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Sexual Responsibility (long article from the internet)

January 13 2015

Thoughts? Comments? Article copied in part below. By Timber Hawkeye of Buddhist Bootcamp A couple of weeks ago I watched a movie about addiction called "Thanks for Sharing”. It shed light on the many faces of obsessive behavior that we ALL deal with, myself included. Whether yours is eating, drinking, compulsive exercising, or anything that we do “to escape”, I think this movie will speak to you on some level as it did to me. It reflected my 20’s, when I used to sleep around with anyone who found me attractive because I confused being attracted-to with being loved. Much like everybody else, I was hungry for intimacy, connection, acceptance and affection, but the more I slept around, the worse I felt. Watching "Thanks for Sharing” reminded me of the pain in my chest back then, like a big hole in my heart. Granted, most people don't talk about this stuff, but I'm your brother.. and if I can't be honest and open with you, then with whom? Eventually I realized that I was hurting everyone around me by using them in order to make myself feel better (and failing miserably at that too). So even though the third Buddhist precept talks about sexual responsibility, I felt like I had to do away with sex altogether to break my habitual tendencies. Only after many years of celibacy did I finally start to understand the difference between using sex and abusing it. Neither is a substitute for self respect, love, confidence and acceptance. I'm not suggesting we all go celibate.. lol.. but I think sexual responsibility is extremely important. The third precept that I mentioned above, beautifully translated by Thich Nhat Hanh, is as follows: Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I vow to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families and society. I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without love and a long-term commitment. To preserve the happiness of myself and others, I am determined to respect my commitments and the commitments of others. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. The precept begets the question, “When you have sex, why do you have it?” And the answer may surprise you (for years I didn’t realize that I was having it for all the wrong reasons.. to feel beautiful). The truth is: you are beautiful just the way you are, and so am I. See divinity and absolute perfection in your reflection; only then can you truly see it in others. - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

I think that blending spiritual aspect with common day things will have a skewed interpretation. The general tenants of the group will have an influence on other activities. A principal that all life is sacred will lead followers not to eat meat. There is a concept in Buddhism of unselfishness and accepting personal responsibility with and through love and compassion to act with out harm to other or your self. (Fraya would express this better) With accepting personal responsibility sexual responsibility is naturally part of this. Act sexually with harm to others or harm to your self. If you can not achieve this then do not act at all. The article is indeed a beautiful story, and wonder to see some one achieve that dawning moment. For the majority of us I suspect that to act sexually with out harm is a much more narrow meaning than the philosophical monks would teach. This most is made with all due respects to all spiritual beliefs. LC

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Twisted_Mister

10 years ago

Might be a bit shallow, but I like sex because, well, it's fucking fantastic. As they say in the classics - simples! :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

10 years ago

That all we need to practice is loving kindness to ourselves and others. ..easy to say hard to do..like most things in life it comes down to our motivations,sex or pleasure for pleasures sake is perfectly fine IMO,it's when we use sex in a way that harms us or others either directly or indirectly that it is a problem..good topic BL xxFreya

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RHP User

10 years ago

In the real world, sexual responsibility means to me: (me specifically, there may be other opinions on this) That all persons involved in a sex act are free willing, not under any substantial influence from any foreign substance, not there under duress or coercion, completely understand any risks, will not exercise any (undesired) violence/overpowering/passive-aggresive behaviour towards any other party, willing to take no for an answer immediately and without reservation, etc etc Basically, a bill of (sexual) rights that everyone should be accountable to. Also, if anyone violates these rights to the point that is unacceptable to anyone, that any other persons if present should step in personally to right the situation. You should also be aware that while a sex act may be purely for physical pleasure or fantasy, that every person playing is a person in their own right, with their own lives, families, working committments, worries, hopes and dreams. No-one shall be objectified, unless this is an inherant part of the play being requested. This information will not be relevant on most occasions, but as each player is a full, unique person, everyone has the responsibility to be courteous, respectful and understanding, even (if possible) during the case of having to uphold the rules or to remove someone from the scenario. Or, in laymans terms, sex is wonderful, and all parties should be having a wonderful time and leave only feeling better for the experience.

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RHP User

10 years ago

I know I have used sex to try and fill a void but I realise that doesn't work, try telling my libido that though!

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RHP User

10 years ago

I am a hedonist. I enjoy sex for the pleasure if it. The better the sex the more I enjoy it. So to get the best I must be completely selfish and give the very best I can. how can I expect good sex if the other person is not getting great sex. Sex is a connection of minds, its is an expression of trust, and to me it is love. If I can not love the other person I will not, can not have sex with them. How is it possible to give the required energy without the need to want the partners satisfaction. if you dont care for the other person how could you ever expect them to care for you. Seeing beauty in your self is the second step. It is not until you can see the beauty out side that you will recognize your true inner beauty. It is to easy to love your self without a yard stick to measure the qualities by. There are sadlly too many people that love them selves, yet are incapable of loving anyone else. There are those that can not love them selves because they can not see and love the flaws in others. Love is not forced by will, it comes from within. society teaches us that it is special and sacrament. It teaches us that love is rare and that we should guard it for that someone special. We grow up learning to put up wall to stop love springing forth because that love is not perfect, there is no future, they do not love you. What a crazzy way to teach people love. hold it close and only give it when you are absolutely sure. By that stage most struggle to let love appear, so many defensive wall in place to stop inappropriate love. Love is not special, it can be fleeting, it can come for anyone, it may not be there tomorrow, nay it seldom is forever. Love does not need reason, it does not need protection, it does not need permission, it does not even need to be returned. its so easy to love a kitten, we are taught that to love and be concerned for, care an nourish a kitten is permissible love. That love pours out of us. Yet for another human. The ever present eye of moralistic indoctrination tells us to keep it locked up, love begets sex, sex is bad, is the stance society has. So so sad. Let it out without walls, with out fear, without expectation. Then when you have learnt to love and what it truly means then you can love your self. then you are free, then you can have sex, real sex that means true connection, true trust, and ultimate pleasure.

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RHP User

10 years ago

It reflected my 20’s, when I used to sleep around with anyone who found me attractive because I confused being attracted-to with being loved. Much like everybody else, I was hungry for intimacy, connection, acceptance and affection, but the more I slept around, the worse I felt. Being starved of affection, mentally, physically and emotionally, for the majority of my life has led me at times to use and abuse myself and others in many ways, sex being one of those ways. It never left me feeling good about myself. Now I am learning to love myself first, protect and support myself, believe in myself...and it is a lot better. When I am nurturing myself, I have found that I am more open and genuinely caring towards others. This is happening in all areas of my life, with family, friends and sexual partners. I still have a long way to go. I have 47 years of 'negative tapes' playing in my head! But I am confident that I am on the right track and this topic only shows me that I am in the right place. xx

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RHP User

10 years ago

Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy go into this subject in great detail.The Ethical Slut is a go to book for anyone who wants to or is,embracing the "Lifestyle" xxFreya

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Sexual Responsibility (long article from the internet)

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