Sex Education deliema

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  When you say normal.... and you could find none... It makes me wonder what you're expectations are for porn? Porn made the Internet what it is today. Our kids will find explicit nudity.... if they go looking for it... But I'm not convinced we need to encourage this behaviour. Not even in the interest of education. It's reasonable to carefully filter at your router.... and teach your children that respecting their future lovers means ensuring that anything they do sexually is done with mutual consent and gratification as the principle objective. I'm an example of a child that learnt too much too early. I think children need to have the mystery of sex and love exposed and explored at their own pace. Let innocence take its course, instead of depriving children of innocence. As a parent, exactly how you do that is up to you. Hugs Stalky

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  RogueGeek

  13 years ago

  I was reading erotic stories about gay sex (found online), and fantasy novels that explicitly described male rape as part of black magic rites (found in my Catholic school library)...I explaining it's not real is as much as you should do. He will figure things out soon enough, and if he's comfortable he will talk to you about it.MS

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  Ice_Fire

  13 years ago

  Sorry my bad perhaps i didn't make my question clear, i in NO WAY want to expose my 12 year old to porn in fact i am mortified that he had found it himself despite my best attempts to prevent it,We have all the blocks and protection under the sun however he got access via another child DS game console!!What i was hoping to find was something a little more age appropriate and educational, my sister in law who is a teacher did tell me about a DVD version of "where did i come from" that was available that showed two people naked together "making love" but the focus was on the mechanics of things and done in a tasteful way, that is the kind of thing i was looking for but sadly to no avail.My son is a bright and curious kid who is mature beyond his years, his searching for this kind of thing was out of interest in knowing what sex looks like as we have spoken to him before about things as they have come up and he knows about respect, consent, safe sex, how babies are made etc.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I discuss sex openly and freely with my child and it is a fact that there is porn freely available to children. Very accessible. I dont think that children need to be viewing porn at all no BUT they are going to. It does not matter what security you have on your internet, one of them will be able to break through. My son did.....at school.Years ago it was considered shocking to be behind the shed giggling over a pilfered playboy mag. The internet takes things just another step further, it is way more graphic but when it all boils down, it is just the modern day equivalent of that playboy mag. I am of the opinion that as this stuff is readily available, our kids need to learn how to deal with it. My son is the same age as yours, he knows these sites are not real and has grown bored by the whole thing anyway.Dont stress too much about it all. If they want to find this information they will. There are many kids his age who are already having sexual intercourse and I do feel that kids now are more sexually aware than I was at the same age.Let him know that you are always there to discuss these things as you already have shown. Be honest about it and dont spin any airy fairy tales about sex. As Stalky said above, let him develop at his own pace. Showing him will only give him the idea that he is ready for more than what he is.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  I had a girlfriend with a daughter in much the same boat; she couldn't answer her child's questions in a way she could relate to. Kids today are all about instant access to very graphic images, just look at some of the video games they play.Anyway, my point is, she asked me to write some personalised literature for her and her daughter to discuss. In that, I added some anatomical (not pornographic) images from online databases that allowed her to conceptualise the information she had been given in a factual and totally age appropriate way.It also had all the info about STI, contraception, love, respect and mutual consent etc. Apparently, my girlfriend and her daughter talked for hours.I guess that's a happy thing.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'Mrs_PeachyPear' When you say that, I'm not sure how you mean it. What sort of pics? :-)It is scary that kids can access pornographic content using a 'toy' that many, including me, might not imagine has those abilities. It's great that you can talk about it. I guess, at 12, I'd be encouraging him to hold off and maybe go so far as explaining that 'normally' porn is not available to his age group and put the pics across as the sort of thing we see in the movies. Not 'real'... and not yet. ;-)Hugs... Mrs P

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  ...is different now than what it used to be even going back one generation, whether it be sex, drugs, alcohol or any number of the so-called "adult" experiences that our children aspire to and seek to learn. It's all around them...simply take the "safe search" mode off of Google and if you don't know how, just ask your 12 year old. Similarly, sites like youporn have incredible security "Click Here if You are 18 to Enter". I won't bother with all the stats and data...but today's children are exposed to some form of enlightenment or early education at about 11...some sooner, so the best we can really hope for is to prepare ourselves and not necessarily eliminate it from their lives. All I had to be told at about 14, the age back then when the Flintstones were teenagers too...was no, I was not old enough and damn if I didn't want to eat every apple on the tree. | I think the best we can do is to start to prepare our children at an earlier age than ever before, rather than leave them blindfolded and with no skill set, to help them make their own decisions and the right choices early on. Assume that they will beat you home and fire up the computer...hopefully they will have values that you have already helped them form and will recognize on their own the differences between pornography and what they may expect early on as adolescents as they will be doing "that" soon too. | Would I show children any kind of porn or expose them to other forms of media....hell no I wouldn't and if you want to see your child fold up into a shell or worse, view you as interfering and condescending that would do it. Porn has about as much to do with natural adolescent sex as sex has to do with upholding the virtues of virginity...get real, they'll spot you out in a heartbeat and most likely and rightly so think you are a bit perverted. | We can't really be reactive any more and hope to accomplish much...we have to be proactive and hope we can accomplish just enough, and maybe when the time comes we will have built an open dialog relationship that is open, trusted and the chosen alternative to self-education and picking it all up from the streets. Unfortunately, those have gotten dirtier over time too. | Good luck and all the best.

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  Ice_Fire

  13 years ago

  Quoting 'Mrs_PeachyPear' When you say that, I'm not sure how you mean it. What sort of pics? :-)It is scary that kids can access pornographic content using a 'toy' that many, including me, might not imagine has those abilities. It's great that you can talk about it. I guess, at 12, I'd be encouraging him to hold off and maybe go so far as explaining that 'normally' porn is not available to his age group and put the pics across as the sort of thing we see in the movies. Not 'real'... and not yet. ;-)Hugs... Mrs PTo clarify what i meant with "appropriate pictures of what sex looks like" i was NOT meaning porn i was more after perhaps something artistic of two people naked together in an embrace or something more like what Inadditionto was talking about.I totally agree with everyone's comments that there is no such thing as the right pron for a 12 year old I guess i just didn't word it very well at the time ( I was a little shocked when i wrote it).Thanks for the input guys

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  Ice_Fire

  13 years ago

  Well firstly as i said in the original post we do answer all questions openly and honestly as they arise we dont avoid the issue and we have moved well beyond the video player (we have DVD)I jest of course, we had NO intention of showing him MORE porn we were horrified to find the pictures that we did the purpose of the post was to find out how other parents have dealt with this kind of thing and to see if there were some decent education materials out there that we could use. It is kind of sad that when i said "appropriate pictures of what sex looks like" that people assumed i meant porn but i guess i did not express myself very well with that part. Quoting 'Krissy_G' Dont avoid it by shoving a video in the tape player. Sheez.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  My parents made porn almost impossible to get a hold of and if you got caught with it it wasn't a great deal of fun either. Did this make me want to look at porn even more? You bet! But in spite of my efforts they also managed to teach me how to be a respectful, caring kind of pervert! Err if you get my meaning.   Some how they turned me into someone who for want of a better term is 'normal' (I feel sick just typing that) or at the very least some one who can pass as normal. Can hold a conversation blah blah blah blah... as per the example.   I guess my point is that porn isn't going to turn them into Satan. Everything else that you've taught them will help them to be the people they are going to be reagardless of how much porn they look at!   So don't let your guard down for a second and scare the crap out of 'em everytime you even think they are thinking about porn! ;)

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  You need to look harder. A great old movie is Two Moon Junction - shows how sex is a bond and great gift of oneslef to the other person. Everything is perfectly done, and I'd find it acceptable to kids of that age if they are mature enough and have it explained before as well. Movies like Girl Next Door are more to explain the difference between porn and real life

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Everybody is an expert on parenting of course. What's right for your son.. well, you know him better than anyone on the planet. I'm like you both, quite open about sex, but I found that kids dont want to be told.... and really it's better for them to go on a journey of self discovery in many respects. Yes, we are all individuals I can hear Monty Python saying. So, as well as openly answering questions, I kept a few selective magazines (penthouse and penthouse black label) and more than enough condoms (which I actually do not use at home) as well as some interesting literature in a place where it could easily be found if someone should get curious. My kids are all grown up now, so how good a job we did as parents is irrelevant. We don't get another chance at it. Point is, the right way is your way so far as your kids are concerned.HugsStalky

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  This is a topic on which my opinion is probably least valuable. However, humour me a moment if you will. I'm not a parent but I have been a child. My childhood was not ideal but I made the best of it. After I'd left home, I stumbled across a book in a second hand book store which had a relatively profound effect on me. It prompted me to change a lot of my behaviours and also helped me realise where I'd screwed up in the past. I found it a lot of help and is maybe not be entirely appropriate for a twelve year old, but it will be in a a year or two/three (dependent on maturity level and mental age). Below is a small extract from John Marsden's "Secret Men's Business"BECOMING A MAN:The Big GigBecoming a man is the biggest challenge you’ll ever have.There are 12 things you need to do if you are to reach manhood.Of course in one way all you have to do to become a man is to stay alive. Physically you will grow into a man.As you reach different birthdays you’ll be given some of the ‘tickets’ of adulthood, whether you’re ready or not.So, at 18 you’ll be allowed to drink alcohol, even if you have an emotional age of six. You’ll be able to vote at 18, even if you think Humphrey B. Bear is President of the U.S.A. and Canberra is a brand of salami.You’ll be allowed to go to R-rated films, although your ideas of sex might be based on what you’ve read on toilet walls, and you think violence is a good way to communicate with other people. After a few tests you’ll be able to drive a car, even if you are vicious and irresponsible.But to become a man who is mature, independent, responsible and wise you’ll need to do a little more than just stay alive and have birthdays.It’s worth going for it though. There are a lot of good things about being a man, including.You take control of your own lifeYou can protect othersPeople look to you for leadershipYou can make things happenYou can reshape the world, on a small scale — for example, by building your own house or becoming a youth worker; or on a big scale — for example, by producing a movie that’s a huge international hitYou can help othersA whole new world of interesting experiences opens up for you

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Not all parents are able to have conversations like that with their children. Isn't that a conversation to be had with the child's school?If I could receive proper sex education classes in 1981 when I was 13 years old in a less progressive country than Australia, then the schools in Australia in 2012 must surely be educating and preparing the youth of today for all aspects of adulthood?

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  DON'T make sex ed the school's job! Australia does a terrible job at sex ed. I went to quite a few schools growing up, and only graduated high school a few years ago, but I never received good sex ed. Thankfully I had a mother who cared enough about my future to educate me herself from a young age.Leaving sex ed to schools is far too risky. There are so many factors involved. What if the school is religious? What if the health teacher is religious or otherwise has personal opinions that may influence what they say?I went to an all-girls' religious high school and their idea of sex ed was anatomy only. No contraception. No mechanics. No instructions. This was in the mid 2000s when we were in the 9th grade (13-14 years old) and there were many girls in my class whose parents did not teach their children anything about sex or their bodies. They went into high school knowing almost nothing about their own bodies or development. One girl had almost no idea about her periods; but she knew it was something to do with "if you're bleeding then you're not pregnant". Another girl had no idea that there was more than one hole between her legs. 13 is far too late for sex education, in fact it would be cruel to leave it that late since the average age of menstruation is 12.5! Not to mention the age of first sexual activity keeps decreasing. It is ABSOLUTELY and totally the parents' responsibility to educate their offspring, and not to sue the school when their 11 year old gets pregnant (ha, only in Australia)This also ties in with the original post. If you don't take the responsibility to educate them, and the school does a terrible job as usual, where do you think they'll look for information? The internet. And what will they see? Probably exactly all the things you DON'T want them to see when they're children.

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  RHP User

  13 years ago

  Sorry for my previous post being a little off topic. It wasn't directly in reference to the original post, nor was I having a go at anyone, but the (lack of good) sex education in schools is an issue I feel very strongly about, having seen the effects of its lack in many of my peers.To the original poster: Good on you for being keen to give your son a proper upbringing. It's quite rare for parents to keep calm about it and actually want to show their child what sex "should" be like, rather than freaking out or shaming/guilting the child. What exactly did you see on the device? More importantly, what is it exactly that you think proper sex should be like?Try looking up softcore erotica of whatever that is, and see if it matches your expectations.

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