Separating Love from Sex.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Good book. The ethical slut. If you work it out with a plan before you step in the deep end. If you have a code that's you can let each other know your not into what is going on. That way you don't offend people. If you do not drink to much, especially your first few times. And keep coming back to the plan, why are you are doing it. And constant review of things. Best is soft play etc. main thing is that it's often very confronting to see your partner go all hot and heavy with someone else. Especially if he/she seems to Love it more than what you have on offer. Remember it's the wild side that heightens things, and the newness of another's lover. If you use it to fix your relationship it's doomed to fail. Jealousy can be a monster but it's a behaviour that can be unlearned. Of course we can have sex without love or even attachments it's all hooked into our upbringing and cultural values. They are the chains that hold us back from being our true sexual selves. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  QLDtwo4fun

  10 years ago

  We play for the fun of sex. Whilst we have made friends with people we have met through swinging, there isn't a romantic attachment. There is an honestly in the fleeting or ongoing relationships you have with other swingers, there is no need to deceive them that you have an interest in a relationship in order to get int their pants. Maybe falling for play friends is risk associated with your swinging partner selection method. We have a list of things that exclude prospective partners, so basically if your not excluded we would play with you. We are not starting out looking for some elusive perfect person. Anyway the wife I have is going to be pretty hard to beat.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  What sex means to the individual. If you see sex as a more sacred act than obviously it will be harder to compartmentalise things. - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Ethical non-monogamy is a philosophy, an ideology. I often see open relationships discussed here with the assumption being made that non-monogamy and emotional involvement are mutually exclusive. The reality is that this isn't always the case. Nor is it always easy to remain emotionally uninvolved with what you are doing and who you are doing! Sometimes it is very hard to separate love and sex, but sometimes, more often the case when you play together or swing, you don't need to separate anything. Compersion can play a part. I don't believe it's as much about discipline as it is about your 'why', the strength and dynamics of your primary relationship and your boundaries. Flirty x

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  Two_Tarts

  10 years ago

  Sex usually involves a whole lot of intimacy and at what level you regard that as amounting to Love is something that is particular to each individual. Most of us would claim that we do not have sex indiscriminately and so it seems fair to believe we are choosing to have sex with those that we connect with well on some particular level, and sometimes that connection might be strong enough to fit your definition of love, or at least involve elements of love as you see it. I know how you can completely separate these things, but successful couples are definitely the ones that have figured out how to manage it. Maybe the question should be, Is it wrong, or in some way a problem to connect well with a person you have sex with? Followed closely by: At what level might that connection with another jeopardise or threaten your primary relationship? Even, Does the label you put on it by referring to it as Love somehow change it and make it more threatening? If as a couple you can honestly discuss and answer those question and accept that it is possible to love different people, in different ways, and for different reasons, at the same time, then the concept of being a little in love with someone you share sex with does not need to be a threat to your primary relationship and you can get to indulge in a little of both. But this is a game that quickly highlights the best and the worst in each of us and complete honesty along and an unshakable resolve about what matters to you as part of a couple (and consideration for what works for your friends as a couple) are our only defences while strolling through what definitely becomes a minefield for some.

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  Two_Tarts

  10 years ago

  I DO NOT know how you can completely separate these things, but successful couples are definitely the ones that have figured out how to manage the issue.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Spoken perfectly I.m.h.o.! There are as many different types of love as there are people on the planet and my husband and I play freely knowing that whatever affections we may develop elsewhere could never replace/interfere with the deep bond we share only with each other - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  But the excitement..The excitement...

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  The separation is right in front of you... One is an emotion and one is an action.As mentioned, you need to know the separation before going into this. You choose this lifestyle because you already know the separation. We see sex to be like golf or going to the pub with your mates, It's something we enjoy doing with other people.

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  Slow_at_first

  10 years ago

  I see that many posters have managed to treat sex as just another activity that's really fun. This is what I would expect for myself also. I really believe I could play with another without developing any feelings of attachment or affecting my love for my S.O. I dont even think i have the potential to love another as well even if it is on a different level as you say "we want to". The problem would be seeing my S.O with another as you have said "inthekiss". Especially as we have been exclusive for 30 years. Thats potentially a bridge too far for us. On the other hand, can I be monogamous for another 30 years? Especially as as there were too few others before. And I don't want my partner to die wondering what it would be like with another. I am hoping to hear from people who struggled to get over this initially. How do you turn the jealousy or I guess, more importantly, the insecurity of your S.O being pleasured by others into compersion. ( great word BTW) How do you go from a lifetime of social restraint to treating sex like dinner with friends or a game of tennis. Albeit a bit more mind blowing.

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  just stop the old monogamy bit...........enjoy yourself and your partner ..............it is confrontational to many.......but.......how pleasant to watch your partner orgasm, safely, in your company? and as a participant.............

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  MsSuperFoxy

  10 years ago

  Thank you. Foxy

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  RHP User

  10 years ago

  Funny, when we first played we were seriously surprised at the fact we didn't have a problem. That we felt nothing negative at all. We had both enjoyed watching the other "get off" I think for us; the fact that we had always been together meant we had developed zero ability to have jealousy. We had also been through so many challenges that trust has always been 130% What I am trying to say is that it wasn't a conscious decision but something that just felt natural. I do think there needs to be some connection at a friendship level for the sex to be great however, so maybe there is more a different level of love involved? I will also say that even within the marriage there are times when we make love and times when we fuck. Big difference!

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