service or probably given you even more.😍 - Posted from rhpmobile
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inspirit
10 years ago
Turning a selfish lover into a more engaging partner is about communication. Though who can be assed some times.
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RHP User
10 years ago
My goodness I think I have become too cynical. Too all the guys who are saying they get off on getting their partner and are therefore making the assumption they are not selfish in bed. I don't know why but it definitely makes my eyes role when I read these comments. I think lots of women are faking it out there so unfortunately lots of blokes don't realise that they are not really hitting the mark. Yes, yes women can be their own worst enemy. For sure.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think I remember reading a comment you made that you can count on one hand the good lovers you have met on RHP and that most men you have met have been crap in bed. Why don't you go for the older more experienced men rather than the younger dudes if that isn't the case? PS: sorry in advance if I have the wrong person!! My memory isn't always that great so I could completely have the wrong person. ^_^
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' My goodness I think I have become too cynical. Too all the guys who are saying they get off on getting their partner and are therefore making the assumption they are not selfish in bed. I don't know why but it definitely makes my eyes role when I read these comments. I think lots of women are faking it out there so unfortunately lots of blokes don't realise that they are not really hitting the mark. Yes, yes women can be their own worst enemy. For sure. i Have been wondering this of late. I was with some one the other night and he was one of those. He was not a good lover and he was selfish now I come to think of it, in his own head he thought he had pleased me but alas he was very very very very very very very average. Really,these guys it is all about their EGO, I am beginning to think.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I wasn't suggesting that the men who have said that on this thread are selfish or that they aren't good in bed. Sorry guys. But I think that RHP and the amount of times I have seen men write this has resulted in me discounting these comments immediately as being lame And untrue. to me a lot of the "hookups" are average sex because there is often an assumption that it will be a short lived fling so not as much effort is made. I also need time to feel really comfortable with someone. I should really take up drinking. I am sure my sex life would improve out of sight. How sad!! :p
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' My goodness I think I have become too cynical. Too all the guys who are saying they get off on getting their partner and are therefore making the assumption they are not selfish in bed. I don't know why but it definitely makes my eyes role when I read these comments. I think lots of women are faking it out there so unfortunately lots of blokes don't realise that they are not really hitting the mark. Yes, yes women can be their own worst enemy. For sure. that doesn't sound selfish, just not 'hitting the mark' I won't say the cliched line, but I am more turned on and it does 'get me closer' when they do (or appear to... ) - but I'm not going to blow JUST because my partner is going off like Mt Vesuvius.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hit and run is a well thought out plan it's better for a man to build it up for the thrill of the chase then hit and run makes it easier to get as many free fucks as they can .!! They have the same effect either way it was never about u .. It's about the never ending free woman lol
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RHP User
10 years ago
If they made it good you would like it ... If you like it . You want more .. One per customer .. !!! Onwards upwards !!! If they got you just think who else they can have lol ... Feed a stray ull end up with an unwanted dog!
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' i Have been wondering this of late. I was with some one the other night and he was one of those. He was not a good lover and he was selfish now I come to think of it, in his own head he thought he had pleased me but alas he was very very very very very very very average. Really,these guys it is all about their EGO, I am beginning to think. That is simply because.... they crave the external validation...... seeing you climax... to them... is more about helping their ego say "Yep, I must be good, because I made her come"...... when the fact is... you could do that without him, so its not much of an achievement to hang your hat on.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Make the first meeting a coffee ...the second date a movie ... The next date a big day out to your favourite place .. The fourth date his favourite place ... Then on the fifth date a dirty weekend at Rottnest :D .... That way when he doesn't make it past the coffee which most men especially from RHP .. Will end just as quick as that measly 10 minutes it took to cum ... It calls their bluff or allows you enough real life time to appreciate and both want to try hard when it finally happens .. Build some memories or save on feeding the dogs .. It works .. Some very cool time to be had .! A man has way more personality with his balls full :D
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting 'itsmesilly_xXx' Make the first meeting a coffee ...the second date a movie ... The next date a big day out to your favourite place .. The fourth date his favourite place ... Then on the fifth date a dirty weekend at Rottnest :D .... That way when he doesn't make it past the coffee which most men especially from RHP .. Will end just as quick as that measly 10 minutes it took to cum ... It calls their bluff or allows you enough real life time to appreciate and both want to try hard when it finally happens .. Build some memories or save on feeding the dogs .. It works .. Some very cool time to be had .! A man has way more personality with his balls full :D i like too fuck - fuck all the dating shit. I was just referring to self entitlement even if is is pleasing the woman .......... surley it isnt THAt complicated LMAO @ movies
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Quoting 'inspirit' i Have been wondering this of late. I was with some one the other night and he was one of those. He was not a good lover and he was selfish now I come to think of it, in his own head he thought he had pleased me but alas he was very very very very very very very average. Really,these guys it is all about their EGO, I am beginning to think. That is simply because.... they crave the external validation...... seeing you climax... to them... is more about helping their ego say "Yep, I must be good, because I made her come"...... when the fact is... you could do that without him, so its not much of an achievement to hang your hat onMy froum post psot many moons ago on this very subjet YEP! My forum post on this subject has come back and bitten me on the arse as I get too understand more and more on people in general. Rose coloured glasses ey.
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inspirit
10 years ago
Why does a man have to validate himself by thinking he is a great lover because he pleases a woman. Of course in the context I am referring too. Why can he not know he is a good lover and leave it at that. Or know he i a shite lover and improve. It is kinda catch 22
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose' Quoting 'Meeka100' My goodness I think I have become too cynical. Too all the guys who are saying they get off on getting their partner and are therefore making the assumption they are not selfish in bed. I don't know why but it definitely makes my eyes role when I read these comments. I think lots of women are faking it out there so unfortunately lots of blokes don't realise that they are not really hitting the mark. Yes, yes women can be their own worst enemy. For sure. that doesn't sound selfish, just not 'hitting the mark' I won't say the cliched line, but I am more turned on and it does 'get me closer' when they do (or appear to... ) - but I'm not going to blow JUST because my partner is going off like Mt Vesuvius. SHOOT ME
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting 'S_OnTheLoose' Quoting 'Meeka100' My goodness I think I have become too cynical. Too all the guys who are saying they get off on getting their partner and are therefore making the assumption they are not selfish in bed. I don't know why but it definitely makes my eyes role when I read these comments. I think lots of women are faking it out there so unfortunately lots of blokes don't realise that they are not really hitting the mark. Yes, yes women can be their own worst enemy. For sure. that doesn't sound selfish, just not 'hitting the mark' I won't say the cliched line, but I am more turned on and it does 'get me closer' when they do (or appear to... ) - but I'm not going to blow JUST because my partner is going off like Mt Vesuvius. if your partner was going foo like Mt V - You would cum ................... just sayin
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RHP User
10 years ago
S, yes hearing my lover moan and groan is a massive turn on. Just the thought of it gets the pussy twinging. I guess I see it as a mutual thing, getting each other off that is. Whereas some men's comments make it sound like it is about them, about how good in bed they are. I think DG might be right. It is about their ego. I suppose men and women get their "validation" differently.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Although DG, I don't think a bloke gaining satisfaction from satisfying their lovers is necessarily a bad thing either. Women get their "validation" when a man gets a hard on I think. We know that we turn him on. Obviously blokes don't have such a visible and immediate visual cue. So the orgasm is their cue. Maybe??
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RHP User
10 years ago
Considering guys can get hard-ons for a range of reasons, even when not wanting to have sex at all (not wanting to get too dark, but I thought of guys getting erections when being sexually abused), I don't agree with that reasoning. Inspirit, when guys mention being great lovers in their profiles it turns me right off. To me it's like saying you've got a great sense of humour. Don't tell me, show me and let me make up my own mind. If you're right, I'll find out soon enough.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Men are simple creatures they need to feel comfortable to perform their best...when it come to sex to have the best would be a viable objective ... Years of bad sex ...shit could of stayed married!!!! Spirit u first off would scare the shit out of them ( soft cock) bad sex !!!!! But after they know what a mind blowing woman you are fabulous sex and on demand ...spirit are your best fuck buddies the one offers or the friends with intense benefits"
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RHP User
10 years ago
Ever heard the expression "it takes two to tango" well ? Once again we head down the well worn man bashing path. Has it ever occurred to some of you that merely turning up is not the end of your expected participation. Plenty of women young and old are insipid, uninspiring, boring as batshit lovers, I have faked orgasm to get out the door !
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RHP User
10 years ago
Absolutely! I have definitely done the selfish thing. Again I think it was an error on my part and I jumped into bed too quickly with someone. I still have found casual hook ups not that satisfying. I don't feel a connection so I am probably not that forth coming when it comes to the sex myself. Not my thing probably. I am just a good girl really. ^_^.
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting '50zcool' Ever heard the expression "it takes two to tango" well ? Once again we head down the well worn man bashing path. Has it ever occurred to some of you that merely turning up is not the end of your expected participation. Plenty of women young and old are insipid, uninspiring, boring as batshit lovers, I have faked orgasm to get out the door ! It is NOT man bashing - You are so sensitive at times 50 (Me too). It is just fact and a discussion. Many men do need thier EGO's stroked as do woman. It is natural in many senses. I am just chatting about the "Validation" of being a "good lover - I can get woman too cum"
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RHP User
10 years ago
Just like she was so amazing I could not help it x Worst thing is when it is soooooooo amazing and your just not allowed enough !!!! More more more aww
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inspirit
10 years ago
Quoting 'itsmesilly_xXx' Men are simple creatures they need to feel comfortable to perform their best...when it come to sex to have the best would be a viable objective ... Years of bad sex ...shit could of stayed married!!!! Spirit u first off would scare the shit out of them ( soft cock) bad sex !!!!! But after they know what a mind blowing woman you are fabulous sex and on demand ...spirit are your best fuck buddies the one offers or the friends with intense benefits" I think you know the answer to your question. FYI - Men are NOT simple creatures they are as complicated as untying a tangled chain. Seriously. PS: I'm a starfish.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I love the smell of irony in the afternoon 😝xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
I am sensitive, it's part of what makes me special. 😘
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RHP User
10 years ago
Interesting subject. I think loveman8 is close to the mark in that when intimacy is pursued from a "I want" or "I need" sex, then the focus is ultimately on self gratification. What we do in the process to make the experience mutually satisfying for others is usually about ego (looking good, or making them desire us more). When intimacy is pursued from a point of genuine interest in the person, a desire to know and experience them physically, and mentally in a sexual encounter (AKA - carnal knowledge) then it becomes about exploration and a whole body experience. This is where sensuality comes into sex and the experience is other centred and unless the other person suffers from PE, will be good for all. For me (the male) I won't be with a woman if after spending time with her, I don't desire to taste and lick every inch of her body, including sucking her toes, and suckling on her pussy, delaying the gratification of penetration for as long as humanly possible, working ourselves into a frantic quivering mess before ploughing her depths till she shudders uncontrollably in ecstatic climax. When a person genuinely desires something, they have power to prolong the experience to take every bit of satisfaction available from it. For me, if the start lacks sensual not sexual desire, I'll say no, because the ingredients for an ultimate experience is not there and no one deserves to be used. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Firstly yea u a starfish ...and I'm a fairy princess .. Secondly tangled chains are so easy to undo .. Don't fight with them ! Just work them softly in your hands ! Don't yank them bahahaha
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RHP User
10 years ago
.... what in particular brings you to write this post ? ..... a bad run of dud's ? ..... or a far juicier story .... lets make one up . .... he was way more handsome than Christian Grey, Italian labels ooozed from every pocket and pore ... he had doctorates in 4 disciplines and spoke 7 languages .... he was single (eeek) ... ...... and he was a selfish prick in bed? ... so by contrast, ..... would a garden gnome of a man, average job, car and looks .... lets call him mr average .... selflessly pleasure you ... as you were the best thing that has ever happened to him? ..... just thinking allowed ? U42.5
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chevtrek
10 years ago
My ex was a tall leggy blonde who knew she was a honey butthat was the down side as it felt like fucking a woman asleep.But in time I did change that as she discovered she got moreif she gave more.
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RHP User
10 years ago
After years with a selfish lover a best mate told me to withhold my "favours" until he gave me what I wanted in bed - I asked, he refused so I said no as well. Apparently this action means I am 'bored' with his company...So, no, I havent managed to change one selfish lover...and I dont care he can be someone else's problem...
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