F60
Sickness and Sensuality/Sexuality
October 07 2012
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I also have had some chronic health issues which have at times taken a toll on my body and my state of mind...It is hard to share self yourself with others when there is only enough energy to look after yourself. Sometimes I think the body removes the desire from us to enable us to have time to become well again. I mean completely well. The average woman will do 100 things at once, home, work, life, friends, others and finally consider self. Being a very alive passionate sensual woman you would not just relax and enjoy .. you would give as much sexually as you can.. sometimes that can be tiring .. Maybe Velvet your body is not quite yet ready to give... Perhaps its being a little selfish. Yes it does come back.. as good as ever and perhaps a little stronger because you have rested. Try and be patient... If you would like to chat off line please inbox me. Sassy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I haven't got any words of wisdom I am afraid. But as Sassy says your body isn't ready for the sex side of things. To be honest it sounds like maybe mentally you are not ready to get back on the horse either. Don't sweat it, there is no point pushing it because I am sure you already know, it doesn't work. Something I do know from experience, when you are not feeling your best or looking your best the last thing you feel like doing is getting your "sexy" on. Also, you should make an effort to get out there and socialise more if you can. Spending lots of time on your own doesn't help the depression. :( Take care of yourself. Meeka xxxx
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Lately every time I read your posts I keep getting "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L Hay and feel that if you read it and APPLY it...It will help you a great deal! Ummm this might sound nuts to you but here I go...I just did a small reading on you and all three cards that fell out said "Forgiveness, Forgiveness, Forgiveness".... Not only of yourself but of others...Don't know if that makes sense...but that is what I got and I have never done such a reading where they are the only 3 cards that jumped out of the pack! Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeka Thankyou for kind words and your rite..I have a lot to address first... and it could be as simple as going out socialising...Ive avoided so many gatherings (partly cause I cant drink at the mo and partly cause Im tired and mainly cause I just feel like Im a downer to be around - Im in rut but only I can pull myself out of it)...thankyou for your thoughtfulness xx Funloving I laughed out loud when I read your post...I really did.....spot on girl !!! I actually met Louise Hay many years ago when she lectured with Wayne Dwyer at the Melbourne Convention Center back in the 90's when I first came to Australia.......I bought the book and she signed it....but guess where that book is now...stuffed in a box somewhere between here and the US !!! and I think it is time to get another copy...Im downloading it to Kindle now as I type... You are so spot on....I am angry and I have reason to be..but you are rite...I need to forgive several people in my life....its hard to do, and my anger has not helped me with my illness, thats for sure..they say you forgive people cause you want them in you life still...I dont , I dont want these people back in my life but yes I do need to forgive them..and to let go... the key ..to forgive and let go... Thankyou funloving for your reading..not only was it completely spot on..it has given me a much needed kick up my very ample and flabby (steroid induced ) ass !!! To both Sassy and Diwata who messaged me..thankyou..I wanted to write more to you ..but I am tired...oh to be over the tiredness..that is the worse bit Again thankyou all ladies..your kind words/stories are so appreciated :)
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Quoting 'MsVelvetblue' Meeka Thankyou for kind words and your rite..I have a lot to address first... and it could be as simple as going out socialising...Ive avoided so many gatherings (partly cause I cant drink at the mo and partly cause Im tired and mainly cause I just feel like Im a downer to be around - Im in rut but only I can pull myself out of it)...thankyou for your thoughtfulness xx Funloving I laughed out loud when I read your post...I really did.....spot on girl !!! I actually met Louise Hay many years ago when she lectured with Wayne Dwyer at the Melbourne Convention Center back in the 90's when I first came to Australia.......I bought the book and she signed it....but guess where that book is now...stuffed in a box somewhere between here and the US !!! and I think it is time to get another copy...Im downloading it to Kindle now as I type... You are so spot on....I am angry and I have reason to be..but you are rite...I need to forgive several people in my life....its hard to do, and my anger has not helped me with my illness, thats for sure..they say you forgive people cause you want them in you life still...I dont , I dont want these people back in my life but yes I do need to forgive them..and to let go... the key ..to forgive and let go... Thankyou funloving for your reading..not only was it completely spot on..it has given me a much needed kick up my very ample and flabby (steroid induced ) ass !!! To both Sassy and Diwata who messaged me..thankyou..I wanted to write more to you ..but I am tired...oh to be over the tiredness..that is the worse bit Again thankyou all ladies..your kind words/stories are so appreciated :) Forgiving is NOT condoning...It is just letting go...It is NOT allowing them back in your life...It is just a way to set YOU free! I grabbed another pack of my cards and guess what? Forgiveness came up again...I am like WOW! Don't forget to APPLY and not only read the book! Wish you luck xox Hugs...xFunlovingx APPLY APPLY APPLY
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Mr_DarkChocolate
12 years ago
"as for meeting guys, sex etc…desire is gone, passion..a thing of the past...…..I spend endless amounts of time alone and have avoided meeting many potential playmates as I really don’t want to explain my illness, nor my lack of stamina (due to being sick) etc etc etc and I use “I’m still recuperating “ as my excuse……I am of the belief that no guy will bother with me, nor understand (I know that’s a generalisation but this is how I feel) what I’ve been thru….and to a degree still going thru."guy, sex & having to explain urself should be the last thing on ur mind, right now u should be working giving ur body time to recover & regain the strength it lost while u were ill so u don't keep getting sick over & over in horrible cycle"Physically my body is for want of a better word - over it…treatment has left me tired, weight gain (got to love steroids) and the driest fizziest hair ever recorded (tried every product – fuck you John Freida.. nothing orks) – but I’ve started back at the gym last week , dance classes, albeit slowly as the bod is fragile and incorporating walking to work by jumping off the train early each day. It’s slow battle but steady and I will get there."i know u'd probably hesitant & i don't want to sound like i'm lecturing at all but what u may want to consider to give ur body a little extra help is a little whey protein, it will help ur body rest & recover better while ur out like a light having delightful wet dreams about hotties at them gym but back on topic why protein would also help ur body build a lil muscle & remember muscle eat's fat so the more u build the more ur "weight gain" goes nom nom & u'll be feeling better, looking better & back to bombshell status in no time
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RHP User
12 years ago
or it may not......There is a retreat done at the Vipassana centres. Buddhist stile meditation. Few centres around AustraliaIt is 10 days of retreat and meditation...intensive.You don’t talk to anybody, you don’t have eye contact with anybody, sexes are segregated, you are provided with beautiful vegetarian food and you do meditate about 10 hours a day.It is pretty full on....you get confronted with lots of your inner self...thoughts....and emotions.It is free ....or I should say by donation. If you can stand the fire, the stuff that will come up and yourself for that time....It is really worth it.You will come out happier, healthier and much more at peace.I know that it has done wonders for me a couple of times.....but it is work for the time that you are there.This would be my best advise to anybody going through hard times.Good luck.
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RHP User
12 years ago
IMHO not until you are feeling much,much better....I lasted 5 hours....for me it was sheer torture....but it definitely appeals to many people,cults of deprivation are just not for me. Miss Velvet,why not become Red instead of Blue?Think of yourself differently ,blue is a healing colour but red is vibrant,energetic a va va voom colour.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for your sweet post Mr Chocolate…..I’m under the care of a dietician (I’m fortunate as I am a doctor myself and I have a very strong support network on my team of medical professionals that are monitoring me accordingly Thankyou Mr Fuzz – I have actually done Vipassana myself before – albeit many years ago. I’ve just returned from 6 weeks down south (Margaret River) where a kind friend gave me their beach house to recuperate in. A beautiful tranquil place..lots of walks along the beach etc . I saw no one for 6 weeks ( and had to drive into town to get phone coverage to contact my bestie to let her know I was ok every week, I didn’t even have to drive into town for supplies…it was all delivered to me and I never even saw the delivery guy !!!)….in as such, during this weeks, I did practice Vipassana to a degree and as result of that, all of my questions, doubts, insecurities about myself have risen – hence my post….it has been a healing time both mentally and physically but emotionally, sexually etc, well this is where my question about me and my self worth , now lie….thank you for sharing your experience though. It is much appreciated
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
There is a great site for free meditations...I think that you would benefit from the Magical Colour Shower Meditation...All meditations only go for about 10 to 15 minutes and they are great! Another one I love listening to is Transmuting Fears! Just go to exploremeditation.com and you will find the right one for you! You do have to go on their mailing list and to be honest I have only received about 4 emails from them in over a month...so they don't inundate you with emails which is a good thing! . Once again MsV APPLY APPLY APPLY Hugs...xFunlovingx
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ruby_blossum
12 years ago
build your strength back up, slowly but surely everything else will fall back into place.As far as the foregivness goes, remember to forgive youself as well as others. cheers Ruby
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RHP User
12 years ago
I know you are a doctor and have a dietician but I am going to say it anyway, I get a real kick, boost, revitalisation from fresh fruit, veg juices, got on to it when wife at the time was going through chemo for breast cancer. The cold pressed variety not the high speed ones.Sometimes you just need to bite the bullet and do it, find someone patient and make yourself do it (sex)Then your bodies natural chemicals (endorphins etc) can do the rest. Get back on the horse.
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RHP User
12 years ago
meditation is a good tool, but you must be willing to connect with your pain, hurt, anger and so on, then make a conscious choice to do something about it. I know a lot of people who meditate, although there not really dealing with the problems at hand, more like 'zoning out' instead... that's not to say meditation is a bad thing, but it can be used more wisely. your thoughts and actions will always follow your intent, and your thoughts and resulting actions determine your feelings.intent > thoughts/actions > feelings/emotionstry shifting your intent to learning about ( loving yourself and others) and away from the intent to control (avoiding one's pain, fear, feelings etc) ....we're all guilty of this!this will certainly deal with your anger and hurt and any other negative emotions ...allowing you to forgive.
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RHP User
12 years ago
... posted this thread. I've been feeling your pain for a while now MsV. Sharing your story is a good sign that you are ready to heal and I know the rest will follow naturally. But of course you know this as you are a smart and intelligent woman. Be sure to forgive yourself before you can even begin to forgive others. KK xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
... loved your post :-)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hello Mrs Velvet, Lots of good advice already posted but the thing to remember above all is. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. I have been where you stand and it looks like a mountain to climb. As a medico, think about why steroids do what they do to our body. The good news is mountains are just bigger hills that still get tackled one step at a time. My visualisation became the caterpillar and the butterfly. Only when I was ready to fly again could I start to come out from mY cocoon. (Read 20 something kilos). Helped in part by some wonderful caring men who helped re engage the mojo that another badly damaged. You are missing affection, sensuality and just all round fun. Smile a little every day at something stupid. Feel free to fake it till you make it. Don't answer any question about your health with the truth. Or heaven forbid....the word FINE. Make up your own answer. I have three for the different levels of how I feel. They are all outrageous statements. Example....when saying FABULOUS... You smile, they smile and even if you are not quite there, you feel a little better. People that overhear you also smile. Then you use TERRIFIC for the days when you really don't feel anything but flat. Practise, it's not as good as fabulous but it's still positive. The third can be for those really super crap days. WONDERUL might work, don't tell anyone but your bestie the code. You will find you smile even at wonderful. NOTE : These three aren't my words, as I don't want all of RHP to hear and identify me in the supermarket. GRIN !!! But I am sure you get the drift. Choose yours and prosper. Therein lies months of counselling out of a debilitating illness in 2000 and a cut me down in pieces relationship that ended in 2008. silver linings everywhere as I like myself much more now than I ever did and we laid some much earlier ghosts to bed at the same time. PS. I also liked the idea of turning you to mrs velvet red.....but take it in baby steps . Try out mrs velvet purple, the mrs velvet magenta, mrs velvet violet......on the way..... Hugs ....you are not alone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
for your lovely supportive posts and words of advice...note Ive taken heed and doing it all , as best I can... And to all of those who have messaged me privately - thankyou - I will write back to you all in the next few days This forum though was about getting my "mojo" back...Ive been sick since February (well longer but was diagnosed then) and since that time Ive been undergoing treatment.......and it was during that time, that I watched my life slip away - the very essence of me ........dissolve... Its hard to explain what I mean here....but to put it simply..I was so busy fighting to stayng well ...I forgot why I wanted to stay well (does that make sense ?) I stopped going out. socialising, wearing makeup or pretty clothes, etc etc.....and because I couldnt do the things that I really loved (in particular dancing) I stopped doing that...in hindsite I still could have attended dance classes..done what I could and watch the others while drinking in the fun vibe/atmosphere of the place.....I really was "Woe is me" . So anyway..last nite..I took a brave step Went back to dance class - feeling very self consicous, fat , frumpy , unco-ordinated - unfit bla bla bla......but you know everyone was lovely especially my old and fav teacher...within like 10 minutes all the moves came back..and I was laughing and having fun..yep there was stuff I cant do..but with time, practice, weight loss and tenacity on my part (and trust me there isnt anyone more tenacious on this earth than me...)..I will be ok.. I wont be performing for while (thats along way off) but I guess what Im trying to say is , that last nite, I felt excitement , fun doing something that Im passionate about- even if it was a simple burlesque class......Ive forgotten how to have fun..... Anyone that has been thru a illness and long term treatment Im sure can relate..you do become your disease, you do become all about doctors appointments, scans,blood tests and tiredness etc etc.....all you do want is to curl up into a ball..and sleep ...hoping that when you wake up..it was all just a bad dream...........you are so tired of reality, you just want some fantasty, magic in your life, but your too exhasuted with the fight to conjure it up !!! Like I said it is hard to explain.....but for me last nite, was a "Big First"..................on the road to recovery..the road to finding me again .... In time, I hope I may even meet a understanding lover, who can reawaken what is so buried within me....if its meant to be, it will Again thankyou all for your encouraging words and posts....... Ive even decided last nite to move to a place more healing for me than where I am living now......totally going out of my comfort zone...its now all about finding me again....................and some hard decisions do have to made..and Im making them.. And yes xxFunlovingxx...I am so applying !!! ..if I told you what I also did last nite..you would be so so proud of me !!! (my bestie g/f is shaking her head at me...shes not into this whole forgiveness thing ) but I am..and I do feel better for doing the small thing (which btw was a huge thing) that I did... Thankyou all again Ms Velvet
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am proud of you! You go girl! I know exactly where you are coming from with everything you have said. And yes, it's perfectly normal to be angry. I spent 3 days in hospital a couple of weeks ago with my back problem as I was unable to weight bear on my right leg. I saw the shrink in there and cried and yelled because I was so tired and fed up with everything. Even yelled at the doctors because they weren't listening to me (that worked! lol) And yes, it helps. The best advice I can give you is pace yourself, look after yourself first - because you are number one and if you feel like dancing - you go and dance! Pusscat xxx
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
Just checking in with how you are going with the Louise Hay book that you downloaded! Are you reading it slowly and doing the exercises and applying? Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Dear Funloving Thank you so much for taking the time to write and ask how I’m doing Well I got my book – initially I kinda flicked thru it and let the Universe decide what I needed to read..amazing what the Universe came up with – I’m now actually reading the book – up to Chapter 3 –“Where does it come from ?” As you know the first two chapters are confronting and yes some stuff came up for me – however I am applying my lessons and doing my mirror exercise daily – I also bought “Heal your body” and working thru the two books at the same time. As I said I read the book ages ago, but it’s been really great to reconnect with it again and yep its kinda hurt but in a good way. I’m very proud of the act of forgiveness that I performed last week (is proud the rite word ?) and I really do feel better for doing that… Recovery is a slow process both mentally, emotionally and physically but in saying that in some ways I am enjoying the journey and I have been overwhelmed by the kindness and concern from complete strangers…from this site (including yourself) and although I’ve yet to meet anyone that rocks my world from this site…..god I am so blessed to have connected with some amazing people (again like yourself) from this site – did that all make sense ? So I’m traveling , one step at a time but stopping to smell the roses on the way….I am lucky I’m now at guest status (I’m in two minds whether to renew my membership or not) and accordingly I did want to write to you privately when I read your message today so forgive me….but I just wanted to say thank you to you – its really that simple, yet I think you know it is heartfelt…..thank you for guiding me in the rite direction and thank you for keeping me in your thoughts – you will never know how much your post of today meant to me ) : xx
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xFunlovingx
12 years ago
I am happy to hear that it is going well for you! Always remember...it is only hard and uncomfortable if you allow it to be! When you are feeling that way just stop...take a couple of breaths in slowly through your nose, imagining little plus signs going inside of you(positives) hold for about 3 seconds and then exhaling slowly out of your mouth, imagining minus signs (negative) coming out of your mouth! Look at yourself in the mirror and say "This is my past and the past can no longer hurt me, I am doing this for myself and I already feel better within myself"! It is also OK to take a day off from reading the book and just to say over and over "I love and approve of myself" and "Love is everywhere and I am loving and loveable"! . I have all the confidence in the world that you can do it! And yes, you have been on my mind daily and I am concerned for you..but not so much anymore as I can see green coming into your aura which is healing! If you can go to a New Age shop or where they sell crystals and see which green ones grab your attention and purchase it and then carry it around with you. They don't cost much at all! Keep me updated, I always look to see if you type on this thread almost daily! Hugs...xFunlovingx
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RHP User
12 years ago
Everybody's wrapped my sentiments msvelvet. As you said in another post "it's a pleasure having you on my friends list." And I hope you get better ASAP.
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RHP User
12 years ago
MsVelvetblue just saw your message ... very familiar situation rings bells with me, had wanted to put my 2 cents in via pm as bit shy to talk about it on forum. All the best, JJ
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you I kinda thought this thread would have gone away over nite, but I do hope to hear from you I would normally message you but my membership expired last week - Im in two minds whether to renew or not. But anyway I look forward to hearing from you :) Velvet
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RHP User
12 years ago
Miss Velvet Blue, hugs to you. Just take it one step at a time, do what makes you feel happy, fulfilledl, find yourself again(the new improved version as it is today), it is not easy to get your energy back after what you have been through but don't force it, don't burn yourself out from too much work, some people think if they just throw themselves into their work it will solve the problem but it is also running away from issues you need to face eventually, of course there is no harm from distracting yourself from the inevitable until you are in a better mind to cope with handling your personal issues. Find your happy place, be it music, dance, a good movie, picture yourself in your happy place ie. on a tropical island with people waiting on you hand and foot, etc something to calm you and make you feel good. Depression sucks so do what you can to lift yourself up out of it, a funny movie can be uplifting and smiling and laughing triggers off the endorphins that help make you feel better. You take care, and be kind to yourself.
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RHP User
12 years ago
for such"a a lovely and compassionate post..Ive been overhwelmed with the public posting but also for all the private messaging that I have received...its been terrific hearing other ladies stories (and in one case a guy) of "survival "and I do say that word "survival" I have had a lot of time off work so I do have to recommit to that..but Ive also taken steps to move to a more healing place for me for a while..., recommitted back to my dance classes - albeit slowly - joined another gym where they have a pool of which I love swimming and I know I will attend there more because of that Im reading healing books (yes funloving I bought the sweetest little crystal today and its in my pocket as I write - a little rose quartz..I keep playing with it..its small but smooth and I think approriate...given its meaning :) and I am feeling more postive than I was a few weeks ago...and I am blessed that people are keeping in contact with me to see how I am going Again thankyou...your kindness and empathy it is much appreciated.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I hope you are okx R
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm also going through some medical issues, depression, etc etc at the moment and I think the biggest key to getting the mojo back is to fight the illness first and foremost but to also take a few minutes when you're feeling down on yourself, to just think of something that made you happy before, and try and let those emotions overtake the self doubt, I've found it helps me on my low days but some days are just crappy and there's nothing you can do about it unfortunately. Best of luck with your treatment and recuperation.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Where did she go? :(
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is taking a break. I'd love her to come back - a kind and balanced voice, much missed :(
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RHP User
12 years ago
To those who have been kind enough to enquire about Ms VB, well here’s a update as Ms VB and I are friends and work colleagues Velvet is currently housesitting my home and dog while I’m in the UK till January. My home is a good place for her to be at present as it’s right on the beach yet totally secluded. I think Velvet needs this as she prepares mentally and physically for her next round of treatment which sadly requires her to have surgery at the end of November. I’ve spoken to her twice this week as I have been checking up on her. She’s upset about what her home town of NYC has just been through and would like to go home but she can’t. She also has had to give up work and I think tomorrow or Friday is her last day, so all these things have left her like her namesake “blue” She knows that people have been enquiring after her and would like, through me, to say thank you and appreciates your kind thoughts and best wishes. If any of you would like to contact Ms VB, please message me and I will pass your message onto Velvet and I’m sure then that you can exchange email addresses. Braveheart, I don’t think Velvet will be back. As you know what happened on here, hurt her, but more than that left her dismayed but as we both know she has other issues to deal with at present. I hope that you two have a lovely time together when you catch up soon. Regards Jon
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