F70
Separated...not married and yet not quite not married.
April 13 2015
Comments
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Twisted_Mister
10 years ago
If you decide to separate then make a clean break, otherwise it can get really untidy. A friend of mine related a story - he was out at a pub, met a girl and everything was going fine to the point where they were going back to her place. Everything was going well apparently, if a bit vocal, when my friend started to hear screams of rage coming from the other end of the house. The girl had told him she was separated, but not that the ex was still living in a bedroom at the other end of the house. Anyway, the ex barged into the room, started a fight (which you should never do with a naked man!), and got his arse handed to him, after which my friend left. I really don't think there's a middle ground. You're in or you're out. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I recently stopped seeing a guy who had been separated but decided to go back to his wife. I'm happy for him that he's worked things out, but in retrospect I don't think he should have been dating other people if there was still a chance of reconciliation. It's not fair to play around with people's emotions. Wait until you have your shit together before you involve other people in it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I separated a couple of years ago and have been living on my own (with son every second week) for nearly that long now. For all intents and purposes (being availability to meet and get intimate with other women) I am single, however as the divorce is still pending I can't say I'm divorced. If I put single down and someone found I had an ex etc then I'm sure that would open a whole other can of worms. It is what it is. Thats why actually talking and getting to know a bit about someone before jumping into them is always a common-sense approach. Taking your ex back is like trying to put poop back into your butt...(borrowed quote, not my own work!!)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Severe the ties- whilst this is incomplete how can you possibly be emotionally available to start a new anything.Family Law Courts and Lawyers- if you can possibly avoid do -(what a horrible experience wouldn't wish this on anyone) If you can't don't worry you'll be an expert by the end for next time Whilst this goes on .. You will venture into the unknown world of dating sites.You will seek out and meet like minded people and experience the euphoria of your new found freedom and momentary periods of highs. But there's hope in sight -you will settle down into your new routine and come out of it a better person for the experience x
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have been seperated since January 2014, it was a truly shit year, one I never ever hope to relive! I did not put myself out there at all last year, I had way to much to deal with and did not need the added complication of new friends. Because according to my ex I was sleeping with everyone in town anyway so I guess I wouldn't of had time, haha. It wasn't until January this year that I thought I would give online dating a go, well the vanilla sites are full of liars so ditched them after about three weeks. Then I found this site and well I haven't looked back. My settlement is sorted, divorce papers are signed and going through court as we speak, so I changed my status to divorced because for all intents and purposes I am divorced.
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RHP User
10 years ago
To have a break in between relationships is a must I think. To have time to settle into living on your own and living life independently. Once you are happy with your new found life then you can be ready to move on. Then be able to offer yourself to someone else without any emotional baggage. I have seen many who go right into the next relationship and with them they take all the same problems and issues. Treating the new partner like they are going to make the same mistakes. I've been on my own 3 yrs now and really feel like I'm settled and my ex is too. Which makes it so much easier for the rest of the family. Doesnt mean you have to be a nun in between though.
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inspirit
10 years ago
I do not care for a label as for all intense purposes I am single. I have been single single since I left him (Over 4 years now) I joined RHP a few months after my split and as the Peaches song goes I "Fucked the pain away" for a few of those years. That was how I coped at the time. Now I am just a naughty girl who knows what she wants. Tho I don't always get it. Am I ready for a relationship in the conventional type - No. Will I ever be ready - who knows. "Skips off to find her black unicorn"
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
I moved out of the marital home 17 years ago, divorced him 12 months later to the day. Meet someone else not long after, doomed from the start, then meet my next long term partner 14 years ago, have been seperated from him for 7, going on 8 years, ex's are ex's for a reason. So I've been single for 7 years, deciding that I wasn't a very good judge of men for myself, so it's much easier for me to stay single these days...💋 I think people need to have let go of any past relationships before starting a new one.....💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
Had a dinner date with a guy who admitted he was still living with his ex for "financial reasons" Then asked when we could meet up and play. It didnt happen....hes still on here as "single"
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RHP User
10 years ago
My ex and I shared a house after we separated, so the kids would have full time access to each of us. Hahaha, hooo boy! Was that ever misguided...
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nattyocean
10 years ago
My current legal status is separated as I can not be divorced for 12 months and 1 day, so thats how I display it on my profile here. However it has now been 6 months and a little bit (hmmm not that im counting, as the clock ticks to 5 months and 6 days till paperwork can be lodged ) and whilst asset settlements are still pending, divorce is not yet legally possible, I am single and I feel single finally, however.... as stated by askmeforamassage, indicating that on here I feel could/would be misleading and honestly just a conversation that Id prefer to not have misunderstood etc so I keep it at separated for now, as much as I might feel/want it otherwise
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'll comment as it is very current for me. Yes I'm seperated and still living under the same roof. Yes this is done for financial reasons as I was retrenched from an engineering company at the start of February. We decided to sell so rather than work I stayed home and did a full make over on the house. House is now listed and I'm looking for work and will move out as soon as I can. Next couple of weeks hopefully. I think for me it's making the transsistion easier in some respects. While this has been coming for a while it was an actual reflief when I realised it was over before Xmas. Don't get me wrong I still recognise that things could get complicated over the next period but I have to look to the positives and exploring my sex life is a positive. I am old enough, more wary and more petient so I feel I'm ready to start the journey. Not so much screw the first thing that comes along but to learn about the possibilities, meet people and form new friendships without the need to get in teh sac straight away. The thing is this is my situation and experience and I can only comment on my position. Different people bring different levels of emotion and self awareness to their own situation and it also depend on teh other people involved. I think being totally honest about who and where you are is the only way. I only changed my profile to single because I didn't want to scare of any potential great people to meet. I will be upfront and honest with them from the start once a conversation is started. If they still are uncomfortable then that's fine and at least they have a deeper undertsnading than just a lbel as mentioned above.
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RHP User
10 years ago
We've been living apart for a year and living independent lives for nearly three. Separated is probably the most accurate description, but I leave it as attached because we are very close and still spend a lot of time together, and I'm not looking for another partner just yet. Everybody's circumstances are different and for us there's no hurry at all to get divorced. We would probably only bother if one of us wanted to get married again and that's a long way off. Right now I'm holiday with her and our kids. Occasionally we sleep together. Not sure many new girlfriends would cope with that, so best not to try and find one yet I think I am getting the message though that separated is probably the better option. Free to come and go as I please, but not exactly without baggage. It's a work in progress for me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Been separated for 5 years divorced after the 1st year. I've worked hard to get along with her (nothing to do with kids) for respect of the better times and my own pce. Problem is (other then the fact I have a head meant only for radio) is people seem to judge a guy saying he has 100% care of children ?? Seems normal and fine for females to do this but... I don't want a replacement wife or mother I want a friend I can catch up with over coffee and chats :) if sex come with that in time so be it ;) least I'm honest about what I'm looking for
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RHP User
10 years ago
I guess I'm working on giving my trust like many lady's that have been burnt over time males feel as we'll
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RHP User
10 years ago
Everyone for such honest and thoughtful contributions and all so different...xxFreya
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gazpacho
10 years ago
Not at all ready for a relationship, I reckon. This separation/divorce business is disruptive, confusing, emotionally distressing and depressing. It doesn't mean that a man doesn't want a bit of you know... hoon dogging and old habits die hard... like wanting to share some time with your ol' lady, or kids or family and family friends... Sleeping in the office... or the spare room.. or the car... or on someone's couch... or next to a recycled clothing bin.. or one of those $20 a night country pubs... or staying overnight at Arrows.. lol... these are done in desperation.... not to fool someone on Redhotpie into dropping their panties. HugsGaz
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Mischeviouslad
10 years ago
You don't solve your problems with your woman..... by adding... another woman. Full stop. DG
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sweetgem
10 years ago
This is my experience :-) Q) what were your experiences as a newly separated person? * In my case, I was more than happy to be separated and couldn't wait to get an official divorce. I saw the separation as a new gain of life and freedom of all counts! So, I set myself a new plan to do all the things that I lacked and missed doing before the separation. I started seeing my friends again and attended more social events. I began to travel again and loved the solo travelling experience. I commenced pursuing my passions again and I was much happier. There was one thing which I didn't do at all during the separation, that was, to date anyone for any kind of relationship because, I didn't want to trigger any complication so that my ex could have excuses to not sign the divorce paper! I might not know much about my rights in that department, but it didn't bother me to be a lone wanderer back then. Q) how did you cope emotionally * I made sure that I got out of the house more often, especially on the weekends, be around my friends and family, and sought counselling help whenever I needed to. Q) what advice would you give to the newly separated? * Always be nice and kind to people on both the rainy and sunny days and for whatever you do, that good heart action will be well paid off when you are hit by the storm! Your kindness will get you the help and company you that need and will see you break through the storm with strength and smile :-) and always remember that help is actually everywhere and do seek professional counselling if you needed extra assistance with dealing with your inner feeling and emotion. Lastly, you must get your unfinished business sorted and cleared before you move on to a new relationship! An already deeply troubled mind cannot handle another messy situation calmly and wisely, in my opinion. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Love your work, pure gold, putting poop back in your butt haha glad I finished dinner - Posted from rhpmobile
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Bazingal
10 years ago
My experience as a newly single person (after 19 years) was to "fuck the pain away" as Inspirit said. My marriage is well and truly over and there is NO chance of reconciliation. I am still embroiled in a bitter property dispute that may well end up in court, taking a further 18-24 months.I am pretty open about this with the people I meet. Some have decided it is too complicated for them, that is completely their choice and I respect that. However I don't think that I should not have new relationships because my status is separated, not divorced. It's just another label in my opinion, I am single and independent in every other sense. Baz xx
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RHP User
9 years ago
I have been seperated since late September. This was a 2nd seperation and happened 3 years after the 1st seperation which we decided to reconcile. Lots of couples councelling, plenty of 'hard' conversations and we reached the point where none of the issues from the initial seperation had been, or were likely to be resolved. So we have sepetated amicably. Now, we have 2 young children, and I love them both very much. We also own a highest house that has been fully renovated - downstairs has a full kitchen, bathroom, living area and 2 bedrooms. I now live downstairs and my children still have access to each parent whenever they need them. Occasionally (very occasionally) we even all sit down together for a family meal. My ex and I have discussed how 'dating' will be handled and have ground rules that are not to be broken. As far as my emotional state, I think I am in a pretty good way. The first separation left me a blubbering mess, but all the counselling and talks since then made it apparent over time that we just didn't work as husband and wife, the whole process we undertook helped immensely. So, my profile says 'separated' because that's what I am. I don't like lying, I don't lie very well either. And if I cannot tell the truth on this site then I am in a whole lot of trouble, even though I am sure it has cost me potential dates in the past and will continue to do so in the future. I can only be responsible for my own actions, not everyone else's. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
If you have been divorced for say for a long time would you list yourself as divorced or single??
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RHP User
9 years ago
Divorced implies you are single, but single gives no indication that you are divorced. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
I specify married gents, so many contact me and their profiles state single and they say they say that cos it's easier to find someone on here, but really they are married!! i usually don't believe anything anyway!!
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RHP User
9 years ago
Why would anyone not date a person who is separated but still living with their partner? If you're separated, you're separated. My husband and I stayed in the same house for 3 months, no issues at all, well the house was a bit too clean one day, oops, got in trouble for that and rightly so, it was disrespectful, but we were officially separated, so not lying to other people. It was easier financially to ease into the separation and I definitely didn't want another relationship, hook ups only, though eventually the time came to move on and cut the ties, allowing both of us to start our new single lives properly. The other common assumption is the woman is the one who's been cheated on or dumped. When I changed the status to separated, i'd have guys saying sorry about the separation?? Why? Not all marriage breakups are complicated so don't assume you're being lied to if someone tells you they're separated but living in the same house. For me, my son was going to be staying in the marital home, which was his home too so leaving for me meant leaving him and not being able to see him every day, that's tough, I miss him terribly. So 'clean breaks' aren't always so easy - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
9 years ago
Thought this was a new topic, would help if they dated the posts on the app. Anyway, all good ☺ - Posted from rhpmobile
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