Sexless marriage

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  Smilingwithfun

  8 years ago

  Continue in your current situation, which while not being bad is not giving you what you need or sit down & communicate. the easy solution is just to let it roll along & get a bit on the side. What happens if he discovers this? The harder course of action is to sit him down & talk. It would save the drama of being caught.

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  First thing, check it's not something simple. We are similar and we don't make out, because I find here breath is rank. If I mention it, she gets defensive, rather than doing anything about it. Secondly, she doesn't shower before we go to bed. Similar thing really. Being aware of the effect of your personal hygiene, and bodily health. Remember she can tell me I smell, but it's not worth the heartache telling her she's a bit on the nose!! Then, when we get to bed, she wants the lights out..... I'm a guy and we are visual creatures! If there's a blow-up, between us, she'll say how very sexual she is. Trouble is, this doesn't come up in the day to day living, or the rare occasion she comes to bed at 11pm, the same time as me. After she's laid on the couch in the dark on Facebook and her game Bejeweled. Should we be in bed at the same time, and I'm caressing her, and letting her feel I'm getting aroused. I'll know if she's preparing herself, as she'll begin to puff and blow and sigh, not with passion, but like a weight lifter preparing for the lift! We still manage to time our orgasm together, but she will play with here clit at the same time, indeed she may come before me, then she'll tell me she's coming again, and maybe again. However, I'm more put off, as I think it's more for my benefit than hers. She's in great nick for her age! So just, check none of these tiny things are stuffing things up for you. Or maybe you just don't want to fuck him! You wanna fuck others instead! If I'm honest, I think that's what I'd say!! Hope it helps, you, me, anyone! M_D4 - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  Assume that you would of talked about it already. Nobody in a relationship goes without sex for 5 months and doesn't discuss it. So you either stay knowing he is probably getting it somewhere else or leave.

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  Curioustwo88

  8 years ago

  The biggest thing here is communication, he needs to know how you are feeling. There are probably a million reasons why you haven't brought it up but you need to, chances are he is feeling the same way or it's bothering him too. Once you open the lines of communication you'll be surprised at what may come up and how much stronger you'll be as a couple. Not communicating this can and will only lead to a breakdown in the relationship. It takes two people to keep any relationship going and right now you need to be the braves one and bring it up. Obviously I'm assuming you haven't yet. Mrs C - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  You obviously know your husband well and no doubt have your reasons for not being this up with him or maybe you have and have it has not been received well. All relearionships are not the same as the next. Do what makes you happy as we only live once - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  For giving an opinion. Communication does not solve everything. Good luck

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  That we were sexless but maintained our intimacy. Hubbies cancer diagnosis and removal of his kidney impacted our sex life. Prior to my hysterectomy, it was 18 months of very sporadic sex. We maintained communication, kissing and cuddling throughout that time. My 'disinterest' was not disinterest in him but being so unwell, having fibroids and a cycle every two weeks did not make me feel sexy. We were in a different place when hubby had his kidney removed but had only been in the swinging scene for 6 months. It was on hubby's insistence that we opened up our marriage to individual play for me :) I believe sexy is a mindset that impacts men and women. If you have had the talk and things haven't changed, start with a chat with your GP. Rule our any physical concerns and also try counselling, it may help. It may be that you have more of a friendship than a sexy connection but try avenues to reinvigorate your sex life, you just never know :) Goodluck Mary xx

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  johnisfun3

  8 years ago

  Quoting 'CucknShells' try and talk to him about it. To see how he is feeling about it. Have a frank, honest and open talk about each of your individual needs and wants....... I agree talking through is better idea than something on the sideline. The stress and pressures in life can have negative effect on lot of things including libido. Having learned through my own mistakes communication is key to successful relationship. Then it could be as simple as having private together as couple or perhaps going away for the weekend could bring back the spark. As silly as it may sound one of the ideas the physiologists in the reality tv series "Married at first sight" did is getting one of the couple sit down and look through the photo album. This gives the opportunity to talk about the good times and could help bring couple closer.

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  egr2please69

  8 years ago

  My situation was a number of factors. Length of time together, poor communication skills on both our parts and her ongoing illness. Over time other external factors came into calculation as well. In the end, all these factors eventually took their toll and we drifted apart, ending in divorce. Everyone else in her life was more important than the guy she was supposed to be sharing it with and i withdrew. On the odd occasion i asked 99% of the time was a flat no, no matter how much effort i had put in for days/weeks on end. As Shells and others have said, communication is your best friend, don't fall into the same pit of self destruction i fell into by not talking. Only then can you ascertain what may be going on in his head and what factors have lead him to be this way. It could be anything from work pressure to something medical he may not even realise is affecting him. Be strong for not only yourself but him too and hopefully there will be some form of light at the end of this tunnel you have to travel. Best of luck and thoughts with you, G xxxx - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  I posted a comment yesterday. Is this not an open forum anymore? I quote "Leave and find someone who is attracted to you" So let's try this again, that is my opinion, and I'm entitled to my opinion. Thank you 😃 I'll also add that you can waste the next year, 5 years, 10 years, the end result will be exactly the same but you will have lost all that time. Men lose it as they get older. No point beating a dead horse 😉 figure of speech ladies, don't go using that for another excuse to report my comment 👎

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  Having sex less than ten times per year constitutes a sexless marriage. It's also believed to be more prevalent than many would realise. Good luck with your membership of the club nobody wants to join.

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  Curious1965

  8 years ago

  My marriage has had issues of similar vein, in the end I left and was with someone else for a while who was a perfect partner in many ways. The issue is when you have children you are always connected and you also have to consider the children's welfare. So in the end I returned for the sake of the family unit The only advice I can provide is to do the best you can to resolve one way or the other before introducing another who's feelings need to be considered. For me I will always have regrets for what I did to my other partner and life will never be as good as it use to be. All the best - Posted from rhpmobile

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  I have no advice, nor regrets... I do however have a lot of empathy and comprehension. 😟

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  madotara69

  8 years ago

  probably a point in time where you both check in with each other and seek to understand any emotions that may be being suppressed and or depression, because something and not about blame, something is being avoided. You have a friendship, this is a time where that friendship counts, you may have to confront some difficult matters and express feelings which can be difficult to find words for meanings, especially if an emotion is suppressed, then whoever that may be will have great difficulty in registering the feelings expressed by that friend, chances are no one is intentionally causing whatever it may be that is at the heart of this problem. Mado Mado Tara xx

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  RHP User

  8 years ago

  To HiddenSecret,I am in a Happy marriage where we both love and support each other, and are the best of friends still x there were ups and downs early in our life together, but we talked and worked them through x As the years passed, our sex life changed x We passed from virtual Siamese twins, through experimentation, threesomes, and the party scene x There reached a point where my wife began to lose interest in sex, and this was very frustrating for her x We talked things through x She still finds me sexually attractive, but she herself does not find herself sexually attractive, regardless of what I say x She feels that her body has turned upon her x Her libido is almost nil, and body shape has changed very much x This has not stopped me loving her though x Myself, I will not have sex with someone that does not want to have sex with me, and I would not want my wife to be only having sex to please me x Where we are now is that I am free to enjoy my sexual pleasures elsewhere, and my wife is free of feelings of guilt for what would otherwise be an enforced abstinence on my part x This has prevented the lack of sexual intimacy between us from putting stress on what is otherwise a beautiful and happy relationship x We came to this through talking to each other x We asked some very difficult questions, and they were very difficult answers x Sometimes the answers do hurt, but being lied to and cheated on would hurt more x Perhaps you need to sit down with your husband and ask him how he feels x Explain where you are and how you are feeling and ask each other the hard questions x Perhaps before all of that, you need to take time and ask yourself exactly what you want first x at least then you will have the most important questions answered x For you, this has to be about you x and for him it has to be about him xI do not pretend to know any of the answers, but I can only tell you what has, so far worked for us x It is not ideal nor is it exactly what we want, but it is working until we can make it better x I hope that where ever your path leads, that you both find happiness along the way x Libertine44

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